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Chapter 12: Ambush
- - -
Tales from the Villain Side; Episode 1.
: Yes, he has set up camp on a hill south of here. He seeks permission to enter Santaruz. He seeks an audience with you.
: Could it be... Do you think Eliwood's come to ask of his father? If that's the case... I... I know not what to tell him.
: Tell him you know nothing, and let him be on his way.
: Yet... I know young Eliwood well. His father, Elbert and I are old friends. I've no children of my own, and I've always treasured Eliwood... I do not believe I could look him in the eye and... I could not lie to him. I could not.
: We've no choice then. Let us chase the boy away. If you do not speak with him, you need tell no lies.
: Wait! Do you mean to harm Eliwood?
: Not harm. Frighten. A scratch or two will leave no scars. He will run home to Pherae and be done with his adventure. He is, after all, all that Pherae has left...
: ?
- - -
: We should meet with Marquess Santaruz and request his assistance...? I see the sense in that. It's a good plan, Aranea.
I uh. Thanks?
: Truly so. I tell you again, I'm pleased to have you with us. Lord Helman... He's not only my father's friend. I've known him since I was a child. I'm sure that he will help us.
: What?
: Poor villager? You seem nothing like an honest man. Clear the road. Step quickly, or...
Leaf, are you basing that on the fact that he's less-than-attractive? That's a little bit discriminatory of you! Or genre-savvy... one of the two.
: Step quickly? Heh heh... Good advice. Maybe it's you who should follow it!
: What?
: Someone wants the boy in an early grave. A shame if you ask me, but he'll die here today. C'mon, boys! Earn your keep!
- - -
Oh hi!
: Life's been treatin' ya pretty good then, huh? Didn't expect to run into ya again, but no worries! It'll just be like ol' times, like last year. Let's go kick their arses, eh, Aranea?
Well at least we didn't get the full catchphrase.
First course of action!
Man: No need to conceal it. I've fought in many a battle in my time, I assure you. Let me tell you one thing about combat, though. The most important thing is technique. If you've no skill, you'll rarely strike your enemy. My instructor gave me this secret book long ago. It will improve the fighting prowess of the one who reads it. I'm too old to make use of it, so why don't you take it?
Got a Secret Book.
That text just reads like they were expecting you to send the Jeigan there.
Second course of action; Eliwood training montage. He's gonna take care of the whole south part of the map solo.
From this fort. And still squandering that personal weapon.
And it will be oh such good experience for him. Don't want weak Lords, now do we?
That... will do. Actual defense on Eli is not a thing to be complained about.
: It's up to me to finish him.
Oh, here we go.
: This looks--
Quite.
: Hey, you! Are you just going to stand there and watch?
Soldier: What occurs here is no affair of any peasant!
: Ahahaha... See, you shouldn't have said that. You see, that man they're attacking happens to be a friend of ours.
Soldier: A friend? What?
Soldier: Uuurgh!
OH MY GOD YES.
Oh my god I just want to screencap every word he says.
Who are you?
Okay. Question answered? Sort of?
Redundant Thief is here, too!
And Nanna is quickly invalidated, too.
: Sorry, Mia. We can't wait any longer! We gotta help Eliwood now!
: Sorry, Megan, but you gotta stay behind the others. You're a walking target with these guys.
: Yo, Matthew! Take the ladies and find someplace to hide.
: Okay... if you say so.
: Don't overdo it, you two.
: We'll... try not to, but I can't guarantee anything. C'mon, Sanger! Let's go get 'em!
Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
First up, Ray. He is the sole possessor of the Mercenary > Hero progression in this hack, but worry you not, you'll love who Raven got replaced by. The Broadsword is the Wolf Beil as a sword.
Secondly, Sanger Goddamn Zonvolt. Look at those stats. LOOK AT THEM. I could probably solo most of the game with Sanger. Sure, he's level 1 promoted and probably shouldn't be used extensively for a while, but when everyone else catches up you bet your ass he's going to be one of the main frontliners. 
Now then. Raymond Climhazzards an archer into oblivion, because archers are annoying and Ray isn't too sturdy yet.
This archer is espcially annoying.
Sanger shows him how we feel about underhanded tricks like Poison.
And Eliwood gets to clearing the remaining losers out down there.
Enemy Mercenaries, confusingly, are still a thing.
I mean don't get me wrong, Ray can hold his own...
(And Eliwood out-lucks a Myrm.)
But he takes a bit of a beating from this opening act.
Get in the fort, Eli.
And Raymond heals up.
I don't know why, but that's funny to me.
That, not so much.
Hmph.
I'm not sure what to think. Strength is good, I guess?
Well, that was pointless.
Let's try again.
There! Good job.
Eliwood continues stabbing guys as well. Progress!
: Let me show you boys how it's done!
The boss comes to take potshots with a Hand Axe.
The results are predictable. Hand Axes suck.
Just that one Knight to take down up here now, who annoyingly keeps chipping away with his Javelin.
And we can get started on this guy as well. He's a big sack of HP. And lard.
As you can see. +4 HP, +2 STR, +1 SKL, SPD, LCK, DEF, RES. Not quite Lundgren's boosts, but we're not at that power level yet, are we?
Next turn;
That Myrmidon ran away. I think we can consider it a matter of pride to hunt him down.
...Thanks, Eli. Swell.
Have at thee! And we're done up there.
There, take that for your insolence! (But please don't die.)
: This... was not... so easy... as it seemed...
Ellipses... everywhere... sounds like.... Stevie... from... Malcolm in... the Middle...
And with judicious application of holy light...
And a fantastic final level! Well done! Map over.
- - -
: Raymond! Where did you come from?
: We were in Ostia for a while. Heard your father went missing.
: I thought you had business somewhere else?
: Aw, put that behind you! You're our pal, right? Friends stick by one another.
: Well, I suppose you're right about that. It does me good to see you, Raymond. Thank you.
: Hey, what can I say? Think nothing of it.
Ehehehe yesssss.
: Ah, sir Sanger. It's an honour to meet you.
Damn right.
: The pleasure is mine. And please, no honorifics. Just call me Sanger.
: I... understand. I've heard much about your swordplay. You're quite skilled.
You really haven't.
: Are these your companions, Raymond?
: Yeah, they're my pals, alright. The pretty young lady is Megan, a friend of mine.
: A pleasure to meet you as well, Megan.
: I believe you're somewhat familiar with Mia, here.
: Ah, you're one of Linoan's companions, yes?
: And that's Matthew.
~~scene end~~
: He does a lot of... sneaking around for Ostia.
: My lord.
: Sneaking... around.
: I've got... nimble fingers.
No you don't. Kid does all that. Liar.
: That sounds... like a thief's work...
: Hey. Don't let it worry you, Eli.
: But...
: Believe me. Things might get reeeeeally ugly out there pretty quick. You might want to get used to these kind of things from here on.
Ooooh. Shut down the sheltered kid!
: What is it, Raymond? Do you know something?
: Not so sure. Rumours here and there. They say some assassins or something have found their way to Lycia. Bounty hunters and mercenaries are ?vanishing?, so to speak...
: That reminds me. One of the men who attacked us said something odd.
: What was that about?
*snickers* Leafy-boy...
: Same can be said for you, Raymond. Glad you could make it out here.
: Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Anyway, tell me what you heard.
: Right. The apparent leader of that gang of thugs... He indicated that someone was watching Eliwood. That... someone needed him dead.
: That's... not surprising to me. You know what's funny? A soldier was just standing there when we showed up. He was a knight of Santaruz, sure, but he just stood there and let you get beaten down. I think he wanted to see you suffer. Too bad Sanger put him out of his misery...
I think you'll find Eliwood did most of the beating. 
- - -
This is dumb. Just keep killing dudes who get in the way.
: Something may have happened to Lord Helman, too. Come! We must hurry to the castle!
I've only been standing here the whole time. 
: Aranea helped out previously after a village raid in search of my father.
: Oh, I see. So Aranea tagged along a while back, hm? Haven't seen you in a while. How've ya been? Heard the Caelin campaign went great because of you. Here's to looking forward to working together!
: I look forward to seeing more good work from you, Aranea.
Well, just get decent levels and you will. Otherwise, I am not afraid to have you hang at the back.
Who are you again? Go away.
: Eh? My secret's revealed? Oh, that. Yes, it's true. My guise as a common thief was but a ruse. I've served house Ostia for some time as a spy of sorts! Surprised? Well, regardless, it looks like we'll be travelling together again. Here's to our mutual survival!
You'll survive by being benched! Forever!
Hey, a real healer!
: I've been doing very well for a while now. Sakura? Well, I decided to stay in Ostia with Raymond and the others. She's on the lookout for the others. I'm sure she's doing fine.
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Characters Encountered
Raymond
Class: Mercenary > Hero
[PICTURE MISSING]
Growths;
HP 85%, STR 50%, SKL 50%, SPD 45%, LCK 35%, DEF 40%, RES 30%
Our third Lord, who isn't actually a Lord. He's also MageKnight! He's faster than hector, but doesn't smash as hard. Gets axes after promotion (yay) but is another sword lord until then (aww.)
Sanger Goddamn Zonvolt
Class: Swordmaster
Growths;
HP 85%, STR 50%, SKL 65%, SPD 60%, LCK 35%, DEF 35%, RES 30%
He's Sanger Goddamn Zonvolt. The Sword That Cleaves Evil. That is all you need to know! But seriously, look at those growths. A swordie with 50% STR!