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Not The One At The Top, Not The One That Writes History... Yet: Part XIV - Landgrabbing: The Christian Way (1184 - 1193)
Last time, we abused the hell out of Pope-granted claims. This time, we're going to be going on doing exactly that. The king of Aquitaine once again ends up in the shitter with the Pope...
...and claiming the duchy is once again a formality.
While waiting for the truce to end, a Grand Tournament happens in '87, and Aubry uses it for a bit of self-improvement. He's no Murchad II, but he's trying, and that's what counts.
Through people continually leaving our faction, we eventually end up the leader of it, so we can now push it at our leisure. I'd rather expand a bit first, though.
A new Pope shows up, and once again we instantly have 100 relations with him. Such a wonderful thing.
'88 rolls around, and the duke of Normandy rises up against his liege for some reason or another...
...so I decide "you know what, I can take this guy". Let's grab the missing county from the duchy of Anjou to make our "megaduke" happy.
NO, FUCK OFF. This is a big problem within the HRE - the "Germification". It should probably be called "Germanification" or something like that, but "Germification" sounds more like an illness, and that's exactly what it is. The problem is that recently, a patch introduced the idea that AI lieges would attempt to culture-convert vassals to their culture by having them educated by certain people. Now, that sounds sensible, but there's one issue - the AI never refuses. What that leads to is that within a few generations, the entirety of the HRE is run by nothing but German nobles - Italians? Extinct. Bohemians? Extinct. Dutch? Extinct. It's a massive pain in the ass to be a different-cultured vassal and constantly have to blow off your liege while everybody around you becomes a foreigner.
Anyway, where were we? War, right. I beat the shit out of the guy's levies...
...and he surrenders the revolt because he doesn't have an army left, ending our war inconclusively.
Now wasn't that a masterstroke. I'm starting to notice something about my gameplay - I'm pretty good at rolling with the punches and having backup plans, but when something goes completely and utterly against plan to the point where I don't have a backup handy, I just end up completely dumbstruck for several minutes while the wheels in my head slowly turn and realize just how dumb that move was. See also: "WHY WON'T YOU ASSHOLES REVOLT AAAARGH".
Well, fuck it, this guy's levies are pretty depleted...
...so let's repeat this dance.
The year turns to '89, and the Emperor himself gets involved. Now, this is good, because it means the Emperor will be stomping around smashing English armies and leaving us free reign to siege shit. Now, this is bad, because Eu was my province, god damnit! It's part of Flanders, and I want Flanders, but since I can't get it, I would have made due with getting part of it through claiming Normandy. But now the Emperor just crapped all over that. Arsewipe.
And then he waltzes up and demands I stop factioning! Up yours, fuckhead! I'm getting that CA down whether you like it or not!
Meanwhile, a crusade pops up again. Always join crusades for the relations bonus with the Pope, even if you're not planning on sending anything.
The war for Anjou becomes a formality again and ends in '90 with our victory. Only one more year to go...
...which passes without any major event, so let's get this show on the road! Now, I'd like to note the CB I'm using here - "Press All Claims", which pops up once you personally have two or more claims to push. There's a neat little side-thing attached to it that can occasionally come in handy.
Anyway, as the war goes on, we push for Harsh City Tax Law because who the fuck cares about what mayors have to say?
Now, here's the fun part - I just requested a claim for the duchy of Navarra from the Pope - the last duchy that the king of Aquitaine personally holds.
The war might still say that the war is only for Poitou and Aquitaine, but that's not true - Navarra is now included as well, since the CB is "Press ALL Claims" and the application of the CB only happens once the war is over. Speaking of over...
...in '93, the war eventually ends, and we find ourselves a lot bigger than before.
Just look at it - now that's a France you can start to respect. There's still a ways to go, though. Now, for the distribution...
I don't actually want Navarra - I just took it to weaken Aquitaine. I try to give the duchy away to a kinsman, then either transfer vassalage to the Emperor or grant independence, but neither works.
Thankfully, Navarra is a pitifully small de jure kingdom, so we can absorb it...
...and give it away to make Alain independent. We'll have to see how he fares. As for Poitou, I'll keep that for ourselves for now. Having a duchy on hand to give away to make a kinsman eligible for election can be helpful.
And as for Aquitaine, I make our first pet republic out of it. This should make us a lot of money, especially with the harsh taxes.
I notice that a little faction has popped up...
...but generous gifts solve problems very easily in most cases.
And then our mother dies. Remember her? The queen of Sicily? Remember how I said I had no idea what I was going to do with that? Well, it's still true, so it's time to take the easy way out.
Have fun, Orson! Hope being outclassed as a diplomat by Swedes didn't scratch your ego!
Looking around a bit, I notice that that makes four Karlings holding somewhat major titles. We have the kings of France, Navarra and Sicily, and also the duke of Jylland. I think I remember marrying somebody into that line, so this doesn't come as a total surprise, but still, it's kind of unexpected.
The Holy Roman Empire. Look upon it, and despair.
Next time: We probably bite the bullet and try to get that CA down somehow.