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Not The One At The Top, Not The One That Writes History... Yet: Part XVIII - Return To Normalcy (1219 - 1229)
Well, it's been a while, hasn't it? What were we doing, anyway? Oh, right, completely fucking over the HRE. That's going quite well, and as an added bonus, you can see that since we're now no longer under the Emperor, the other rebels aren't sieging our shit anymore.
In total, there's five rebellions going on now. The Emperor's situation is completely and utterly fucked, just the way it's supposed to be.
Oh for fuck's sake... in 1221, our chosen heir gets it in his head to join the Knights. Well, fine, you fucking cunt, get out!
And you get out too! I need somebody that's actually fertile to make me a new heir!
As it stands, our daughter would still become the next queen, so at least the succession is secure in case Ebbon just keels over like Herbert did.
Meanwhile, we're busy fucking up the Emperor's shit in several different ways. He never had a chance, really.
Time passes quickly, and in 1224, he finally gives up.
All hail Emperor Wincenty! I certainly wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now. Could you imagine just having the most powerful ruler in the Empire shove the crown on your head, then leave you out to dry? I'd be scared shitless.
England tries to press another claim of another Maud. Another murder ensues.
A bit of a risky move here, declaring on a revolter, but time is wasting and this revolt could still take ages.
The Empire is so fucked that even tiny Aquitaine is trying to take a bite out of it. Now, that's one of our provinces, so that should be something we should be concerned about, but honestly, I'm dealing with bigger things here. That's one of our dukes' de jure provinces, so we can just take it right back later.
Gotta get that Pope money. I really hope I'm going to get 1K from him at some point during this LP - that'll be a sign that I've really made it.
Shit. In 1225, the revolt ends, and we're set right back to status quo.
Well, fuck you too, we're going right back to war.
...fucking Champagne. I swear, this duchy is causing more troubles than it's worth. Screw it, I'll deal with it eventually.
And now, the effects of putting a foreigner with pretty shit diplomacy on the throne are starting to make themselves known.
Roger gets super-ballsy and declares an independence revolt all on his own. We won't really be interfering with that unless he really becomes a problem. Also, the king of Aquitaine won his war for Agen. Oh well, we'll just have to take it from him agen... oh god that was terrible, I apologize.
And of course, the Salians want their throne back, as they always do.
...god damnit, Roger. I don't want to smash your shit up, stop making it so tough on me.
In '27, the realm once again has completely broken down into revolt, as expected. It sure is great being in the HRE.
It gets so bad that Wincenty officially gives up and just tells the entire Empire to go fuck itself. Didn't think he would last that long, honestly - I just put him up on the throne for a diversion.
'28 comes around, and we've beaten this guy up enough that we can take his two duchies...
...and make a third one, so that was a pretty good war.
Roger's army becomes too much of a nuisance to tolerate, so he gets smashed up real good. I'm looking at your kingdom title anyway, man, you're on thin ice already.
Now that we've completely fucked over the CA in the Empire, we now need to take a look at going for Elective - this generates a lot of claimant factions and generally is a massive pain in the ass for the Emperor, so that's good for us.
Once again, the AI is stupid and doesn't push the faction at 500+%, so it's up to me to do it at 300+%.
It works just as well. Stupid coward AI. So with that, we've set the HRE back in its development all the way back to the original state. Now all we need to do is make sure it stays that way until we want it to go up.
Meanwhile, the king of Aquitaine has gotten smart to the fact I'm Pope claiming his shit, so he set up an Anti-Pope. Smart move, but we can war him to remove that, so that'll be something on our agenda for the next few years.
The year is now 1229, and the HRE is really fucking big and looks quite terrifying.
However, once you look under the hood, you realize who it is that is really in charge. And by god, we're going to abuse the hell out of that status once we get to that point.
Next time: Consolidation, expansion and preparation for more expansion. We've got a one-track mind right now.