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Don't be alarmed. It's just an announcement for the new TV show, Corpse Whisperer.
I'm Herbert West, the Corpse Whisperer. I'm a Necromancer. I listen to the souls of the dead, and solve supernatural incidents with my dark magic.
Being a Necromancer isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. I may have the strength of five men and the stamina of ten, and immense magical capability, but edging so close to the dark has landed me into some sticky spots. Natural curatives like Potions and Ethers harm me, as does healing magic. However, that which inflicts death upon ordinary men refills my power.
A Necromancer like myself has great magical power, but all things must have a source, and the way of the Necromancer is painful. We Necromancers learn our abilities through trial and rigor against deadly monsters... whether being struck for the Blue Magic, or harnessing the innate essence of a dead monster for the powerful Dark Arts. It's never easy... many have fallen in the line of battle, but the Necromancer can never quite fully die out.
On this inaugural episode of Corpse Whisperer, I've been sent on the path of the evil warlock Exdeath. Victims of a meteor strike near the castle of Tycoon informed me of his plots to conquer the world by unleashing his seals and consume the world into the Evil Zone.
I went through deadly trials, picking up a few tricks along the way. Now, I'm at the Wind Shrine, ready to take on all comers in my first fight against the forces of Exdeath. Please stay tuned for Stage 1- Bird of Prey!
: The Wind Shrine... it's an impressive building. Were I on a sightseeing trip I think I'd stick around.
: But I'm not, of course. Away, vile beasts! Even armed with but a knife (with a Battle Power of merely 7,) I am more than capable of defeating you! YEEART!
: Ah!
It was an Elixir I'd found on the body of the Moldwynd. The world's most potent curative... outside of rumors of mad chemist's works, of course. Were I any other adventurer, I'd jump for joy, and hoard it. However, I was not, and am not, any other adventurer. I am a Necromancer... and therefore, this Elixir was potent, yet dangerous. I had to keep it for the very right time. One wrong move and it could spell my death, but all the same it could save my life. I pressed on with the flare in a bottle in my pocket.
: Hey, wait!
Another animal, yet in this one's eyes I sensed a fire.
: Are you trying to get into the Wind Crystal room too?
: Indeed I am. It's paramount; I must get in there to hunt down Exdeath.
: I can't let you in here!
: ...and why in the world not?
: My family depends on the Wind Crystal! I'm not gonna let any monster, or... or whatever you are, get in here and mess with it!
: Young man, are you even listening? We have the same goal! I must get in there to stop Exdeath! Seriously!
: Prove it by beating me!
: You cut an imposing figure, but I must warn you; I am a Necromancer. I am "more powerful than your average bear..." so to speak.
: Shut up! If there's one thing my mom taught me, it's that talking makes you die!
: Hoo! Hah! Your skills... are impressive!
: You can't dodge forever! I'm bigger than you!
: Size isn't everything, young man! I'm small and compact, and am not easily routed!
: Oh yeah? Let's see how you like these apples!
: Aaargh! What is this... cutting wind...?!
: It's my family's secret "Breath Wing Technique!"
: Breath Wing Technique?!
: Yeah! It cuts you down to size- by a quarter of your Max HP! Four of these'll take you out!
: Impressive... but you can't last forever! The time it took you to charge that attack up means I'll be able to beat you before you beat me!
: Try me!
: What is this trickery? Hoo! Hah!
But my attacks were useless!
: Can't get through all these feathers, huh? I can beat you any day, creepy guy! Can't beat what you can't hit!
: Perhaps I may not be able to...
: What?
: You made one miscalculation in your thoughts, however.
: I have friends.
: WHAT?! Uh, I-I bet they can't hit me either!!
: We'll see about that. I call upon thee, FLAREMANCER!
: Clear my path with the healing rays of the sun!!
: AAAAAGH! What... was... t-that...?
: That, young man, was the product of... a bright demeanor.
: No... this can't be happening... Mom... Dad... I'm sorry...
: You're gonna be fine, quit bellyaching. Look, now I'm gonna go in this room and the Wind Crystal will be well and protected against all evil.
: Damn! How could this have happened?! I have to hurry to the Water Crystal!
Next time on Corpse Whisperer:
The Beast of the Canal