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Episode XXXVII-2: Watch My Step



So if we dick around for more than two rounds with our backs against the cliff and Chocobo Eater is still standing (the two round limit gets reset if he topples over, even if the player fails to push the K-Mart Rancor back) then we get treated to…





…the entire party getting launched off the cliff edge. I suppose the three not in the active party just leaps off of their own accord just so the other three don’t feel bad.



Chocobo Eater does a celebratory jig and waddles off to go chow down uninterrupted. There is no option to go back and re-fight it. You just lose out on 90+ AP, a grand worth of gil, and a few other prizes as well as the ability to ride chocobos in the Mi’ihen Highroad (which also locks us out of a few extra treasure chests.)

So it’s best to just go ahead and reset to reload the previous game and try to suck less this time. But if we don’t there is an extra scene after failing the battle…





Tidus manages to avoid breaking his neck by assuming the tried and true fall squat position. He completely shat his pants on impact, but is otherwise no worse for wear.



“Now I know I can count on you.”
“Gimme a break. I just woke up.”
*shakes fist* “Like you did much!”



*walks away* “If you’re always so groggy, just stay awake.”
*frown and slouches* “Yeah right, thanks for the tip…”



And just to add further insult to injury, a single chocobo feather from the currently being torn apart mascot characters drifts down to punctuate what a fuck-up you are… Really, just go reload the game you loser!


Mi’ihen Highway



Welcome to the Mi’ihen Old Road. Its use was likely discontinued because it is a small canyon that dead ends in the middle of nowhere. If we head north a couple screens, we’ll end up back on the right path and the end of the Mi’ihen Highroad. But there are a couple items of note down here.



First of all, if we head south to the dead end part of the road, we’ll find another item of which will be useful in about thirty hours from now. We’ll just tuck that away for a rainy day.



The Old Road itself doesn’t have a whole lot going on a narrow canyon dotted with old ruins from Sin temper tantrums of yesteryear.



That said, there actually are three more critters skulking about down in the Old Road we’d not see otherwise. Granted two of the three are just palette swaps and the third we did actually see (and murder) during Auron’s reintroduction back at the Blitzball Stadium. But just for completion sake..



The palette swap of the Dinonix from Kilika Forest, the Ipiria, is… exactly what you’d expect of a palette swap enemy one stage ahead in the game. It has a touch higher stats which will be completely indistinguishable if the player has leveled at all. They do give out three times as much AP (24 vs. 8) and double the gil. But otherwise, exact same jerk. Wakka and Tidus can both take them out in one-shot or so.



Thunder Flans are the Ice Flans from Besaid with Absorb Ice replaced with Absorb Lightning and Fire Weakness swapped with Water Weakness. Lulu is still the go to one-shotter.



Lastly, there is the Vouivre. It can bite people and spit fire. Auron can take its head off in one shot. Kimahri can also give it a hurting but… Auron can take it down in one shot so why would you bother?



Carrying on a bit further down the road we find O’aka lamenting the fact that traveling down an abandoned, field filled canyon was not a sound business decision.



Despite that, we can still opt to loan the captain of industry some more gil. This is the last point we can donate to O’aka and it will dictate the discount he’ll give at shops he opens from this point forward. Or more correctly, how much he’ll charge out the ass for stuff.


Frankly, it’s not at all worth it to donate 10,000+ gil as unless you’re really obsessive about getting the newest equipment, it’ll never pay itself back in discount prices. But the 1001 gil tier is fairly reasonable.

That said, we’ve already donated that and this moron is trying to do business down a dead end road so fuck him. He’s not getting another fantasy penny.





A bit further down the trail we find another semi-familiar face loitering about the area.



*rubs chin* “Oh, you know…”
”Stuff happens. I could ask you what happened to your pants. But let’s just go ahead and drop both subjects…”
“I see.”



“However, we have sealed off the area beyond for the duration of our operation here. You may ask the gate captain up ahead if you need to pass through.”



No, you do not get any brownie points for predicting the fact the party will inevitably get dragged into the Crusader’s operation. So keep it to yourself…

A short jog later…



“Now all the Crusaders are ignoring me!”
”How’d you end up down here?”
“I happened upon a most unusual creature consuming what appeared to be a chocobo. I tried to tell it that Yevon states eating chocobo meat on a Wednesday before noon is strictly forbidden.”
“…How’d that work out for you?”
“Well I am down here…”
“…Gotcha.”





Welp. That about does it for our Old Road detour. Now go back and fight that monster properly.






Chocobo Eater Failure Cutscene




Mi’ihen Old Road Concept Art


Mi’ihen Old and New Road Concept Art