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Episode LIV: Spy on My Friends
The Sight of Spira
So it seems Yuna half-assed convinced Auron off-screen that she need to rest and that’s why we are stopping. Auron gives a shit about the pilgrimage and defeating Sin. But everyone else’s trifling problems remains at a static 0 fucks to be had.
Yuna walks up to the clerk…
”Wow a customer actually crazy enough to come out he—I mean!”
"Ah, Lady Summoner. Yes, just over that way."
"Thank you." *wanders off into bedroom*
"Uh, Yuna?"
"It's not like her."
We once more regain control of Tidus. Following Yuna triggers the next plot flag, but speaking with Rikku first leads to an extra item of a series we have been collecting. So let’s go ahead and do that first. We’ll ignore the rest of the party as everyone else just wonders why Yuna is zoning out or tells Tidus to buzz off (Kimahri.)
Tidus checks up on Rikku and her lame phobia…
"Are you that scared?"
"When I was little, a fiend attacked me while I was swimming at the beach. My brother tried to beat it back with a spell.”
”Okay hold up a second. So is that your brother like from the same mother or like your ‘bruddha’ like Wakka would say?”
“My brother, Brother.”
“So the first one…?”
“Yes. My brother from the same mother, Brother.”
“Gotcha. So right he cast a spell and…?”
Thundercrash!
*screams* “But he missed and hit me instead! It was a Thunder spell -- 'Bzzzzzzt!'"
"Ouch!"
”What was that like 105 HP? That’s pretty harsh for a kid.”
"I've been scared of lightning ever since."
"But...it can be effective. Magic is effective against marine fiends."
”Oorah.”
"My brother said that, too."
"You should learn some spells, too.
THUNDERCRASH!
*shrieks*
“Hmm... Maybe later."
Rin enters the room…
*looks at Rikku* “Oh?”
"Shhh!"
"Hmm."
I notice Wakka isn’t spending the night outside this time around. I guess fear of being struck by lightning trumps racism in this instance. Though you can bet he’s going to leave his room a mess and leave no tip for the Al Bhed housekeepers.
Anyhow, talking to Rin will trigger another conversation with an optional response. The proper choice should be obvious…
“Okay.”
"That is good to hear. Allow me to present you with this book for your study."
And so making nice with Rin nets us our Thunder Plains Al Bhed Primer. Saying “No Good” will make this one permanently missed. So don’t be a slacker, ya? Anyway, today we learn the secret truth: [H = N!] Ruf ypuid dryd!
After brushing up on our foreign language studies, Rin will ask if we’re rolling with The Sir Auron. Shooing him away gives Tidus +9 Affection points from Auron. But Auron will never, ever be impressed with our deeds so why bother…?
“Yeah! That’s him.”
"Ah, as I thought! I've been wondering since I saw him at the Mi'ihen Highroad branch.”
*walks toward Auron* “Sir Auron!”
“Ten years ago, at the beginning of Lord Braska's Calm?"
"Yes, I should thank you."
"Not at all. I could not leave a wounded man to die. However, I was surprised when I saw you gone the next morning, with that wound. An ordinary man would not have been able to walk."
"I'd rather...drop that subject, Rin.”
"…As you wish."
Auron sounds almost uncomfortable with that topic. Weird… Anyhow, talking with Rin once more will confirm the fact that the Guado are wandering around going “man Seymour is getting hitched!” to everyone like a bunch of jerks. Other than that, we can stock up on some supplies while we’re here. Otherwise, it’s time for Tidus to wander out back to see what is bugging Yuna…
Tidus enters the back hall of the inn…
*bzzt*”Mas….”*bzzt*”thoughts…”
“Wha?”
Tidus presses his ear against the door and eavesdrops like a jerk…
*bzzt*”…punishment for my deeds…”*bzzt*”…whoever watching…”*bzzt*”…his mother…”*bzzt*”whoever is watchi…”*bzzt*”as punishment for my deeds…”*bzzt*
Smooth, Tidus. By the way, has anyone actually fallen over in real life and ended up doing an action roll? I see it all the time in cartoons and video games but in reality I think it is face plant or bust unless there are some ninja out there reading.
Tidus notices the Clearly Not Plot Relevant Sphere™ which Yuna quickly deactivates.
”I-I… uhh… it’s just like. Well… doors! Yeah in Zanarkand doors are like… umm… yeah… machina! Y-Yeah machina doors. Open automatically! Still… umm like getting used to… err…”
“Umm… eh…?”
“Wa…well… uhh… umm… I-I'm sorry... I…I… shouldn't have come in… Uhh… ah…” *begins to walk out*
“H-Hey!”
”I am not sure how you could possibly know that based on just his voice… But yes…”
“I-I… well that is… Umm… well there has been like three named old guys in Spira and it wasn’t that Mika guy or whatshisface the bald Maester Auron didn’t like…”
"The sphere is his will... It says, 'Take care of my son.'"
"Ohh… Eh? His son...? Seymour? Well, I know one way to take care of him."
Yuna runs off…
”What? …Too dark?”
With Yuna embarrassed and fleeing the scene, Tidus takes it upon himself to snoop around in Yuna’s belongings. The Thunder Plains brings out the worst in everyone. Unfortunately for Tidus, his creepy behavior does not go unnoticed.
Wakka Headlock out of fucking nowhere!
“Ackeaahf! Yuna...Yuna was acting funny, s-so..."
*nearly snaps Tidus’ neck* "Yeah, YEAH! She'll tell us when she's ready, so hold your chocobos till then, ya?"
"Taarraghfa! All right! All right! All right!"
Good Night
On that note Wakka releases Tidus from his manly grip and everyone goes to bed for the night. In the one single room in the whole inn (Kimahri’s purring kept everyone up worse than the thunder.)
The next morning…
The Sight of Spira
Welp we have one more chance to talk to everyone before hitting the road. But once more nobody has anything particularly interesting to say, other than Rikku needs to knock it the fuck off with this lightning phobia thing already. I’m just glad we didn’t have voice acted cutscenes in the earlier games so there would be five cutscene about Yuffie’s motion sickness or Selphie’s psychotic singing about trains. Small blessings…
Before we go, right next to Kimahri is the travel agency’s lightning facts kiosk. Remember that whole lightning dodging thing? Yeah well this is the only place you can see how many you have actually skipped in a row. Don’t save and quit though! Your counter is reset because no fun is to be had in Final Fantasy X mini-games.
Anyway, Tidus and Lightning clearly should swap protagonist names given the facts before us. I did manage to dodge a whole seven lightning bolts even with my ever so slight input lag shooting me in the foot. And… two of those were in a row… Only 198 to go in a lengthy training montage!
Tidus logs off and goes over to Rikku…
*walks to the door* "Don't tell me you were hoping it would.”
”M-Maybe…?”
“Fantasy storm. Never stops. Deal with it.”
THUNDERCRASH!
*recoils and screams again*
“Fine. Stay here." *walks outside*
“But! You didn't have to say it like that, you know! You could be more comforting or something! You know, try to cheer me up?”
”Heh… yeah… you don’t know Auron very well, do you?”
*shakes head*“You just don't get me at all, do you?”
<Kimahri don’t get new girl at all either. Mostly because new girl in party for barely over full day.>
“Hey! Are you listening? I'm not scared! I'm not scared, you hear?” *runs out*
”I hear. I do not care.”
The party heads outside…
Yep… Weather still sucks… Nothing new he—
PAPARAZZO! How does Spira have paparazzi? They don’t even have magazines or grocery store checkout lines for bored housewives to purchase them! 
And with that, back to the road we go…
Episode 54 Highlight Reel
Yuna Portrait Official Art – Hey Nomura, pal… I know I already said this, but do you think you could stop drawing all the under-aged girls naked in their portraits? That’d be great. We all know you’ve drawn the rest of that all the way down and it’s sitting in a drawer somewhere. Don’t share that fact with the class, eh?
Yuna’s Rental Room Concept Art