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6: Incredible Incompetence
It's been a lot of work... well, okay, not really that much work, but we've finally reached Lionel, which is good because that's what we were looking for.
In this case it's Agrias who's our knight in shining armour. She knows the secret handshake, so the guards let us in without a hitch. Boy I sure hope I never have to take this gate by force or anything!
So shiny. Please put it away before I'm compelled to loot it.
Sounds like a delightfully creepy experience. Regardless,
...we have our next destination.
The store at Lionel sells new stuff, but nothing we can use.
Well, that's not entirely true - I buy some rubber shoes just in case.
This thing is kinda tempting, but since we still don't have any movement increasing abilities, I'm inclined to stick with the boots so we can make some progress. 3 mov is painful.
Back to the task at hand. Somewhat to my surprise, Zigolis Swamp allows me to field my entire party! I'm not going to complain.
Sure wish we had that ANY WEATHER ability right now it is like the only time in the entire game it would be useful shut up
It's raining, but the undead are cripplingly weak against fire. No problem.
...Except this one moved right next to Mustadio while I was charging. Sorry, mustard man.
He won't do it again.
Plenty of shit in this chapter is being set on fire, yo.
And when I can't one-shot something, Mustadio can shoot it across the entire map and finish it off. I didn't buy Seal Evil for him, but he does fine without it.
Oh, and there's a pig, too. If only I had thieves... said no challenge runner ever. Watch out, pig! Imma cook me some bacon.
See this? That's what's going to happen to you.
It... doesn't help that the few enemies who get close enough to even attack are doing pathetic damage to us.
Mustadio killstole my pig 
Well, onward, then. We all need to wash off this rotted corpse residue.
But! Not before we retreat a few steps and find ourselves an updated store. They sell green berets now! I buy a couple just in case I need a speed boost, but stick with the ones we're wearing for now - liking that +MA.
More importantly, these showed up in stores much sooner than I remembered! Of course, they go on everyone.
There's new cloth-type gear as well, but as you can see, it does not compare.
Yikes! But we're pretty rich by now, so it's fine.
I ran into one encounter on the way back.
Two bombs, two chocobos. Sticks do pretty decent damage!
The nice thing about them as compared to staves is the two range, so we can smack monsters around without having to worry about counters.
Technically another battle won by bopping someone on the head with a wooden stick, but it was optional and it was a stick actually made for bopping, so it doesn't count.
This is me noticing that hey, I should have checked the other store, too 
And, our first dictionary! I'll try to show it off at some point. I've probably... not used one of these since my first run of the game. If that. It'll be fun.
The real reward is sticks. Sticks with one more attack than my old ones, specifically. It's not as bad as it looks; the damage calculation is weapon power multiplied by the user's MA. So since Ramza has 9 MA (thanks to his robe and wizard hat), it's another 9 damage for him. You know, if he wields the stick instead of the book.
This is also where katanas start popping up, but we'll have to wait for the next chapter before we find out if I'll get to use any.
As I was going back to buy sticks, I also decided that I'm tired of every fight ending before I can get any JP out of it, so I went around and did all the propositions.
We failed a remarkable number of them because we're wizards and oracles, but still, it was a couple hundred JP for everyone involved.
The only really important things to note are that now everyone has Magic Attack UP, and Alfador (the only one who hasn't ever left the black mage job) has learned Bolt 3. I'm not sure how useful it will be, or if I should have bought Frog or saved for Death of Flare instead, but it's something new, at least.
Failed or not, this one was my favourite.
I noticed that Alfador has the highest level among my permanent members - Ramza's is only 7, and I've been swapping the girls in and out on four-person maps so they're hovering around 5-6. It's not really important, but a little odd - I was sure Ramza was in the lead.
Right. So Goug. Goug is red, but like Lionel, there's not actually a fight when you enter it.
Just this nice sunset and these npc sprites hanging around, having animated discussions (I am so clever and funny).
There is one when you leave, though! Surprise!
I have no pictures, but I feel compelled to tell you that this is actually the second time I play this map this run. I fucked around on it a bit yesterday, mostly to check out the cutscenes (because I knew there were sprites to show off) but by the time I quit I only had Ramza and two enemies alive, and I don't think I could have taken them before someone went and chestallized, so I'm going to count it as a loss. Incompetence is no excuse 
The intro is quite nice.
You fucked up.
"Give us the stone or your dad gets it."
"So I can give it to you or to my dad? I don't think you thought this plan through all the way."
"Give me the fucking stone or I'll dip you in tar and feathers and throw you to the furries."
"It'sinthechimneybyRamza'sfeet."
"That's a good boy, now throw it over here and I'll totally not betray you guys."
"Ooh, shiny."
And then he betrays us.
And drops some hints he very much should not have.
Ludvig is not a clever man.
(Fuck you if WotL can do it then so can I.)
Anyway. Battle! And oy boy, what a battle. It's Bariaus all over again, except with thieves instead of knights, and now the summoners are dudes and the archers are chicks. Technically, this should be easier.
Mustadio comes in naked. That doesn't help.
He gets shurkien'd to death.
Hate archers.
This shit again?
It doesn't help that I forgot I had Ramza equipped with a book, so now he's over there, doing nothing useful. I like this a lot, though! Nice range, and that damage is nothing to complain about.
...Of course he landed that silence, it's like 93% after True Hit.
The other one casts Shiva. Together with the archers, that's one dead oracle.
Two thieves later, that's two dead oracles.
I try to do something about that.
Basic black magic is still very useful with MAtkUP!
Unfortunately, everything that could go wrong does.
Alfador could survive for a while, phoenix down until he's out of them, but he can't win.
...I can't believe that after all that build-up to Bariaus Hill last update, I beat it in one try and this is what gives me trouble. The only thing useful that came out of that run was a gif of the dictionary. Dictionaries suck. The attack range is awkward, and the half of MA+PA calculation doesn't do it any favours. A good hybrid class could maybe make use of them, but while oracles are pretty great units, they are not that - and a good hybrid class probably has better things to spend their time on anyway.
This time, I'll try not to make so many embarrassing decisions. Like forgetting what kind of weapons I've equipped.
With two hits during charging, the summoner drops before he can finish his spell. I like this a whole lot better already.
And the second steps right into the danger zone and hits less people. It still drops the oracle after the archers do their thing, but I can live with that even if she can't.
You are not charming enough.
His mate take offense and throws a fucking flail in her face. Fucking thieves.
You don't have time to bleed!
Two bolts, one archer critical. The other re-kills the oracle, but the wounded one drinks a potion. Good enough!
Life drain in action.
It's... not terribly impressive here.
The summoner Moogles. Annoying, but better than nuking my entire party.
Stop throwing fucking flails at me.
Alfador drops the second archer, but gets shuriken'd for it.
The summoner spends his last MP on Moogle and Ramza... says some mean things to him or something, I dunno.
With the summons neutralized, the advantage is ours, so we just keep hitting each other until they're all dead.
I stall for a bit in the hopes of getting some crystals, but there are only chests.
I don't care enough to collect them all.
And it turns out Mustadio didn't fuck as much up as advertised.
But of course that means we've pissed them off.
And so our party,
...including Mustadio as a not-guest this time,
...sets out for Lionel again. Next up, we're not quite getting that far - but we are taking on another infamous battle at Golgorand, so look forward to that, I guess.
Death tally: II (Slums in Goug Incompetence Slums in Goug x2)