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11: Mother Fucking Ninjas
So after last time I totally read the Gerscripture but I uh assume everyone reading this has memorized it already and won't need to see any of it here. Yeah. That.
Look at these fucking spites!
Look at this fucking Malak! But half a Rafalak is just an ass wait no I don't think how that joke goes.
(He is kind of an ass, though.)
Malak tells us to bring the Book of Heretic Hilarity and leaves. We now lack Malak.
And instead, we have a new path open to us.
We'll get to it shortly, but we have important business to take care of here right now, because the stores have upgraded again - and boy, what an upgrade. We can buy wizard rods! It's the last buyable rod, but with +2 MA it's one hell of a way to finish.
The rod completely obsoletes the Wizard Staff for oracles (unless you're using it to attack physically), and instead, staff users get...
...
Why does this thing exist, again? Compared to the previous one, it's just... all over disappointing - and to add insult to injury, this too is the last buyable weapon in its category - meaning as far as this party is concerned, it's the last one, end of story.
Finally, a more interesting stick upgrade than +1 WP and nothing else! Yes, I'm putting these on everyone, surely having my mages hit people with a weapon that randomly causes them to become immune to fucking magic can't possibly backfire!
...I'll grant that it's kind of fitting given what kind of a character the monkey king was, but still, not the cleverest design, there. Well, at least we're not ending on that note - there's still another stick upgrade to come.
I could perhaps make use of this because I can't poach for perfumes and such on this run (and would still have to sacrifice my only movement upgrade to use them even if I could), but it's not very appealing at 52k.
On the tankier side, the equipment Alma was wielding is now available in stores. I doubt I'll buy many diamond shields - I love me some Aegis for +MA, and should I need physical block, the elemental ones from before still aren't too shabby in comparison.
The Black Hood only grants HP - 72 of them to be precise. I'm reluctant to use them since I'd have to give up a stat boost, but I won't rule it out since our hit points are so low.
Same goes for these, but it's even worse - I'd lose out on 2 MA! It's unacceptable!
To go with said robes, we can now access power sleeves - +70 HP and +2 PA - for our geomancers. It's quite nice!
And in the "would be cool, but what about my shoes?" category, the old favourite, 108 gems with their strengthen-all-elements effect. Expensive... but I still buy a couple, because these could benefit all my characters.
We head on out after Malak, but before we can do that,
...we get to watch some more lovingly crafted sprites...
...and spark a hundred flame wars over whether Delita is a manipulative asshole or sincerely cares for Ovelia. Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Then, we proceed. The next map is Grog Hill. Grog Hill is a gimme.
Some squires, couple of chemists, a single archer...
It most certainly is, squire. It most certainly is.
After all those encounters with Asshole Special Knight classes, lancers, and everything else they've thrown at us, it's nice to get a breather with a bunch of low tier scrub classes... except half the low tier scrub classes start with long-range weapons and a height advantage, and as always, they all go before us. One archer and two chemists with guns can put quite a dent in my hit points before I can do shit about it.
Still, they're close enough that I can zap them on my first turn.
They try zapping back, but, well, squires.
That Wizard Rod together with the rainy weather is pumping our wizards' damage into the stratosphere.
Oh, yeah, and they have a thief, too. The AI is not having much luck with Steal Heart on this run, for which I am quite happy.
Triple digit physical damage! ...Don't laugh, it's quite impressive for Ramza.
Unfortunately, everything just went to shit after this. I won't post the screens because they're embarrassing as fuck but it ends with a reset as Ramza stands as the sole survivor with his whole crew counting down to chestallization. Even if I had the damage output to instakill everything - which I didn't - I couldn't have done it in time.
I was actually planning to have an update ready last week, but then I died at fucking Grog Hill and just kinda sat there for a while wondering what had gone wrong and what the hell I was doing with my life, and then I decided it was time to go to bed.
Grog Hill. Take two Take one last time never happened.
Start by getting shot again.
But this time, we get some geomancy going. ...Too bad he can still snipe at us with that no problem.
Still. Awfully nice of them to clump up like that...
Hehe.
But this time the thief doesn't miss Steal Heart and Alfador is suddenly head over heels. Goddammit Alfador.
And of course they do have chemists, so they can do shit like this. Well, a newly revived enemy is probably just going to run away, so...
Two hits, my oracle goes down.
But thanks to AoE effects, I get both him and the newly revived squire back down, so that's a good enough trade.
"Snap out of it, you're a cat, you don't even like humans!"
Completely unnecessary but hilarious crit with the wizard rod there (for eight whole points of damage holy shit avert your eyes from this butchery).
Good. While she's cowering in fear, I won't have to worry about more stolen organs.
Stop ittttt
Two of us can play that game.
But I'm the only one who can play this.
Suck it.
Once I get past this guy's guard, it's over. The thief is a non-issue.
And then I did.
Adios, asshole.
...I thought you were supposed to be running for your life.
Should have kept at it.
Not remembering what happened in the alternate timestream, Ramza seems disappointed.
Olan pops in again to taunt us with his awesome custom skillset, then leaves like a jerk.
...And then. The part of this I was actually expecting to be difficult.
Let us take a moment to appreciate Barinten's glorious, genius plan.
No, you're right, it's the dumbest fucking plan ever.
Like Delita's motivations, it's not entirely clear how much Malak actually knows and is in denial about and/or accepting as payment for not having to rob corpses for a living and how much he just plain doesn't know. Later events seem to indicate he's not as knowledgeable as Rafa thinks, but, well.
And here come the ninjas.
Ninjas, man. Fucking ninjas. All my characters have 6 speed; normal enemies around this point have 7, with speedier classes hitting 8. Ninjas? 9 speed. Half again as fast as us. Even equipping green berets on everyone, they still have a significant advantage. And of course they also have high PA and dualwield, so the moment they're close enough to attack, it's likely an instant kill. Oh, and their skillset is all ranged and instantaneous, while we sit here with our mostly charge-based skillsets, looking dumb.
Shields do help, but I can get a maximum of three people using them.
And guess what? It's a rescue mission!
Where the enemy is guaran-fucking-teed to get one or two shots off against the guest before I can do shit about it! One or two, because sometimes one of the ninjas hops on the wall and throws shit at me instead, which is of course preferable because it's not game over the moment one of my guys falls over.
Though good luck killing all these assholes without that last dude, or while taking the time to res them.
This time, he goes for us!
Oh, and sometimes they do this, too. Because ninjas weren't fast enough already!
Seriously, look at this shit! I'm just glad he's not wearing a twist headband, too!
Malak's by far the least dangerous enemy on the field. The purpose of the Gokuu Rod is, I can only assume, making people Innocent so that his max-damage-at-low-faith skills will murder them on the next round, except... Innocent doesn't do that. It basically works as if you had 100 faith instead, where Untruth is concerned. Untruth sucks.
Rafa isn't exactly stellar, either. And of course, as the save objective, she can't be allowed to die.
Geomancy has no charge time and a good range on it, so I try making as much use of it as I can. Malak's low faith makes magic not so great against him.
...Seriously, there's more than one person with haste in this group? I should just have reset then and there.
Still, I managed to focus fire on Malak enough to get him out!
...only getting rid of him doesn't end the battle, and again, he's the least threatening thing on the field.
The ninjas close in.
And fuck us up.
Reset, try again.
Rafa actually lands Heaven Thunder! Good job, Rafa! But... we still get murdered by the ninjas and summoners.
After resetting, I decided I want Counter Flood on everyone. Granted, it's not going to deal a lot of damage on casters - it's based on both PA and MA, remember - but it's only 300 JP and does not require you to know the correct geomancy effect for the terrain you're standing on in order to use - and every geomancy effect has an AoE and a 25%ish chance to inflict an ailment, so it has potential to be incredibly obnoxious. Especially since we're going to continue to take hits before we can even move, it's nice to have some way to get back at the enemy.
So let's try again.
Oh.
I'm pretty sure geomancy is going to be the key to winning this.
Doesn't mean it'll be easy.
!!!
Too bad it's not Rafa who's been causing my deaths here.
Landed a Stop again!
And Rafa hit something!
Stop him getting in and two-swording us in the face, at least!
Except even geomancy doesn't have that much range, and once we get close to the wall? Summoners. With their insanely fast-casting, humongous AoE.
White robes would help with this... a little. But sometimes they just spawn with Titan instead.
Nope.
I can't reach the ninjas if I don't get close, but if I stay away from the summoners and wait for them to get closer to me first, I'd have to output enough damage before they walk up and murder me, which is also going to be difficult.
Another go.
If I focus on doing damage, I lose speed and range. If I equip items that give me speed and movement, I can't do damage. Status effects seem to be the best way. But they're unreliable, even when using actual status spells.
Fucking Moogle. It's not strong, but it's got one hell of an AoE, and it's fast.
Only way to do this is to get in summon range.
Not enough damage, not enough ailments.
Maaaaybe I can
...
Oh, that will help a lot.
And I can still revive.
malak
malak no what are you doing
...
Let's try that again. Again. The road gives us Carve Model, which inflicts petrification. It's pretty unlikely that they'll have anything to cure it with.
More ailments! More!
...Malak...!
Ffffffuuuuck!
New strategy: Geomancy on the entire party, hope for petrify procs. Don't Act and Stop wear off too quickly.
Yeeees.
Ow!
But worth it. Seeing ailment procs go off on Counter Flood feels so good.
This not so much. I could spread out, but only the road gives us Carve Model. Hell Ivy is okay, but again, doesn't last very long even if it procs.
I could guard against Titan, but...
No, this one is a bust, too.
Again.
The ninjas actually bring Rafa down to critical health with two throws, because fuck you.
Geomancy and Carve Model on the entire party. It doesn't matter if it does damage. Petrify is even harder to cure than death.
Rafa even chips in!
...and then,
Malak kills her.
Again!
Rafa lands four hits this time.
I land stop!
And fuck it, I'm sick of this level, I savescum for this proc, because there's no way I can kill this bitch before she Shivas me into oblivion and for some reason the summoners spawn with low enough faith that they're nigh-impossible to kill with magic.
...It doesn't help that this is a non-magical job with the most HP-boosting gear I could find, none of which boosts MA, but that's bolt 3. Only reason I went through with it is
that I knew I could get a backstab in before she could do anything anyway.
I'll take this moral game over if it means I can not have to see this fucking map again
I've had some bad fights before, but this is my first instance of "I expected this to be brutal, and it was". At least we get one of the best animations in the game as a consolation prize!
...Yeah, I don't think it was worth it, either.
Wow.
Death tally: I've been on this shit for like a week on and off so I don't remember and I don't think I showed off every attempt at it either.
(Goug x2, Golgorand, Gafgarion III, Queklain, Izlude, Mother Fucking Grog Hill, Fucking Asshole Ninjas xCountless)