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Torn Apart: Over the Net; Kay
You have never heard of this game. Nobody has ever heard of this game. That is fine. I'm going to tell you all about it.
A while back, some buddies and I thought that it would be fun to seek out some awful freeware games to stream. During our search, I came across the most beautiful game in the world: a visual novel by the title of Torn Apart: Over the Net; Kay. Torn Apart: Over the Net; Kay (henceforth known as TAOtNK) is a visual novel by a 20 year-old woman in the United Kingdom who cannot draw, cannot write, cannot spell, and cannot make games. This person, by the name of EriksBlue, is working on her own manga comic called Torn Apart (of which a few chapters are available on her deviant art page). However, I don't give a shit about her comic because this game has nothing to do with her comic other than allegedly being a sequel to it. Note that the comic in question is still in progress. This game is the sequel to a project still in progress. She is also currently working on a sequel visual novel to this game. Let that sink in for a bit.
Anyway, TAOtNK is a special game that can be best summarized by EriksBlue herself.
EriksBlue posted:
You play Jack Kay Moon also called Yorim.
He has moved to a new town with his godfather after the death of his father, and that is where our story begins.
Torn Apart basically is the universe where this game takes place. Over the Net; Kay is this story in TA's universe.
Progress:
Done, but I will go back an do updates, and add more content depending on the feedback I get.
-Note: There are 4 endings.
-Note: This takes place more than 20 years after my manga (Torn Apart), and no you don?t have to read sed manga to know what is going on, but there will be character references.
As you can see, she clearly cares a lot about her story of Jack Moon. She says that she will add more content depending upon the feedback she receives. I plan on giving a lot of feedback.
Also glad to know I don't have to read her comic to understand the plot of this game! Also glad to know that anything in this game that doesn't make any sense will be cleared up in her unfinished comic!
Regardless, I am little more than a critic at heart, so let's get this thing going!
Update #1: First Day At School
Soundtrack: Air on the G String by Bach
There's no going back. Let's do this thing!
AUGUST
The town's nice but the only reason where here is because of the potential danger that leark's in ever back street and dark alley.
Uncle: Why dont you find your self a girl-friend while where hear it'll give you something take your mind off things.
[Uncle he never got the big picture when it came to relationships, but I never tryed to tell him.] As long as I can remember, Ive always been alone. . . at home and at school. . .
Soundtrack: Air on the G String by Bach
?: Hey!
Huh? [I looked up from my binders that I had prepared for my up coming class]
?: Your new right I didnt see you last year.
She was about my height, and one impression I got from her was that she was very strange. Yes Hi Im . . . [I reached my hand out.]
She sat down next to me dropping her bag on the desk loud enough for a few student's to look at her in annoyance.
Its nice to meet you, but how did you know. . .?"
Asher mentioned you'd be living with him, meaning the three of use will be working together, right partner.
Uhh right [I laughed nervously she was very forceful as she elbowed me in the back.] Triana sat down as the teacher stood up in front of the classroom.
[She cleared her throat] Okay we'll go by last name, first up is Aondan.
Chris: Here, um hi Im Chris Aondan
As the teacher when through the name I started to worry how was I going to make a positive impression on everyone else.
Chen. Nash Chen [the teacher looked in my direction, with a annoyed expression of familiarity and contempt.]
Moon!
[What should I say?] Here! [I jumped up knocking my books off my desk] sorry!
Hey it's alright Yorim come on first impressions are everything.
My name is Yorim Moon and I just moved here with my uncle it very nice to meet all of you. I looked back and saw several girls looking at me dough eyed and several guy's glaring at me I quickly sat down.
Don't worry I think with that cute display you've just managed to capture the heart of all the girls, way to go slugger!
[She patted my back violently.] What? I wasnt even trying, crap this is going to hurt isn't it?
Later That Day
Soundtrack: Air on the G String by Bach but with a crowd of people talking over it
[The principle was talking as the teacher told the students to quiet down, I looked around at the new faces some friendly and others not so much.]
Principle: And Because of that I urge you to strive for excellence this may be your last year, but we expect great things from you that means no slacking off.
I could hear a few students snicker and verbaly blow him off. As the bell rang for third period they ushered us out to our next class. It was math I hated math I can breeze through it with no problem but. . . I was walking to my next class when. . .
Soundtrack: Air on the G String by Bach
I'm sorry just calm down guy [I tried to back away from him but was unable to].
?: Hey Buddy [A figure said touching the other guys shoulder] looks like you've stepped in some shit.
Jerk: Huh? [he turned to look down and the other guy punched him in the back of the head.]
Geez man, just hit him next time, why dont you? [he shook his fist.]
He's Amazing, but as I thought that one of the school officer's saw him.
Officer: Hey you there what do you think your doing?
Crap [he flinched and was drug away.]
Later that day I saw what looked like his mom and grabbing him by the ear.
Nash's Mom: The first day of school and you're already suspended you should be ashamed! She was fuming shoving him into the car and driving away from the school angrily.*
*Kite note: EriksBlue forgot to transfer back to Yorim here so Nash's Mom is literally saying "She was fuming shoving him into" etc etc etc
That's all for this update! Now let's get down to brass tacks and rip this thing to shreds. What are the problems we have so far?
Well, one of the personal issues with this mess of a beast so far is the complete and utter lack of proofreading. One of the comments on the download page for this game actually mentions the pisspoor writing. This was EriksBlue's reply.
EriksBlue posted:
I am working on the sentences i have no one to prof read this so I have been going through the script several times. I found my 3rd edition of Elements of Style so that will help me greatly.
There are a massive fuckton of errors. There are 3 errors in the first sentence of the game alone. EriksBlue is a 20 year-old female in the United Kingdom. She has no excuse for such pisspoor literary disembowelment.
The second major issue with this game is that it has completely awful art. The background art assets are stock art taken from other sources while the character art is either traced (and rather poorly) or drawn from scratch so unskillfully and so inconsistent in proportion that even artists such as Rob Liefeld and Tim Buckley are better than her. In fact, I could probably look at the 50 newest submissions, nay the 10 newest submissions to deviant art, and find better drawings than the fecal matter EriksBlue put into her visual novel.
The third major issue is the sound. The only song throughout the entire update is Air on the G String by Bach. This will play and loop constantly. During the scene with the "Principle" [sic], there is an awkwardly loud loop of people talking while Air on the G String continues to loop. This issue with sound will only get worse as we continue down the rabbit hole that is Torn Apart: Over the Net; Kay.
The fourth major issue is the plot itself. The current setup is absolutely boring. To summarize this update, a kid in 12th grade (so he can be assumed to be 17 or 18) named Jack Kay Moon aka Yorim Moon goes to school and meets an abomination unto man in the form of one Triana Gerardo. From the beginning, all we are told is that Triana is told by Asher (who we can assume by process of elimination must be Yorim's uncle) that Triana and Yorim will be partners in...something. Uncle Asher apparently wants Yorim to get a girlfriend. Yorim feels that his uncle just doesn't understand his life and he doesn't want to try to tell him why he doesn't want to get a girlfriend. Maybe. I can't tell because EriksBlue is a shitty writer.
Then we meet Nash Chen, the only character in the story I like. I only like him because his name is fucking Nash Chen and during his introduction we immediately learn that he is a greaser, practically ripped from The Outsiders. Nash not only shows disregard towards the teacher, Nash also rescues our character from...being cornered by a jerk who shoves Yorim out of the way and then corners Yorim for some reason? I don't know. There is conflict, but it is hardly well implemented. Then Nash is punished for his antics and is "drug off" by campus police and then later "drug off" by his own mother. All we can take from this is that Nash is a much cooler character than Yorim and that I'd much rather be playing a game with him as the main character, preferably not written by EriksBlue. Stay gold, Nash. Stay gold.
On a side note, I love the little animations that play in this game. EriksBlue clearly wanted to make the game much more action packed than it actually is and so she decided that having characters randomly go into epileptic fits to represent actions such as sitting down would keep the audience entertained during long bouts of text. These bouts of sudden seizurelike activity sure keep me entertained, though not for the reason she intended!