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No Dine. No Knox. No Fair. No Color Tags. Let's Play Umineko no Naku Koro Ni!
What is Umineko?
Umineko is a sound novel by 07th Expansion. It comprises two games, Umineko no Naku Koro Ni, and Umineko no Naku Koro Ni Chiru, each further divided into four episodes. These two games are respectively the 3rd and 4th parts of the When They Cry series. They were originally released for PC, one episode at a time, before receiving remakes on the PS3, which upgraded the graphics and added voice acting.
They are about girls in fancy dresses using colored text and looping closed circle murder mysteries to troll the bastard child of Phoenix Wright, Captain Falcon, and Zelos Wilder.
Sound novel?
It's a variant of a visual novel, but with more focus on the soundtrack. Umineko's (original) visuals are...not that great, quality-wise. They looked like this. The soundtrack, however, is absolutely top notch.
Also, on the visual novel note. This isn't a dating sim, and is in fact entirely linear. There is exactly one actual choice in the games, and it shows up at the very end of Chiru to determine the ending.
What about the first two games?
While there are a few links between Umineko and the Higurashi games, and a couple of sort-of-returning characters, everything that's actually important to the plot is summed up in-game. Umineko is self-contained enough that you can going in knowing nothing about Higurashi and the plot won't make any less sense. I'll be pointing out and explaining the connections as we go.
Other
No spoilers for things that haven't been covered in the updates, please. It's a mystery, after all, don't want people who haven't played to stumble on the twists and answers half a dozen episodes early because they moused over the wrong black bar.
In addition to the Witch-Hunt translation patch, I will be using the Umineko Tweak patch, which replaces the graphics with the PS3 versions, and adds the voices.
Any commentary from me during the updates will be in italics. There probably won't be too much of it for a while, as Episode 1 takes a while to set up before the fun begins.
Part One: A Journey of a Thousand Trollfaces Begins With a Single Gathering
Upon starting, we get these options. Start lets you start a new game or load an existing save. Official Web takes you to 07th Expansion's site, though it's all moonspeak. Tea party and ???? are plot related, and we'll get to them in time. On a completely fresh game, they wouldn't even be visible until you get to the appropriate plot points. Tips contains short character bios, translation notes, and some other miscellaneous information, and can be accessed in-game as well. At the end of each update, I'll show anything new that appears there. Music box is a sound test, and normally unlocks after finishing all four episodes, and Exit does exactly what it says.
Also, in a fresh copy, all episodes other than the first start locked. However, there's an option to remove the locks on any episode at will, which will also unlock any earlier episodes.
The old physician let out a sigh as he removed the stethoscope.
Two elderly men could be seen in the dimly-lit study, which was filled with dust and a sickly-sweet stench.
In the corner of this room, which was much larger than what most people would call a study, there was an expensive-looking bed, a man undergoing a medical examination, and the physician conducting it. There was also what appeared to be a servant watching over the whole thing.
: ?............Kinzo-san. ...You body only appears to be well thanks to the effects of the medicine. However, if you continue to drink such strong spirits, the treatment will become meaningless. ...Trust my judgement. Refrain from drinking.?
: ?I thank you, though only for the sentiment. My friend. .........Genji. Another glass. Water it down slightly. That way Nanjo can save face.?
After eyeing both the master who demanded the alcohol and the family doctor who forbade it, Genji, the old butler, silently gave a slight nod and carried out his master's orders faithfully.
The family doctor, Nanjo, let out a deep sigh once again as he watched the butler busy himself alongside the liquor cabinet...
There was a smell filling up the room.
...This sweet, poisonous aroma felt as if it melted the heart, if not the soul itself. It was the smell of that venomous green drink that the man couldn't bring himself to part from.
: ?I have done nothing. ......After all, you never listen to my advice as your physician.?
: ?Hahaha... And you never listen when I warn you about a mistaken chess move you're about to make. It seems we are even.?
: ?......Master.?
Disregarding Nanjo, who had his face set in a resigned expression, Kinzo took the glass that Genji was holding out to him.
...There are probably very few people who would associate the venomous color, which filled the glass, with an alcoholic beverage.
: ?.........Nanjo. Be honest with me. How much time do I have left??
: ?Well now... How short must I make it to get you to stop drinking? ......Let us illustrate it with the chess game here. You have very nearly achieved checkmate...but you have not yet cornered my king.?
The black rook and bishop were cutting deeply into the enemy lines.
The white king had already been castled and cornered, so that even an amateur could see that the match would reach its conclusion before too long.
If you enjoy chess motifs, you are going to love the hell out of this game.
Every time Nanjo came to give a medical examination, both of them would make a few moves.
Nanjo was hinting that Kinzo would most likely fall into his eternal sleep before this game could be concluded.
...There were less the words of a physician than they were the words of an old friend.
: ?............Were you a normal patient, I would recommend that you write a will at this point.?
: ?Hoh. ......And apart from the division of the inheritance, what might I write of??
: ?............Oh, there's your regrets...and matters you have left unfinished. Things you want to be passed down......and things you want to tell. ......Anything you want.?
: ?After I'm gone, I care not if it all goes to waste! I desire no tomb, no coffin!! Those were the terms of the contract I made with the witch! When I die, everything will be lost! That has been part of the promise since the beginning, that's why nothing will be left behind. There is nothing I can leave behind!!?
After a furious crescendo, Kinzo suddenly slumped over.
...His expression was limp and feeble, as though an evil spirit had possessed him and then left.
: ?............However, I do have one regret. I have nothing to leave behind, but there is one thing I cannot leave undone...?
When Nanjo tried to gently pat Kinzo's shoulder, the dying man flew into a sudden rage and batted away Nanjo's hand.
: ?It's useless, useless, useless!! It must be done while I still live! At the moment of my death, my soul will be devoured by the demons of the contract and wiped out of existence! For me, there will be no peace of another world after death! That's why everything must be done before I go!! That's why a will has no meaning for me!! And even if I had a chance to write such a thing, ......if I did have such a chance!!?
Click to watch the opening video. Note that the patch doesn't update it, so the old sprites still appear in it.
I couldn't help but scratch my head and marvel at how far things have come in recent years.
We used to go by boat. Back then, we were all forced to endure nearly half a day of swaying back and forth over the sea before we reached Niijima. Things have gotten so much more convenient these days.
Still, I've never been on a plane this small.
I've flown in a huge jumbo jet before, but this will be my first experience in such a tiny one.
...It's going to shake, isn't it...
They say the smaller boats shake more, so I guess the same rule probably applies to planes.
...Aaah, just spare me.
: ?Oh, of course not, my mistake. I see you've changed a lot since we last saw you. After all, it's been six years since then. You're not a kid anymore. Hahahahaha.?
: ?Sheesh, and here you are, old enough to smoke and drink. I've got no interest in smoking, but I've always wanted to try some booze, heheheh! Well, if you've got your dad's genes, I bet you can hold your own when it comes to drinking, right??
: ?Th, that's no good, Battler-kun, you're still a minor! Drinking alcohol is known to stunt the growth of minors and......um, never mind.?
: ?Come on, I'm tall enough already! In fact, it'd be easier to find clothes if I shrunk a little!?
I puffed out my chest proudly.
Until I hit my growth spurt, my height was below average in my class. But then, I grew and grew, and before I knew it, I'd passed 180 cm (5ft 11in).
I guess I have all that muscle-training and those shady mail-order performance-enhancing drugs to thank for that.
Before then, I never dreamed that I'd shoot 10 cm above George-aniki, who'd reached his peak height early on.
So here's the first sighting of colored text. Unlike the other four colors, green isn't plot-relevant. And wasn't in the original, as I understand it. The translators added it to indicate things that have related translation notes in the tips section.
Put it all together and you've got Ushiromiya Battler.
Pretty crazy, right? It's crazy enough that my parents decided to call me that, but it's even more crazy that some government worker let them make it official. ...Both groups are at the top of my must-kill list.
Battler here's our protagonist, by the way. Or, well. For the first four episodes, anyway.
He's five years older than me, so he's probably turning 23 this year.
Since the Ushiromiya cousins consist of two boys and two girls, I ended up playing with George all the time.
And because I always thought of him as a big brother, I still call him 'Aniki' today.
: ?You know what they say, 'leave a boy for three days and you'll hardly recognize him'!?
: ?It must be in his blood, I suppose. Rudolf wasn't that tall either until around his high school years. Perhaps people end up taller if their growth spurt comes late.?
: ?Nah, it's nothing special. A real man needs to be tough on the inside too!?
He speaks in an odd and very noticeable Kansai dialect, but he's actually a natural-born Kanto man.
Apparently, impressions are everything in the business world, so speaking in a different style than other people is an act that makes him stick out more.
......However, I heart that he gets embarrassed when talking within earshot of a real Kansai person, so he switches back to standard Japanese.
...I don't really get it, but he's definitely an interesting person.
: ?Oh, really? I'd imagine a man with your looks would leave girls crying left and right. I can't believe that you have nothing at all to brag about.?
: ?Wh, what? Y, y, you're joking, right!? Of course nothing weird like that's ever happened to me! In fact, I'd rather it did!?
: ?Ah, so you do have some stories. ...*giggle* You must tell your aunt all about it later. After all, nothing of the sort ever happens to George. Heheheh...?
Even so, George-aniki's family is interesting and fun, and they seem to get along just fine.
......Sheese, that's pretty much the total opposite of my family.
: ?That's no way to talk about your own father. Still, this isn't the first time he's taken so long in the bathroom.?
: ?Yeah, the guy's always been that way. Does he really have to take a magazine with him every time he needs to take a dump? Oh, what on earth might he be doing with those?! Ihihi!?
: ?Oh, you don't need to worry about that at all. Since we've been together, I haven't let him do that on his own.?
: ?Hihihi! Oooh, I'll have to get the juicy details later. Sounds like Dad's got his balls in an iron grip.?
My real mom died six years ago. Kyrie-san is the woman my Dad married afterwards.
It's understandable for someone my age. I could never bring myself to call his new wife 'Mom'.
And I doubt she feels like using the word 'son' on this massive kid who's no relation to her at all.
We aren't little kids.
We know there's nothing to be gained by fighting.
So, we decided that we wouldn't force ourselves to pretend that we were family.
I've decided to act a bit more frank with her, as though she's a friendly neighbor instead.
It's much easier to just keep a little distance, instead of forcing ourselves to act all close and making each other uncomfortable.
Kyrie-san has been very open about all this, and thanks to that, we've been able to get along pretty well.
Then, just when we were badmouthing Dad about being in the bathroom, the man himself came back, wiping his hands with a handerkerchief.
: ?So, you've been talking trash about me with Mom again, have you? What makes it so hard to show a little respect for your father, hmm??
: ?Owowow owowowowow! Dammit, that hurts! You can stretch my ear all you want, but I'm not gonna be able to fly. That hurts!!?
: ?C'mon now. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. Now say 'Father, please forgive me for being so rude'.?
: ?Like hell I will! Go find yourself some members-only store if you want it that much! Gyaah, let goooo!!?
By the way, my height isn't the only thing I got from him. It seems having weird names runs in the family.
As the old bastard twisted my ear all over the place, Eva oba-san snuck up behind him and grabbed his ear.
: ?Hey, Rudolf? Isn't that child abuse??
: ?Gyaah, that hurts, Aneki...?
This scene perfectly illustrated the relationship between the prankster younger brother and the older sister who could deal out punishment to him despite his size.
: ?You're one to talk, Aneki, abusing your little brother like that. Hideyoshi nii-san, I'd like to thank you very much for picking her up. If you hadn't been so generous, she'd still be unsold in the store. You have my gratitude and apologies.?
: ?...Hmm~?! Who are you calling 'unsold'??
After taking 2...3 steps back, Eva oba-san unleashed one of her beautiful high reverse roundhouse kicks, which stopped just a centimeter away from the tip of Dad's nose.
After starting out with Tai-chi-chuan for her figure, Eva oba-san then developed an interest in the Chinese martial arts. After that, she went through karate, tae kwon do, capoeira, ...and what is it she's learning now, again?
...Well, anyway, they say a woman's weapons are in her lower body, and that's literally true for Eva.
: ?Wahahaha, never had a brother or sister myself. So when I see you two bickerin' with each other, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It sure is nice to have a big family and siblings.?
: ?Oh, then why not consider making a little brother for George-kun? He's already a fine adult who's about to go off on his own, so it might be a good time to have another child.?
: ?Hey, have some sympathy for the kid and all the pain and suffering he'd have to live through. I'm surprised even George-kun turned out as well as he did after being born from this sinister sister of mine. And what an awesome kid he is. Please share some of that with our blockhead of a son someday, will you??
: ?That's not how it worked. It's thanks to Eva nee-san's proper rearing that George-kun became the good, gentle kid he is now. Isn't that right, Nee-san.?
: ?Oh, come now. Heheh, you think so...? Our George still has a long way to go. Ah, by the way, how's your little Ange-chan doing? I heard she was vomiting??
: ?Oh, that's right! And I was hopin' to finally see her face after such a long time. Is she alright??
...And once the conversation suddenly veered off in that direction, we kids didn't have any chance of butting in.
For now, I'm just happy that Eva oba-san gave Dad his just desserts for tugging on my ear.
According to Aniki, smaller planes are more subject to winds and other effects of the weather, and it's not at all uncommon for flights to be delayed because of that.
......Wait a sec, it isn't really going to shake...is it...?
From down here on the ground, it just looks cloudy, not windy.
...Well, I guess it's different up where the planes fly.
: ?The weather's a bit uncertain today.?
Eva oba-san looked at a TV in the lounge.
The weather forecast was being broadcast, informing us that a typhoon was approaching the Kanto region.
: ?...Very funny. Why don't you do it yourself? Our brother would never listen to anything I suggested.?
: ?No way. It doesn't really bother me that much to have it in October. I just suggested that you might want to propose it to them, since you said you hate typhoons so much.?
: ?I only said that typhoons always come around this time of year. You're the one who said you wanted to move it to the Obon festival, right??
: ?Well, you said it too last year! Didn't you say that it would be easier to fit into your schedule if we had it during the Obon festival?!?
: ?I've never said anything like that.?
: ?Oh yes, you did. I certainly wouldn't forget something like that!?
: ?No, I didn't...you're the one saying that all the time!?
: ?Didn't you know? Stopping a kick just a hair's breadth away is a very high-level technique.?
: ?Sheesh, women your age shouldn't spread their legs like that!?
: ?Like me? Oh, I still have a long way to go. I still have very little experience out there in the real world, and I need to work on becoming more bold and sociable. ...I think you've far surpassed me on all those counts, Battler-kun. I'm sure you'll outstrip me fast enough when you become an adult.?
George-aniki scratch his head and laughed, as though trying to hide his embarrassment.
Of course, he was just being humble.
Then, right after graduating, he got into Hideyoshi oji-san's company as his father's aide, piling up a lot of real-life experience as he devoted himself zealously to his work.
His great dream is to one day stand on his own and build up his own kingdom.
Aniki is a real paragon of a man, sparing no effort as he strives towards his goal. It's no exaggeration to say that I really respect him.
I've got no dreams for the future! I'd like to just sit back, stay cool, and let the money flow in, but of course that could never happen.
...When Aniki was my age, he had already formed an impressive objective and started devoting himself towards studying for that goal, so I guess I can't compare at all.
My dad just says 'sure you can study at my company, if you like cleaning toilets'. Dammit, I'm not gonna be in the debt of that old bastard.
I'll find my way myself!
?.......If only willpower was all it took to become an adult.
Right then, Hideyoshi oji-san shouted out loudly.
Oji-san is a nice person on the whole, but he does have a problem controlling the volume of his voice.
When I looked over, I saw he was greeting Rosa oba-san, who had come late.
: ?Maria! Shouldn't that be 'It's good to see you again'? Greet your uncle properly.?
: ?Uu-. It's...good to see you again...?
: ?There you go! Well said! How about some candy as a reward?! ?...Oh, huh? Where'd I put it...?
: ?Rosa-san, it's good to see you again. It's good to see you too, Maria-chan.?
: ?Hey, Rosa. You're late. If the plane was on time, you'd barely have made it.?
: ?I'm sorry, we had some trouble making our train connection. So, are we waiting on the weather again??
: ?Oh, don't complain. I much prefer the 30 minute plane trip to spending six hours bouncing about on a boat. Even if we're kept waiting here for an hour, it's still much faster overall.?
: ?Um, ...how tall were you the last time you got measured...? You keep getting bigger and bigger, don't you? Right??
: ?Uu-!?
: ?I think she's grown a lot since last year. Let's see, she turned nine years old this year, didn't she??
: ?Nine years old. Uu-.?
: ?That's right, you're nine years old now. Glad to see you're doing well too, Maria-chan! Up you......nng...I guess you've gotten a bit too heavy to play airplane with...?
When I went to lift her up in Aniki's place, Maria stiffened defensively, staring suspiciously at my face.
...Ah, that's right. The last time I met Maria, it was six years ago, and she was only three years old.
Of course she doesn't remember my face.
: ?Maria-chan, don't you remember? It's Battler-kun. You used to play together, remember??
: ??......Uu-.?
: ?Maria. This is Battler onii-chan. Rudolf nii-san's son. ...Understand??
: ??..........The brother's son is... The brother is the son... ?.........?? ?...Uuuu---!!?
She probably uses that 'uu-' sound to fill in the blanks when she can't understand a complicated explanation. I guess that was a bit too confusing for her.
: ?...Battler onii-chan??
Maria looked straight at me with a questioning expression, as though asking whether it was alright to call me that.
: ?Yep, that's me, Battler. Nice to meet you, Maria!?
: ?Uu-! Battler!?
: ?Maria! You mustn't talk to him like that! Call him Battler onii-chan...!?
: ?That's all right, Rosa oba-san. I don't sweat the small stuff. Hey, Maria! We're close enough that we don't need honorifics, right?!?
We horsed around for a while to make up for the six year gap in our friendship.
She probably still thinks of me as nothing more than a big, new friend, but things'll probably work out as we get to know each other again.
But I'm surprised. She's just the way I remembered her being six years ago. Seems that people just don't change that much after all. I'm a bit happy that she's still the pure, innocent girl I remember.
...When I think about it, all the names in my family sound foreign.
Just why is Grandfather so obsessed with this?
Because of him, even us grandchildren have to put up with this weird naming sense. It's even more annoying since Grandfather's own name is perfectly normal.
Anyway, there's one thing about Rosa oba-san that's a relief compared to the other family members.
The old bastard and Eva oba-san have this annoying urge to tease and mock people all the time, but even though she shares their blood, Rosa oba-san isn't like that at all.
She has the most common sense among all the siblings.
Like Hideyoshi oji-san, she's a kind aunt who'll always be on the kids' side.
?...However, possibly because she's more strict as a parent, she's not liberal with handing out spending money like Hideyoshi oji-san.
Then, as though it had waited for us all to gather, an announcement rang out through the lobby.
: ?Rosa, you still haven't gone through boarding procedures, right? Hurry up.?
: ?Oh no...! Maria, come on!?
: ?Uu-!?
We had to go through a metal detector before going out on the runway.
Our small plane wasn't as massive as an international flight, but it was still a plane.
A staff member holding a metal detector checked us all.
Once all of us cleared the check, we followed the staff member out onto the runway.
Come to think of it, everyone here is in the Ushiromiya family.
It's like this is a reserved charter flight or something.
: ?Boarding will now commence. As I call out the names on the passenger list, please take your seats in order, starting from the front row on the right side and going right to left, then onto the next row. I will now begin reading the passenger list. Ushiromiya Hideyoshi-sama!?
: ?Oh, I'm first! Right here! ...By the way, do you have some candy, Eva? I've been lookin' all over for some, but I can't find any.?
: ?Ushiromiya Eva-sama.?
: ?They're in the handbag. I'll get one once we're inside the plane.?
I've heard that candies are a good way to protect your ears from hurting because of variations in atmospheric pressure when landing or taking off.
That's probably what they're talking about.
: ?Ushiromiya George-sama.?
: ?Don't worry, Battler-kun. It won't shake too much.?
: ?Ushiromiya Battler-sama.?
: ?Ushiromiya Rudolf-sama.?
: ?Come on, Battler, quit being a wuss and get in.?
: ?Ow! Dad! Don't push me! We don't get parachutes!?
: ?Ushiromiya Kyrie-sama.?
: ?Ushiromiya Maria-sama.?
: ?Uu-! Move, move!?
: ?Ushiromiya Rosa-sama.?
: ?Maria! Be quiet.?
: ?A, Aniki, did that guy just say we needed to wear seatbelts?! In a jumbo jet, they let you undo them after takeoff, right?! So it's gonna shake so much we can't take them off?! Dammit, you tricked me! It is going to shake after all! Where are the parachutes?! I knew I should have taken the boooooaaaaat!!?
That list of names covers pretty much all the core cast members introduced in episode 1. It'll be a few updates yet before we actually meet them all, though.
Now, let's check out the Tips section. The first part is the character bios, with red lines connecting the Ushiromiyas, and blue ones connecting a bunch of empty boxes that will eventually be filled with their servants. For some reason, Kinzo, Nanjo, and Genji are excluded even though we've seen them already.
By which they mean she has memorized pretty much the entire body of western occult lore. By the age of NINE.
The actual Tips section contains assorted notes, like copies of certain messages that show up, or explanations of the mechanics behind various magical stuff.
And the Grimoire has the translation notes. As I said, anything highlighted in green shows up here. In addition, all the episodes include a rundown of basic Japanese honorifics. If you've ever watched anime before, you probably know most of these already.
And that's it for now. Next time, we reach the island proper and meet another chunk of the cast.