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What is this? Impossible Creatures is a real time strategy (RTS) game where you can build your own units out of spare animal parts or something thanks to Sigma Technology. Each unit is designed by combining two creatures and choosing which parts you want where, so as to optimize the unit for its role. Its pretty bizzare, and I had a lot of fun with it many years ago.
The game is developed by Relic Entertainment and came out in December of 2002 for North America, so it's quite old. Still, I think it has aged well. I never played online when it was new, so I won't be able to tell you how balenced the play is from a true competetive standpoint, but I can tell you it's a blast wasting time creating useless but odd looking creatures, then spending time making useful ones. In fact, most of the fun can be had in the creature creator.
So why are we playing this? I though it was a really cool concept and game, and found the disks when I went rummeging through my crap the other day. Decided to reinstall it and have some fun!
The story goes that ol' Indiana Jones Rex Chance here is looking for his long lost father, who dissapeared many years ago. He recieved a letter from his father recently, who was pursuing some sort of science. Unable to resist, He sets out for him. What adventures await young Rex?
Index: Update 1 (this post)
Update 1:
From the journal of Rex Chance, dated June 8th 1937.
For years I thought my father was... dead. Dr. Eric Chanikov, the infamous scientist who dissapeared almost 30 years ago after being exiled from the scientific community. All I knew of him was what a handful of old newspaper clippings told me, and that's never been enough. Until Today, when I recieved a letter that turned my world upsidedown.
My son, at last I've found you. I've been on these islands for years working in exile to protect both you, and myself, but I'm growing old. I'm sure I have many years left, but I don't want to take any chances. I want to look on the face of my son before it's... too late. Upton Julius, the man who saved my life, and has been my confident all these years, found you at my request. I want you to know the truth. Your father, Dr. Eric Chanikov.
The truth? What about?
In good time, my friends, in good time.
Isla Undisonus, Varietas Archipelago
June 11, 1937
The building had been deserted. There were no signs of my father.
Rather beautiful, aren't they? They're products of the Sigma Technology. The perfect blending of two seperate animals. Far superior to anything you'd find in nature.
Interesting, uh... pets. Look, I'm obviously in the wrong place. I'm looking for a man -
Yes. You're here to find Dr. Chanikov, your long-lost father.
What's going on here? Who are you?
Upton Julius at your service.
Upton Julius? Aren't you a friend of my father? Where is he?
You should be more concerned about yourself, Mr. Chance.
I've got no quarrel with you, so you can call off your crossbreeds.
Crossbreeds! So narrow-minded! The sigma Technology does far more than "crossbreed". It combines feers, Mr. Chance. Compounds terrors. A fact you'll understand soon enough.
Collect him. He must be alive, but he needn't be intact.
Easy. Stay back!
Duck!
Get on!
Get him! Kill him!
Hurry! I'm out of darts!
Argh! Dr. Willing you'll pay for your interference and betrayal! And I will capture Mr. Chance, regardless!
So, Rex Chance, in looking for his father, has stumbled upon Upton Julius and his sinister animals, and is rescued just in time by one Dr. Lucy Willing. They don't get much time to be acquainted before the flying train's fans overheat, which I had no idea was possible but hey flying train so whatever.
Crash landing!
So we set up shop. Lucy informs us that repairs are going to take a while, which sucks I guess. I know I wouldn't want to be stranded in the cold while I waited for some chick to repair a flying train. Oil changes take long enough!
Anyways, we've got new objectives. Rex is going to send for help at one of the nearby villages, while Lucy gathers coal.
Why do we need coal? To make creatures. Why do we need creatures? To kill the other creatures, dumbshit. Also, coal helps us make structures, which we need to do pretty much everything. Our buildings are literally made of coal. Wonderful.
There's no 'we' in 'coal', get back to work!
Meanwhile, Rex needs to gather some genetic material in order for us to make creatures. No, not that genetic material you sick fuck.
A dart, right in the pooper! Sweet dreams, lion. For some reason, darts cause lens flairs.
A porcupine, too! This is a good early game combination coming up here.
And we finally meet up with the village. Whatup village?
Helloooo!
What do you want?
You speak English! Great! Uh, me friend. Me need help.
You don't say.
Our magical, um, flying machine has broken.
You mean that hovertrain your lady friend has been hiding here for the last week? We've been meaning to talk to you about that. Ever since she's shown up it's caused us nothing but grief. Two men are looking for her. They're sending crazy beasts that smash igloos and eat our sled dogs!
Believe me, we're trying. Listen, you mentioned looking for the lady I'm with. If I help you fight those animals will you tell me what you know about them?
I guess so, but hurry, we don't have much time.
Let's grab a coyote on the way out.
Our next objective is to build a creature chamber. How bout it, Lucy?
Lucy tells us a thing or two while she builds that chamber.
Nicely done. Now, let's design some impossible creatures!
This is the army management screen. From here, we can choose to combine new creatures, import premade combinations, and save/load armies. An army is a set of 9 creatures that you have to work with for any given match, and you must stick to that army for the whole match. Thus, a good army is well balanced in movement type, attack/defense, tech level, etc.
Let's make a new creature, shall we?
One mountain lion plus one porcupine = one name it whatever the hell you want, in this case I stick with the default name given for it.
Here, you get to pick and choose which parts from which animal you want. Certain parts come with certain abilities, stats, and amounts of damage. In this case, I opted for porcupine head, body, and tail for ranged attacks, high defense, and quill burst ability, respectively. The legs are of the lion for higher speed and health.
We're going to need to research tech level 2 in order to get this shit off the ground, though.
Once that's out of the way, we can start building our army. Our sweet, beloved army.
Aaaaan it looks like the barriers broke just in time. Villagers flock towards safety.
It is time to move forward, and avenge those poor, defenseless purebred sled dogs. Heh, purebred. 
Mission complete!