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Update 37: Kinu's Got the Hacksaw
And see, this is why your half-hearted "pitches" have no weight. You couldn't sell to the broad side of a barn, Sasha.
Ahaha, oh, oh Kaelin, buddy. Pal. Friend. You're killing me here.
Do you think he believes all the nonsense that comes out of his mouth, or...
I'm just glad to see him enjoying himself.
Ye gods, Dosen, what--what is that thing?!
I- I feel in danger just looking at it...
I'm just gonna disappear now.
Do you hear something?
Hey guys, I'm ready to--
What... Dosen, what are-- WHAT are you holding?
It's my weapon!
The-- So, like...
Is that thing made of... Golems?
It's a scythe, isn't Raven supposed to wield scythes?
It's... It's moving, my word is that thing undulating?
This is my new weapon, the Cradle! It's a scythe with three tangs connected to the heel plate, all of which are enchanted by Lunarian magic to operate separately or as a unit. The snath is crafted out of mini-Golem central nervous systems, pounded into perfection while paralyzed, while the blades are sharpened Dragon Crystal tethered by chain to the tangs--the heads can launch off like arrows! Additionally, the stem contains a hidden lever that allows the Cradle to make use of the Golem's explosive capabilities! Add it all up and you get a blacksmith's finest work--a true masterpiece of a scythe! Get ready for a display of pure Brownie power!
I'm horrified on a level I didn't realize it was possible to have fear.
You're a medic, Dosen, why do you need...that?
Yeah, seriously, that's illegal in most countries, I think!
Is this a comeback for the cereal incident?
Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years!
Yes, Dosen actually has the Cradle, the ultimate scythe. Yes, it's fully forged. Yes, it has Explosion for a skill.
There's better ways to express that sentiment but whatever.
(Floor subtitle: The lord of darkness, who challenges all creation)
There's a campfire here.
There's, uh... Any of you guys good at jumping gaps like that? Gram, can Falz lift any of us across it?
Heh. He wishes.
The anti-gravity appears to be our only way of progressing.
Anti-gravity? That sounds...like it'll make me nauseous.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M FLYING WHY DIDN'T I GET TO DO THIS EARLIER?
Urgh... At least someone is enjoying it...
For once, I sympathize with--ooooh--Smugmeister...
Why won't Magda...stop with those names?!
Oho. I see you're starting to call your fiancé by her actual name~
I will not dignify that with a response...
Welcome, acquaintances, to 25F, where we have to do the entire thing while in anti-gravity.
Calamitous Stone Horse
- Hell's Whinny: Uses the head. Deals 120% ranged INT-based volt damage to one row of party members. Attempts to inflict paralysis, curse, and petrification on hit targets, with a 30% base chance. Has a 60% speed modifier and 99 base accuracy.
- Normal: Stone Doll Fragment. 55% chance. Sells for 641 en.
- 1 needed to make Morion (+34 DEF, +25 MDEF). Costs 17700 en, sells for 7080 en.
- 2 needed to make Sage Earring (+50 TP, +20 INT). Costs 25000 en, sells for 10000 en.
- 2 needed to make Spirit Jewel (+30 HP, +30 WIS). Costs 13000 en, sells for 5200 en.
- 1 Stone Doll Fragment (Calamitous Stone Horse normal) and 1 Fire Ant Mandible (Fire Ant normal) are needed to make Aslat (+105 ATK, +99 MATK, STR Up 2, Silver x3). Costs 53700 en, sells for 21480 en.
75% 50% 75%
50% 150% 50%
50% 50% 50% 100% 0% 150% 0%
100% 50% 50%
Calamitous Stone Horses can go right to whatever pit is under the world in EO5. Hell's Whinny hurts a lot and inflicts the ailments I just love to get hit with the most.
BOOM! I never knew not healing could be so much fun!
Sadly, Explosion just reuses Fire Bomb's visual effect. On the other hand, Dosen can contribute to battles now.
ROCKIN MY PEERS PUTTIN SUCKAS IN FEAR MAKING THE TEARS RAIN DOWN LIKE A MONSOON
I fucking told you Hell's Whinny is awful.
...Bird. I will begrudgingly priase you and thank you for that.
Nrrrrrrgh fine, I will do it again.
Crumble into the dirt from whence you came.
That certainly was an event that transpired.
Aslat (+105 ATK, +99 MATK, STR Up 2, Silver x3) is made from 1 Stone Doll Fragment (Calamitous Stone Horse normal) and 1 Fire Ant Mandible (Fire Ant normal). Costs 53700 en, sells for 21480 en.
Okanehira (+130 ATK, +82 MATK, AGI Up 2, Silver x3) is made from 1 Ruinous Golden Orb (Calamitous Stone Horse rare). Costs 77400 en, sells for 30960 en.
Calamity Scythe (+105 ATK, +105 MATK, LUC Up 2, Silver x3) is made from 1 Ruinous Golden Orb (Calamitous Stone Horse rare). Costs 43800 en, sells for 17520 en.
Brigadine (+54 DEF, +50 MDEF) is made from 1 Ruinous Golden Orb (Calamitous Stone Horse rare) and 1 Soft Yellow Core (Bad Pudding normal). Costs 33000 en, sells for 13200 en.
Morion (+34 DEF, +25 MDEF) is made from 1 Stone Doll Fragment (Calamitous Stone Horse normal). Costs 17700 en, sells for 7080 en.
A short bit into going back into the floor, I remembered that Kaelin had a skill point to spend.
We won't be getting that chest for a while.
Here's a better view of this first room.
Getting out of it is as simple as going to the bottom right corner of the room, going up, left, and then following where that takes you.
See that door a bit away from me on the map? That's the final boss's door. It's impossible to get to while the anti-gravity is on.
I'll let you draw your own conclusions as to what that means for the rest of the floor for now.
Here's a zoomed-out view of the room we're about to leave. Notice the other chest that's impossible to get while the gravity is off.
Was kinda hopin' we'd seen the last of these ugly customers last floor.
There we go, good boy.
Is that at the lion, or Falz?
Both of 'em, really.
Dosen uses two skill points he had to max out Cure Herb, and bump up Party Herb to 4.
Anyway, I've kinda trivialized this room now.
I can just run for the door, and there isn't shit the lion can do about it.
That Thrashing Attack-Hands (the inactive FOE) is worrying, though.
One short interstitial room later...
And we're onto the next room, which has a Needle-Sparrow. You can kinda see it hurtling off towards the right wall on the top screen, betraying its visual position on the map a bit.
It also has another fucking lion.
Heading for vaguely corner-ish positions is the name of the game for this room.
And so we press on.
Alrighty, let's go!
Wait a minute NO NO NO NO NO--
Huh. Guess I was misremembering--running into a stuck sparrow doesn't send you flying back.
Despite what the visual model might make you think, the sparrow is facing its back to us, which means we get a preemptive.
Well, uh, that gave me an easy way out of this room.
Oh, thank the various merciful gods, we can get back on solid ground!
...Wait a minute. Uh, I'm either missing something, or there's no way from this first room towards that door we couldn't get to.
Other than walkin' all the way back.
Welp, get your boots in gear, people.
Is there any way I can turn on the floating stuff for just me?
And now, welcome to 25F Part Two: This Time We Walk Through It.
Obtained 30000 en.
At least there's a shortcut back to the anti-grav machine, if you need to leave the floor.
MY TWO FAVORITE ENEMIES, TOGETHER AT LAST
Incidentally, uh, if my map made getting past that Thrashing Attack-Hands look impossible, I made a slight error. You can stand and move from here, which'll let you get by safely. It helps that I've also killed the sparrow.
For this room, just wait until you're not in aggro range of the sparrow to start.
And then, uh, laugh as the lion aggros on you but is unable to catch you because it's not in the best of spots.
And as for this last room with FOEs in it, again, I am aided from me killing one earlier. Just wait until the lower lion is out of aggro range on you, and you shouldn't even need to go near the hands.
Customary shorcut that connects the room just before the final boss to the floor entrance.
Before I start pasting in text, a word of warning: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, BE CAREFUL WITH PRESSING THE A BUTTON HERE. IF YOU KEEP PRESSING IT AFTER THE SCENE IS OVER, YOU ARE GOING TO ENTER THE FINAL BOSS, AND YOU CANNOT BACK OUT OF IT.
As you stand at this distinctive door at the heart of the Labyrinth, the girl calling herself Archon appears before you.
You stand before the summit of Yggdrasil. The highest floor...as of yet, utterly untouched by man.
So, why bother with this central, dramatic placement? What lies behind this?
As she says this, she gestures towards the door.
However, before you may reach the summit, there is one final obstacle you must all overcome.
Is it an obstacle course? Please say it's an obstacle course and not another big monster.
She now gazes up at the heavens as she speaks.
Once, this was a ruined world. The water had dried up, the atmosphere had depleted, and all the world's life had perished, and vanished without a trace.
...I mean, yeah, I think most of us would assume that about...basically any world with life on it.
This ruin came to have its own form; born of the world's primordial darkness, clad in a cloak of death incarnate. If life were to spring again on this world, this incarnation of darkness had to be removed from the equation... and this is why Yggdrasil was born. In order for the creation of your races to succeed, and the development of the land of Arcadia to occur, Yggdrasil fertilized the land, and sealed away the darkness. Nameless--representatives of the many who call this land home. This is your time. You must overcome this primordial darkness with your own hands. This is the last missive assigned to your Archon.
Primordial darkness given form, hm? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious.
I'm certain I could vanquish it here and now.
...Kaelin. Dear. We're gonna take a quick look, and then run as fast as we can outta here. Understood?
Aw, come on, I've got this scythe and everything.
I have included audio with the webm there, because frankly holy shit could this fucking boss intro be more ridiculously edgy-dark
I also did not make it autoplay because it has audio, so uh, click on it manually.
to win the game you must kill me, john romero
Ah. So that's what darkness incarnate looks like.
It sure is big and has lotsa pointy...things. What's even going on with the wings?
Why does it need hook-like appendages on its wings?
For that matter, why does it need scissors on its wings?
It looks like the kinda thing my mom and dad told me would eat me if I did bad things.
As you open the door, you see a large being that can only be described as darkness itself. Just looking at it overwhelms you with its terrifyingly dignified presence. It is nothing like anything you have ever seen. Even its malicious aura seems tinged with darkness, and just by standing there it brings up terrible feelings within you.
Now, Nameless, you've seen it with your own eyes.
You hear Archon's voice from behind you.
That is the Lord of the Primordial Darkness; the fate all the world's people must overcome. Now, demonstrate the light that dwells within you!
You accept her words with a nod. If you've discarded all hesitation and fear, then there's only one thing left to do: draw your weapons and take down your final obstacle!
I'm assuming now would be a good time to run?
It'd be a very good time to run.
Again, remember, I have the magic of being able to write things kinda free-form: as soon as you enter that door, you are going to fight the Lord of the Primordial Darkness.
With that in mind, we're done with 25F. No new town dialogue, no new quests, nothing. Next time: the final boss.
...So. How did The Plan turn out? Successful?
Well, I just so happened to see the both of them walking down from the roof, holding hands.
Then our months of work and planning have finally paid off? Those two are happy together?
It would seem that way.