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General Snob, Mission 7, Part 2, Wacky Race
Last time in Colony.
On Enroth:
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On Dragon Isle:
On the Valley of Kings:
The yellow dragon lord was blind-sided by a passage through the mountains that allowed Mandigal, the Alchemical Vampire, to pass through and conquer its barely-garrisoned castle.
The once-great Warlock Emperor Alamar, who was aligned with the yellow dragon lord, vanished into the desert and deserted the dragon lord to its own luck.
Will the orange dragon lord and his lackeys be able to avenge their kin? Will Archibald's handsome heroes capture the dragon king himself? Who knows?
DAY 21
“Just about enough resources to build the cyclops' pyramids. Someone at the market must want all this mercury the Barbarians have no idea how to put to good use.”
“There. The alliance with the cyclopii has been restored!”
“Look at them go. Making holes in each other's chests with lasers already. Such great friends.”
“Great! It’s been soooo long since Thundax had had a decent challenger. Well, accounting for the fact Thundax was literally under a rock.”
“I’m afraid to ask what kind of challenge…”
“Arm-wrestling of course! Well, that and chess. These one-eyed monsters are surprisingly clever at strategy.”
“The chess I can believe, but there’s no way you actually arm-wrestle with these giants.”
“Well, it is the natural progression, after all. It is not safe to arm-wrestle with the ogres anymore. Not safe for the ogres.”
“Thundax saw orange lord send his forces towards the border to our region, great warlord Snob the General! He might take Dragon Watch or Bloodreign. Or maybe split his forces and try to take both! That’s what Thundax would do.”
“Hopefully, we can distract them with Tsabu. I’m willing to bet his flesh is tough meat enough to give a dragon indigestion for centuries. One can only hope.”
DAY 22
“Nevermore”
“Don’t you dare you carrion pidgeys! Say that to me again. One. More. Time!”
“Oncemore. With feeling. NEVERMORE!”
“I’ll have you for dinner!”
“The Great Tsabu of Terra returns to his ship to sail gloriously once more and spar with the sharkmen.”
“Who gave you that order? You were to stand in the way of our enemies and delay them slightly with your life! Not pretend play with fantasy creatures from your head!”
“Oh, but they are real. They come from the strange world of Ash…”
“Oops. Lost his scrying signal again. What a pity.”
“Thundax visited wise knight of the Gazebo while it was safe, but alas, the knight was unable to teach Thundax anything new, so Thundax is going back to Bloodreign to defend it from wicked warlocks.”
“I’ve traded away all the resources for gold in order to hire more minotaur muscle before setting forth to explore further, great General Snob.”
“This sawmill seems like a good claim for Archibald the notoriously soft-skinned. In the neck. I'm hungry again.”
“Away with you, blasphemers. This sawmill belongs to the Dragon King, not foreigners.”
“Elves? Aligned with Dragons? And cutting down trees? This is an interesting conundrum that certainly awards further inquiry…”
“Who cares? Elves under dragons or under druids are just better dealt with well done. Crisp even. Let’s get back to the natural order of things, where green dragons eat dandy elves.”
“Punyling vermin, you truly believe you can make the feat of felling a mountain with your little stings? The reign of the dragon king is no-more. The reign of Archibald, the edible-sized, will rise. And, speaking of edible.”
“Tried to protect the troops with Mass Shield, General, but the dragons shrugged it off like they do all magics. The elves took the chance to focus-fire the dragons. I don't think the lack of magical protection made them soft targets, however. No losses, General. But plenty of blood! Oh, and a sawmill with our glorious banner.”
“Alas, my plan succeeded! By opening the way to the castle while pretending to take this mill, that warlock, Agar, has gone for Dragon Watch. Now that he's in the open, I'll defeat him easily.”
“That's way too good of a plan to have came from you. I call blind luck since Agar could have recaptured Dragon Watch if he was better at logistics.”
“You can tell Archibald it was your plan.”
“Like if I wasn't already. And it was a great plan.”
“General of the Snobs, seems like two warlocks from the orange lord are coming for Thundax. Thundax will retreat to Bloodreign.”
DAY 23
“Worry not, Thundax the Odd. The Great Tsabu of Terra has come with reinforcements!”
“Good. Thundax will need unite the ogres if they are going to overthrow the chains of draconic tyranny.”
“Who defies the Dragon King?”
“It is I, BLAGH! 
The Mandigal, wizard supreme, alchemical vampire and Archibald's mercenary.”
“Heresy! Who gave you permission to use my precious minotaurs, cheap-vampire-knock-off-of-a-sorcerer's-apprentice?”
“Excuse me? Your minotaurs?”
“Outrageous! Yes, mine! Gargoyles, sacrifice your expendable bodies to lure the fiery breath of those traitorous dragons. He doesn't deserve to use my elite minotaurs. Created to join in one body the two most powerful traits!”
“Dragons really are unruly, they do not care to kill allies with their breath, it seems. Couldn't they just use their claws? BLAGH! Anyway, what traits are you talking about? The intelligence of men and the strength of bull?”
“Indignity! No, it was the feet of men and the horn of bull. Your pitch is much better though… Alamar would have liked it more.”
“BLAGH! Two can play at that game.”
“Tarnation! Defeat those heretics! They'll disrupt my next experiment. Attaching magic eye-stalks and tentacles to a highly developed evil brain.”
“You really seem to be a master of bad ideas, Agar.”
“Poppycock! My minotaurs are the perfect soldiers. You became a vampire by accident, you're not one to talk.”
“ They're strong, sure. But they're only good soldiers while you feed them enemies to defeat and sate their bloodlust. Once they're fresh out of enemies… well, I think the emotional nature of humans and the bad temper of bulls will not mix so well when they become restless and bored.”
“Preposterous! That's just baseless conjecture.”
“Inconceivable! I must flee.”
“Could have run way without the farewell lightning bolt on my ogres, jerk. Oh, he left some pretty lucky dice behind! Mine!”
“I already told you I won't congratulate you again, Mandigal.”
“Oof! That was close. Claiming that sulfur mine was almost enough for that other draconic loyalist to reach me!”
“Oh, chief General Snob, that warlock seems to have been distracted by the crystal mine. It'll buy Thundax some time.”
DAY 24
“The great Tsabu of Terra will borrow those cycloses from Lord Slaughter lookalike so he can visit scary haunted wreck.”
“That's all Thundax could recruit. Not many crystals, Thundax afraid.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra is proud of his brother Cyclopses and Ogres. They didn't die to ghosts. Well, they didn't die much.”
As always, the golden rule of facing ghosts is “take something tough and toughen it out. NEVER TAKE PEASANTS.”
“Well done, Great Tsabu of Terra. Thundax can use the gold to hire more ogres before those angry draconic loyalists get to Bloodreign. Keep these ogre lords. And remember to take those pixies with you as well. Thundax knows how ogres can get pretty hungry on the sea.”
DAY 25
“Hmm… Arie seems to have given most of his troops to Agar. Still, he could have defeated me with magic alone while I was spent. After a night drinking the blood of virgin sorceresses on the mage's guild, I'm all filled up.”
“What? Since when that's an option to refill on magic in the mage's guild? I've been scammed! Oh, wait, you're talking about drinking their blood through their necks, right?”
“They squirmed a little. ”
“That's disgusting. You're as disgusting as that Rialdo creature.”
“After reclaiming the sulfur mine, I'll keep myself here to block Arie if he comes in again.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra has landed to the north. Or is it east? I'm all lost now that I discovered the map was sideways this whole time!”
DAY 26
“Thundax patrolling near the hill fort after battle master taught more ogres how to grow beyond their social strata.”
“This Thundax guy is really dumb. He always says non-sense gibberish meaningless words like 'social strata'.”
DAY 27
“The great Tsabu of Terra has claimed another sulfur mine for the king Snob.”
“Archibald is your king. I am but a humble general.”
“Humble? Could have fooled the great Tsabu of Terra. Also found more ogre food.”
“Help! They keep drooling at us!”
“BLAGH! I've taken a bit of a detour to visit this Shrine. The kind priests taught me how to curse lots of people at once.”
“No, we are cursing YOU, abomination. Comes to our shrine and threatens us with rebellious dragons. Only the Dragon King can give us orders. YOU ARE CURSED!”
“Yes, yes. You've taught me well.”
“Thundax intercepted warlock going for Dragon Watch.”
“Is this the traitor Arie? If you bring me his head, I'll not only stop hating you, I'll even stop cursing your name before going to sleep, Thundax.”
“This explains that big rock that fell on Thundax' head the other day. It really hurt a bit.”
“It really IS you, mate Slayer! And to think I was visiting Dragon Isle for a bit of tourism. Now I've been recruited by the big lizard the Dragon King himself (what a bewdiful beastie he is!) and now I get to meet the king of savages in the flesh! I could die a happy lad, ya I could.”
“Oh, that could certainly be arranged.”
“First step, of course is blinding the big ogres. See? Now that these beauties are blinded we can get close to get a better look safe and sound.”
“What are you doing? Ogres are people, not some zoo attraction for warlocks to throw peanuts at. Thundax will not stand for it.”
“Cyclops pals, go and fry those goblins and hydras. Don't let them get close to the ogres.”
“Oh how I would SO love to show my friends a real live cyclops up close. But safety first I'm afraid. Kill any extraneous specimens with cold ray or lightning bolt to open the way. Our time is short.”
“Now bullmen, get close and get Arie a tissue sample from the ogres! Well done! Now we leave.”
“Hey, get back! Thundax has to avenge cyclops pals!”
“Should've known you'd fail me. Why do I keep putting my trust on barbarians, I do not know. I told you to buy a damned spellbook on Bloodreign.”
DAY 28
“Since the warlock that went for the crystal mines is still lost in the pass, Thundax will visit Dragon Watch to buy a spellbook the General wants so much.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra fought some angry water elementals. They killed the little fairies, but at least we made a very good soup with the remains. So I used the blessed elemental water to strengthen the hinges of my catapult. I also found an old geezer who gave the great Tsabu of Terra a working compass. This really IS the east side of the beach.”
“Thundax, you idiot. You left Bloodreign open for an attack! And it is Kastore, another traitor to the cause.”
DAY 29
“Falagar, I don't know what you're doing in this island nor do I care.”
“You just sold me some mercury last week, young man! We even talked at length while we negotiated.”
“Nor do I care. You're hired. Protect Bloodreign from Kastore will you?”
“But I haven't finished researching what went wrong, oh so wrong, with the crystals of piezo...”
“Oh, sorry, that sounded like a request. It was an order. Now follow it.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra found a fluffy foot. It was so soft that I decided to do five thousand push-ups to celebrate. The push-ups made me so lucky that the air attacked us, but my ogres cut the air with lucky blows.”
“Your scrying channel is closed. Not only closed, it was blocked by powerful wards. HOW ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME?”
“The great Tsabu of Terra sees more air. And an ore mine with the orange dragon lord's flag being worked by ogre slaves.”
“No. Not even if you give us intel, real, actual intel, I will want to hear you through the scrying channels.”
“Also, I took the giant flail from a dead giant. It is mine now. A bit heavy, though. Could be a bit smaller. But good flail, nonetheless.”
“GAH! My intellect is being sapped away listening to this nonsense.”
“Thundax buys a spell book since it will make the general of the Snobs happy. Not sure how useful it'll be, though.”
“You're not supposed to throw the book at your enemies, you know.”
“Thundax knows that. But Thundax not exactly powerful magician. The strongest lightning bolt Thundax can conjure is still just a slightly annoying jolt. Thundax prefers to do what Thundax is good at.”
“Stop it. You're not going to convince me that you're smart.”
“Thundax is off to the desert to go look what interested Alamar so much in all this sand. And Thundax already sees Cyclops friends.”
DAY 30
“The great Tsabu of Terra has found some untended treasure for Snob of the Generals.”
“Untended? That's our treasure! We toil day and night robbing the tribute caravans for the Dragon King and you dare steal from us?”
“Oh, I am so, so sorry.”
“So embarrassing. The great Tsabu of Terra almost took that treasure without killing its owners first, as it is right. As punishment, I'll will only do a puny 100 push-ups before sleeping tonight.”
“Must be before the Dragons moved in. Ancient kings from the time of the silence, maybe? Thundax not know. But if valley full of kings, it full of these king's treasure too!”
“Hey, cyclopses friends. Thundax need that black pearl of yours.”
“Puny man, dis is our pearl. Our tribe will nevah surrender its magical power. You want it? You bettah be willing to die for it.”
“Not a problem for Thundax. Ogres, fall back. Let them come for us and wait for Thundax' command.”
“Oh, those Cyclopses are swift. Brace for it, ogres! Well done, you've made Thundax proud. Now, charge!”
“Thundax believes in the lust for blood of the ogres. Have no mercy. This is life for life. The oldest form of barter.”
“Chief Thundax dumb, but sometimes smart. Life kills life. Ogres want more blood!”
“Don't worry General Snob. Your servant is just collecting some loot he left behind when he went through the pass. For the cause. And maybe I might find a supple neck or two.”
“I've traded all resources for more troops as ordered, grand warlock Snob.”
“Then what are you waiting for, old man? Go kill that bastard who's been claiming our mines for the Dragon King. I'm tired of this insolence.”
“The necromancers are more respectful of their elders, you know.”
“They're weirdos like that. Who cares?”
“Kastore! You'll pay for your betrayal of Archibald the Pretty.”
“Ah, don't be like that. There are matters much, much above your simple understanding at work, old magician. You see, I'm an...”
“Alien.”
“Excuse me?”
“I know all about you blue elves. Don't go on thinking you're the only visitor from another world here in Enroth, young man. I got here through a stargate from Xeen,”
“Oh, is that so? Well, then. No theatrics. I must silence you for the good of my mission.”
“First I will take out of the equation your strongest troop.”
“Don't be daft, blue elf. You're not dealing with an amateur. You should've opened with a blast. I was just prepared for you to try and blind my trolls.”
“And I'll block you minotaurs with my ogres. They're about equal in strength. They should be tangled in there for quite a while. What is your rebuttal? It has to be a powerful spell.”
“Don't insult me, fossil. I'll block your precious trolls. And then I'll drive them berzerk.”
“Oh, is that so? With only your griffins for them to rage on against?”
“No, wait. Griffins, come back. Damn the ancients!”
The AI is, unfortunately, really awful at selecting berzerker targets. They'll often target a creature that has no other target than the AI's creatures, effectively wasting the spell.
“Very well. I recognize when I'm defeated. Maximus, beam me out.”
“Oh, he is gone with a beam of light. This is new. He did leave a map behind. It is a map of trails throughout the valley of kings. What were his plans dealing with the dragons, I wonder? This is Falagar. I've defeated Kastore, General Snob.”
“I may have underestimated you, old man. Now go and reclaim any mines Kastore had stolen from us. Remember the ogres who are their true taskmasters.”
“Wasn't it 'liberators'?”
“Same thing.”
DAY 31
“The great Tsabu of Terra has found more ogre friends in this mountain pass. They agreed to join me and train into ogre lords after I defeated every single one of them in a staring contest.”
“No, we have an alliance that's why they joined. Don't bother our recruits with your weirdness. And also, I've ordered you to stop using scrying channels.”
“Much easier for the great Tsabu of Terra to defeat the air now. Don't even need any tactics at all! Well, barely any tactics.”
“Big griffin had the black pearl. It was a good fight, Thudax fell from the cave in the mountain a couple of times. Griffin had one eye like the cyclopses. But I am now victorious. And have powerful magic pearl AND a one-eyed griffin skull. Best day since Thudax was rescued from rock. My magic is now mediocre instead of pitiful. Thundax should teach ogres a bit of magic.”
“This is the most stupid idea I've ever heard. And that's saying something. I hear abysmally bad ideas every week.”
“Thundax had ogres fill their share in an oasis. They got so happy we pressed on and found some nomad horsemen.”
“Hold there, this area of the valley of kings is ou… wait… stay back! AGH!” 
“Thundax suppose common robbers aren't worth the diplomacy. We're not common, though. We do it in the name of King Archibald and General Snob. That makes us royal robbers and therefore arbitrarily in the right.”
“Horseman funny. Can't own things if dead.”
“BLAGH! I'm afraid I ventured too far to the south. The orange lord is taking advantage of my mistakes.”
DAY 32
“Can't reach Dragon Watch in time to defend it General...”
“I'm not your nanny. You did what you thought was right. Except it proved to be stupid. Next time I'll keep a closer eye on you, vampire.”
“Captain of Dragon Watch.”
“I have a name.”
“I couldn't care less. You're a flunkie who's not good enough to lead armies in the field or grow beyond mediocrity. Just hire whatever you can with this gold and try to defend Dragon Watch… though you'll inevitably fail.”
“ 
Its Eusta...”
“Don't care. Can't care. Just die already but try and at least take someone else with you.”
“Oh. It looks like the elementals are crazy in this part of the island because this crow is accidentally summoning them by the batch with this ring. The great Tsabu of Terra can't do much with it, but will keep it as a memento.”
“Lucky already! Found the castle of the Orange Dragon Lord, champion Snob.”
“Then siege it at once! I hope you've collected enough ogres for the task.”
“Thundax found an excavation full of forgotten reanimated skeletons. Felt so bad for them I allowed them to join my Glorious army. Now, at the end of this trail into the Valley of Kings, Thundax sees lots of Dragons, both living and dead, and a big sculpted sphinx. Tomorrow will ask what she is doing here.”
“I'm back. And I will take my revenge on that orange mutant simpleton!”
“Hah! I've recaptured Dragon Watch! Victory and vengeance is mine and mine alone! See, Dragon King? You don't need to eat me yet.”
DAY 33
“BLAGH! Did someone offer himself in a platter?”
“No! Get away. Let me savor my victory!”
“Don't be like that. Look it at the gloomer side! One way or another, a dragon is going to be well fed today. Several dragons, in fact.”
“You're ruining it. You're ruining it all! I was supposed to have my revenge!”
“This was a very profitable raid, my good general! Since Vesper couldn't flee from the castle, I took every artifact the Dragon King gifted him with. Also learned quite a few things about commanding dragons and keeping them paid.”
“You're lucky your blunder paid off, or I'd disband you myself.”
The AI can be very coy about a direct engagement sometimes. Leaving a lightly defended castle open can be the perfect bait to trap that annoying hero that keeps fleeing.
“With the great Tsabu of Terra's upgraded catapult, it was easy to break down the walls and kill the snakes inside. They stood no chance.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra has claimed Dragon Hill, general of the Snobs!”
“Great news! Tsabu, you're not completely worthless after all!”
“The great Tsabu of Terra even buy book since mage's guild so tall and mighty. But I think this is not good news.”
“Oh… not again.”
Here's Armageddon. The sore loser's favorite spell. We've already suffered from it when we tried our skeleton hordes against the Titans of the wizards.
“Be smart or be eaten? Thundax finds fair.”
“Nooo. You idiot better keep your mouth shut.”
“But Thundax know that one. If one is poor with one's time, one is wasting it.”
“See? Thundax now has cool boots to walk on hot desert sand.”
This is the sphinx. Unlike the demon cave, which has a random result, the sphinx harks back to the RPG roots of the game and asks you a riddle. If you get it right, you get a good artifact. Wrong, you lose your hero.
“Bone guys, you've followed Thundax all this way. I need you to protect the ogres. I know you can take on your bigger friends… uh… not like that. That doesn't help much. Sorry, bone guys.”
“Ogres, this is the final hour. Thundax will stay with you to the end. Stand your ground against the famished dragons. Unfortunately, ogres won't get to eat these enemies if they win. But ogres will get glory of victory!”
“No food? Now we real mad!”
“Maybe Thundax should give that defense thing a try. Too much senseless waste of ogre lives. Also heard somewhere that dragon teeth make good luck charms. Will keep a couple dozen.”
“Thundax really shouldn't. Really, really shouldn't.”
“What are you waiting for! Ransack that geometric mausoleum. We need the gold.”
“But we already captured the castles of the Orange lord and the Yellow lord.”
“We always need more gold, you simpleton.”
“Oh, well. Thundax has no choice then. Ghoulies and bloodsuckers fill this pyramid. Ogres need to kill the vampires first or else they'll keep draining your blood.”
“So, what treasure did you get?”
“Thundax learned not to ever enter a pyramid again. And defend his troops better.”
“Not what you got, you idiot. What you got for us.”
“Oh, there's some inscriptions in the walls about a spell to take over the minds of the weak-willed. But Thundax not know how to do all these rituals.”
“Blast it! That's what I get sending illiterate idiots and expecting a good result. Come back, Thundax. The Dragon King is certainly not in this section of the Valley of Kings.”
This is the desert pyramid. Fight a bunch of annoying undead and you get a fifth level spell. Basically the upgrade of the spell shrines you find about, but well guarded. Also, for some reason it ALWAYS has the hypnotize spell for me, easily the worst fifth level spell.
“Ergon? What in the name of the Ancients are you doing here in this dragon-infested hellhole?”
“Ergon was just surveying how you taking care of Bloodreign. Also, Ergon studying to become better leader of the tribes. Learned new words, like 'surveying'. Now not that lost when other leaders talk around me. Especially when talking about me.”
“Would you care for a scouting job?”
“Ergon finished with Bloodreign. Why not? Nice that you finally got a house for the ogres that the Dragon king didn't immediately burn.”
“Great! Go west of Dragon Watch and claim whatever you find on the way.”
DAY 34
“BLAGH! It was a good idea to hire more people, General. Now I can defend Dragon Watch better.”
“You just let it be recaptured. AGAIN.”
“Just part of the plan. It is Agar. Again. BLAGH. Last time he fled with a farewell lightning bolt. Now that he trapped in the castle, I'll be the one with the last lighter.”
“That better not have been a pun Mandigal. Or I swear I'll leave you bound and naked in the middle of one of these deserts surrounding us.”
“I'd never, General. ”
“Astounding! Hah! I've recruited my precious bovine warriors before you had the chance to defile their purpose! I won't be made a fool again.”
“You trapped yourself in a castle when I had several dragons to siege it and you're worried about my ogres? You indeed do lack basic foresight, warlock.”
“Fiddle-faddle! I've haven't locked myself in. I lured YOU into a trap! I won't allow my creations' purpose to be so thoroughly defiled by the likes of you. Even if I have to destroy them with you!”
“You maniac. We've seem what Dragon Hill's mage's guild had to offer. You mean...”
“Blood and thunder! I call down an armageddon on this castle! Perish all!”
“I can't believe it. He had the last spell again! I should've finished it with meteor shower when I had the chance.”
“Thundax entered Shrine at the end of dune ridge and then found himself in shrine inside island. Since that lighthouse has our red banner, I think this be lighthouse Tsabu found. I'm going back to Bloodreign then to get reinforcements. Thundax' ogres done too much already.”
DAY 35
“Arie, you delinquent. You stop with this useless behavior right now. Or else.”
“You left your castle open to the taking, old mate. Come now, me beasties. The Dragon King commands us.”
DAY 36
“Don't be foolish boy. Surrender now. Archibald will give you another pet dragon to play with. And maybe he'll reward me with a better crystal of...”
“Sorry, old geezer. But the Dragon King commands.”
“Wait. No! Foolish boy, don't do it!”
“Too late. I call an armageddon on this land!!! Mate!”
“That reckless brat! Oh, ancients, I don't think he survived that...”
“Who cares? You won, didn't you?”
“Yes. I did. But at what cost...”
“At the cost of defeating the last of the Orange Dragon Lord's heroes. Since we took his castle he's got nowhere to go now. Maybe he'll ask the Dragon King for clemency, but dragons… well, they're not known for that.”
DAY 37
“News from the great Tsabu of Terra to great warlord general Snob the not mighty!”
“Is it good news? Are you mortally wounded and have no chance to survive? If not, please… break your goddamn scrying crystal and never put it back together again”
“The great Tsabu of Terra can never be mortally wounded. I mean, I probably could, but I'd never allow it, so I don't see how. No, the great Tsabu of Terra saw a gang of Green Dragons northwards. Or is it westwards?”
“You're already making me regret hearing you. Regret more, that is.”
“They were guarding a Golden Bow, warchief. But the Great Tsabu of Terra doesn't have any orcs or trolls, so he ignored it.”
“Instead the Great Tsabu of Terra went southwards, or Eastwards, and visited a tree in the middle of the desert, looking for Oasis. But it was just weirdly erotic tree.”
“You don't always have to kill, you know? Some creatures are worth talking to and getting to know. Speaking of...”
“It talked nonsense about protecting oneself. Which the great Tsabu of Terra scoffed at. How are you going to get any killing done when you're busy defending?”
“Ergon found crystal mine in the desert. Ogres in mine said Dragon King resides in Dragontopia deeper into desert. Hope Warchief Snob can make good use.”
“Raise a Red tower in Dragon Keep. I don't want to see myself behind the chromatic curve here if it gets down to it.”
“Of course, my liege. No-one wants to be caught with greens when you could have reds.”
“This is the respect we get? We've allied with you and now you replace us so easily? We are still more powerful than anything else in the land other than titans, and yet...”
“And yet you're yesterday's news. Get on with the times. Or else, you're gonna get left behind.”
DAY 38
“General, the great Tsabu of Terra has something to report.”
“Begone vermin. You'll never get to the dragon kin… ack… since when are ogres so strong? Stop!”
“Ten thousand push-ups!”
“I am right now going to Dragon Hill to learn Armageddon just so I can cast it on top of you, wherever you are, Tsabu. What is so important to report?”
“That I AM so proud right now. With such a body-health minded force of ogres, I'll kill the Dragon King with ease.”
“What? NO! You idiot! We are to capture the Dragon King! Blast it, Tsabu is, as always, a liability. I call all other commanders. Reach the Dragon King before Tsabu. I'll grant you… a good title this time. I'll grant you the title of Fidalgo.”
“Ergon already is chief of the tribes, so no need for noble titles. But while scouting in the desert, I've seem a path through the west of the dunes. Maybe someone can cut off Tsabu from here.”
DAY 39
“General, the Great Tsabu of Terra found a Dragon Utopia in the middle of the desert. He wonders if Dragon king is there for the slaying.”
“Do NOT kill the Dragon King you idiot!”
“General Chief Snob, Thundax going through passage wolf-pelt guy said. So far only found gem mine and a nomad tent in the distance. Incredible how many nomads make a living under the tyrant fist of the Dragon King.”
DAY 40
“The great Tsabu of Terra is almost reaching the Dragon Utopia. All that stands in his way is...”
“This is your last warning, vermin. Begone or else… no! This is not how it goes! Stop! Ack! Gah…”
“One round… hunt… hunneth thousand push-ups!”
“Is nothing! The great Tsabu of Terra will slay the foulest of beasts! How to celebrate? A hundred thousand push-ups? A hundred million? The possibilities for the great Tsabu of Terra are endless!”
“Thundax will stop Tsabu's dracocide! Only need to get past a few reds...”
“This not good for Thundax. A couple of Blacks are commanding this wing of Reds.”
“Luckily, Thundax came equipped with spellbook. Unluckily, this is the only effective spell Thundax can cast… Cyclopses, brothers! Fill with rage, for if Tsabu kills the Dragon King, this will have been all for naught!”
“We are on the offensive now brothers! Show your strength!”
“Waaaaaaagh! I kill you last because I like you least!”
“Thundax is victorious, but at a high cost. Too many brothers lost, again. Thundax not in a state he can stop Tsabu anymore. Maybe barbarian way needs to be changed…”
“Just as expected… Anyone else? Please? Is anyone competent in this ancients-forsaken island?”
“BLAGH! Good thing you asked, General. I'm tailing Tsabu, but the desert heat hasn't made it easy. And there's this group of mummies in the way.”
“Ugh, I hate to admit. But you're my last hope Mandigal. Stop that mad man.”
“Do not trespass, mortal. We are kings of ancient times, our bodies still bound to this world by the dragon king. Begone, or suffer the curse of the dragon king!”
“He he he. You know. I've always wanted to do this. I, Mandigal, call an Armageddon upon this land!”
DAY 41
“The great Tsabu of Terra has reached the Dragon Utopia, General. Victory is ours!”
“Tsabu, get this into your protein-saturated head: If you at all value your life, you are going to leave this Dragon City right this instant and surrender yourself to our dungeons.”
“Ah, the dragons have answered the great Tsabu of Terra's call for challenge! Can't turn back anymore, chief of the Snobs.”
“FREEDOM! TO SMASH!”
“Smash the Dragons and we can workout with impunity in this land!”
“Curse you to your hundredth generation and hundredth ancestor, Tsabu. You've ruined everything.”
“The great Tsabu of Terra is sorry, but now he has to capture the Dragon King.”
“Wait? What? Why? I mean, why now you listen to me?”
“Because chief of the Snobs said someone had to stop Tsabu from killing Dragon King. Since the great Tsabu of Terra was the only one within reach of the great Tsabu of Terra, it was easy, really. Besides, he wanted to know what a Fidalgo is. Oh, and Tsabu couldn't kill last of its kind.”
“Last of its kind? Wait, I've had a suspicion this whole time. I'm creating a dimension door to your area. If I'm correct.”
“DISPEL MAGIC! Hah! I knew it! The dragon king is the last of the purple dragons!”
“And I'd get away with it if it wasn't for you meddling warlocks and that stupid barbarian. My venerable kind was hunted down by dragon slayers to near extinction for our beautiful purple scales. Now that I am exposed, the purple dragons are no more.”
“Oh, boo hoo. Stop lamenting yourself, we are not here to hunt you. We are here to secure an alliance. Your secret will be safe with me and Archibald.”
“Do you truly mean it, mortal? Can I trust your word?”
“Sure you can. Naturally, I'll also require a monthly fee. To bribe people who might learn about you. I hope you understand.”
General Snob's Journal posted:
To Archibald the King of Dragons
I've conquered the Valley of Kings and found the Dragon King himself. Turns out, he is the last of the legendary purple dragons of Morglin's time.
I've sent him with a heavy escort, as well as properly chained, back your way, your majesty. He resumed the illusion of a lowly green dragon, but we now know the truth. He pledged to help if we keep his secret.
I am now on my way to take Roland's country lords. May your blessings show me the true way.
Your most tired powerful and capable subject
General Snob