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General Snob, Mission 1 The Makings of a Great Buffet



“After much deliberation and one-sided discussions with zombies, I ultimately decided the best course of action would be to ask Archibald for the gold and pocket it for myself.”

Day 1



“Three squabbling lords too busy with their own noses to notice a growing army within their borders? This will be too easy. Let's see who the Necromancer's guild assigned to direct my troops.”





“I'm here to serve our enemies for you”

“... What manner of creature are you? And shouldn't you defeat our enemies for me?”

“If you're not hungry, suit yourself. Some said I'm a ghoul as their last cries of terror. I say those 'some' were delicious with olive oil and cilantro.”

“Say... weren't you a ranger before you were turned into... whatever it is you are now? I distinctly remember a ranger called Rialdo who would teach pathfinding to whoever would pay him a sum of gold.”

“Dunno. I don't really know anything about pathfinding. Maybe he was someone I ate. Maybe I liked his name.”





General Snob's Journal posted:

Second journal entry in the Succession Wars, General Snob.

I entered the outpost of Sandcaster accompanied by Rialdo, that ugly creature. I asked him if the skull-shaped tower was really necessary since it didn't seem like a particularly sound architectural design, but he tried to assuage my qualms and told me the shape was of utmost importance, as it was a sion of power, whatever that is.

I could see that they already had an Excavation for their tireless efforts of digging up skeletons in order to be reanimated through their dark magicks. It was a good start, but the battlefield is always the best source of skeletons.

The fort itself is in good enough shape, I suppose, but it is as basic as it gets. Just some walls and an archer tower from where a dutiful zombie with only one eye keeps a lookout with a crossbow. He looked better raised than the others, or at least so I hoped. Anything more complex than their own hands is usually too complex for a zombie to handle.

The land itself around the outpost was dead and black, surrounded by deadly peaks of uncaring rock. The sky is permanently stormy and gloom. Say what you will about the necromancers, they really know their landscaping.




General Snob's Journal posted:

I asked the quartermaster what they could do to improve the outpost and he was excited to list it to me. He told me of grand but befuddling schemes of skull piles to make the reanimation process more efficient, Mansions to accommodate the aristocratic vampires and, if I could scrounge up the varied necessary resources, a laboratory dedicated to the delicate art of reanimating dragon bones.

That seemed like an adequate goal. The quartermaster looked positively uplifted by the idea of finally being handed the resources to bring that outpost up to code with the Necromancer's Guild.

Inside the outpost I saw two more men willing to take my gold in order to serve me and pledge their paltry followers to my cause. Though I'm really hesitant to call them “men”.




“Blagh! Pleased to meet you. I am... ZAM! I bid you... velcome. ”

“You're not from around here, are you?”

“I vas from a town called Portsmith. Lovely town, full of women, in a distant plan... place. A distant place. I vas, in fact, the only male in all town! Then a bunch of meddling transgendered adventurers and their dirty gnome ruined it! So I left in disgust.”

“I see... and the skin condition?”

“Vhat skin condition?”

“... Suit yourself and your delusions. And you, what's wrong with your skin?”



“Oh, I know. I answer for Halon and I do lack a healthy blue complexion.”

“You do look sick... wait, did you say blue?”

“It was a magic ritual gone awry. I expected to increase my magic reserves to levels never before seem in all Enroth and beyond! But that's what happens when you just substitute salamander eyes with a bit of virgin's tears. They all say that it is the same thing, but they are wrong. Oh. So. Wrong! And thus my beautiful, natural blue skin is lost forevermore. But my research keeps on and one day they'll see. They'll ALL see!”

“Right. I think I'll leave you two to each other's company for now...”



General Snob's Journal posted:

Perched atop the skull-shaped tower, I took the lay of the land. The mad scrambling everyone did with the declaration of the Succession Wars left lots of resources unattended. To the east I could see an abandoned sawmill, or so it seemed. Darting through the logs I could see the glimpse of the odd sprite. They must've murdered the original workers for their crimes against the environment and took residence in there to keep anyone else from cutting their precious trees. Too bad for them I really need some wood. Even worse for them too because I'd slaughter them anyway.

To the south I see glimpses of jewels and gold amongst the trees. Someone hid their spoils poorly and they are mine for the taking. To the west I see abandoned carts of sulphur from people who ran for their lives. Probably assaulted by the skeletons from the outpost. There's also a passage to the north, but my scrying can't tell me what lies that way.




Let's get back to Rialdo a second. He's a Necromancer, so he starts with 1 Attack, 0 Defense, 2 Spell Power and 2 Knowledge. He also starts with some Necromancer units and two secondary skills, Wisdom at basic level and Necromancy at basic level.

Necromancer's are the closest that Heroes II gets to a balanced hero, since they're almost as defined by their spells as they are by their troops. This still means they're more than twice as likely to increase Spell Power and Knowledge on a level up, at 35% chance each, than they are of increasing Attack and Defense, at 15% each. Every single other Magic-oriented hero has only 10% chance of increasing their physical primary skills while the Knights are twice as studious as the Barbarians at a still abysmal 10% chance of increasing their magical primary skills.

Let's expand a bit what Darth has already said: Each point of Attack skill from the hero is added to every single creature in his army, as well as each point of defense. For every point of attack greater than the defense of the defending creature, damage is increased by 10% (to a maximum of 200%). For every point of defense greater than the attack of the attacking creature, damage is decreased by 5% (to a maximum of 70%).

Each point of Spell Power directly improves the effects of spells. Damage spells are the most directly improved by Spell Power, being that each damaging spell has it's base damage directly multiplied by the hero's Spell Power. Other spells may not benefit from Spell Power at all, like adventure spells, or may benefit just a little, like buffs and debuffs, which usually last 1 turn of combat by point of Spell Power. This means that the first few points of Spell Power increases the effectiveness of buffs and debuffs by a great margin, but every point above 5 or so may as well be 100 for all the difference it makes.

Finally, each point of knowledge increases the Spell Points of a hero by 10. Unlike Heroes 1, you need Spell Points to cast spells. The system is slightly more complicated, but on average each point of Knowledge allows for a hero to cast about 3 Level 1 combat spells, 1.5 Level 2 combat spells, 1 Level 3 combat spell, 0.66 Level 4 combat spells and 0.4 Level 5 combat spells. Be mindful that all these spells now are cast from the same poll of Spell Points and the hero will recover only 1 Spell Point per day on normal circumstances. Staying the night on a town with a Mage's Guild will recover all the Spell Points of a Hero back to full, though.



Wisdom is necessary for a hero to be able to cast higher level spells, like Darth said. Unlike Heroes I there are 5 spell levels in Heroes II and without Wisdom you can only cast level 1 and 2 spells. Knights and Barbarians are unlikely to be offered Wisdom on level up, but all the other 4 factions already start with it. Basic Wisdom allows a hero to cast level 3 spells, while advanced and expert levels allow to cast level 4 and 5 spells, respectively.



All necromancers start with Necromancy and the only other hero type capable of learning it are Warlocks. Necromancy is a very powerful skill as it allows a hero to raise a percentage of killed enemy creatures in a battle as Skeletons. It can be a viable choice for Warlocks, as long as they are willing to take the large morale hit of having undead in his army (-2 morale) and is a central part of the Necromancers' strategy. At basic 10% of killed enemies are raised, increasing to 20% and 30% at advanced and expert. Some artifacts can also increase this total. In the start of a map this skill will mostly diminish your losses, but as the game progresses it will become your main source of skeletons, easily making them your strongest stack by the mid-game.



All Necromancers also start with a spellbook with Haste already learned. Barbarians and Knights must buy a spellbook for 500 gold per head.



Haste increases the movement of target creature by 2 for a number of turns equal to the Hero's Spell Power for 3 spell points. Haste is a useful spell for necromancers as it allows their shambling and generally slow ground troops to walk the distance better. Zombies are specially in need of some move and 3 spell points is not a bad deal. That's 3 turns worth of spell points, or only 1 with a certain secondary skill at advanced, as you recover 1 spell point a day.



General Snob's Journal posted:

After some consideration I hire the purple vampire, Zam, to my cause.


“You vill not regret it, boss! My troops are yours to command.”



“Good, give them to Rialdo. You can keep a single Skeleton to keep you company.”





General Snob's Journal posted:

“The quartermaster tells me that building a statue to honor the dead is going to make the lords more appreciative of my efforts and the vassals willing to pay more tithes to my cause so I give him the resources to build one.”




General Snob's Journal posted:

“After it is finished I seriously start to doubt the quartermaster's artistic talent. It is just a very tall skeleton, not even in a pose or anything. I'm pretty sure he just posed it like a demonstration skeleton used in Necromancy 101.”



“Rialdo, go and scout those sprites for me. How many are there?”

“There's lots of those little pests. They go very well with sugar, spice and something nice.”

“Lots? Can't you be more specific?”

“You know. 'Lots'. Like... 20 or 50 or something.”

“So... it can be as much as over twice your minimum estimate?”

“You're starting to look tasty yourself.”

“Alright, ignore them for the time being. I'll see if I can get some reinforcements. Twenty sprites are easily crushed, but fifty could be a problem.”



“In the meantime go and get that treasure chest I've scried to the south.”



“There are a 1 500 gold coins in the chest, General Nog. Should we take it or give to our vassals for fame?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course we take it all. For my plans to realize we... wait, what did you just call me?”

“Call what?”



“Forget it. Zam, you purple freak, go fetch me that abandoned cart of sulfur to the west.”

“ZAM, AVAY!”



“I can see some crystal further vest and an oracle's pond to the south, boss, as vell as some riches.”



“I found some metal men to the south, General Nugget. A pack of them.”

“Golems? Those are tough creations... I suppose a pack means more than ten. Don't disturb the golems. See if you can take some timber from the fairies without making them angry.”



“I can try, but I will not make it today.”

“Very well, make camp as close as you can. I'm going to get some sleep.”

Day 2



General Snob's Journal posted:

That's a suspiciously good baritone for a zombie.

Anyway, I need to get past those Sprites somehow. The quartermaster told me that their embalmed mummies would be a good choice for the task, sturdy and full of curses as they are. He also reminded me that we already had some Skeletons ready to be raised from the excavations. The only thing I can't wrap my head around is why in the Spinward Rim do they need an entire pyramid in order to embalm these mummies.


“Oh, otherwise it just wouldn't be proper.”



“You can't be serious that you can build an entire Pyramid so cheap in a single morning.”

“Outsourced zombies are surprisingly cheap and hard workers.”



“I'll be... That thing is twice as large as the fort itself!”

“I suppose there might be a smidgen of witchcraft involved as well.”



“I'll need someone to haul those skeletons and mummies all the way to Rialdo. Hey you, Halon!”



“Who dares to disturb me, the mighty and powerful... Oh, General Snob, what a surprise! Do you wish to hire me now?”

“Why have you only midgets in your employ? I thought you wizards were expert war-boar breeders here in Enroth.”

“Oh, we are... it is just... you know how some train and breed bulls to get an unstoppable bloodlust at the sight of the color red? The wizards get so much trouble with the barbarian goblins, stealing the odd pie and whatnot, that we breed our boars to absolutely lose it at the sight of green... and alas, I am somewhat at a disadvantage now when it comes to boars.”

“Splendid... and I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. On the part of the bulls, not your innate incompetency. Take these mummies to Rialdo.”

“Is that all you need me for? Why don't you send the mummies on their own?”

“Are you kidding me? They'll just shamble and stumble into the four corners of Enroth. I'm sure I can use you as a scout or something, now go.”



“Preserved food? It doesn't taste very good.”

“I'm pretty sure you're supposed to send them into battle, ghoul.”

“I wonder if green genie tastes like broccoli.”

“I think I'll be going now.”

Halon is a wizard and this is usually good, since they often start with a few very fast boars, making them good scouts. But that's not the case here, so Halon is just a mediocre scout at best with the slow halflings. They also start out with Advanced Wisdom, which can make a great deal of difference if you need someone in a pinch to defend a castle, since level 4 spells is where most of the meaty stuff is, even though they'll likely be able to cast them only once. Wizards would be much better if they had 3 Knowledge instead of 1 defense.



“Little butterfly ladies are annoying, stinging everywhere before you have the chance to give them a good whacking. I'll get my troops into a tight formation with the mummies protecting the skeletons and the zombies running interference spread beside them, forcing the little gals to be funneled if they want a piece of dem bones.”

Let's take a little time to overview our current army.



The Skeletons are the mainstay of the necromancers. Not only are they fairly sturdy for tier 1 units, they're very aggressively oriented, with high damage and attack. Not only that, necromancers get more skeletons with each battle, against any type of creature. Even against other undead or golems. You read that right. Only in Heroes III they made necromancy only work on proper living creatures.

Any necromancer strategy centers around the Skeletons and any anti-necromancer tactic centers around disabling them, so it is not entirely a bad idea to split them into two stacks against other players, once their stack is large enough.

It also helps that they're immune to most disabling spells, thanks to their undead status, making them immune to mind-affecting spells, good or ill. This also makes them immune to morale, good or ill, as well, but any living creature sharing space with an undead in an army is heavily demoralized, suffering -2 morale. Still, it is probably worth it even if you're with the Warlocks to pick necromancy up. It is not for no reason they're known as “dem bones”.



The shambling Zombie is somewhat important in the early game but falls short very fast. You're usually better off taking them out after you fill all spaces in your main hero's army. I always thought their stats were a bit counter-intuitive, with a high attack and low defense, lower than even the skeletons. Their damage is basically the same of the Skeletons, though, but they rarely reach anyone to munch on. Their speed is atrocious, but luckily the upgrade solves that... mostly. Their only really good point is their health, which is high at 15 and can get even higher, so in conclusions they're exclusively meatshields, nothing more.



A good step-up from the Zombie, they're still the second worst necromancer unit though. Balanced stats, being average at everything with lowish damage, their main advantage is their special.

Every time a Mummy attacks, being directly or through retaliation, it has 20% chance of cursing their victims, decreasing their damage potential to its minimum. The upgrade changes very little, but at least increases the chance of cursing to 30%, making it almost 1/3 of all attacks a cursing attack. Interestingly, both Bless and Curse are considered mind-affecting spells. Guess it is all a placebo effect then... though it is probably only meant to be so mechanically, since undeads are already cursed and obviously can't be blessed.



“Forty little ladies. Mummies, you better be worth your inedibleness.”

“Come sisters, the living dead threaten our new home where we can feast on bark in peace, we will not toler...”

“Wait, you eat bark? You holier than thou pigmy rainbow pukes, you killed these lumberjacks just to get an all-you-can-eat buffet!”

“Is that the foul one who commands the ghoul? What of it, you've murdered much more and will murder even more to come.”

“Oh, nothing really. The peasants are much easier to raise, but I guess I'll have to settle for you rainbow brites. Rialdo, eat as much as you please.”



“The little ladies, angry at not being able to overwhelm the skeletons, take it out on my mummies. It is ok, though. They can take the hits. Good mummies.”



“The zombies are being lazy though. I need to do something about them.”





“That's better. I summon a hurricane behind the zombies and now they are fast, afraid of the hurricane. This is smart, really smart.”

Heroes II has better animations for buffs and debuffs, though I was always a bit skeptical of the hurricane. At first I genuinely thought it was an attack spell of some sort when my grasp of English didn't include the word “haste”. The gust of wind effect from Heroes V works better, I feel.



“Sic them, skellies! Cut the little butterfly ladies, so we can butter them up later!”



“Other butterfly ladies get angry at skellies and try to avenge their friends. Poor skellies. ”



“I send the faster zombies after the butterfly ladies flanking the mummies. They said they tasted like chicken, which saddened them since they really wanted human flavored flesh. I think they taste like stringy butterflies, though.”



“The mummies get angry, or maybe just cross, and send a deadly curse at the butterfly ladies that survived the zombie's feast.”



“Despite my best efforts at protecting dem bones, only six skellies are left. ”



“But in the end, I am victorious.”



“The battle was hard, but I hardly feel I learned much here... Though the butterfly ladies were indeed great at the campfire with sugar, spice and... butter. Butter is definitely something 'nice'.”

Damn Sprites. Hate fighting them. They are stupendously annoying and get free hits on their first turn, but in the end they're worth crap-all of experience thanks to their abysmal hitpoints. I once cast Armageddon with a full army just so I didn't have to bother with fighting a Zounds...! of the pests.



“I did manage to scrounge enough bones from all the little ladies to get four skellies back. Yay! ”



“Fine, fine. You did good, Rialdo. Now go fetch that poorly hidden treasure chest to the west and tell me what else you find.”



“I found lots of gold in the chest. Do we keep it?”

“You're learning, Rialdo.”



“I see a pack of porcs to the northeast camping in front of an abandoned sulfur mine. They seem to like the smell. There's a well just north of me, which reminds me that I feel really thirsty. There's also a lot of lady rangers to the east, gossiping and braiding each other's hair I assume.”

“Huh, didn't peg ghouls to be misogynists. I guess I was expecting too much.”

“Oh, there's a itty bitty man in green past the trees to the southeast. I bet he goes good with some chianti wine and oysters. Can I?”

“Gods no! That's a leprechaun. Eat him once, and you can only take his gold once. Shake him down though, and you can come back to get more 'protection' money again every week. I'll send Halon to deal with him.”





“Zam, go take that gold to your south and visit the oracle. See what she can tell me of my enemies.”

“Your vish is my command!”





“The seer vas a blind old lady, General. She told us ve are the richest and that you command the most heroes and rare resources in the land. You also have the most loyal vassals paying you taxes.”

“Good, good. I knew I was the best.”

“She also told me that the lord who bears Green has the most mundane resources and the largest army in the land.”

“What? Err... I guess it is possible with the losses we suffered from those pesky sprites.”

“They can also be ground into a really sweet drink!”

“Get out of this scrying channel, Rialdo. I care little for your disgusting culinary skills.”

“At last she told me that the lord that bears Yellow colors is an aggressive knight and that his Hero is Teal'c. The one in orange has a purple lady vizard and is more passive. Finally, Green has a very angry lady commanding their sorceress armies, and they already have a group of elves, but she is also more passive.”



“Well, they're not going to give me any resistance if all they do is sit in their castles. Halon, go claim that sawmill. The quartermaster already has a host of saw-proofed zombies ready to start working there.”

“I guess that's all I'm good for? Taking the spoils while the cannibal takes the glory?”



“Are you really complaining about getting all the riches while someone else does all the work? Oh, and go rob that leprechaun already.”

“The matter would be different if I got to keep any of the spoils.”

Day 3





General Snob's Journal posted:

“The quartermaster tells me I need the Thieve's Guild permission before I can get any vampires to move into the area. Something about 'blood-sucking monsters quotas'. I think he mispronounced 'politicians'. But fine.”




“In order to get the Thieve's Guild approval I have to build a guild hall for them, the greedy sods.”

“They ARE thieves, what did you expect?”

“Fine! It is not like I have an oracle a day's walk away from Sandcaster to tell me everything I need to know about my enemies. Except for the fact that I do!”



“These politics are giving me a headache. And nothing better to cure a headache than to drown one's head in ale! Quartermaster, can we get a tavern built next?”

“Huh... the necromancers don't really appreciate alcohol and see no need to raise the morale of troops that need none to begin with, nor can really drink any ale.”

“You mean to tell me that...”

“I'm afraid we don't have the schematics for any kind of tavern. No-one would be willing to come to us to manage one... and the necromancers would likely just burn it to the ground if they found one made. So... no taverns, I'm afraid.”





“Oh, don't mind me. I'm just taking some gold. Is that... is that an Alchemist's Lab?”



“It is! And it is completely undefended! Vhat luck I have! I vill...”



“Vhat the devils? Oh... these goblins were just hiding among the trees. It's a lot of them... and vhat do they vant with mercury anyway... are they...? Are they drinking it? Dear Ancients! Oh, come now, I knew goblins vere stupid, but not that stupid!”



“Stop babbling to yourself and see if you can ransack their camp without them noticing.”

“I guess vith only one skeleton it vill be easy to sneak past. It is not like the mercury is doing the goblins any favors in regard to their intellect.”



“I go, I go, leprechaun robbin' now I... no, it doesn't really roll over the tongue, does it?”



“Sorry, wee mate. We need this gold more than you right now.”

“Ye hansacklin', 'ick limpin', forhea' growin', g'een 'astard ebe'atin 'reak!”

“Well, thanks! I'm much less sorry now.”



“Look General, the rangers are an order in charge of guarding a Shrine of the Second Circle! There might be a powerful spell hidden within, like Lightning Bolt! Also there are several trolls guarding the way to the southeast, surrounded by riches.”

“What are you waiting for? Take all the treasure you can while the trolls are looking the other way.”

“Fine, fine. But there's also a windmill to the south, housing lots of zombies. I think it was abandoned by a negligent necromancer... Ouch! That one was hit by the blade of the mill... but he got up like nothing happened... blissful idiots.”



“Finally reached the well! So, so thirsty. Hmm... tastes magically delicious!”

“If you've quenched your thirst, go north and tell me what you see, don't bout with those orcs... yet.”



“Found a lot of mutts. They seem lost, they took shelter in these stones.”

“That's a Stonehenge! Don't fight with the wolves yet, we've got too few skeletons and they like dem bones, but afterwards that shrine of power is going to make all of you very powerful!”

That's one of the new adventure dwellings in Heroes II like Darth_TNT already covered, the stat-giving shrines. The Stonehenge gives +1 Spell Power, absolutely free... but is usually guarded, of course.



“Look, there's a completely abandoned ore mine up in the northwest!”

“Ore? Must be stones and the works. This will be good. I don't know how we managed to build a Pyramid without mountains of this ore, but we surely need more. You've done good, Rialdo. Come back to the castle after claiming the mine, I'll send zombies to work in it shortly.”

“Hmm... zombies... the definitely-not-white-meat!”

Day 4





“Finally! Some vampires! Fearsome warriors of the night! At last, but not least, someone else I can talk to!”



“Blagh! Nice mansion you built there. Ve particularly like the run-down shutters. Gives it a very unique rustic feel, ve think.”

“We aim to please, of course. Have your noticed our eternal cloudy and gloomy skies? That takes more work than most realize!”



The Vampire is a huge step up from the Mummy. Much better damage, flyer and a great special: Vampires can't be retaliated against. Just like the Sprites, but on a much more dangerous body. They are also famous for their tuxedos, aristocratic arrogance and their greeting: BLAGH!



“Another day, another pile of gold. Hope you trolls don't mind! Wow, I really didn't know THAT rude gesture. And these stones are starting to drop fairly close.”



“Now, that's something. General, I found an observation tower! Shall we take advantage of it's scientific efforts to help us better wage war?”

“What do you think? If they so much as try to charge you for using it, toss them into the ocean.”



“Figures the dirty goblins vould stash even more mercury in their camp. Boss, this is as far as I can go vithout startling the mercury-addled goblins.”



“I can see some rogue-types leisurely having a get-together on a gazebo the other side of this lake.”

“Sod off, wanker! This here's our pond now. No bloody fairies this side of the country about to curb our merry derring-do.”

“Vandals and punks. I want that gazebo for ourselves! Get back, now you're going to scout north.”



“Aye, aye, boss.”



“A hundred zombies shambling on the mine's wall, one hundred zombies! You take one, then take a bite, and there's still a hundred zombies shambling on the mine's walls!”

“Rialdo, could you at least refrain yourself from eating the workforce?”

“No promises. They did promise us two tons of ore per day, though.”

“Marvelous, now come here and take these vampires. They seem anxious to get some take-out.”



“On my way, General Noodles!”

Day 5





“The Necromancers are pressuring me to convince you to build a Mage's Guild, General. Wherein your Heroes can learn new spells for the battlefield and outside it.”

“Why can't the necromancers teach those spells to my lackeys for free?”

“Oh, you know, these are not normal spells. They're fit for entire armies, it takes a whole host of necromancers to teach one of these within a day. And they need a nice place to lounge.”

“... I'll do it, but only because Rialdo is already here to benefit from it.”





“You want me to shoot an arrow from my WHAT?”

“Your tongue Rialdo. He said your tongue.”

“Oh, really? Damn, I was actually looking forwards to shooting arrows from my d...”

“Enjoy your pupil, you racketeering bastards! He's all yours now!”



You already know haste. Magic Arrow is the most basic offensive spell in the game. The damage is only 10 per point of Spell Power, but at least that's 1 ranger per Spell Power every 3 spell points, so it is not THAT bad. You can get a lot of mileage from it in the first week, but you better have something better as a magic faction from the second week onwards.



I already mentioned Curse with the mummies. The same as the Heroes I spell, but now it has a cool voodoo doll animation for the debuff. It reduces the target's damage to it's minimum possible for a number of turns equal to Spell Power. For 3 spell points this can absolutely cripple some creatures, like the Pikeman.



“Rialdo, the zombies are slowing you down too much. Take these vampires go forth unencumbered.”

“Bye, the other, OTHER green meat.”

“Go south and claim that Alchemist's Lab for our glory!”

“Yes! Silver water for a lifetime!”







“I can see everything! Well, everything within a two league radius, that is.”

“Report”



“To the south I can see an unguarded gazebo, just past a sulfur mine some ugly human archers have chosen to take residence. Humans really ARE as stenchful as they are ugly!”

“What's with you? You know what? I don't care. What else?”



“To the east there's a large band of Grand Elves guarding a sprite nest and some kind of artifact they've been enamored with. Some kind of eye. There's also lots of wolves making a home out of a king's ransom.”

“I'd rather not bother the elves before we have more powerful fliers. The wolves, though, could be easy pickings. Let's see what the mage's guild will reveal to us next.”



“There's a trading post to the northeast, just past the trolls. That can be a good place to go if we lack any particular resource.”

“There seems to be mines aplenty this side of the realm, but I'll keep it in mind.



“The mighty Zam continues his trek northvards! Oh, look, those goblins are guarding another gazebo. Fortune smiles to us!”



“Might as well take this treasure hidden among the trees... wait, what is that?”



“Hah! Those golems are not just randomly placed! They were made to guard an artifact of sorts hidden in the forest! Well, we are really making progress. I guess I'll just tail the cannibal and visit the gazebo when he clears the way.”

Day 6



“ Even after ditching the zombies I wasn't fast enough to get to the goblins before twilight, General Nougat. The mummies need to re-wrap themselves and the skeletons need to re-attach lost bones.”

“This is fine, just hold your position and assault them at dawn.”

“This means another day standing on my ass, though.”



“I see new riches for the glory of Archibald to the north, boss! Some of it even unguarded.”

“Take whatever isn't called for already, as well as what's been called for but isn't being well guarded.”



“You need a graveyard in order to build a Mausoleum for the liches to agree joining your cause, General.”

“And I bet you have a perfectly logical explanation for this kind of preposterous nonsense?”

“The liches refuse to go to war if they don't have a fresh supply of zombies and corpses, both for experiments and manpower.”

“This actually makes some sense. I guess using zombies as labor isn't as bothersome when you don't have a sense of smell anymore.”





“Though I'd much rather have more vampires right now. How does one arrange to do so?”

“Just build the well, of course!”

“You're all mostly undead, what does water have anything to do with anything else?”

“You'd be surprised at how much moisturizing is important to the keeping of one's preserved state.”

Day 7



“The original green meat!”



“Wee green men everywhere! They look a bit sick, though.”

“They here to take our vision water! Fight for Uhh... give us a second, will ya? ”

“Because they've been drinking mercury! Like you want to!”

“You mean I can cut the middleman and get silver water directly from their blood?”

“Ok, I think that was everything. Boyz, get them, keep the vision water! FREEDO ”

“You're actually adding a middleman there... A very stupid one.”



“War is a matter of patience more than a matter of action. I tell the pale-men to wait for the wee green men to separate before advancing.”



“Sic them, pale-man! Drink their green blood! But leave some to me.”

“Ve vill NOT drink their filthy blood. Ve are happy just tearing them limb from limb.”

“Suit yourselves, more for me.”



This is going well, go get those ones separated from the group, pale-man!”

“BLAGH! Your puny clubs are no match for our tuxedos!”



“Don't cover, little one. It von't help. BLAGH!”



“Now the mummies can have some fun too. Curse the little gits!”



“This was pest control. And lunch. Nothing to learn here either.”

Even though this was low experience, it was much more effortless than the sprites. Goblins award 50% more experience than Sprites but are about half as dangerous. Less even. This could be 50 goblins, and I'd probably still have no losses by having the vampires ganging up on isolated groups instead of separating them. This really shows the contradictions of the health-based XP rewards at it's basest level.



“Barely any good useable bones... That wasn't also edible.”



“Now defeat those rogues. How dare them skip and giggle on my gazebo at my meadow on my land!”





“Shank the bony Yankees, boys!”

“These rogues are fast! They're almost on top of my troops and I haven't even issued any orders!”



Fast and dangerous too. That may not seem like much, but rogues are tier 1 units. They are almost all offense, but their hit points are no laughing matter either, making them more resistant to spells than most tier 1 units. The fact they don't allow for retaliation is the last nail in the coffin, but two can play at that game.



“Skellies, get to safety! Pale-men, block these highwaymen! I'll send a magic arrow to the one closest to my precious skeletons. And it went through all four! Seems like we're having shish-kabob today. Hope you pale-men are ok.”

“They barely scratch us. Vait, that is getting kind of dangerous.”





“Double rainbow will never be as elusive and beautiful as the double magic arrow!”



“And that's the last of them. Good job, pale-men!”

“I actually felt that last one...”



“Didn't learn much yet, but I think I see someone who will teach me what these meals couldn't.”



“Shish-kebobed them too hard ”



“And that's how you can be honorable and valorous in the field of battle.”

“I dunno. This makes me hungry. Learning this only makes me mad that sometimes I'm so hungry. Those bandits were very filling though. You mean evil people are more palatable? I should be eating more bad people!”

“Eh... good enough I guess.”



Finally, Rialdo gains a level. He's got a choice between the Ballistics and Estates Secondary Skills, in addition to the normal Primary Skill gain. His unquenchable thirst and maddening eternal hunger increased his hatred of all things edible, augmenting his Attack skill in 1.

Ballistics simply increases the damage of your catapult when it hits the enemy walls. Darth_TNT surely wished this skill was present on his Heroes I LP, considering how blind his siege-masters were. As you increase this skill it can get really good. As far as I understand it, and this comes from personal experience since I can't really find a place that lists the mechanics precisely, each catapult shot does 1-3 damage on a hit with about 70% chance of hitting and each wall section has 3 hit points. The basic level adds 1 extra damage to the shots to a maximum of 3, the advanced level adds 1 extra shot per turn and at expert every shot does 3 damage. This is not enough to break the upgraded Knight walls though, which I believe to have 4 or 5 hit points, but is much more difficult to estimate. I do believe I once had to hit a section 5 times to finally bring it down without any skill.



Estates is also very useful. Interestingly, it doesn't really advance like the other skills. When it is at it's basic, the hero has a small estates that pays 100 extra gold every turn. At advanced and expert, this amount increases to 250 and 500 gold respectively. Considering how some factions are gold-hungry, this skill can be a must for Wizards and Warlocks to break even at the end of the week.

“Look what I found out, Rialdo. The quartermaster said you have a small estates here in the region, paying you taxes, and you didn't even tell me.”

“I found this place, I was hungry. I told them I'd eat them and they offered me gold to go away. I guess they kept sending me gold. It does make me feel a bit less hungry.”

“Don't feel ashamed, this is a matter of pride! Use the gold they already sent you to develop the estate so they can pay you even more! And from now on you're sending the gold to me, understood?”

“Now this makes me really hungry.”



“I've successfully ransacked the camp of a group of nomads. They seem to have some sort of arrangement vith the sprites guarding this crystal mine, since I found lots of crystals in their possession!”



“To the north I found a gold mine! The bad news is that it is home to a temperamental group of trolls. They like the gold so much they even lost their envy!”

“Why... exactly... do you say that?”

“They're not green anymore! They're brown.”

“They are war trolls. Sturdier, faster and meaner than their civilian cousins. Sounds like a challenge.”



“Well, now that the goblins are gone this laboratory is ours! What... what are you doing? Why are you sending zombies into the laboratory? They don't know alchemy!”

“They don't, but we stuff enough of them in there that they produce some mercury anyway, as well as a lot of noxious stuff that would kill anything else. It is like the principle of a thousand monkeys with a thousand feathers eventually writing a masterwork by mistake.”

“This is madness! Why aren't there any liches for this job?”

“Are you crazy? You know how much a lich charges to purify mercury?”







“Is there something wrong?”

“It is literally just a pile of skulls. How does a pile of skulls make it easier to raise skeletons? It probably only makes the process worse since now you have hundreds of skulls with no bodies.”

“It is more of a matter of organization, you see? We throw at the pile any skull we can't find a match to, but if we get a body with no skull, we look into the skull pile if we can salvage anything into it. It is sort of like a necromantic 'lost and found'.”

“And the metal flaming barrels?”

“To dispose of extraneous zombie limbs, of course!”

“Of course...”

I'll finish this update here. I know it was lengthy, but I got a lot out of the way.

Which way should I go first? Bolster my forces to take on the war trolls? Go east and ransack the Elves from their toy? Or should I go all the way east and southeast to explore further to the only direction left? Tell me with War Trolls, Grand Elves or Explore.

To be frank, I'd rather have had the Mage Ring. With it I'd just rush to a level 3 Mage's Guild and blow everything in my way building up my skeletons (well, unless I was screwed by the spell selection and didn't even get a Cold Ray). The starting area has more than enough resources to get things started with the necromancers, so I don't really need the extra gold, while Artifacts are like Pokemon: You gotta collect them all The knowledge scroll isn't of much use due to the fact the mission map is littered everywhere with magic wells.