Toggle Background Color
General Snob's Journal posted:
To Archibald the Cunning
As of this writing, I have finished counting my piles upon piles of gold pacifying the land for your rule. None of your neighbors will dare to rise against your legitimate ruleship again... and if they do, well, they'll just swell the ranks of your allies, the necromancers. One way or another, they'll serve your jeweled crown.
Halon, that green-skinned wizard freak, stood by Xanadu for days, trying to convince them he was already ready for the secrets within. And once he recovered his magic he just blew the door open with a Chain Lightning, barging in and demanding enlightenment. He later stormed off frustrated and disappointed. Whatever greater truth they hid within, it certainly didn't satisfy the wizard, who went off to pastures more resembling his skin-tone, I believe.
“They could 'fix' my skin, but only to give me a sickly, hideous, rosy complexion. I'd rather die than look like one of you pig-monkeys!”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Rialdo has been missing ever since the orange lord was decapitated. He feasted on the rest of the body and then left, into unknown lands. Some say he will emerge again one day when the necromancers have need yet again for a vigilante cannibal to devour their enemies. They say it is the hero they deserve and need.
Me? I prefer to believe he found a nice place, close to a village for a steady supply of food, and settled down. At least that's what I hope. I wish him to stay behind and for me to never meet that creature again.
“Yummy! What was that again? It was even more delicious than the last dish!”
“Kinderpotthast. Are you sure you don't want another serving of Brat-wurst? Or kinderkraut?”
“Keep them coming, lady. You're a very kind, very nice and very pretty lady!”
“Oh, you! And you are a very polite horrible monster. Don't give it any of your mind, it is just a little magical ritual called 'disposing of evidence', my dear. We are both very useful to one-another.”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Zam was adamant that he wished to follow me for greater glory, which I allowed, but the next day his coffin was empty with nothing but a letter stuck in its lid by a dagger. It simply read “The garden-critter left CRON. Meet me at the portal. Bring seasoning. Signed – Z.”
“Brother Zom, I vill not fail you! I vill not fail us! Vith that filthy creature out for grabs, ve'll be able to question it for the vhereabouts of its friends. Revenge vill be ours!”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Sandro somehow smelt most of the artifacts I gifted him and performed some kind of ritual with them. He assured me they were going to be put to better use this way and in my foolishness I believed him.
The next day he and that young-looking chained sorceress of him carrying a brush or broom vanished! Along with all of our skeletons! I believe that was the purpose of the ritual, to take control of the armies raised in this land. I've placed a reward for his capture, as this kind of behavior is beyond unacceptable.
“Come, bone-brush girl. You need to increase your pace, or else I'll just zombify you and leave at that, if you can't keep up. The raw magic power I've harvested from the artifacts will dissipate in a matter of days and we cannot abide such waste.
“We've been walking for hours! My feet hurt! And my hands. And my belly. Can't I take a break? At least a bathroom break? We living have our limits. I'm about to burst!”
“Hmm... the skeletons are soon to join us. Very well, I'll relinquish to the weaknesses of your flesh. Be warned, though, if you try to escape my binding spell is going to cut your legs at your knees, so you're unlikely to get far. I have to make sure the ritual will point me towards the Blackshard or the Yawning Dead, anyway. I cannot afford any mistakes now.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz1g30lNtt4
General Snob's Journal posted:
I've received your orders through the amulet. I'm in the process of discussing it with my advisors.
There's a barbarian warlord that is willing to be the one to unify the tribes, in the name of something he called the “WAAAGH!” (capitalized, he assured me).
A necromancer told me that it would be a prime chance to restore the armies the lich stole from us, as the barbarian armies leave excellent corpses for the reanimation process.
And one of your warlocks advised me that this is the time to show might and strength, that we should corral the barbarians like the animals they are with an Inferno of Dragons (that's what he told me was the proper collective term, here in Enroth).
Right now I'm deliberating in the choice as they offer me ever more interesting favors for the chance to be the ones spearheading this venture into barbarian lands. I'll return to you when one of them finishes convincing me.
Your assuredly still loyal servant
General Snob
This is a resource poor map for us, that's all I'm going to say. Vote away, Goons! Will we choose the Barbarian warlord to unify his tribes, the Necromancers to help swell their ranks, or the Warlock for a good, old-fashioned show of force?