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General Snob's Journal posted:
To Archibald the Outrageously Coiffed
The subjugating of the Barbarian tribes to the north was an unmitigated success! We’ve put the fortress you bought to good use and now… *siiiiigh*… Westfork is a bastion of stability and strength on the otherwise wild and lawless borders of the Frozen Highlands.
Ergon is taking control of the region and the barbarian warlords located therein. He told me he’ll provide assistance and offer the Barbarian hordes to support our cause for the remainder of the campaign.
“I will also provide to the alliance the sum of 10 000 gold coins every week, as agreed.”
“That’s right. And I… we are very grateful for your financial support.”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Flint, the Genie, rejoined with his peers. I allowed this because I really couldn’t care less what they end up doing. The Genies are formidable soldiers, but a bit too unreliable.
“Now, now. You have to learn to speak to Enrothians like you give a damn, otherwise they’ll never accept us in their society. Haven’t you heard that the Wizards of Bracada, in Antagarich, are about to grant Genies full citizenship? The only thing keeping us from it is that they deem us too arrogant. The WIZARDS think of us arrogant.”
“But these carbon-based lifeforms utilize outdated software into their arcane hardware. They are beneath our judgement.”
“There! Stop calling them that! It is demeaning, even if you use that term on locals that have no idea what it means.”
“So what are we supposed to call them?”
“Oh, you must be joking. No? Your programming wouldn’t allow that? Good grief, the Ancients really screwed up on us… Of course they much prefer to be called pink-monkeys. Then adapt according to their features. There are the stocky pink-monkeys, the short pink-monkeys, the point-eared pink-monkeys and those we just worked for were the uniquely colored orange-monkeys and green-monkeys.”
“What about the one-eyed crystal-focusers? Orange-gorillas? Orangerillas?”
“Ancients no! These are the Cyclopses.”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Tsabu, that freak, thanked me for the satisfying work but regretted only taking part in the logistics end of it. Then vanished into the sunset. Perhaps to never return.
“I’m still here! I’m training your troops in the difficult and noble art of single-digit-push-ups!”
“Perhaps to never return!”
General Snob's Journal posted:
“Finally, Jojosh has taken his servants to the southeast (curiously, he seems to lose more and more servants every day. Perhaps he just works them to death, but I fear his taskmasters are not doing their jobs properly and letting them escape.) He said he was pursuing new culinary locales. A man with strange tastes. He did leave me a stew. It was… odd tasting. Still, no finer man have I ever seem in our ranks. That one is loyal to the bone.
“I wonder if Roland’s general is also hiring. I could use the extra gold while I’m testing the ‘Thousand-and-one Ways to Cook Woodland Inhabitants’.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEYOKwIts0I
“I have a decision to make. It has come to my attention that Roland has struck an alliance with the king of the Dwarves. I am certain that you recognize the potential danger this alliance presents to my… our position. At the same time I have received a plea for help from the Necromancer's guild. It seems the Wizard's guild has moved against their ancient rivals while they believe the royal forces to be otherwise occupied. The question I put to you, my general, is: shall we shatter the Dwarven alliance, or shall we rescue the Necromancer's guild?”
“That’s a tough choice. The Barbarians hate the Dwarves, especially the Ogres, and it’d be a boon to trash any dwarven plans. On the other hand, the Necromancers did prove themselves valuable allies. And we kind of owe them for their support.
“If you choose to aid the Necromancers, you’ll accompany one of my Warlock advisers to re-take their guild headquarters from the Wizards. This being a response to their offensive, I fear you’ll have to do without a base of operations. You’ll have to siege and conquer a castle or village in the area and work from there. I do not guarantee that you’ll find one of ours. It’ll possibly be one belonging to the wizards.
Be it as it may, General, I’ll grant you one of the following boons to aid in your mission. Either two thousand gold coins to get things started once you do conquer a town or help you bribing some troops, or I’ll personally teach the Warlock you’ll accompany how to curse the whole battlefield with a single spell, or you may take with you both a helm that confers you and your troops a limited aura of protection. If you are victorious, the Necromancers will offer for us to hire a veteran member of their guild into all future campaigns, one that answers for Brother Brax.
If you instead choose to crush the Dwarves, I’ll let you choose one of our fortresses in the region to launch your attack. I have one of the Necromancers’ guilds in the area, your fellow Ergon built a new fortress in there as well, and one of Alamar’s old keeps in the area can be repurposed for our needs. If you are successful, the Ogre King agreed to forever be in our debt and offer the allegiance of all ogres of the continent to our cause. If one of our subordinates carrying my banner ever walks into a marauding ogre party, they’ll drop whatever they’re doing to offer to join our ranks. Now choose wisely. You have a few days to make your mind.”
It is yet again your time to choose, goons! This time it is a double-vote. First, choose which mission to go, Dwarves to crush the dwarven alliance that Darth TNT will have such trouble building, or Necromancers for us to instead kick some wizard arse with their own troops.
Then followed by which boon we will take. If Dwarves, follow by either Barbarian, Necromancer or Warlock, and we’ll get all neutral ogres to join us for the remainder of the campaign!
If Necromancers, follow by either Gold, Curse or Helm to give us a quick-start in helping our undead friends and acquiring a neat level 5 hero to hire in every mission (though we do need to pay to hire him, unfortunately, and if we miss him at the first week he is gone for that mission, I guess he’s not very patient).
That’s all I will share about the mission. I don’t care what you choose, really, though I suspect you might have a preference here. I’ll just say that in one of the options we will be treated with one of Archibald’s best monologues in the entire game. No mean feat.
Oh right, voting is until Monday, so get to voting, though as usual we'll call it early if something takes a clear lead.