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General Snob, Mission 3, Part 2, Dorfs Abroad
DAY 15
“Well, that's a good sign, if I ever saw one.”
“How much did you pay to get that out of the astrologists?”
“Pay? Pah! One does not need to pay for such basics. As the saying goes, speak softly and carry a minotaur with a big stick.”
“Watching the stars to discern the future is a task of folly from weaklings. Reading the cracks in the walls is a long time-proven way to know one's future.”
“Oh, is that so? And how does it work?”
“Simple. You follow the walls of the dungeon. When you see a crack, it means violence is not far.”
“You have gone a long way. Please allow us to teach how to reach your objectives faster still.”
“Fine, I will not FEED you to my hydras, then. Spoil SPORT!”
“From the OBSERVATION tower I've found a true sight to behold. A Dragon City, Drocotopia, DRAGON Fort is located right there in the middle of the realm! That's where all these dragons bullying DWARVES came from!”
“If it's all the same, I'm claiming the sawmill you slobs just left abandoned for the enemy to take. If Alamar was in charge, such slight would not be left unpunished.”
“Some little man whines in the distance. It matters little when there's slaughter to be made and Minotaurs to carry it out!”
“Och, lads, we have to protect this portal from that iron-plated forehead sissy!”
“For that alone I curse you and your entire lineage a hundred generations down the line! You'll all be sissies!”
“Reamed from both sides by large, muscular bull-men? No better way to go!”
“Hmm… my curses need some work.”
“Agh! You had ONE job! And you let them in!”
“Quit your whining. Here. Dead. Now go back to shooting with your lady hands.”
“These lands are strange indeed and these dwarves are soaking my spells with ease. I have to learn more about its rituals and practices to keep up!”
“Give me my reinforcements, you cur! That's it, two more minotaurs? What you expect me to do with just that? Go back and bring more, while I go peek what's behind that portal.”
“Oh, fine, might as well. Alamar wouldn't do something as idiotic as taking a measly army before entering a portal...”
“Oh… that's quite a number of golems… I was expecting another group of dwarves. And that's Astra with nothing less than a horde of munchkins approaching. We should probably go back...”
“WARNING, WARNING. INTRUDER DETECTED. DO NOT MOVE, DO NOT MOVE, STAY IN PLACE AND OUR MASTER WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO SORT YOU OUT. ENTER THAT PORTAL AND WE'LL DISABLE IT DURING YOUR TRIP. TRY ANYTHING AT YOUR OWN RISK.”
“Mudgoblins! Seems I'm stuck here… if only I knew the coordinates for a Lloyd's Beacon in this wretched world!”
“Time to shine, Arie! Make good use of these short poms! Horsie-men, the land is ripe and it earns for blood! Or rust! Or bolts and gears! Oh, just kill something.”
“You know what, shorties, you have my blessing too. Cut these machines to sell them for parts!”
“Good shot, that was!”
“All for one, all for shorties, Arie's blessing will pierce those buckets!”
“Good one, griffins! Extra live rats for ya! Now that's only one to cut down and claim victory, it is!”
“What about us, lad? We've done most of the work!”
“Fine, fine. You get extra live rats as well for your rations.”
“That's one gem mine for our masters and look what we have here!”
“What do you say, Jadamian bastard? This breastplate was made to fit to Morglin Ironfist during his ascension as a gift from the Wizards, who remained neutral during that war lest they face the wrath of the powerful Warlocks. Now that the Wizards have created the Titans the scales are balanced again, and the goodies don't need the extra help anymore. Nevermind how I acquired such artifact from the halls of the Ironfists, for a measly 3000 gold I'll...”
“Attack, Griffins, I've found your dinner!”
“Barbarians, all of you! Now, I want 5 crystals, in addition to the gold.”
“How the hell did you get that high on the branches? Oh, I get it, you're the Master of Wizards, the Dungeon Master, that wee fella. Sorry for that, then. Here, take your fill and lead me to adventure!”
3 Defense is nothing to scoff at, especially when magic heroes are involved.
“Leave us be, tamer of monsters, and we'll teach you the secret to overcome death after death had already been overcame.”
“Wait, what is that? Double necromancy? Are you sure you're priests? I mean, that guy's arm just fell off!”
“Oh, that's brother Larry. Pay him no mind, he's just a leper. And father Skullface is just fighting some bad case of flesh-eating bacteria. Nothing to worry about.”
“Eh, seems legit enough to me. If I can't get mad at that dark elf who sold me shrimp that really, really weren't shrimp, I can't get mad at anything much, really.”
Animate Dead: It restores and brings back to unlife 50 times your spellpower in health to an undead stack (for reference, that's 12.5 skeletons per spellpower, 2 liches or 0.33 Bone Dragons). Cure is neat for its ability to take away debuffs, but it's actual healing effect really falls short when resurrecting effects are ten times as effective. Not really useful here unless I learn Necromancy with Arie.
“Time to make amends for past mistakes. Have a tavern built at once!”
“Master, the tavern is operational. The innskeeper says something about a powerful artifact in the snow. Will you humor the delusional fool?”
“I will not waste my time digging up all the snow in dwarfopolis without an obelisk. Tell him to sod off. Then tell him to come back and fill me up.”
DAY 16
“That sorceress ran towards the south and the east. Seems she didn't want a fight. Guess I'll take the ore mine and visit the mercs.”
“So the highwaymen also hired a small-time necromancer wimp to PROTECT their alchemy lab? How DRAB! Hydras, the blessing of a thousand DEAD, cold rocks in space demand for vengeance! Will the walking dead MAKE a stand?”
“It SEEMS not! Did I mention that Hydras are USUALLY scavenging creatures?”
“This is our turf, wankah. Turn around and we may allow you to live.”
“Let's SEE. If thirty sulfur-addled ROGUES try to gouge at my hydras' eye, will they manage to slay even a single one?”
“OF course not! Die in pain and MISERY, overachieving pickpockets! Your sulfur is now ours to lure great REPTILIANS FROM THE SKY!”
“Barok's not handling his work as delivery-boy with efficiency. I need someone else. What? No other Warlocks to pledge their services? I have to choose between two girls of questionable allegiance?”
“I'm sick of these dwarves and their rudeness. Take me and I pledge my sprites and the lives of a few dwarves to your cause so that they can finally learn some humility.”
“Pfft. Pass.”
“Pick me and my conscripted peasants will...”
“So… Sprites you say.”
“Very well. Take these troops and send them southeast, I'm sure someone is going to need these. Oh, and before you leave.”
“Yes?”
“Feed your sprites to the Hydras. They're a useless nuisance.”
“Might as well call for a captain to keep guard in this castle, with the people going out all the time.”
“Oh, thank you, master. I appreciate the gesture.”
“You're the captain? You're already here, why don't you protect the castle without your quarters.”
“Either I offer my life and sleep at the barracks with the Centaurs, or I offer my life for nice, lit, clean room. No true warlock would settle for the former.”
“The witch's chopped through the golems like they were made of paper. I don't have much of a chance here, but I can weaken her forces.”
“Last time your commanders slipped through my fingers, scourge. But I will not make the same mistake twice! Die a painful death!”
“She remains scary, it seems. Do what you must, as long as you don't spend any Minotaurs in the process.”
“My Centaurs are at a significant disadvantage here. Minotaurs, you better rally and kill the faeries.”
“You dare to not scatter and flee after the swing of our ax? Then you have no-one to blame but yourself for your folly. We might die in battle, but you, little girls in guise of insects, you'll soften our footsteps in our journey to the next life!”
“Don't need to be dramatic, men. Astra, dear, that's your name, right? Well, I offer you my surrender. Give me and my troops safe passage and, say, is fourteen hundred gold enough for you to look the other way?”
“You take me for a fool, treacherous azure elf? You'll not leave these lands unharmed under my… what? No… you can't! The last person to give this general a pass suffered dearly because of… what do you mean your treasury is broke? I… I… FINE. You can have your safe passage. But may the ancients have mercy if you ever cross my path again, worm.”
DAY 17
“What a rude woman, clearly doesn't recognize her betters. Reminds me of some other lady I'm traveling with.”
“Traveling with? You mean, traveled with, certainly. You're under my employ right now.”
“Oh, quite right. Sorry. It is the age, you know.”
“I should take the advice from the mercs to heart and slaughter the dwarves that block the way back, I should.”
“Ye Jadamian bastard. How dare ye enslave and 
”
“Good eye, horse-people. That's why you're such a proud and dignified race. No, you may not drop your bow and equip spears. You love your bows so much, why would you?”
“These lands lack wells and only a few of these short-pom villages even have a mage's guild. I shouldn't run dry so fast, better make sure I master the rituals of renewal.”
“My scrying crystals don't lie, that's the one who escaped me! She's taking refuge at another dwarf settlement in the snow.”
“Give me THE hydras! Here, you can take this USELESS trinket, the almighty WRATHMONT has no need for trinkets.”
“She's trying to reinforce at some dwarven cottages, Slob. I'll not let this stand!”
“That's one troll-load of dwarves! I think I know who I'll curse. What the? My little doll, it does nothing to the wee poms!”
“That's not right. Goyles, freeze their lil girlies. Centaurs, you have my blessing again.”
“That's not good. She's warding and boosting that dwarf with everything in the book!”
“The referee is in, sister. He declared your move illegal and overruled it.”
“You Jaudie bastard! Do you know how much magic you just destroyed! How dare you?”
“Sorry, brothers, but yall just exposed yer flanks, and Arie's been leading us to great glories!”
“It pains me to, but in order to assure victory… eagles, dive into that horde of little men! Drag them in! Achieve… victory!” 
“Oi, I told you to stop with the wards! My pretties did not die to fuel your magics!”
“It might be all I have, but this volley of arrows from my tongue should seal my victory!”
“That was a heavy toll. Too heavy.”
“Hey, we're still alive and kickin'”
“Too… too heavy.”
“So that's how she managed to whiff my curses!”
“This too? Good thing she didn't manage to escape with her loot. It goes a little way towards dulling the pain.”
“That's it. I've been nice for too long. When I go back… I'll not leave a single rock standing! I'll rain doom over their precious little heads!”
“Outta my way, poms! This village of your is mine now! Ostoroth? What a nice name!”
“And don't mind me while I plunder all your lovely pillows!”
DAY 18
“I was truly tin-arsed, General Slob! If that Carlawn had been able to reinforce, it'd all be cactus now. But that lady Astra is still coming this way and I've got a feeling this'll be a gutser if I show up only with these shorties under my belt. I'll go north to reinforce, chief Slob!”
“Begone creature MADE of metal! All I want is the compass that serves as your BEATING heart, and I will HAVE it! Hydras, you have the Blessing of all the heads yet to be born to tear this monstrosity APART!”
This was a calculated move. I calculated that the Hydras would do a max damage of (10 attack – 8 Defense = 0,9 . (12 .7) = 84 . 0,9 =) 75,6 damage. Two blessed attacks would be enough to take the giant, or else I could be forced to heal which is a more expensive spell (remembering that the Giants could do up to 42 damage with each attack. But alas, I forgot to consider Wrathmont's defense skill, but the giant still could do 39 damage per attack and still had a chance to kill a hydra if it had the chance to land a second attack).
“So, what contraption is THIS? One hundred and three point eight EIGHT five spinwards, fifty three point three three seven rimwards? This is MADNESS! I LIKE it!”
“Here are your monsters. Hope they choke on you after they are finished choking on dwarves.”
“Ah, most appreciated, my dear. These reinforcements will be put to good use.”
DAY 19
“General, one of the sorceresses has emerged in a ship from a whirlpool in the lake to the south of Sansobar. I'd advise to intercept her before she tries anything clever. Or as clever as these amateurs can come up with, at least.”
“Oh, don't worry your little head. I've just finished with something that will be quite a welcoming party!”
“General, you must come quickly. They're everywhere.”
“I hope by 'they' you mean dragons and by 'everywhere' you mean at our Dragon...
“Some of them are at our Dragon Tower. Does that count, General? I've spotted them while I was burning the sulfur to bait the Greens.”
“By Crag Hack's unwashed underoos! I told that woman to dispose of these pests! Now they've nested. Great! It'll be almost impossible to get rid of them now, no matter how much the Dragons and Hydras feed from them. They wreck any exotic ecosystem they're introduced to. I sincerely don't understand how these witches stand these things.”
“*Giggle* Come and play with us! We swear you won't be harmed! ... Much.”
“I have no choice now. I'll have to improve the Mage's Guild and hire some pyromancers to exterminate them before they reach critical mass.”
“You lured me here, mortal. The burnt sulfur is enticing, but it is not a trick we are fond to fall for. Make it worth my time or...”
“Monster! Unnatural! You'll never leave…”
“Hmm… I am inclined to admit. The bite-sized meal is a nice perk here. Cleverly, it also made me less inclined to feast on you, I notice. What else do you offer, lest my interest wane and my hunger renewals?”
“Oh, feel free to feast on these pests all you want, mighty wyrm. Just a pity we can't deep-fry them for your greatness' preferences, but I'm sure you'll have no trouble heating them yourself. I also humbly offer a mighty sum of gold to ask that you'll pledge your insurmountable might in the service of the Warlocks, like the Great Purples once did, in the Age of Alamar, the insufficient.”
“The sum you offer is acceptable, vermin. Barely. The father of the one you work for may have vanquished the Purples to their last, but our breed is not so frail of will. We will not fall to mere monkeys clad in steel or woodland dwellers. Our fiery lungs will scorch this pitiful land to the last of the ugly molemen.”
“Oh, thank the ancients! A wretched force of warlocks threaten this land, lady. With this spell, rally the slow-of-feet dwarves and protect this sacred land!”
“Yeah. I'm totally serving the Blue Lady of the Dwarves. These evil, evil warlocks won't know what hit them. So, is this part 'alakazam' or 'avada kedavra'?”
DAY 20
“Gah, fine, you can channel your power through the Stonehenge! Just keep the hydras far, far away from us!”
“These STONES! SO magnificent! How did you do to stand them LIKE this? Your magic must be powerful… or ELSE… aliens!”
DAY 21
“The second floor of the Mage's Guild is finished, General. On this isle you'll find freezers, zappers and some handy tips on how to slay your dragons.”
“Excellent! Have the pyromancers, especially that one singing all the time, learn Lightning Bolt and start cleansing this place. We can't have Archibald come in here and find one of his castles teeming with such filth.”
“Here are your reinforcements, Jadamian loon. Also, this powerful necklace will channel and amplify your magics. Please do leave a smoldering crater among our enemies for me.”
“Now I'm feeling more like a scrap. Especially with the bullmen backing me up in the field! I will avenge Ostoroth! Astra will not hold it for much longer!”
DAY 22
“Eh, fine. Raven is fine. As long as I'm not hit in the face with the Month of the Dwarves or some similar bullshit. Every time it feels like I'm making progress some other witch surrounded by munchkins block my commanders. This won't stand.”
“Come on poms! Take the pointier hats. You're not country poms anymore! You're something more. Something grander! You're pointy poms! Also, leave the red and don the glorious blue!”
“The hydras have feasted on the bones of a GROUP of skeletons, master. It was a slaughter, hardly worth REPORTING. Except the skeletons had some NICE tennis rackets! Now I have something to wear in the cold WEATHER!”
“Oh, their bones were scattered around THIS cart. The centaurs say they can't EMPTY the cart of its arrows. Don't worry, grand Slob above, I will FIND a way!”
DAY 23
“You're outnumbered, sheila. Better to give up now than face humiliating defeat!”
“Coward! Always you run, always you plead, but you do so only to later stab us in our backs when we are turned!”
“More fun this way, anyway. Good sheila!”
“Worry not, brave ones. My magic will keep you safe and sound. I haven't abandoned you yet!”
“Bad sheila! These short poms are hard to crack as they are, you are NOT taking the fun out of this, you're not!”
“Jaudie bastard! How dare you break my charms!”
“Come on, shorties. You're front and center on this. I'll leave the honor of the first charge to you. Don't let me down.”
“Uuuugh! This is taking forever! You know what, everyone, pile in. Let's show these tough nuts how we crack them, Jadamian style!”
“That's better, but still slow. Still time for you to give tail, sheila!”
“Fuck that! I'll take as many of you I can with these useless tin cans!”
“Och! This is no way to treat loyal men in the front...”
“Fine, you took a few more of me critters. See if I care! (Goodbye, sweet griffin ) You're still done. Now begone!”
“Now, that's one handy and handsome coin she had in her tent!”
“Eh… I mean, it is alright, but… eh...”
The Lucky Coin gives +1 luck, which is always useful. The Pendant of Free Will, on the other hand, gives your troops immunity to the most powerful useless spell in the game. I could hang on to it but… it is unlikely that I will find a Sorceress with the spell, much less one who'll get a good chance to use it.
“That's it! It's decided! I'll burn this land to cinders! As soon as I find someone who can teach me the great spell of reckoning!”
“GENERALISSIMO! This tree here ASKED me to fill it's mouth with gold. As I poured coins into it, it MOANED in ways that made me feel used! I now vow to avoid all trees, of all sizes, and CUT the ones that refuse to leave my way!”
“Did you do WHAT with MY gold?”
“Begone, savage! Don't bring your monstrosities within these holy walls! Leave your pets outside or we'll be forced to paralyze them!”
“Paralyze, YOU say? That's a NEAT trick. It'll be the PERFECT weapon against some perverted trees that I seem to bump into.”
“You know what? Close your mouth. Do not speak. We'll teach the spell, just do not profane our halls with any more of this nonsense!”
“That is quite enough, old magician. Your services are being appreciated.”
“Hmm… you've learned how to treat your peers with respect. There's a greatness not unlike Alamar, I think, in you.”
“Alamar, you say? I've heard that name before, from travelers of a distant land called Varn. I wonder if this is that Varn they spoke of.”
DAY 24
“That's nice of you, lady. Unfortunately, there wasn't much it could be done. You intruded into this beastie's territory, it'd follow you to the edge of the world. Neato cloak, though. There were some sprites in a Crystal mine nearby, but they took off when my minotaurs started weaving their axes menacingly. Hope it wasn't your mine, because it is ours now.”
This is the Ice Cloak, which reduces the damage your units take from ice magic in half. There are only two ice spells, though, Ice Ring and Cold Ray, but they're common enough threat to make this cloak worthwhile.
“What, do I look LIKE a fool? I don't want an infestation on my HANDS. Leave or PERISH!”
“Eh, they were hungry anyway.”
“Wait, you're HIS father? I THOUGHT this was a witch's hut he had escaped from! Rats above, is my FACE red right now.”
Medal of Courage is one of several morale increasing artifacts. Warlocks have a hard time getting good morale, so this is a good find, even if it is too late for a necromantic strategy.
“Ack! This gem mine is occupied by dwarves in GROUPS of seven! This cannot STAND. Hydras, I BLESS you with the gratitude of the witch I didn't find. End THIS blasphemy!”
“Heigh hoooo… are those goddamn hydras?”
“Ah, general, the clueless piratess has landed. Don't worry, she won't stay long. That's the time for a proper show of force, don't you agree?”
“I knew you warlocks would come to us once again controlling hideous, unnatural...”
“What? This is no time for parley. Go ahead. Feel free to return the favor in kind against my dragons. Oh, wait, I guess you can't.”
“You use your stone servants to absorb the spells of my druids? That's cheating! Druids, dispatch of these hideous monsters with the blessings of the sun and moon!”
“Oh, I shouldn't. I've already gorged myself at the tower. Oh… a few dozen more snacks wouldn't hurt my opulence too much.”
“Hell yeah!”
“Witness! Witness my friends! Kastore rides all shiny and chrome alongside true majesty!”
“I'm going to go ahead and assume that's a racist commentary. Shouldn't really expect better from a Jaudie bastard.”
“Greens might be somewhat sluggish in their reactions and not as ironclad tough compared to their fearsome peers, but they're almost on the same level of strength as any of them. They soar high over the battlefield and blast en force amid enemy formations, their breath roasting anyone careless enough to stand behind their prey. They are the Apex Predators of Enroth… or rather, they were, until the wizards figured how to animate mountains of bronze and steel into some terrifying sights in the battlefield. Anyway, they are still only about evenly matched, but even the Titans' lightning is not as destructive as a dragon's breath! Well, as long as either can bank their aces, Titans are prohibitively expensive to build and dragons… well, they're prohibitively expensive to be open to any suggestions that don't conclude with you being the main course, at three thousand gold and one entire cart of sulfur.”
“If that wasn't enough, a dragon's scales are impervious to just about most spells, especially those created for the battlefield. Unfortunately, we cannot bless or cure them either because of that, but that's a low cost to pay. Dragons, single handedly, are usually capable of dealing with anything that stands in their way. Paired with a powerful warlock to blast away everything else, they're nigh-unstoppable! Just be careful when you divide them in your army and their positioning. Clever foes will use their breath against you and, unfortunately, Dragons are not invulnerable to their mighty breath of death.”
“You roaches skitter and scatter among our feet, dreaming of downing your betters for temporary glory? You disgust me on levels beyond your feeble and ignorant comprehension.” 
“Och… we might not be enough to down that beast. But we can still cut ya stone devils into rubble!”
“Nooo, pleeease, stooop, doooon't… pff, they've already served their purpose. You can cut them down and build stone huts with the pieces, if you're so inclined to do so while under attack from a dragon. But I guess my priorities are different from yours.”
“The last insect, charred and carbonized, bones indistinguishable from the molten metal of their iron suits. A form more befitting such pathetic attempts at life.”
“This is not the end! You think you've triumphed, but your greed and lust for power will be your demise, when these monsters have no-one else to burn but their masters...”
“Psh… not my problem. This is just a visit, for me. Not really interested in what happens to Archibald or anyone else when this war is over. But thank you, for this instructive experience.”
“Are… are you mocking me? I really can't say!”
“No, I assure you. This was a most enlightening event. I do hope it will lead me to more fascinating finds about this world. You may go now. I'm magnanimous enough to not have my dragons hunt you down to whatever hole you'll scurry into.”
“Just to be safe, general, I'm claiming her boat and taking their charms away from it, so that they can't summon it again. Come on men, scrub it. You don't want me to order the Dragons to do it, I'm afraid this vessel might not survive the process in one piece.”
DAY 25
“Ah, so that's where the rest of the shorties that Kastore said Astra had went to! Ostoroth is a nice place, I admit, but you're in my way now. And my arrows… 
They blot the sun!”
“Too easy. Maybe we should create a reserve for those poor critters, they're on the verge of being exterminated by us!”
“Oi! You already took our mines and our routes. Screw this, we'll go somewhere else.”
“This Titan is powered by an TRINKET of great power. Hmm… SHOULD I…?”
“The hells, you overgrown IRON MAIDEN! I hadn't made my MIND yet! Guess you've MADE it for me.”
“Hydras, you've been blessed with slippery ice that always GETS you to your destination. And also blessed with fabulous NAIL POLISH!”
Is using Mass Haste on a single hydra wasteful? Yes, yes it is. But it was necessary.
“Damn skirt-wearing GOLEM! Took ME by surprise, the Hydras were badly positioned. Nothing generous applications of magic arrows TO the forehead didn't solve. Very HARD metallic skull, though. Two hydras bought it before I could try to heal THEM.”
“Guess you won't be needing this ANYMORE! I said… GUESS you… bah. This pile of RUBBLE is ignoring me.”
Another one of these powerful artifacts. Spellpower Artifacts can easily break the game in the wrong hands.
“Oh, COME on! They told ME that Sandro had enslaved that witch!”
“I've done awful, horrible things to escape that psychopath! You've done it! I'll kill you all and curse your sorry corpses!”
“Hey, I don't have anything to do with THAT psychopath of your! You're barking at the WRONG hydra tamer!”
“You have no idea how degrading it was! To lift a curse you need certain ingredients and I had to… I had to… it's too unspeakable to say!”
Somewhere far.
“Bone-brush girl, have you finished cleaning the cesspit of body parts for the ritual? Bone-brush girl?”
“Brains?”
“You let her go? What do you mean she outpaced you? And what's with the lipstick smeared on your face? Eh, guess she figured I hadn't bothered with actually cursing her, she was barely worth the effort. Actually, she literally wasn't worth the effort.”
Back to your programming.
“The horror! The horror! And that thing almost didn't have any saliva!”
“I have to stop asking the LIFE stories of these girls. WAIT. I'm PRETTY sure I hadn't. It's HAPPENED! I've GONE mad!”
“I'm the MAD one, no need for sprites!”
“AND you! Hold still WHILE my hydras tear you apart!”
“Had my FUN. Bored NOW. Hey, I still have two THOUSAND gold coins that no tree has taken from me. Shoo.”
“What? You think mere gold is going to cover for my humiliation? I… hmm… although I could use some actual currency now that I lost everything to that monster. Fine, I'll take your gold if you promise to leave this land to never return!”
“Easiest PROMISE I've ever made.”
“Wrathmont, get your ass back to Sansobar. You're going to lead some dragons.”
“EASIEST promise I've ever broke!”
DAY 26
“From this observation tower I see another dwarven village to burn to the ground. I'm on my way!”
“Meanwhile I'm claiming a zombie-infested gold mine. Nothing to see here, I guess.”
“You! The Sorceress!”
“Ariel, sir.”
“Whatever. As a reward to how well you followed my orders, I want you to go explore that cave. Don't worry, nothing sinister about it.”
“I'm highly doubting the nothing sinister part now, with that demon sneering at me.”
“You doubt me? You die now!”
“Eeeek!”
“That was definitely extra mean. You're worse than the dwarves!”
“Oh, you're alive. Hooray...”
That's the Demon Cave for you. If you fight the demon itself, your hero seems to have a 50/50 chance of slaying it and getting some loot and XP or vanishing with all his artifacts and troops. Otherwise...
“Wrathmont, go clear that other demonic cave… Wrathmont?”
“Feel the STING! COWER in fear! You'll bow BEFORE your true master, Wrathmont!”
Those were Earth elementals. I've always found it odd how elementals are a big important plot point in almost every Might & Magic game but basically absent in Enroth, then I heard that originally Heroes wasn't supposed to be part of the Might & Magic franchise and it started to make much more sense. Outside of some rare wandering monsters and some powerful spells, this is one of the few places you can find these monsters. They're all sorta sammey, just bruisers with slightly different stats and certain immunities and vulnerabilities. The earth elementals, of course, are the slowest and toughest of the bunch.
DAY 27
“Ah, figured another village of shorties would be full of the damned things. My minotaurs crushed the opposition. Stromgild is ours, it is.”
“It seems like this was an important checkpoint for them. So many carts everywhere! Bullmen, take the most comfortable cart you can find! No more bumpy roads.”
DAY 28
“Leave my sight, you ruffians. That bracelet is mine!”
“Oi, you think you scare us with your overgrown lizards? Remember what the boss said lads, no fear, no gain!”
“What a waste of perfectly good dragon's breath.”
“Hey, you, pass the Bracelet and no-one gets hurt.”
“Cur! Do you think I'll take you for your word? I've already killed dragons, don't think you scare… me… Hmmm… usually I'm the one with the numerical advantage.”
“Guess the menu today is canned moron. Don't eat it too cold.”
“I have… no… remorse!”
“Arie, you're the closest to a trading post. Trade everything you can for sulfur, I've got some projects I want to take off the ground.”
“Aye, boss. May I ask, what projects are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know, the usual.”
“Magics and monsters to solve my infestation problems!”
“That girl won't KNOW what hit her!”
Ugh. This mission is going to take slightly (considerably) longer than I thought. Every time I tried to advance there was a Sorceress with way too many dwarves in the way. Next update, we'll solve this problem for once and for all.