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General Snob, Mission 3, Part 3
DRAGONS! EVERYWHERE THERE BE DRAGONS!
DAY 29
“Month of the Rocs? Hah! I'm not facing wizards!”
“Well, a large group of the giant avians did set up a nest just behind Sansobar.”
“So? That's a fixable problem. Fix it.”
“Master, the mage's guild has added a third floor. Please, come in for items of localized ice ages and weaponized blessings.”
“That's a great development! Cold Ring is a great way to dispatch dozens of the sprites without damaging our castle!”
“I've almost REACHED the girl that escaped the LICH and made me run FOR the hills! She's surely to TRY and escape me now.”
“By the Gods above and below! If I'm stuck with you, give your stupid dwarves better gear so they don't slow you down so much into uselessness!”
“Not my fault my employer is a stone-cold miser...”
“You said something?”
“Nothing! It was just a dwarf's fart!”
“This is a most fortunate find! I really was in a bind to discover a compatible cooling enchantment. It also doubles as a good supplement for my dragons' fire in the field.”
“What was that first part?”
“Oh, you know, the days can get quite hot.”
“We are in the hinterlands! You think this is too hot? You're a weird, weird elf, old man. I mean, the blue skin don't even register anymore, half the people in my employ seems to be filling crazy minority quotas, but I feel you're hiding something.”
“Is this a kink? It feels like a kink. Hope you don't squirt anything on me, Wrathmont warned me against you tree-folk.”
“Oh, come on, what will it cost you? Just a few gems. Nothing sinister about that. Yes! YES! THERE! OOOHHH! Right in the spot.”
“Guess I should feel tin-arsed just because that tree-thing didn't squirt anything on my face. You know, I do feel pretty tin-arsed right now.”
“Hah! Knew it! Boss, just got another Sulfur mine for us.”
“Aw balls! You promised to leave this land!”
“Holy MONKEY buttocks! I DID? But the new tower BURNS the sulfur so much better that I got PINK dragons! And you ATTACKED me?”
“For your treachery and lies, you have to die now! You've got some Red Dragons, I see, but they're no match for a fully deployed dwarven army!”
“I've got red DRAGONS too?”
“Come lads! Raise yer shield when they breath in! There are twenty of us for each of them big lizards, swarm them in and they stand no chance!”
“You take me FOR a decoration piece? A little amusing TOY? The pink DRAGONS are not alone! They have ME!”
“Ok… ok… THAT almost never happens!”
“Having some performance issues?”
“Your incantations are clearly lacking. Have you dragged us to our doom, mustachioed mammal?”
“See? You've nothing to fear! And with my wards protecting you from their breath, you'll be invincible! And worry not, even if he manages to cast whatever black magics he so devises, it'll only hurt a couple of you, there will be many, many more still standing!”
“A couple? A couple ya crazy woman! That madman just literally decimated our company with a single jolt of thunder and lightning!”
“COWER! FEAR! Scamper AWAY! I told you, MIGHTY pinks, my magic slices, dices and stir fries!”
“So you are not completely incompetent. Their numbers still bolster their pathetic individuals to outclass us with ease. We refuse to take part in such short-sighted folly.”
“Do not waver, brave dwarves! His spells might be devastating, but they're a great drain to his reserves! He'll run out of magic, but my blessings will prevail!”
“BLESSINGS? Oh, right, you've reminded me that THERE'S still some more magic left to undo everything you've done!”
“I've escaped the clutches of a deranged lich only to fall to the very thing that saved me? Oh, the irony!”
“You take THAT back, you witch! How dare YOU misuse the term irony!”
“This addled mind actually went and did half the job for us. How easy to goad, those who call themselves warlocks. The remaining dwarves are but a welcome feast now.”
“Poor reds.”
“Red Dragons, while formidable and truly, undeniably bewdiful, are usually neglected by Warlock generals, considered just a stepping stone into the means to lure the top lizards, the Blacks. While sometimes, in sulfur-poor areas with no mines, they are considered, rarely will a general bother with the effort of making the offerings of thirty five hundred gold coins plus the burnt sulfur.
Which is a shame, but understandable, from a cold, strategic point of view. They are tougher, faster and meaner than greens, but still slower than a few considerable threats, like Titans, Archmages and Grand Elves. But it should be noted that if Wrathmont had only greens here, he'd be in much trouble.”
“Hah! The beasts talk big and gloat… ugh… but ye fall down dead just like the rest of us!”
“Disgusting wastes of air and space, as compact as you are! We may have underestimated you, but your last sight on this world will still be our searing flames!”
“Oh no! Not again! I cannot be taken prisoner again!”
“PRISONER? You THINK I'd touch such display of shame and pitifulness? EWW, no! Cooties, EUGH. Begone FROM my face!”
“Big BOSS! The last of the dwarven resistance has BEEN shattered! Their territories ARE now ours! And my power is ENORMOUS!”
“That girl did leave a cart of SORTS behind.”
“Also, I've learned how to properly CONVINCE the pink dragons into action. And I'm ready to rain destruction on WHATEVER is left of these irksome lands.”
DAY 30
“Too many of my commanders are demanding for a greater form of war. Very well, then. Let's quench their thirst for power.”
“The forth floor is ready, master. Satellite coverage and satellite downage are now available for those truly capable.”
Meteor Shower is, together with Chain Lightning, the most powerful directed offensive spell in the game. But while Chain Lightning might backfire and singe your own troops, Meteor Shower is much more manageable. Chain Lightning can usually be counted on to cause 75 damage per spell power on a first casting, but that's nigh impossible to achieve afterwards, while Meteor Shower can easily be counted on to cause 50 damage per spell power by hitting two enemy stacks and is much easier than Chain Lightning to achieve a 75 damage potential. Generally, if you have both, Chain Lightning is a great opener for a battle, but Meteor Shower is the more reliable multi-target spell.
It works like Fireball, but instead of a measly magic arrow in an area of seven hexes, it is like a powerful lightning bolt in each of these hexes, doing 25 damage per spell power to each creature in it's area of effect for 15 spell points. That's an (almost impossible) potential for 175 damage per spell power if you somehow manage to hit 7 creatures with the spell (which IS possible… but ridiculously unlikely as it requires your enemy to use two Level 5 spells himself and then position like a madman). A couple good casts of Meteor Shower is usually enough to turn around some very bleak battles. Never leave home without it.
View All is regarded by some the only good adventure spell. When you cast it, you're presented that same simplified map you get with the other “view” spells, except with the entire fog of war cleared. It doesn't clear the actual fog of war, though, but it instantly gives you all the information you need on the progress of your opponents and their territory. And like all “view” spells, it is very cheap at 3 spell points.
“G'day, chief. After claiming a mine I took a leisure stroll through a graveyard, which was unfortunately remarkably light on zombies, only two or three, depending on how you want to count. Then I did some good old Jadamian past-time: Grave Robbing! But someone was here first, as luck would have it. I think I'll go back to Sansobar to catch on the new magical boons to cure this downer.”
“Guess I'm the one stuck with clearing these filthy birds.”
“Go on, slithering behemoths. Savor it, track it. These filthy birds are just brimming with flash and blood. Go and take your prey!”
“Ah… this reminds me of the times I practiced necromancy on dead animals back at the small estate I have in these scenic volcanic lands.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Go back. You mean you actually have something useful to contribute here?”
“Oh, quite right. I mean, I think I'm very rusty, but I could reanimate some soldiers if...”
“What? Not that. You're never going to see actual battle. But an estate you could tax the servants of, that's something I can use.”
“Now I reclaim Stromhilde AGAIN! Who told YOU dwarves you could be free? Pinks, devour your FILL! We'll leave anything SUPERFLUOUS behind, for we are going to make a great journey!”
“I've claimed a gold mine from the blue lady of the dwarves. It is now serving a much higher purpose.”
DAY 31
“Arie, two enemy heroes, Gem and Sir Galland, are threatening Gromhild while you're away.”
“Sorry, chief Slog. I've stretched the basic spells you've given me as far as they'll go. I need new toys. No worries, I won't be long.”
“I've learned the great burying ROCKS FROM THE SKIES! Now I march, serpents in toll, to THE great Dragon City!”
“I've found some wolves and a griffin chasing a man in robes. I've dispatched them with cold and flames, but the wizard left something of note behind.”
“It is a Wizard's Hat imbued with powerful charms! It is said that it is capable of powering charms and wards throughout a whole day. Precisely what I needed to make my maintenance efforts last and allow me to cryo-sleep in peace.”
“You'll not keep such a powerful artifact! Whatever bedroom kink that cryo-sleep is, you'll have to do without it.”
“Oh, sure. My mistake, general.”
Ironically enough, the Wizard's hat is a ridiculously powerful artifact… for Might Heroes. Magic Heroes usually have their spells last long enough that by the time they wear off, they've already did their damage, but Might Heroes are stuck with spells that usually last only a couple of turns for them.
Believe me, a knight in a wizard's hat might look stupid, but you'll not be laughing when his perma-spell-proofed Crusaders cut through your troops with more defense and attack than your Titans/Black Dragons while all you can do is watch and weep.
It can still be nice to magic heroes, though, as it allow them to buff/debuff and forget, because that spell is going to last pretty much forever.
“Oh, I've found another dwarven village, Ogrehild. Intriguing name. Must be the last of these damned things. At least I hope it to be.”
“You, the girl. Are you a good navigator?”
“Ariel, general. And I'm not one to brag, but I do know the waters like a second home.”
“Great! Then take a ship and follow that whirlpool into the Blue Lady's lake. Don't come back until you've mapped it extensively.”
“I'm with a bad feeling about this. 'Nothing sinister about this cave' kind of bad feeling.”
DAY 32
“Huh. She really likes her lake. She's spent a lot of wood making ships just to keep them shored here. And her castle is here. Can I go now.”
“Oh, come on! You really can't depend on these sorceresses to do anything right, like having someone guarding the lake. Well, at least it is an easy way in. Maybe Arie could take the whirlpool and invade from the lake.”
“Ogrehild is ours. There was a somewhat large force of dwarves here, but I've oxidized their armor to the point they were all but naked to my Dragons and their fire.”
“They also had some good carts to carry my stuff.”
DAY 33
“Hmm… since Arie is so powerful, I think I should go the extra mile and trade for some more sulfur in order to have a true Mage's Guild tower.”
“The warlocks are pleased with your commitment to their guilds. This new floor you'll be awarded infinite transport miles!”
Dimension Door is, without contest, the most broken spell in the game. It is relatively cheap, at 10 spell point per cast, and it allows the hero to travel instantly anywhere inside the adventure map window around him. It still costs some movement, but the gain in mobility is obscene just the same. This spell is so broken, the player who gets it in the Mage's Guild usually wins… unless he's Barbarian and have almost no chance to ever learn it. It allows you to completely bypass enemy heroes and aim for their castles, ignore some monsters and get to their loot, and just outright set the time and place you want to engage an opponent, while giving you a near-global map presence.
The cost is hefty, but if you have the spell points to cast it at least three or four times in a row, you're usually set since it allows you to hop from castle to castle with ease replenishing the spell points at a mage's guild every turn. Usually, the only defense against it is the fog of war, since you can't open a Dimension Door into the unknown… but not so against warlocks. At Expert Scouting, your view range is pretty much the entire screen except for the corners. Add some scouting artifact, and it is the entire screen, period.
“Well, I guess it will take no time at all for me to recover Stromgild then.”
“Some dwarvish robbers were piling their ill-gotten gains in this forest. I'm afraid they're our ill-gotten gains, now.”
“The Dragon City is WITHIN reach now! Celebrate, Pinks, for you'll reunite with your FAMILY and young!”
“Fool, do you believe you'll be received with open arms into dragon's land and dragon's place? All you'll find is despair.”
“Open arms, OPEN maws, it's all the same when you're greeting someone!”
“Worthless scarlet-scaled! You allow a fool with addled mind into our great spires and halls? This is Dragon City, where the powerful rule all and the feeble perish in flames!”
“This place doesn't suit us. The shadow-hides are full of themselves. But our fire is the same fire you breath and for once we'll be the one's to stand victorious over a charcoal corpse.”
“I know NOTHING of what the wyrms greet at their Dragon Tongue. Bundle of snakes, the thirst for MOLTEN hot blood is now yours! Try not to gorge YOURSELVES to death!”
“Scarlet-scales, your furnace is also not brighter than ours! For that you burn! And you too, shadow-hide!”
“Treacherous emerald-leathers… this will not… stand.”
“This will NOT do! Pinks, the hydras can't move into THE ridge! Fight THEM in the open!”
“Now it is DONE! Wrathmont the Tamer of Slain Dragons will BE victorious!”
“You've fought defiantly against your betters with strange, queer tactics, human. You may, if you provide the offerings, have my citizens under your command.”
“You didn't NEED to! But I was JUST looking for more pinks!”
DAY 34
“Now, to make sure these sheilas don't pull anything on us, the ultimate scrying spell. This land holds no secrets no more!”
“Seems like they are running out of riches, chief Slot! There's but one hero left inside their territory.”
“Heeeeeeeeeeere's Arie!”
“Gods above! How did you…? Oh, we're screwed. Your lord got you Dimension Door, didn't he?”
“It's funnier when you sheilas cower in fear.”
“Then I guess this will stay unfunny, Jaudie bastard.”
“Fine. Bullmen, cut these unicorns down, will ya? We'll have unicorn meat this night, the whitest of the meats.”
“It will give you indigestion.”
“So what? Half the food in Jadame gives people indigestion.”
“Blondie is gone and I got our gold mine back. Sir Gallant is just a dimensional hop from me but… I don't have the magic to do it, so I'll just go recharge at Stromgild.”
“Hmmm… right… even I know THIS is a bit too late!”
“This place was more fun when the Dragons just hung about and ate the occasional dwarf. Now that they're eating everything… this place is no fun anymore. We're leaving.”
“Wise choice, I must say.”
“No, no, no, no! You're using this cart all wrong. You see, you can tie these ends at your dragons' tails and get where you need that much faster!”
“Great Scott, you're right! Come on wyrms, work for your pay!”
DAY 35
“Och! Ya keep coming here and slaughtering our village, devil! What will it take to make ya stop?”
“Land under my name and servants under my rule!”
“Done.”
“Really, mate? Damn, should've asked for more.”
“Stromgild get! Now excuuuuuuse me while I have the druids in the Mage's Guild recharging me. Remember to recharge me under the ears, hippies!”
“I feel like I just got into a routine, but what can I do when the wolves of this land are so ruthless that they see a couple of gargantuan fire-breathing lizards and think 'Yes. We can take that!'”
“They test their might against ours in folly. But who is the true fool when supposedly thinking, sentient mammals throw themselves at death for the same reason?”
“Nineteen mutts surround a dragon in a show of might. I don't need to be the genius that I am to know how that'll end.”
“Freezing common animals solid throughout a whole week is not doing any good to my reserves. Good thing to find this magic well here.”
“Oh, I wouldn't… hmmm...”
“What?”
“Nevermind. I don't think Sandro passed through these lands anyway.”
“Pssst. Come here, blue elf. I've got the deeds for a wonderful manor in fertile lands around here. So, why don't you just grab for my fruit and...”
“Frankly, not even the trees know their place in this land. Oh, what's that in the smoldering pile? It really did have the deeds for a manor! You learn something every day. Mainly, that dwarves really like building estates all over the place.”
“From high above on an OBSERVATION tower, I see columns of marble by the shores of a lake! That needs FURTHER observation!”
“Begone, madman! Or else we'll sap the life out of you and your mini… those are dragons, aren't they?”
“HAH! You're a SHARP one!”
“Uhh… so you're the one who caused a ruckus at the Dragon City… what will it take for us to not turn into dragon lunch?”
“Did you say something ABOUT sapping life? That looks LIKE a neat trick!”
DAY 36
“Gopher? Gopher!? Have the astrologists ran out of decent animals now?”
“Peekaboo!”
“Dear Gods! They told me you were in Stromgild yesterday!”
“I was.”
“Rocks falls. Everyone dies!”
“Well… at least you gave them a proper burial.”
“Well, the Gargoyles can be only good at killing peasants. But at least they're really good at it.”
“Not done yet! Not by a long shot! Horsie-men, blessed you are by the Jadamian Ironsand outback! Loose and have a good time! I want that pouch they're playing with!”
“The gargoyles got that couple of pikeman by surprise, from the back, bearing down on them… and still got a struggle to actually kill them. Now I feel bad for overselling them.”
It really was sad. If it wasn't for the luck, those fifteen gargoyles wouldn't have killed those two measly pikemen.
“Come on bullmen. Please, please show me how it's done. Ouch! Cleaved in twain!”
“Those bandits had sacked the pouch of infinite gems for ME! But if you must offer yourself as decoration for my lair as well, then its all the same.”
“Come brothers! For the higher glory Arie promised us! We slay a black beast today!”
“Hmmm… you know, it's past time these beasts are under my command. General Snob make it happen!”
“For the last time it is… actually, it IS General Snob. Fine, you've proved yourself. I'll see what I can do.”
“Feel free to trade any gems if you have to.”
“Please, don't sack our shrine! Here, we can teach you a way to know where there are more profitable places to pillage and burn.”
“The church covering itself by offering the people as sacrifice? Business as usual then?”
Fine, I lied. View all is not the only overly useful adventure spell. For those that generally find the adventure spells useless, view towns redeems itself as a good way to get important intel on the exact location of your enemies. Especially when used to find out the location of neutral towns in order to gain a nice advantage later on.
“Begone! We found this tomb first, go away!”
“Then I guess I'll have to add you to the population of the tomb. I'm sure it can keep a frozen-solid pig very well.”
“The damn orcs already took everything of value here… well, their loss. They'll be the ones cursed as grave robbers… wait, what is that? Oh, this thing doesn't belong here.”
The Ankh is, for a limited artifact, one of the best ones. It doubles the effectiveness of resurrecting spells, which are already very powerful by themselves with the greatest single-target spell power multipliers in the game. Unfortunately, I didn't get any such spells this mission so the Ankh is going to be left unused.
“We've ssssaw how you conquered the Dragonssss at Dragon Cssssity, warlock. You sssshow power and ruthlesssssnessssss. We earn to increase our collection at our gardensssss, will you help ussssss?”
“Oh, uh… I am flattered, ladies, BUT I am quite honestly terrified of you.”
“Being turned to stone? Probably still conscious, at some level, never know if you are ever to be restored to the land of the living or finally allowed to die? That's terrifying. You'd need a really cold, shriveled heart to do that to anyone. And we don't have Sandro anymore.”
“We don't mind to add you to our gandenssssss if you're not sssssssure.”
“Pinks, do SOMETHING!”
“Allas, the stony gaze of a medusa is not real magic. It is something more sinister we're fully vulnerable to. Not even we would want such a fate.”
“Fine, be THAT way. Very well, LADIES, you can come along.”
“You will not regret ussssss.”
“This cache belongs to those who serve the ancients. You dare to lay your claim?”
“Guess you won't MIND being turned to stone. You're already made of the STUFF!”
“Are… are these medusas?”
“Come decorate our gardenssss, dearest thingsss”
“Yeah… we are not playing with that. You can have the cache, we'll be dissolving back into the land now.”
“I had an ex-wife who poisoned my favorite pet wyvern, literally stabbed me in the back, figuratively stabbed me in the back, stole my spellbook, framed me for stealing from the Alvar's Merchant Guild and then accused me of shagging Gorgons like if I was from Tatalia. And I still wouldn't make jokes about my ex-wife being a medusa.
Medusas are stone-cold sheilas. And that's all they want anyone else to be, literally stone-cold to fill their gardens. I'd happily go out in a blaze of glory from a fumigating spell, being atomized by titan's lightning or devoured by fearsome creatures, but turned to stone forever? This is a dark, dark place, mate.
In terms of strength they're on par with minotaurs, making them Tier 4, and that's terrifying enough. But their ability to turn anyone and anything into stone with their gaze? That puts they well beyond any threshold.”
Ok, enough about that. Medusas are almost exact copies of Minotaurs in stats, except they are large and more expensive (with attack and defense switched around). The cost comes from her ability to turn their enemies into stone. And although it says in the manual that her chance is 20%, I believe that's another typo, because I've found that they turn enemies into stone much more reliable than a Cyclops paralyzes or a Unicorn blinds. I'd say it is probably 30%, but don't quote me on that without looking at the game's code, maybe I'm just lucky/unlucky whenever I face them. Oh, and since there's no spell analogue to turning to stone, it is not considered a spell, so dragons can be petrified.
“You KNOW? I should start threatening my ENEMIES to join me or be turned into stone. That'd work GREAT!”
“Silly TROLL! Bridges are to be BURNED to the ground, not lived in!”
We've found this before. Stat for stat, this is the best physical stat artifact in the game before relics, giving a total of 4 points (two to attack and defense) while other artifacts max at 3. Nice gap-closer for a magic hero. Ridiculous multiplier for a might hero.
DAY 37
“My magic is restored! Back to do what I do best!”
“Trading!”
“Finally! The means to create a great burner at the tower! With this refined burner, we can burn twice the amount of sulfur and attract the true masters of the sky!”
“You've come to a land we had under our thumb, you destabilize its government and people, you barge into our city and murder our kind, you burn the land and bury all who oppose you under your mystical might.”
“Eh… yeah… that seems about right.”
“We're impressed. We haven't decided yet, but some of my peers are considering that you might not, in fact, be a worthless vermin.”
“Aww, you make me blush! Barok, accompany the Black Dragons to… that girl with the name… it starts with A...”
“Ari…”
“NOT Arie. I know he's got long hair, but I'm talking about the one who… oh, forget it. Accompany them to her, then have her deliver them to Arie.”
“… I know the one you speak of. I'm off. At least Alamar bothers to know the names of his underlings.”
“It's not Alamar either.”
“Are you…?”
“How did you FIT that into your pants?”
“It's not the ship that moves! It is the universe that moves around the ship!”
“Hmmm… nope, still no idea how that has anything to do WITH casting Dimension Door.”
“Dimension what now?”
DAY 38
“Here they are. Make good use of them.”
“Ariel, I could marry you!”
“You… you… you remember my name?”
“Of course! Its so similar to my own one'd need to be a moron not to. Plus, you're pretty spiffy to hang out with us mean warlocks and stand your ground. Well, do that and survive, that is. Barok told me you've slain a demon all by yourself?”
“You're… nice. But I'm afraid we wouldn't have the time. I've lingered too long. I have to leave in three days.”
“Wait, you mean that if we're finished by tomorrow…?”
“Don't be absurd. There's like three more blue-bannered heroes and a well defended castle in the way. You'd never make it.”
“Buuuut… if we're finished by tomorrow…? You know, me and your dagger wound islie?”
“Hmmm. Eh, beat the stinky dwarves. Sure.”
“Did I just witness mammal courtship? Was I just handed off as dowry? Do they fight now? And how can the small male one pay the small female one gold in the weight of the scales she ripped off him if they don't have scales?”
“I think they measure it in blood? I dunno, don't know how the whole consensual █████████████████████████████████████████████████ ”
“████████████████████████████████████████████████”
Sorry, nope. NOOOOOPE. Minotaurs and Centaurs have some of the worst “mating” habits in myth and I'm editorially sparing you from it.
“Time to recharge, Arie. Stromgild short people, bring me some sweet, sweet amber fluid to take me over to the land of tomorrow!”
DAY 39
“It worked! Argh! Why did you have to scream so loud? Who turned on the goddamn Sun?”
“Ok… time to shine, Arie. Time to… shine. Why is the place at the other side of the portal so faaa…” 
I said Dimension Door is broken. Just how broken it is? Well...
“Hah! These sorceresses showed me the way to an old quarry of mine, and I'll pay back with your reanimated...”
“Why is that horse so loud? Stop moaning you walkers! Fine, be that way. Freeze!”
“Hey! Those zombies weren't expired yet!”
“Ugh… these elves… so bright. Blackies, turn that off.”
“With pleasure, elvish flesh is great simmered to a slow roast.”
“Thank you blackies. Mate… blackies are awesome. Titans are alright, but, at the end… of the day. The blackies are the ones standing over a pile of metalic rubble. They're fast. Not the fastest… but fast enough. Coupled with a powerful breath, tough hide and sharp everything else… they're quite grouse lizards.
Main problem is they're very exy… I mean… look at our castle. With a dungeon that's… that's… like almost two thousand gold. In a week you're looking at… at… a bit more than twelve thousand?”
1750 a day, 12250 a week.
“Yeah, that. One blackie is like… four thousand? And you get… three? And that's… almost twelve thousand already.”
Precisely 12000.
“Yeah! What is left? Two hundred and something! What can you buy with that? A single griffin?”
250, not enough for a griffin.
“Precisely! Blackies… they're great, mate. But they're not cheap. You need to invest. If you have no other sources of gold… well, the blackies are all you're going to get. Weeeeell… you can use the market and get some extra gold, but it's still not much. Like… three-fifty times five… so… seventeen hundred and fifty gold?”
Its… actually, that's correct.
“What that buys? You take the gold that's left and the gold you've traded and you get four minotaurs. FOUR. Heh… at least we're better off than the bearded guys and ladies.”
The wizards. And I think the ladies aren't bearded.
“Yeah, but they only get half of what they need to pay for titans since they're more expensive and they're too goody-goody to build a proper dungeon. If they get a gold mine they're still with only seventy five tens of gold left.”
That's… actually still technically correct. Do you need some coffee?
“Go blackies.”
“That's… are you alright, man? You look deader than I. Uhh… you sure you're good to operate those dragons?”
“I'm not… why did I do that? Oh… right. Ariel awaits! Blackies, eat the blue guy.”
“You know what? Screw this. Watching over Zam is work enough. Screw you. Oh, and screw your minotaurs too.”
“Ok, let's get going! Oh… that's a really far leap… fine, no trouble. I'm in charge. Hey, dark sheila, your druids are goners and… oh… they survived? I'm way off my game.”
“Fine… let's see. If I send my blackies… can they roast the dwarves in a single breath? Hmmm… seems that way, if they're not below average breaths. Wait, I can just wait the dwarves to attack. Blackies, take the flowery girlies!”
“Oh… right. The unicorns are faster. Damnit Arie, get it together, mate!”
“Boy, are you alright? You seem a bit off your game.”
“Shut it, grandma. There's a girl waiting for me!”
“Why I'd never! I don't have to listen to this. I'm off.”
Remember that little limitation I talked about of the Dimension Door?
Gone now, as Arie reveals the whole adventure window as he explores.
“Blackies, on the flower girls. Me? I'm gonna roast some shorties!”
“Oh, come on!”
“You know what? I don't even wanna know. I'm off this miserable little land. You've got dragons. That stubborn lady haven't even forked over the gold for our wonderful phoenixes.”
“Ah! This is the last one! Thank the ancients, this is the last dimensional hop!”
Bet you didn't know that if you clicked on the main archer tower you got an exact breakdown of how the towers operate and how much damage they do.
“Screw your bright elves! ARGH! MY EYES!”
“Screw your obi-wans as well!”
“Screw your dwarves!”
“And definitely… off with your flower girls!”
“Finally! It is over!”
“What do we do with the blue lady of the dwarves? She's cowering in her tower throwing objects at us.”
“I don't care! Tell the blackies to eat the tower! All I want is to get into a nice, quiet, dark little room and die!”
General Snob's Journal posted:
Great Warlock Archibald,
It's been forty days since my arrival at the lands of Sansobar. As of this writing, the blue lady of the dwarves is giving indigestion to one of our black dragons, may he pass her without incident. You could have told me that these dwarven lands are full of dragons, I could have prepared myself better.
Now I wish I could say what happened of your subjects, but the events are so strange and enigmatic that I can't hope to express my disbelief in this initial letter. Once my own investigation is complete and their commissions safely at my vaults sent to their next of kin, I'll send you a more complete report.
P.S.: There's been a strange blue glow coming from your amulet. Should I activate it?
Your most loyal servant and General,
General Snob
Finally it is finished. So many sleepless nights and banging my head at my keyboard begging for the Windows gods to have mercy upon my poor soul finally paid off. Next mission? Something special. But what is that alternative path at the campaign window?