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General Snob, Mission 6, Part 1, Who’s Afraid of Dragons? (I am)
General Snob’s Journal posted:
Ergon will have some explaining to do. As I approach Bloodreign, the fortress he promised me, the inhabitants started attacking my forces! I crush their defenses and install myself as governor, of course. As I do so, I am greeted by none other than that workout freak Tsabu! He explained that while they are allied with Ergon, I still had to prove myself fit to command them. The bastard, that’s a senseless waste of life if I ever saw one. He should know better, I already proved myself to him. He also explained to me that the Warlock embassy has decided to side with the Dragon King! I suspect Roland is involved somehow. The worst news is that the Dragon King has them supplied with riches and dragons in their already developed castles.
DAY 1
“Why isn’t your castle developed as well, then? Weren’t you worshipers of the big lizard?”
“The great King of Dragons, upon discovering our arrangement with Ergon, came to visit us. I challenged it to a duel with the Great Tsabu of Terra, but the dragon declined. Or maybe it didn’t hear. Can the General of the Snobs give Tsabu a tool to speak louder?”
“Ancients, no! That’s the last thing you need, the power to make it harder for others to ignore you.”
Your main hero this map already starts with a few levels. If you took the Necromancer’s boon, it is nice to have two decently-leveled heroes for this map, because it is going to be a really tough ride.
“It is good to see that the den for the wolves is almost finished. Now we can...”
“You freed Thundax from rocks! Thundax very grateful.”
“Just what I needed, another crazy person. What in all of Enroth were you doing inside that hill?”
“Thundax proud fiftieth bastard of Lord Slayer, greatest barbarian warlord of Enroth! But Thundax brothers hate Thundax for his good looks like Lord Slayer and for smart head, so Thundax’ brothers bury Thundax under hill.”
“Despite the fact that we DID find you under a hill, everything you claim is utterly unbelievable nonsense. Only the most addled of minds would take any of your words at face value. But the wolves seem to like you and so far you’re not nearly as infuriating as Tsabu, so I will allow you the privilege of working for me.”
“Tsabu, give your troops to Thundax and then take my ship. I want you to explore the waters, since you claim to be a good navigator.”
“But that’s not a glory fit of great Tsabu of Terra!”
“Sometimes one has to sacrifice Glory and do as he is told. Now go and find us gold. Do not return empty handed. And no, you won’t need scrying crystals to keep in contact.”
“Oinc! This lumber mill is for the houses of our tribe, keep away!”
“Nob the General asks that you relinquish this source of worked wood to Archie the King of the Fists of Iron. If orcs refuse, then Thundax offer glorious death in battle.”
“Oinc! What about this for a glorious death? Your own will pay for our lives!”
“A life for a life! The best currency or the bestest currency?”
“Bestest currency! OINC!”
“Bestest currency! WAKA, WAKA!”
DAY 2
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has found the derelict remains of other explorers not as capable as General of the Snobs. So far only small amounts of wood and gold, but the Great Tsabu of Terra is confident that flotsam in the horizon will have richer spoils worthy of our cause.”
“With the rebel orcs defeated, Thundax has secured their spoils and their windmill for Nob the General.”
“Yes! Enough riches to hire another marauder to this wretched pursuit. Oh, not you again. What are you doing here? Were you hiding in our cargo?”
“No, I was not, General. I was curious as to the taste of dragon’s blood so I set forth in bat form to this island. I did not expect to discover that you had already set camp here. I have convinced the goblins to dig a well here to see if there was an aquifer of dragon’s tears underneath.”
“Preposterous! What use would there be for a dragon’s tear? That’s glorified volcanized water. But this well will come handy. Since you’re already here, go explore for me. I want to know what secrets this island holds.”
“Great news, general. I found an observation tower just beside the road out of Bloodreign. I can see a passage to the Southwest that leads to a crystal mine. The mine is being contested by some swordsmen who are trying to oust the mummies inside. The passage goes further to the Southwest. I wonder where it leads.”
“Some golems nearby have communicated (through rudimentary voice-shards) the way north is blocked because the alchemist lab that created them was overrun by ogres. I can’t really convince them to allow us passage. By their logic, the laboratory is dangerous and off-limits, and they’ll enforce this by killing any trespassers if need be. That’s a very common mistake by apprentice wizards, giving faulty commands to golems. Though maybe being in the middle of being slaughtered by ogres could have hindered their ability to give proper orders somewhat.”
“To the West there are more ogres defending the way to the North. This island is really lousy with an ogre problem, don’t you think?”
“Good thing we’ve secured an alliance with them. Maybe the Dragon King somehow likes the taste of ogre flesh and cultivates them?”
This is the main reason this mission is trivial with the Ogre Alliance. There are ogres and dwarves everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. With the ogre alliance this mission is little more than a race to get the most ogres before the AI gets to them. It is... considerably trickier otherwise, as you’ll see.
DAY 3
“The Great Tsabu of Terra found a floating chest filled with gold!”
“Where did you find a scrying crystal? Also, couldn’t be that much gold if it was still floating.”
“Also, The Great Tsabu of Terra found a survivor doing a poor excuse for push-ups using a floating log, like if he was drowning. Tsabu freed survivor. Survivor gifted Tsabu with greatest mask ever.”
“Good thing you’re too far to hinder us with that hideous mask.”
“The brick house is ready! Ogres are happy to have new house after Dragon King burned down the last one. And the last one before that. And the one before that one. And the...”
“Point. Made. Green. Monkey. The Dragon King really doesn’t like to let the ogres have a place to hide.”
“BLAGH! Marvelous news! The ogres in this island do recognize the treaty with the Ogre King. That or they are desperate to ally with anyone against the Dragon King. It is difficult to say, actually.”
“King terrifying. King bad. Nobnob bad king. Ogres killed by king! It King to be the King!”
“With any luck, they will lead us to a succulent dragon to carve our teeth into.”
“We smash you!”
“The secret to true strength is having something to fight for. Search inside, what is it that drives you?”
“Food! Not being food! Uh... smashing!”
“Blood! BLAGH!”
“I should’ve known. Alright. I grant each of you brutes a patch of land.”
“Land? Better be lots!”
“One square meter. Believe me, that’s more than you’ll ever be able use. That land is yours. You are its lord. It depends on you, otherwise, someone else might take it from you!”
“You take my land? I fight you!”
“That’s remarkable! Wait, they had blue tunic with them all this time?”
“It is what is in the inside that counts, not the outside.”
“I’ll say. So... I’m guessing you have a very iron-rich diet here, right?”
“OUT!”
DAY 4
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has found treasure chest with a mirror where an old wizard has trapped death itself inside!”
“That’s absurd! People still die. Absurd and preposterous!”
“The Great Tsabu of Terra keep mirror for good luck then. I feel it will protect me from death.”
This artifact gives immunity to the Death Ripple and Death Wave spells. Both are usually underwhelming, but better than nothing I suppose.
“We’ve rebuilt the second floor of the orc stick hut so that their chiefs can look from above. They say that it better the Dragon King not destroy their hut again.”
“Northern ogres like the cut of Thundax’ jib and like the idea of not being dragon meal anymore. They even gave rock mine to Thundax as gift. Though Thundax feels maybe rock mine belong to Dragon King and ogres too tired of working in it.”
“Clearing the area, General. Split the ogre lords into two formations while exploring south and got ambushed by feral wolves. They must be really hungry if they want to feast on ogre flesh.”
“It all makes sense now. The wolves want to take our boars. I’ve set the ogres in a defensive formation in front of the boars and let the wolves die throwing themselves at the ogres.”
“Bad doggie. Our pork!”
DAY 5
“I’m afraid to report that the Dragon King’s vassals are already on the lookout for us. That’s Vesper, a powerful Warlock. I can see some dragons and a bunch of minotaurs under his command. He must be one of the King’s guardians.”
Well, now you know why you need those ogres. And even with them it is a difficult battle because the main hero of each faction is also fairly high level and will often have access to blind. Your ogres can be powerful, but if they’re left blind for the whole combat until they are surrounded, they’re not going to do you much good.
With the Necromancer Alliance this map is much, much trickier. Yes, that’s a pack of minotaur kings on top of the Green Dragons. All the enemy factions already start with a castle more or less fully developed including an unupgraded Black Tower. You can probably guess that no matter what faction you are, you just cannot deal with that kind of army or magic power right in the first week. And since they use dragons you can’t even cheese it with magic. The solution? Well... You’ll see.
“This is what I feared. They are really not going to give me the time to establish myself here. Typical dragon behavior, squash it while it is small. Mandigal, keep going south, see if you can find back trail. Thundax, go after the ogres in the Alchemy Laboratory. Tsabu, land north and grab anything you can. We need resources. I’m paying for the second floor of the adobe. We need more ogres. And we need more powerful ogres. If we are to survive.”
“Thundax take spoils of ogres but find goblin tribe that say better way to travel deserts. Thundax gave goblin tribe the spoils. Hope there’s desert nearby.”
“This dirt might be soft and unsteady, but it grows sturdy close to the trees so you won't need to slow your pace. And can you cut that off?”
“
Oh, sorry. Force of habit. If I can navigate faster through this dirt I can hope to outmaneuver Vesper.”
Mandigal learns basic pathfinding and gain 1 spell power from the Gazebo Knight. It could come handy if Mandigal actually knew any decent spells…
“BLAGH! Vesper cleared some dwarves and golems in the road to the north then came back. He’s coming our way!”
DAY 6
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has entered fairy land! After ransacking an abandoned camp I found some sprites in a tree who offered to join me. Then, after scattering some dwarves, I found an old man being drowned by a river sprite! I made the river sprite give me two thousand push-ups. After five push-ups it said it was the worst thing in its life and gave me a pretty pendant made of gold with a dove! It made me so happy I let her go. I’m sure it learned its lesson.”
“Pendant... you said you found sprites? NEVER come back to bloodreign carrying those pests! We had difficult enough exterminating them last time.”
We already spoke about the pendant of free will. It protects against a spell that’s very, very unlikely to land on anyone. And when it does, it means it is almost useless.
“There has to be better way to make normal ogres into lord ogres. Thundax doesn’t have that kind of gold! So Thundax train his orcs and ask poor goblins at the bottom of social strata to raise a statue for more glory and taxes. This way we get more gold! And one day we pay ogres!”
“Then go plunder more gold. There's plenty scattered about. Wait, what was that about strata?”
“Dragons and Vesper to the west. Nob the General asks great battle out of Thundax? Thundax gives great battle to Nob the General!”
“I found a hideout with some treasure by the mountains. It must belong to the Dragon King. I claim it all for our General.”
“Vesper is wandering north! That’s your chance, Thundax!”
DAY 7
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has found yet another spell-protecting artifact, the Serenity Pendant!”
“Wearing all this jewelry is a sore to one’s eyes. But I guess eventually you’ll be immune to every spell. Though... Berserk is a concern when you are fielding ogres.”
The Serenity Pendant protects against Berserk, one of the most broken spells of the game, as Sandro has shown us. Good use of it allows you to pretty much wreck any enemy army, regardless of size.
“I paid a tithe to these medusas in the ruins so that they wouldn’t turn me and my army into stone. But I think I was too generous, since a few of the serpent ladies chose to follow me in my army. They say they want to vanquish the archmages to the south, protecting the pass.”
“Oh... don’t worry about that arm. I’m sure it will grow back.”
Archmages do too much goddamn damage. They are averaging 24 damage a shot here at the ogres. And worse of all...
Even if I try to protect them with spells they will often dispel them.
“My magic! My beautiful, beautiful magic!”
“A new decoration for my garden. You’ll do nicely. That’s what you get for locking us in those ruins, old fool.”
“Thundax creates thriving market community in Bloodreign. Buy some mercury with stupid gems nobody likes so that we can get a mage’s guild in the future.”
“I didn’t authorize that. On the other hand, it is a sound choice. I’m actually shocked!”
“Now onwards to the Alchemy Lab!”
“WARNING! WARNING! There are dangerous ogres to the north. These units are blocking the way to THUN-DAX for his own protection. These units are authorized to kill THUN-DAX for his own... OUCH. OUCH. Unit inoperative. Why was this unit built to feel pain?”
“OINC! That’s what you get, a face full of crossbow bolts!”
“Good one, my pork-men! Thundax couldn’t have answered better himself!”
This is why I actually like the Orcs. While at that time they didn’t really give much thought to balance, you can see that they didn’t exactly just did whatever they felt like. They are strictly inferior to Rangers, it is true, but coupled with a Barbarian Hero ridiculously high attack stat and... well... they can hurt even steel cans like the Golems where a knight’s rangers two shots wouldn’t have done the same damage.
The factions were certainly also taken into consideration when creating the units. And that’s why the two most physically weak factions, wizards and warlocks, get the creatures with the most beef in their bodies. But make no mistake, crusaders under a high enough level knight will absolutely make mincemeat of even black dragons in close combat, like Darth’s Heroes 1 campaign has shown (albeit with the purple Dragon of Heroes 1). That’s why Magic heroes don’t play fair. Even though they have stronger creatures, they can’t stand toe-to-toe against knights and barbarians better tactical acumen.
But this is also why mixing units is so powerful. A Barbarian hero with Black Dragons is nigh unstoppable. Heck, just putting Archmages in the place of the Trolls would be ridiculously overpowered. They already hurt with no bonuses at all! Once you start mixing units the game’s balance goes all out of whack.
“And that’s the last of the bewitched buckets. Thundax is victorious again! And no wolves were lost that day!”
“Hmm... this is high quality steel. We can use it to upgrade Thundax’ catapult for even greater death rock performance!”
“No spellbook? What is this illiterate unwashed dimwit is doing stepping into our shrine then?”
“Careful there. Thundax actually know what these words mean, hippie. And Thundax feel they warrant a steely response.”
“Oh... uh... I... I’m lost. This has literally never happened before.”
DAY 8
“AGH! Why was my bath filled with little prickly pigs?”
“The week of the hedgehogs fall upon us! Quick! Quick! Take the nets! That’s food that comes with free toothpicks!”
“The Great Tsabu of Terra claims ownership of this sulfur mine!”
“Och! He works for the dwarfsbane! Run!”
“Say, even if he works for the dwarfsbane, he’s only got a single mutt and some dinky fairies. Why are we...”
“That’s dwarfsbane, ye daft? He slaughtered our families. If we fight him, he’ll kill our other families!”
“King of the Nobs take us! Fight bad king with bad king! Take silver liquid. Tastes bad.”
“Well, not much else for a bunch of ogres to do here after eating the alchemists. Thundax understands. Thundax put the best of the best goblins here to produce more mercury. It will come with trace amounts of goblin, but that’s expected.”
“I actually always expect trace amounts of goblin in everything dealing with you barbarians. I’ve ordered a moat here in bloodreign. For all the good that’ll do against Vesper’s dragons.”
“While camping among the corpses and statues of the dead archmages, the ogres said that they found an important-looking piece of toilet paper. When I went to take a look a leprechaun had already claimed ownership! Little bastard blackmailed us for the piece, but it was worth it, since it is a minor scroll of knowledge!”
“By paying the dragon-worshiping folk with a treasure chest, they showed me a special kind of dragonstone that explodes! My siege engineers will like that.”
“Watching from the Observation Tower, I found more dwarves to bully over and ogres to recruit to the east along the coast. While I could take on the ranger highwaywomen blocking the pass...”
“What I found to the northwest is more interesting. It seems to be the castle of the yellow dragon lords!”
Basically, this is the way to go in this mission if you’re going with Brother Brax and the Necromancer Alliance instead of the Ogre Alliance. You get Brother Brax and give him the best troops you can in the first 3-4 turns, use the initial hero to grab whatever resources he can. You basically have no way to actually protect your main castle, so your chosen faction doesn’t really impact this mission much. If you can get level 2 spells to Brother Brax, it will help a lot! Then you take him through this pass and capture that warlock castle from the backdoor.
DAY 9
“Vesper is trying to find a way through the woods to our territory. Thundax thinks he better regroup and take his ogres back to Bloodreign.”
“Quick! Build a garbage reap while no-one is looking!”
“Stop pretending this takes work! Building a garbage reap is not work! It is... just stoping from doing basic sanitation.”
DAY 10
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has found a compass to the north. But when tried to approach, he was rebuked by angry, living torrents of water! Someone not taking good care of this planet’s elemental engine.”
“Since Mandigal found one of their castles, I need more information. Build a thieves’ guild!”
“Do you want a wretched nest of scum, or a wretched nest of villainy?”
“I will just pretend you did NOT ask that question. So, what do our spy friends have to say?”
“Well, everyone here has the same amount of towns, chief. You have the most commanders, though.”
“This is good. This means that the castle we found is the only base of that Vesper. His dragons will not obey him for long without gold, not even for the Dragon king. Though, this doesn’t tell me if Vesper is the only one working for the yellow dragon lords. Mandigal, I can’t believe I’m telling you this and you can’t make me confess to it even under torture but... you’ve done a good job.”
“BLAGH! I live to serve! To serve blood!”
DAY 11
“Uh... you may not believe it, General. But... the yellow dragon lords do have another subject. And he’s kind of a legend.”
“King Alamar!? So here’s where he’s been hiding ever since his defeat under the boots of Archibald’s father? Well I... actually, no-one ever has a reason to set foot here. If I were to hide from the world, I suppose I could have done worse.”
“Huh, I wonder.”
“Not burst into flames. This is good to know! My alchemical vampirism seems to not share the same basic weaknesses of other vampires. Though I never expected ogres to be pious. Much less medusas.”
“Great ogre who eats all! Please, eat other ogre before me!”
“This temple erected in our honor seems fine enough. We will allow other mortals to worship us here.”
“Their religious beliefs are fascinating. And I’ll need their spirits high if I am to face Alamar.”
“Great Tsabu of Terra reporting. Great winds block my way further north. Since we have no deals with the elementals and the Great Tsabu of Terra doesn’t know what’s the deal with this world’s elemental forge, the Great Tsabu of Terra decided to go back to his ship.”
“Aren’t you gonna answer that? Your scrying crystal is glowing.”
“And it is working precisely as intended. That’s Tsabu. I’ve left his message on mute for the sake of my sanity.”
“Thundax offered to go train the Ogres for free at the battle masters. Which is risky due to Vesper’s presence, but it is actually sound strategy. I can’t believe I’m saying this about a Barbarian. I will need a drink. This place needs a tavern.”
“Welcome to the Hairy Foot!”
“Ah! Horrific mutant pink goblin! Kill it! Kiiiiill it!”
“Shut that yap! Those halfling came with Mendigal. I think. Whatever, as long as they have actual beer instead of that gunk you make goblins make with literal trash, they are off limits to you garbage dwellers!”
“Fuck this shit. I wanted peace.”
DAY 12
“Alamar! Face your end! Uh? Alamar? Where’s he gone? I wanted to taste the blood of that legendary warlock!”
This was actually deliberate. I could probably take on Alamar, if his spells didn’t wreck me too much. But I’d rather face him outside the castle so I just wandered around hoping he’d try to hunt me down, but I also hoped he’d take the orcs in that watchtower in the desert. The thing is, it costs more move to walk around the watchtower than it costs to enter it and move on. But the AI doesn’t know that, so in response he will try to get back to the castle directly, going completely around the watchtower and spending pretty much all his turn doing so.
This is also one of the reason this map is doable without the Ogre Alliance. While the enemy starts with their castles fully developed, they don’t start with the economy to take advantage of these castles. Therefore the dragons, even the green ones, are too expensive for them to buy. And if they do buy them, they won’t have gold to buy the rest. This is something that the AI will slowly fix over time as it conquers mines and gold around, but it means you have a very slight advantage in the start because they can’t simply hire their dragons to protect the castle from you.
“More ogres? I suppose I have enough land for more square-meter pretend donations.”
“You deceive ogres to bring their best out?”
“It is not deception! It is for their own good. They’re too stupid to realize their potential on their own.”
“Thundax can’t help but feel that ogres never grow out of their idiotic and murderous tendencies if we keep shoving them back into it. The day ogres get strong and smart leader, we all boned for the way we treated them.”
“Oh, dandy, we got a philosopher with us.”
“ 
Never call Thundax that dirty word!”
“I’m tired of the lack of intelectual activity in this dump. Quartermaster, order that a magic guild is built at once. And when our commanders get back into Bloodreign, make sure they leave with a spellbook.”
DAY 13
“Huh, Alamar just bolted further into the desert. Guess his loyalty to these dragons wasn’t really that high.”
I expected Alamar to try and get back to the castle. Try and fail thanks to the watchtower in the way. I did not expect THAT.
“Do not fear the walls and the balistas, my magic will protect you.”
“You think you’ve got the stuff? I’ve got the stuff! I blind your foolish soldiers!”
“Can’t blind them all, I’m afraid.”
“Yes I can!”
“Not forever! Especially if your balista towers keep waking them up.”
“I’ve acquired infinite wisdom!”
“And my infinite wisdom is telling me: Holy crap! This is castle is full of bling!”
“And the mage’s guild is fully equipped.”
“Don’t force me to congratulate you again. I can only spare to dole those out so much.”
As if you needed yet another reason as to why attacking Vesper is a bad idea, he probably has access to Meteor Shower. Mass Shield is really good against ranged-heavy armies, meaning the Sorceresses, the Barbarians and the Wizards, but not the Warlocks, as it protects your whole army against ranged attacks. Mass Dispel is great at undoing all the buffs or debuffs in the battlefield. Knights and Barbarians can especially take advantage of this spell to level the field of battle their way... while they have the spell points.
DAY 14
“You’ve shown your power. Maybe you can subjugate the Dragon King and I wish to be on the right side when that... what... what are you doing in my neck?”
“BLAGH!Your scales are too thick! I can’t even get a taste. This is so disheartening.”
“Will you please stop?”
“I wonder if I have a market built the merchants will have dragon blood.”
“Seriously, you’re creeping me out, mortal.”
“Thundax needs crystal for the mighty cyclopses. If this mean Thundax has to kill the dead, so be it, they deserve to rest too.”
“Thundax said that they deserve rest too! Chase them down and unwrap them!”
“Ogres, they’re going between these ridges. Block them out and... yes. That’s it. Oh... Thundax guess he knows why the mummies tried to run now.”
“How dare you defeat our valiant enemies from behind, like snakes! Now, this call for death!”
“Honor? Very well, Thundax supply you with the honor you so crave. You too, have the right to die at Thundax’ feet.”
“Take that, and that! You horrid creature! Why... why aren’t they going down? AGH!”
“You not mighty. Ogres mighty! Ogres very mighty!”
“You no attack pork friend! Pork friend is my friend!”
“This... can’t... be... these ogres understand tautology. We’re doomed!”
“Not again.”
“Hey, we could teach you cold ray. Too bad you don’t have a... spell book!”
“Thundax could also teach you something.”
“What is that?”
“Thundax very good anatomy teacher. Thundax can teach you the color of a friar’s liver. It is a very practical lesson.”
“I... uh... I fail to see how that could be practical.”
“And they call Thundax dumb.”
“Thundax, you could get a spell book if you wanted. Stop terrorizing the locals and come back to bloodreign. I’ve commissioned a new floor to the mage’s guild. The goblin shamans are impressed. It is the first time in their entire history they studied magic so much.”
DAY 15
“Week of the swordsmen? What? In honor of the sword-wielding idiots Thundax slaughtered yesterday?”
“The Great Tsabu of Terra has found a small island in the south, with a shining tower and a regular tower. Also, that shrine looks like a portal.”
“Seems like the Great Tsabu of Terra doesn’t know what is a lighthouse. Claim it to our side. This way you won’t get lost at sea.”
“Great Tsabu of Terra never lost! Just sometimes not found.”
“Vesper is getting close. Thundax, you better move your ass back here and convince those trolls to come out from under that bridge if we are to have any chance of defending Bloodreign from his dragons.”
“You know, Alamar left with such a hurry he forgot this cart he left with me to improve.”
“Don’t the gargoyles to the south bother you? Disgusting creatures. Don’t even have any blood!”
“Well, I guess you could have the cart if you vow to rid this land of these gargoyles. They get agitated when they drink mercury.”
“Why does everybody in this forsaken continent want to drink liquid metal?”
“They really aren’t thinking straight if they decided to attack the Dragons. Though... there are no real soft targets in my army. Oh, look at that line! Dragons, you know what to do when they form these pretty lines.”
This combat was more laborious than it had any right to be. The gargoyles high defense and Mandigal’s low attack made so that even the dragons' breath sounded more like firecrackers.
DAY 16
“These ogres never knew it was the Great Tsabu of Terra who hit them! Now, what is this? Actual navigation equipment? Who uses these?”
“You better learn how to if you want to keep your miserable existence.”
“I wonder if I will find Alamar this way.”
“I still don’t understand why the war trolls will only take the call if we put some flowers in their bridge.”
“You do know that the she-trolls are the ones who do the fighting, right?”
“I know, I know. Regardless... they’re still trolls. I don’t think the females are any more interested in smelling roses than the males.”
“Oh, no. No. She-trolls don’t smell roses. They use roses to make thorny ropes and use the ropes to trap the males into submission.”
“That... actually makes some modicum of sense now.”
DAY 17
“The Great Tsabu of Terra, after finding land and doing one hundred thousand push-ups.”
“Cut it. You did NOT do one hundred thousand push-ups.”
“Found a tribe of friendly ogres to join the Great Tsabu of Terra’s retinue.”
“There is no such thing as a friendly ogre. They’re just happy to see someone who doesn’t want to eat them. Try to not allow them to get lost, if you value your life.”
“Thundax reached Bloodreign to protect it from Vesper. Now everyone can celebrate.”
“I will only celebrate when I can do so by drinking from Vesper’s skull.”
“I seem to have found the legendary Alamar in this endless desert. I think I can engage him. I wish I could understand what his plan is.”
“Leave me alone, you maggot-brained dragon-food. I am tired of the Ironfists. I have better things to do.”
“I think he wants us to kill him and end his misery already. I will allow it.”
DAY 18
“Ah, he vanished into the sands. What a pity. If I take chase it can take weeks to return, can’t leave our new castle vulnerable.”
“Ogres so impressed by the Great Tsabu of Terra’s one hundred thousand push-ups that they show him the riches of their land. Surprising lot to plunder.”
“Will you stop with this nonsense?”
“He amazing. Never seem a thousand hundred earth-pushes!”
“You can’t even count!”
“It is now or never! Vesper, you will bow to Thundax!”
“So the roaches leave their little hiding spot at last. The dragon king will be pleased to be served you orange mutants well-done to his palace.”
“Wolves you better advance with caution. If the bullmen of the warlocks intercept you, you’ll never taste halfling meat.”
“You think you can challenge the Dragon King just because you’ve acquired a little horde of dumb ogres? Your ogres will do you little good if blinded by the great powers given to me by the Dragon King!”
“Dragon king this, dragon king that. Vesper is nothing more than the dragon king’s doormat.”
“Well, I never!”
Sometimes I bring up the grid when I need to count the hexagons. Here I wanted to make sure the wolves were outside of the minotaur kings' range.
“Glory is yours, mighty wolves, for you have tasted halfling flesh!”
“An insignificant setback! I don’t need my army to slaughter your mutts!”
“Fifty goblins for a minotaur! Hah! Pathetic. Seems about right.”
“Goblins might have been slaughtered. But the glory of their puny size downing one of the monster bullmen will never be diminished or taken from them. Not in death.”
“Shut up! Stop that! Your troops are worthless. They are only worth of pity! No wolves will leave this battle alive. Nor ugly trolls, nor brute orc, nor pathetic goblin, nor dumb ogre. Much less any orange mutant like yourself!”
“Your trolls are gone! One by one your troops fall.”
“Vesper’s army doesn’t look too healthy either.”
“Fool! My army is of little importance. As long as they live, my own magics will wreak havoc upon yours. And you can’t even compare.”
“Vesper uses dirty tricks to fight Thudax’ army. But in the end, we will see who is still standing.”
“What? Your ogres are actually slaying my dragons? HOW?”
“Vesper’s dragons are but his pawns, but Thundax’ ogres are his strength. And that’s how Vesper falls. To the resolve of orcs. To the voracity of wolves. To the carefreeness of goblins. To the mettle of trolls. And the MIGHT OF OGRES!”
“I yield. Dragons, take me to safety. This is impossible. Illogical!”
“Defeat is the sour fruit Thundax cultivated for you, Vesper.”
Now you can see how even with the ogre alliance, we took heavy casualties dealing with Vesper. The best course of action, if you go with the Necromancer alliance, is to forfeit this initial castle and just regrow from the yellow castle. If you’re lucky, the yellow main hero will die due to a lack of castle before he reaches you, but if he does, he is now in the disadvantage and all you have to do is hold on and try to make your main hero catch up to his in experience a bit.
Speaking of experience, that’s the reason I actually went for Vesper. Couldn’t risk him vanishing and leaving Thundax with no experience. He gets more attack, of course. And scout. It is a very underrated skill.
DAY 19
“I’ve called more dragons. I should explore the roads to make sure there are no more surprises.”
“Och! The Tsaboo of the hundred thousand push-ups! Flee!”
“Nope. Not listening. This didn’t happen.”
DAY 20
“Guess the Alamar isn’t going to be a problem anymore. The yellow dragon lord was found and dealt with.”
“His blood was spicy!”
“But the orange dragon lord still lingers. Still, we are now in much more equal footing, I believe.”
“Aha! I knew I was bound to find an observation tower along the road.”
“The Stonehenge at the north will greatly increase my powers! And the druidic blood too!”
“But the road ends up in the desert to the west. I am NOT willing to venture a place of mostly sand and sun.”
“Arie is working for the orange dragon lord? Inconceivable! Traitor!”
“You can’t imagine how bewdiful the Dragon King is, Snob General. No hard feelings. Can’t have something like THAT wasting away in a zoo. Not even for Archie himself.”
“You’ll pay for that, Jadamian bastard!”
DAY 21
“After doing two hundred thousand push-ups, the Great Tsabu of Terra has finished clearing the southern end of the coast. I tried to attack the rangers, but the Great Tsabu of Terra is shy around girls. The orc shaman was nice enough to give the Great Tsabu of Terra some tips on how to approach girls, though. So now the Great Ts...”
“And cut! My sanity can’t take much more...”
“The soldiers in this fort are teaching Thundax something he never heard of. It is this new fad called... de... fenestration?”
“DEFENSE! Defenestration is throwing people out of windows.”
“Oh, right. Thundax already know that one. Hey, is that a Jadamian?”
“Mighty hydracroc! That guy looks like lord Slayer!”
And so we finish for now. And we have a decision to make.
Should we ignore the Orange dragon lord and look straight for the Dragon King in his Dragon City? Vote Dragon City then. If you believe we should assert our authority and defeat orange, claiming this whole island for Archibald, vote Orange must die!