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We start our story with the now infamous Telltale reminder that our choices matter, man. You can make a difference. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Well, 105 today again if you missed it. A record for the day. Hottest ever in June.
103 now. And that humidity looks low, but remember, the hotter the air is, the more moisture it can hold
So 103o with 31% humidity is a lot more humid than, say, 73o with 31% humidity.
And it is muggy out there.
Meet Sheriff Bigby Wolf. AKA Big-B Wolf. AKA The Big Bad Wolf. If you’re not familiar with the Fable series, most every character is a gritty, modern reimagining of a traditional folk tale. Which probably means that somewhere in this world, Jack and Jill are adults and they fuuuck.
Anyway, Big Bae up there isn’t just out for a midnight stroll, he’s on a mission. That notepad paper is a little hard to read, so our man in the lab did a reconstruction of the contents of the page.
Our man in the lab was also kind enough to provide us with a reconstruction of the back of that notepad page!
Bigby enters into a worn-down apartment building, at the bottom floor of which lies a poor unfortunate soul with galling leprosy and horrifying facial deformities.
Or possibly just an anthropomorphic toad.
Oh shit.
Before this game, I did not know how a frog could smile. And after this game, I do not want to know.
The horrifying results of attempting to give an amphibian recognizably human facial expressions aside, we’re now presented with a set of four choices, Telltale’s Bread and Butter. We only have a limited amount of time to respond, as indicated by the red line at the bottom which will progressively shrink as time passes. If we don’t select one of the options in time, the game defaults to the “Silence” option, indicated by the ellipsis. This time, though, we’re just gonna state the facts, because we’re straight and to the point and holy shit that is talking frog.
In more ways than one. You’re lucky I’m just the sheriff and not the fashion police.
Wait, what’s wrong with me sweater? I got it from my Grandad!
Oh, I can tell.
As the text on the top of the screen helpfully indicates, silence is indeed a valid option, and most every set of dialogue choices gives Bigby the option of saying absolutely nothing and staring at his fellow conversants in awkward silence. It is, objectively speaking, hilarious. Doubly so when you realize that the narrative will continue trucking along despite Bigby not speaking half the time, much like me in the sixth grade play when I forgot my lines.
You know what I mean!
“The Farm” in Fable is where those magical creatures who are unable or unwilling to pay for the glamour to disguise themselves as human are left to live, sort of like a fantasy ghetto. It has a reputation for hosting a wide sort of unsavory characters.
And I cannae even tell when it’s gonna happen! I was making love to the boy’s mum the other day, right? And my beautiful boy—my boy meaning my penis, not my boy meaning my boy—he turns into that awful looking man member. You ever seen one of those? It’s like a naked mole rat wearing a turtleneck made out of another naked mole rat!
Whatever it costs, it’s worth it.
See that little bit of text up top? That’s our periodic reminder that GAMESERIESADAPTCHOICESMAKESTORYTAILOREDHOWPLAY. Again, the choices aren’t typically going to have more than a minor effect on the narrative at best. There’s no butterfly-effect web of dialogue choices where a chance remark could send Bigby down this grand alternative narrative of intrigue and betrayal ultimately leading to him traveling back in time to stop Oppenheimer from developing the bomb and inadvertently causing a race of sentient peanut people to enslave the earth.
Anyway, in the background a TV is seen falling to the street from the floor above, but since it appears in all of five frames and I do not have a fast enough screen capture finger, you’ll just have to take my word for it. Bigby does not actually look behind him for a good few seconds after this event until he’s finished taking a drag off his cigarette.
See? This what I called you about, Sheriff. You just gonna stand there?
Before he completely tears up the place!
Once again, we’re presented with a set of dialogue choices. And once again, at least this time, we’re going with the “What is this? Where am I?” option.
So what set him off?
When did he start drinking?
Seriously though, it’s a debilitating condition and he should be seeking treatment for it.
My god. The Fable universe doesn’t just have talking animals. Even the buildings can talk.
You’d think that in the five minutes we’ve been talking we would have heard more from her instead of just him breaking things and throwing furniture out the window but oh god is my nose bleeding I should probably stop pointing out holes in the narrative.
Toad stays at the bottom, happily waving us off on our grand adventure!
Or not.
Oh hey, that must be Toad’s child! Or some kid that Toad has kidnapped and pretends to be his child, but I’m gonna just assume that it is actually Toad’s child.
You want the Big Bad Wolf to take you away?
No.
I don’t want to speak too soon but I think Mr. Toad’s a shoe-in for Fabletown’s Father of the Year Award. And not just because of the conspicuous absence of parental figures in most fairy tales.