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Part XL - Goondalf the G(odhead)
Uh, yes Bones. YES WE NEED SOMETHING.
Your kinfolk attacked me on my way in.
I have spoken with Friar Massus. He has given me the Chalice of life, and some holy water, which will, he hopes, cleanse the taint from a sinkhole of evil."
"Sinkhole of Evil," you say? I'd bet a rib that "sinkhole" is the lich's altar, but it would hurt you too much if you bet against me and lost.
Very funny, Bones. Why don't YOU pour the water on the altar, then? After all, your skeletal friends won't attack their kin.
You're joking, right? Any undead coming in contact with as virulent a brew as holy water poured from the Chalice of Life will burn quite brightly and hotly for a very short time before collapsing into ash. I can't even touch that goblet. You see, Goondalf the G, they call it the Chalice of LIFE... Not of undeath. Life is anathema to me, and a healing spell could destroy me.
Curses, I was hoping you'd forget... Foiled again!
Very amusing, Goondalf the G. Let me get a lock of your hair for this next batch of bones, and when you come back victorious, we'll throw a ball in your honor! [His tone is of a man... or what remains of one... beatific with glee.] We can all have a nice chat, with the charming crescendo of clashing weapons to set the mood. Just how many expletives do you know, Goondalf the G? [His voice returns to normal for a moment to say the following.] You will need to return and let me know when you are finished, so that I can continue my master's work.
A clever rejoinder, Bones. Now, go make yourself a few more friends. I will see you shortly.
No doubt he's just trying to trick us.
Literally right outside his door is the lich's altar! How and why did it move?! (Chapter 6 was when the company was nearing bankruptcy, and so I imagine, though can't confirm, that this is one part that got kind of a rush job. And/or because navigating all the way down to the labyrinth would be a shitty backtrack.)
With all the skeletons destroyed, all we have to do is literally just click on it.
Hey buddy, how do you like that holy water?
That's for Felious, asshole!
E Z. Not the most climactic end for the Bane of Chapter Two, but like I said, parts were probably rushed.
Thanks for all your support Bones.
I have cleaned the altar, Bones. I certainly hope it worked.
After the skeletons stopped groaning, a few of our own passed through unharmed after you performed your task. They must have been taking cover from the skeletons, so I'd say that qualifies as a resounding positive. I recognized a few of them from the descriptions I was given, as well, and I believe they're the ones who left to set up that outpost so long ago. In which case, they're here to serve either as reinforcements or messengers. Likely the latter, considering the makeup of that motley group, so doubtless the original escape route is still open.
I suppose so, Bones. Farewell.
Included with the shifting around of the geography is a brand new area to explore!
This is where the final stages of the class-unique quests take place. The fun part is we can still glimpse a little bit of the other two besides Mage.
An underground stone structure with... rows of pews, huh?
And a full-plate armored dude?
That's creepy, let's just step aside from him and keep exploring.
Drafty in here...
Ooo, secret treasure!
What. WHAT. Who dares!? Goondalf the G does not ASK permission. He GIVES permission. We must straighten this out immediately.
Only a fool, or one who has lost his mind to the ages, would dare threaten one such as myself. Watch your tongue, else I shall cut it out.
My thanks, elder one. I will depart momentarily... that is, unless you wish for me to free your spirit with a fireball or two.
Xandar: Such blasphemous words serve only to test the limits of my patience. Either you are a fool delirious from a long journey, or a madman come to embrace his own death. Either way, your presence dishonors this hallowed ground. Remove yourself before I am forced to send you to the hereafter!
Possibly both, but it may be that I've come to imprison you to empower a minor cantrip. The caverns grow dim, specter, surely your feeble soul could power at least a minor spell to light my torch!
Xandar: So, Goondalf the G, you wish to destroy me, then? To claim that which is not yours in a desperate attempt to achieve greatness beyond your grasp?
I wish to destroy all who jealously covet others and hide from the goodness within their own souls. Kneel, specter, and embrace the light so it might deliver you from this tortured existence and speed you on your way to oblivion!
Xandar: I kneel to only one, and you are not that one. Never would I yield to one such as you! A sniveling coward, hiding under a coat of honor, so that those who might gaze upon him would not see the fear eating his heart!
The years have devoured your mind, and with it, your reason. I will take it upon myself to teach you a final lesson, that of who is the master now!
Xandar: If that is your destiny, then face me and let the darkness in your heart consume your soul!
Ironic words from one who possesses no bones, and little else.
He then turns hostile...
and is also invincible.
So it inevitably leads to death or leaving. I'm not sure what the point of being able to taunt this guy into attacking is, aside from being very funny and very in-character for Goondalf. No, I didn't make any of those lines up.
(The treasure chest contains a reward for Fighters, and there is an additional secret room branching off that only Scouts can access.)
But we... we have another reward coming.
South of the church is a bunch of red clay caverns, with some bones strewn around.
And at the end of them is this fellow. (Note the passage to the right, part of the Scout section.)
Lemme guess? You're... a nut? A loon? Possibly drunk on bat droppings?
Jump in...? :thunk:
[Hit him with a weapon.]
What's going on here?
Maybe fishy want Krog stew?
Krog: Ooo, Krog done find himself a smart fishy! Smart fishy taste the best, hmm yah!
No, not a smart fishy. Smart MAGE! [Crackle energy between your hands.]
[Wait for his attack.]
[Push him as he raises his club.]
What the--no Goondalf, stop trying to get in the pot!
Perhaps you can help me, Krog. In return, I could give you something to eat.
Krog: Me no need yer help. Me doing just fine. You get in pot now or I get really angry and then me stomp and smoosh you good and eat you up, yum!
You could no more harm me with your club than I could you with my spells. This is quite a predicament.
Krog: Ya, pur-ment. Me not want to chase you no more, just eat you.
Then I propose a game. If I win, I get that book you have there, and if you win, I will let you eat me. How does that sound?
Krog: That sound good to Krog. What game we play, fishy?
Since we cannot defeat each other, me with my magic, or you with your strength, I propose a game of wits.
Krog: And you promise dat if Krog win, he get to eat you?
I promise.
Riddles... in the dark!
I sense this was your intent the whole time, but no matter. The game of three riddles it is. As is the nature of the game, if I answer all three, I win, correct? You will honor my request?
Krog: I accept your terms, and if you answer my riddles correctly, I will honor your request. But know this, if you fail, when I am done eating the flesh from your bones, I shall chisel them into toothpicks.
Very well, Krog, ask away.
E Z.
The ocean.
Krog: Yes, the ocean does all these things. Beginner's luck. Perhaps I should try something harder, then? [He moves closer to you, his foul breath causing your nose hairs to curl.]
Whatever you desire, Krog.
War.
Krog: Bah! I see I am not the only one here feigning a false persona. You are indeed more wise than you appear to be. [He fidgets nervously.] Then I shall take no chances with my last and most difficult of riddles. This one you will not get! [He licks his chops and greedily rubs his palms together in anticipation of your failure.]
I seriously doubt I will fail your childish riddles, but try as you may, Krog.
Apocalypse.
Indeed I have, Krog. You gave away your answers as you spoke them to me. Subtle changes in your voice upon the correct answers gave them away. However, I have won your silly game, and for that, I claim your book! I might not be as adept at riddles as yourself, but what need have I?
As you can see, we have to be very careful throughout this conversation, not just at the beginning. Is it the Manuscript that gives Krog this power...? I thought only Goondalf had achieved such understanding of the game.
Instead, we must say:
I have not cheated you, o brilliant Krog. Your riddles were difficult, indeed, and tested the limits of my abilities. Never have I met one as yourself with such a flair for riddles. You have a gift, Krog, and I will not lie. Your last riddle stumped me completely, it was simply a lucky guess.
Our command of magic is greater! You will need to do more than seize control of the dialogue to best Goondalf, fool!
[Snatch his book and run.]
[Keep running.]
LATER, SUCKA
Super weird quest complete. Again, none of the images or dialogue were altered.
Well, time to see if the cleansing worked.
Success!
The skeletons now read as neutral and don't attack us. More importantly, Bones has tons of friends now. 
Wait... you're not a skeleton?
So what made you decide to come up here, thereby risking your life?
Arion: Oh, but this is an opportunity to see some pretty incredible things! I heard that Avalon was built atop the ruins of an ancient temple, and I had to come see! There could be undiscovered artifacts laying in this rubble! Not that the rubble itself isn't an artifact... I mean, it shows some sign of wear, but who knows how long ago this temple fell into the earth? And why? How strange... I wonder...
I'd like you to speak with a friend of mine concerning your curiosity...
Arion: Why? What are you suggesting? Are you saying I'm crazy? No, I'm not crazy. Can't a man be curious? I never go too far, I don't want to get torn asunder by those skeletons... I've heard they're rather tough, so I keep my distance. I just wanted to see-
You don't understand. I'm not suggesting you're, er, crazy, but perhaps that you have the same, uh, tendencies as a friend of mine, a Sage by the name of Phelic. He, too, is a very... curious... man, and very wise. You may be able to find some answers in his head or his books...
Arion: Oh! I see, I am sorry, I just... Phelic, you say? I shall have to look this chap up as soon as... Well, whenever the skeletons will let us past.
If you'll allow me, I shall deal with that problem presently.
Arion: [He looks at you more closely.] Oh, I see you're that "Goondalf the G" that I've heard so much about. I thought I had seen you before... You know, when I heard about how you dealt with the lich, I thought-
Please excuse me, neighbor. I cannot dally on my tasks. Farewell.
Retreat!
Yes, at last. The lich's altar area was the source of the evil taint. Now that it's purified, the skeletons aren't attacking any more.
Wacian: Aren't... Eh? Ye've lost me, Goondalf the G. Skeletons that don't attack? Don't all th' undead...
Err, not these, Wacian. You see, Felious' assistant...
Wacian: Oh, Felious had an assistant, eh? He must be strange as his master!
You have no idea. At any rate, Felious had an assignment for his assistant -- to raise an army of the undead to protect Avalon's lower levels. he's been hard at work, but the lich's taint on the area caused the skeletons to attack. Now that the taint is gone, the skeletons -- as hard as it may be to conceive -- are our allies.
Wacian: Then when he's finished down there, he can raise another army to fight our battles for us!
A good idea, Wacian, but I remember hearing that undead skeletons actually have to be made out of the remains of creatures, so we're limited in that respect.
Wacian: Very well then, ye've a good point. I wonder if that assistant can create horse skeletons... Hmm...
Er, I'll leave you be, Wacian. Be safe.
Good question actually. Maybe the Sage Phelic knows!
Does the man I sent to you seem to be apprentice material?
Phelic: Oh, most definitely! He's curious, inquisitive, and -- you may wish to sit down for this -- he already knows how to read! Hah! I don't think I'll be able to pull him away from the books for quite some time, but that is a fortunate circumstance. He has found many volumes that I haven't perused in ages, so the both of us have been learning. A sage's life is truly born into him; it is not something that one chooses... Thank you for your assistance, Goondalf the G. I couldn't be more pleased.
You are welcome, wise one. I shall leave you -- both -- to your studies. Farewell.
Are you enjoying yourself here?
Arion: [He looks up at you with surprise, startled.] Oh! Goondalf the G! I'm glad to see you again! It's great, I'm tired but I can't sleep; it's been so long since I've held a book, and none of those army types had anything interesting to read! Thank you for bringing me to Phelic! There's talk of me becoming an assistant! Can you imagine that! An assistant to a Sage, I can't think of anything better-
Yes, er, I'm glad you've found your place, friend. Pardon me...
Arion: Wait a moment! I found something in the temple area that I'd like to give to you to show my appreciation. Phelic says it's safe, and that it will help you.
Well, thank you very much, friend! If you'll pardon me, my duties call for quick action...
The amulet is... okay. The 20% reduction to pretty much all damage from spells is nice, but at this stage of the game, if we're actually getting hit by spells, we're probably dead anyway.
Now, we shall go deliver the Manuscript to Anthamas.
I have recovered the Manuscript of Mystic Magic!
Anthamas Shadomar: Outstanding work, Goondalf the G! I cannot fathom how you managed to find the Manuscript. A thousand praises and thanks! With one like you in Avalon's defense, I do not see how we could fail! For such daring resourcefulness, the first garment I make will be for you. Even with the tome at hand, it will take me a few moments to complete the enchantments. Until then, my friend, see Opias for more training. Return when you have mastered the Mystic Arts.
You're welcome, Anthamas. I will seek Opias as you have requested.
I come with news from the laboratory of Anthamas Shadomar.
Sage Opias: What news from Anthamas do you bring me?
I have recovered the Manuscript of Mystic Magic for Anthamas. He is now preparing his first fire-resistant garment, and has directed me to you for more training.
It is time.
The Goon Gate opens
Sage Opias: Before the beginning it did start, part of nature's hand, craft of the land, sacred art... All is one, the moon, the stars, the sun... [As you recite the mystic words with Opias, you can feel their power swirling around you, through you, and inside you like a magical vortex. As the chant continues, everything you see appears to phase out of view, and you can see how everything is connected to each other by a magical bloodline. The incantation finally ends when Opias places his glowing hands upon your shoulders, restoring your vision to normal.] It is done.
I finally understand how the Fornaxan mages see the world, and why they take such care in their dealings. I must return to Anthamas now, perhaps he is finished.
The best parts aren't included in the stats though.
A) The texture is rad as hell, and
B) so is how exactly it improves our Fireball spell.
Now each casting of the spell generates two independent fireballs that swirl around each other, essentially doubling damage if they both hit.
Forget unlocking the secrets of the universe... THIS is true power.
Now we have done all we can before the climax of the game. It is time to spend all of our Training Points and become the invincible god we were always meant to be.
Regenerating 36 out of 428 mana per second is... pretty good.
Look out, Mithras. The G approaches.