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10: Nice Ballista, Nerd
Oh my. That would be supremely obnoxious.
If they actually had an archer to put on it!
Pretend I dug up that page of TGT with the "I'm sorry if this looks gay to the viewers" panel.
Except I'm not very sorry at all, so I won't.
The brigand morphs into an archer for the cutscene, but he can't hit for shit.
Oh no.
That explains why he has some intern running it. Spent all the money on giant bows and arrows, nothing left to hire people to operate them.
"Thanks for reminding me, jackass."
"Well, I could probably throw one pretty far..."
"That's all I ask."
ah shit
But rock will never die!
This is really nice for Ninian, because it doesn't weigh her down at all. It won't hit hard, but it also won't give her any penalties!
Yogi bear is a cavalier
and nothing to caval-fear,
because he's just sitting caval-there and we don't need to get caval-near,
but this guy is a little scarier because he actually moves and you don't have to be an axe user to find 20 atk offputting.
Fuck me, that's a weapon!
This is still pretty strong, but not on a thief.
This guy has a devil axe.
And this one
has a steel one, which is still looking pretty scary.
The knight has a poison (brave!) lance, the pirate up top has a steel axe and the Hector lord a poison (but not brave) axe.
I'll just draw them out. Those movement ranges don't always work in our favour.
Yeah!
0 hit 
Then we can mop up.
16 damage! I keep forgetting my Hector doesn't actually have Hectoresque Def.
But we can soften him up so
the emblem axe is a devil weapon 
And the steel axe still poisons 
Agreed.
On the second attempt, we try a different approach.
And I traded off one of Ninian's vulneraries so
she can
pick up a sword that does something completely different. It's ok, it has 40 crit, I can work with that!
Reinforcements incoming.
The javelin's effective against horses?!
i just said i'm not that bad at fire emblem why does this keep happening
Third attempt!
Huh. Not bad.
Oneshotting things is always great. Even if it's only a monk.
These forts don't spawn brigands this time. They spawn wyverns!
They double Florina!
And if you needed any more proof that the longbow is godawful...
We can get in iron bow range, though.
Rath got the devil axe guy. Not impressed.
Priscilla went shopping. This is nice!
It only weighs Florina down by two points (out of her 4 spd).
Which is a problem, because with 4, she could still double the occasional enemy with a heavy weapon.
Goddammit they have more wyverns!
I kill it, of course, but that stings.
Hector got poisoned, but also a good level.
You jerk!
I started trading so Ninian could take it back and then
saw I had a shot and reflexively took it anyway 
Cav's down. Now we shouldn't have
oh shit oh fuck I forgot the steel sword has crit okay it's fine he didn't get one but my heart kind of stopped beating for a bit
hold on I don't think it started again
hello??
...
okay there we go
Ninian crit instead.
We could have done that, but I don't think there'd have been much point.
...come to think of it though, it's probably randomized, too? So it could have been funny. Oh well. We'll have more chances.
Dorcas is a beast.
But I have a stationary boss and an archer.
Which adds up to just an archer, but better.
No thanks to you, Heath.
That is a very good question!
"The word 'mutton' keeps coming up no matter who I talk to."
"Apparently her name is, like, 'Lyn' or something?"
Next on Ninian's Bizarre Randomizer:
Wallace.