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Look, Leif, I appreciate being thought of as extremely important to winning the game, but if I have another of those drinks I'm going to puke!
Do what I say or I'm not promoting you to third tier!
Wait Leif are you actually deploying me?
I'm not happy about it either, but we need lots of Longbow users.
But I thought you said I was useless and irredeemable because of my Accost skill. You said I'd never be in this LP at all!
I did.
And I get to be in this chapter?
You do.
Well...thank you! What chapter is this, by the way?
The chapter with the indoor Ballistae.
NO PLEASE GOD NO! NOOOOOOO!
I'm telling you, they have an impossibly fast armor knight with a ranged Devil Axe and a child mage that moves twice every turn and uses every type of magic!
That's so ridiculous that it could only be the work of a master hacker...IN AMERICA!
And another thing. The Exile patch doesn't include the "in America" bit so you need to stop saying it.
Guards, throw this anti-American wench in the dungeons! In America!
So much for free speech.
Hey, you can say whatever you want...IN AMERICA! But there will be consequences if you say things I don't like. IN AMERICA!
So if I asked you to not throw Olwen in the dungeon where we keep all the child murderers...?
I would order you to bait the enemy into falling into my devious trap. IN AMERICA!
Whoever put this giant, forested chokepoint here fails map design forever.
A hundred (exaggerated) turns later!
Okay, first major obstacle: A swordmaster with a Silver Sword, and a sniper with a Silver Bow right behind.
Something not right. I can't capture her.
What? Seriously?
But I don't see anything suggesting you can't capture this random generic unit for no reason. I bet the hacker flagged this unit just to annoy me.
Well, she's deader than Eyvel now!
Wow. Nice.
Oh great, I didn't notice the Bishop!
...Why does this Sniper have Vantage? Wait, are these three supposed to be Edward, Leonardo and Micaiah or something? Well that can't be, they're all female units...ugh, just kill her!
Who knows if we'll use that weapon, but hey, we got convoy space.
That's one fast Bishop, but we can set up a capture.
And now for a bunch of armor knights that flail around inside that tiny little corridor, surely they're not luring us into some kind of trap.
Hey, think it might be possible to snipe Kempf with a Blizzard so he runs away early?
Sadly it doesn't work that way, you need to hit him at 1-2 range. And he's invincible so he won't die in this chapter.
Thracia 776 loves ruining what little fun there is to have.
And now it's time for the new and improved Portcullis trap, totally a perfectly acceptable instance of fair and balanced level design!
IN AMERICA!!!
What could possibly be worse than a pair of indoor Ballistae?
...Mages?...OH NO.
BOLTING MAGES?! TWELVE OF THEM?! TEN FUCKING BOLTING MAGES!
Well this is the Frigg army we're talking about here. Besides, this is perfectly winnable if you saw it coming a mile away and set yourself up in a very specific manner.
That doesn't make it better! On what planet, in what universe, is THIS considered good level design?! Because let me put this out here, there are FOURTEEN units I have to nail in one turn!
And you have 14 units to do it with!
Okay first of all, my own turn is consumed triggering the stupid trap to begin with, and second, not all of these guys can one-round a Mage! Maybe if they all started with Bolting equipped they could, but that's not the case, they all start with a normal Thunder! I am banking on a critical on EVERY attack or I'm at risk!
Glad I can use Wind Swords, huh?
Grrrrr!
Hey, on the bright side, Accost comes in handy for guaranteeing a one-round!
Look at this shit! You made SELFINA useful!
Palette's still bugged.
Welp, this is the best I can do! They get four shots on me for free!
Look, I really don't think this is as bad as you think. If they kill someone unimportant you could just move on.
You mean someone like yourself?
Because I don't know if you know this, but we need you alive to get to Chapter 11x.
I'm also going to say that nobody, NOBODY wants to go to 11x, but for the sake of the LP, let's say we do.
See this shit? If the Bolting Mage targets you, you'll be doubled thanks to this stupid skill. The hacker is using the awful mechanics against us!
And to add to this, we need either enough Door Keys to open up all the doors, or a stupidly weak Thief that could get shot by the Ballistae or the Bolting Mages!
Okay you know what? Fine. It's unfair. But guess what? This is the only way to get any challenge out of Fire Emblem anymore. "Fair" and "Challenging" are mutually exclusive. The sooner you learn that, the sooner Fire Emblem can be good again. I'm outta here!
HA! A move point! I am superior to Karin in every way!
Yeah that's right, go back to your exclusive little club that liked it better when there was no weapon triangle.
I just heard Three Houses doesn't have a weapon triangle.
MOTHERFUCKER! Stop pandering to HIS extremely niche circle instead of MINE!
And now for one last "Fuck you". These three Druids are aptly named Strife, Hate, and Wail. Strife uses Dire Thunder (because Cloud Strife, get it?) and has Sol. Wail uses Grafcalibur and has Luna. Hate uses Cymbeline and has ASTRA.
How you are supposed to fight these guys without just having Asvel explode on them is something only the hacker knows.
So I'd love to capture their stuff, but if you'll remember, there is also a time limit to unlock 11x.
I will get me some extra swords however.
Also pay no attention to the fact that I have a Thief now. I totally didn't replay the map, swap him in, and have him hide at the very start of the map out of Bolting range, no sir!
Okay, chop his head off.
With pleasure.
I don't know whose portrait this is. He most resembles Novala from Sacred Stones with a color swap. And a mask.
His stats don't really matter, just figured I'd post them. See if they change in the rematch.
I sure would love that sword, though.
We shall meet again, Prince Leif...IN AMERICA!
A Torch. How...helpful. Well, there is Fog in the next chapter.
Something bad's coming up, I can feel it.