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A Coon and Friends Comic Series - New Kid Vol. 1
Issue #003 - The Day of Fate! New Kid's Tragic Backstory
Hello everyone and welcome back to South Park. Before we take a seat and go over our backstory, let's look at something in the Coon Lair! This is kind of a cool little thing that's just there for backstory.
Ah, I see you've noticed my alt costumes for special missions. I needed the Aqua Suit when Professor Chaos tried digging a drain at the bottom of Stark's Pond. The Armor Suit is something I came up with to protect against Human Kite's lasers... if he ever turns against me.
Fair. Human Kite is a really strong buddy!
So let's just sit down. Maybe next to Cartman?
Not there.
This is funnier than it needs to be.
You have to have a superhero persona. Then, you can fill out your character sheet on Coonstagram. Do you have a Coonstagram page?
...I guess I can create one for you... Fuckin' unbelievable... Let's see...
...sheet is your class. You know, what kind of superhero are you?
The only valid choices (for us) are the first three - Speedster, Brutalist, and Blaster. The last two (Netherborn and Final Girl) do not come with tutorials and so we don't get an explanation on how they play. Their tutorials are integral parts of the two story DLCs.
Speedster - The laws of physics are mere suggestions to the Speedster, a hero capable of bending spacetime in order to mete out justice.
Brutalist - The Brutalist is a close-range brawler, specializing in fist-related injuries and hitting enemies into near-earth orbit.
Blaster - Don't just watch the world burn, light it on fire yourself as a Blaster. These damage dealers are deadly at any range.
Netherborn - For heroes with an affinity for death magic, the Netherborn deals damage and potent debuffs, like Chill.
Final Girl - Slash your way to victory as the Final Girl, using horrific traps and range attacks to set up foes for vengeful execution.
You all voted for Blaster, so that'll be what we go with!
...thing in your past drives you. You see, Douche, all superheroes have a compelling backstory. It's from that backstory that their powers gain meaning. Let's take you back to when you were just a child...
You lay awake that night... Like so many other nights you couldn't sleep because you knew you weren't like other kids... You walked to the mirror.
Awww, it's kindergartner sized New Kid!
...when it happened. A loud noise. You swore you could hear your mother calling for help.
The sound of sex is happening in the background. Lots of panting, moaning, and banging of the headboard.
I really like the way you pick your power set in this game. You're thrown into a mini tutorial in how to use the powers effectively. And out of all the times I've swapped around, it's only broken once because I killed enemies that weren't supposed to die, hosing up the script.
Each class has four abilities. X, Y, B, and their Ult. Blaster's X ability is up first!
It's just some basic ass fireballs that set your enemies on fire. Yawn.
Its timed hit is also three quick button presses.
As the flames cleared, the intruders realized what they were up against.
Shit, this little flamer means business.
Didn't your mom tell you not to play with fire?
It's difficult to get a good shot, but after your enemy finishes attacking you, you can hit the A button to recover a tiny bit of HP and fill the gauge at the top some.
You've left us no choice, kid.
There's three intruders, and the third one is always in the bathroom.
The Blaster's Y ability is a really strong knockback, along with a moderate bit of damage.
Its timed hit is just mashing A.
But the intruders wouldn't take getting pushed around lightly.
Hey you can't push us around like that!
They get in a line.
Little did they know they were setting themselves up for destruction.
The B ability is just a fuckoff laser beam in a straight line, hitting everything in its path.
With another "Mash A" timed hit.
His comrade fallen, the extra-ugly one closed in.
Not so hot now, you little flamer!
You were gravely injured, but the intruder's blows only awakened the fires that burned within you.
Ults are extremely powerful abilities that alter the course of a battle. This one inflicts a bunch of damage, and also applies Burning and Gross Out.
I'm not going to go in as much detail for the rest of the jobs. Just gonna show an image of their range, effects, and so on.
That's pretty traumatizing to a six year old.
...because you never forgot the night you weren't in time... And you saw your own father... the man you trusted... fuck your mom.
I need you to go out into town and try to get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram. It's the only way our franchise will survive.
We now have a Coonstagram page, and a character sheet, and the cosmetics menu. We could continue with the game, but...
Let's show off Speedster and Brutalist as well!
You can actually see the squares that our abilities affect on this screen. It's pretty handy!
Speedsters' X ability lets them hit an enemy that's two squares away. It can't hit anything right up next to them, but they shouldn't be on the frontlines anyway. These guys work wonderfully behind something brawnier!
The timed hit is just hitting A once.
Their Y ability lets them attack twice in a row, but their next actual turn is skipped.
This sends the speedster dashing through a line of enemies dealing a bunch of damage.
After taking damage twice in a row, we finally get to act again, and our Ult is charged.
Yes. Yes that's really happening. Sure it only affects a single target. But on the other hand...
And finally Brutalist!
Not entirely sure how far the knockback goes, but given it's called Brutal Bash, I'm gonna assume it ain't a short one.
There's something to be said about just beating the shit out of someone.
The other two guys came in from the bathroom. The Y ability hits both of them for a lot of damage and deals knockback. There's a theme here.
The Brutalist's B ability is a fart ground pound. As in you jump into the air, pound the ground, and then fart powerfully. It deals damage, causes knockback, and inflicts Gross Out.
It's just New Kid savagely beating the shit out of the person who pissed him off.
Our first Coonstagram message!
Depending on how much effort I want to expend, I may post the full shots like this, or I may do the shortened version like...
Thanks for investing in my Danger Deck project! Hop on the DLC Bus and check it out... IF YOU DARE! Haha jk. It is tough tho.
Right now we're sitll a Brutalist because I haven't switched back, but otherwise here's our character sheet. There's a bunch of title challenges we can do, and as we fill out the challenges, we gain XP. So it promotes a completionist style without requiring you to track down literally everything.
Also as a bonus, very, very few things in this game are permanently missable. Mostly it's just Coonstagram followers, so they learned quite a lot from the first game.
Also because of the DLC reward deluge, we have access to the buddies from those two DLCs. They're both pretty powerful.
Henrietta is an extremely powerful support character. She can heal allies, purge their debuffs, grant them attack bonuses, and on top of that she deals high burning damage to a line of enemies. I forget what her ult is, but I remember that it involves summoning satan. So presumably she fucks up the entire battlefield. She's extremely broken in a good way, and while it's tempting to use her as often as possible, I want to try to avoid snapping the difficulty curve in two!
Mintberry Crunch is from the second DLC. He's a gimmick buddy, although he is extremely powerful as well. His abilities inflict Berry and Mint statuses. It's been long enough taht I don't remember right off what they do, but I'm pretty sure if you have the Mint buff, you don't take damage from Berry enemies. Bear in mind that I'm working off 11 month old memories, so I'm probably wrong. The takeaway here is that it's a massive fucking chore to juggle and I dropped his ass the second I didn't have to use him anymore.
The cosmetic menu lets us change our look on the fly! Thanks to the staggering number of color and outfit combinations, we can have a lot of fun playing dressup. A superhero's gotta look good, right?
Not gonna show everything off, but here's a peek at just the hats we have available. And there's a lot more that aren't being shown as well.
That's the end of this update! It's short because I'm going to ask once again. Though this time it's just an informal poll:
Are you absolutely sure you want the New Kid to start off as a Blaster character?
We can change our class at nearly any time that we aren't in a story dungeon. And there's no downside to changing as often as we want!