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Hello everyone, and welcome back to South Park. Today we're being turned loose on the first couple of quests. We're even gonna have a boss fight of sorts as well! So today's gonna be pretty busy. Let's not waste any time!



The Coon Store lets us buy some cosmetics, including the outfits from the two classes we didn't pick. Like I mentioned before, combat stats are entirely divorced from looks, so this is just for cosmetics. We've only got $2 and change, so let's just hold onto it for now.



And before we continue, let's pause for a moment to look at the cosmetics system in a bit more depth. Let's change the color of our hat!



Almost every outfit in the game is dyable, and none of it is class restricted. So if you want to mix and match, then go for it!



The hat gets changed to black to match the rest of the outfit, and we apply some orange-red face paint for good measure.

OK guys let me know if you see any sign of Scrambles out there. This is super double top priority!

The mayor's aids say she's too busy to worry about a cat. Sorry Coon!



Mrs. Cartman will selfie with us eventually, but not right now. Everyone else on the screen will, though!



If we enter the scan mode, we can see the Instagram icon above people who are (or will eventually become) valid selfie targets.





This is Mrs. Farnickle



You can change the New Kid's expression with the control pad, and the two analog sticks... well, you can read.



I tend to like the expression.



#CountryKitchenBuffet #photo #coonstagood #life #like4like #like #amazing #hot #buttlord #style

Ooh, wonderful. I'll see you on the internet.





New Kid likes to append a lot of #hashtags on his posts. Also that is a damn lie because look at the number on the right. Without even doing anything, New Kid has 20 followers.



Coonstagram is super fun. Check it out sometime!

The Towelie DLC is not free content. They charge money for this. It's $2, to be fair. But it's also a "tutorial" that costs real actual money. I have it because I am terrible with money and should have my credit card confiscated bought the season pass.



Even if you forget the exact command for selfie, it's easy enough to remember thanks to the handy guide that pops up with damn near everyone in the game. Seriously, there's 160 Coonstagram friends, and several of them - like the people on this first real screen of the game - are permanently missable.

Also it occurs to me that the shitty one-time portrait I made last time for the two "nameless" Moorish are in fact named characters. With their own portraits. Welp.



We aren't cool enough for any of these jerks to want a selfie. So it turns into a game of "find the right person."



Even Kevin's looking down on us. Wow.

Don't forget to check out all the apps on your phone, Butthole. There's all kinds of useful superhero stuff on there.



Over here in front of our house, we find the key to our dilemma!



Hey, you got it open! You're the real deal, little superhero!



#hot #nice #YOLO #butthero #buttlord #like4like #followme #coonstacool #coonstagood #amazing





#cleanupsux #coonstadaily #lol #selfie #buttloaf #me #hot #amazing #winning #style

We're friends now, I guess.

This is Matty. Great, now we will never see him ever again.



That Manbearpig claw deserves a place of honor in Butthole's room, right with the helmet! We used the shit out of that thing in the first game.





#fantasyfollowback #gravimetricdistortions #maximumwarp #YOLO #butthero #lol #nice #coonstadaily #hot #me



Not bad, Butthole. You're gaining followers pretty fast. Keep up the good work. I'm still having trouble reaching some of the Coon Friends. You might wanna see what's going on.



The tutorial makes us (literally takes control away until we do what it says) open the map and pin a quest.



We're closer to Kyle's house than Craig's, so we'll go to the Human Kite's lair first.



There's also a smaller map that you can call up quickly if you get lost, or can't find where your quest objectives are.



Buttlord I'm waiting for you outside Casa Bonita. We have to save Karen from those lame vampires! Take the DLC Bus over when you're ready.

The DLC, IIRC, are minimum level 500. We're level 0.



#wishiwassuper #like #butthero #followback #buttloaf #followme #like4like #blessed #winning #coonstadaily





#photo #coonstagood #like4like #lol #winning #amazing #selfie #YOLO #swagstyle #nice

Cool, we follow each other now.



Randomly poking around. Let's bother Butters's parents.

Cute PJs, kid. If you see Butters, could you tell him he's grounded again?
If I take a selfie with you, will you skedaddle?



#bathhouse #nice #swagstyle #lol #like #coonstapic #coonstacool #like4like #butthero #followback



Are you on some kind of house-exploring adventure?
You kids have such fun Luckily our valuables are safely locked in our bedroo-- Oh, I've said too much.
Happiness is a clean hours, right? Right?!
If you have time to clean, you have time to obsessively scrub dishes until your hands are raw and bleeding.
Hey, New Kid! Let's take a picture together!



#winning #amazing #hot #photo #coonstadaily #nice #like4like #coonstagood #followback #me

We really let our hair down. See you on the internet!

Buttlord's tags aren't always on point, but sometimes there's gold hidden in them. So I'm gonna keep posting them.



Also we're up to 49 followers. Somehow.



Here's the Stotch valuable safe. We can't get in without the code, sadly. So we'll have to be back for it. Eventually.



We can also knock down their family portrait. So we'll be back the next time I record.



Defying all conventional logic, this is Butters's room. Usually the end of the hallway is the bathroom!



And the bathroom is where his bedroom is supposed to be. Weird.



If you have that look when you're taking a poop, you need to eat more fiber in your diet.



Pooping in that toilet fulfilled one of the game's challenges! That particular one was "poop in a toilet." Next we get a new challenge to do the same for more of them.



When I said the game encourages a completionist attitude, this is why. You get tangible rewards for finishing each individual level of challenges. You get some XP up front, and you usually get a new cosmetic, or some crafting materials in your toybox back home.



The character sheet provides you a quick way to keep track of the challenges. Handy, huh?



Moving on, we're over on the screen with Stan and Kyle's houses.

No sign of Scrambles in the parks. I've got a hunch, though. Seeing where it leads!

Who would do such a thing?! It's just so MEAN!



When we approach Randy, he interrupts us with a cutscene.

Hey, kid, you know anything about this? Somebody is keying my wife's car at night. It's happening EVERY night. I thought it was just one of you damn kids, but well... Here, come here, take a look at this.





I'm just scared it's a... jilted lover or something. "You won't forget me THAT easy." "I thought we had something." "I'll tell the world about you, bitch." Listen, I'm sick of having to buff that shit out. If you can catch whoever's keying my wife's car tonight, I'll follow you on Coonstagram.





That's a pretty heavy duty tool. Geez.



While we're here, we'll poke around in the Marsh household.



I sure miss my dog Patches and that slobbery happy face. Patches would've gotten me condoms.
I need a jimmy for my peter, Billy. Can you get me a condom?



Shelly is still as hateful as ever.

No way turd, your follower count is way too low. I gotta protect my hashtag-brand.

A lot of people around town will not follow us back until we pass arbitrary gates. Not sure what those gates are, so I'll just occasionally check back and eventually Shelly will be marginally less hateful to us.



Hey there, I'm Towelie, your gaming bud! Remember, when snooping around someone's house, always check their refrigerator. There's always some good shit to steal in the frig.

The Marsh fridge has Dr Pepper and cold pizzas. Truly bountiful.



There's not a lot to see in these rooms.



Tom Cruise finally came out of Stan's closet, at least.



This just fills in Toolshed's data on our own character sheet. So if we want to know what his stats are...





The bathroom door is locked until we can pass this buddy-gate.



Behold! The only thing worth pointing out in Randy & Sharon's bedroom.



Shelly's room is bright and magical and... oh god. I see it already. One of the game's... sketchier collectables. We can't get them yet, but soon. Ughhhh...



Ah I see you've made it to the Palace of the Clouds. That's home base to Human Kite. Perhaps you can find him inside...





There's Kyle now. But we'll talk to him in a second. Time to loot his house.



In case you're curious what I cut out when I loot stuff. We just get random scraps of stuff. Some of it's references to the show, but my knowledge of such is even thinner than it was when I did the Stick of Truth LP. I should sit down and watch it as a way to justify my Hulu subscription, but



Who the hell are you?



Sorry, kid, but my problem is too big for a rookie. A few days ago... there was an anomaly in the universe. Another version of ME - the Human Kite from an alternate dimension - showed up here and is destroying everything.





Let's take care of this.





I can't fight him for obvious reasons, you know - alternate-universe paradox shit. So, YOU are going to have to take him out. You've got to really kick his ass, dude, so that he wants to return back to HIS universe on the east coast. You ready? All right, go get 'em!







Show of hands, who's surprised that Cousin Kyle is here?



All right, me from another universe! It is time for you to go back to your universe!
What do you mean, Kyle? We're a team, remember? I'm not from another universe; we're like super best pals!



Both of them have the same colored speech, but this is Kyle talking. Not Kyle. Got it?

...the Human Kite a bad name. He was sent here to destroy me and weaken my powers.
No, no, I came to spend two weeks with my cousin and wanted to play superheroes! And then he said, "OK, what superhero do you want to be?" And I said "I want to be Human Kite." But he said "You can't be Human Kite, I'm Human Kite."



I feel for Butthole here. Even though it's still his same expression as always, I can't help but see it as being a tiny bit wider than usual in a "holy shit" fashion.



...be Human Kites together," and she told him he had to do what I said because I was the guest. Remember?
I'm sorry, me from another universe, but it is time for you to learn that playing superheroes is too painful! New Kid, you must destroy my alter ego.
Oh, Jesus, we're gonna fight?
That's right. If you really want to play, then THIS is how you do it!
Well, all right. Anything to make me and my cousin more alike! Prepare for battle, weakling!



As the first post-tutorial battle, it's about as hard as you imagine it will be. If anything, it just serves as a reminder for mechanics.



Full contact. Not sparring.
Oh, I'm afraid that's impossible, I didn't bring my pads.



Yeah I really want to but parallel universe rules say I can't.

Cousin Kyle never shuts up. Ever. Holy shit.



We get the debuffs rolling. Though it doesn't matter because this is a "survive until the end" fight.



Jesus, come on dude.



It's a very Dragonball-esque laser beam.

OK, I think my inner ear fluids have stabilized now. That last hit didn't count, right? I'm undoing that damage, OK Kyle?





That's some classic alternate-universe bullshit.

This is a reoccuring thing. Bosses in the game do some hot bullshit occasionally. Half the challenge comes from adapting to their blatant cheating.



Cousin Kyle is a reoccuring boss, and he's particularly bad about it.



Cousin Kyle, I called a time out and he didn't listen! You know my asthma flares up when I exert myself. Yeah, I think this would be a lot more fair if I had a shield. Some kind of shield. Like a, like this Sefer Torah, which also has a great sentimental value.
Dude, Human Kite is alien, there's no Jewish stuff involved. And you can't just make up powers in the middle of battle!
I'm not making it up; it's totally canon in my alternate-universe.



The game has a tutorial for this, but protection is just a shield that absorbs incoming damage. Some last forever, others only last a couple turns. The amount of damage they absorb is indicated by the blue bar above the enemy's HP bar.



Wait, I thought I should get this turn instead of the New Kid because he didn't wait when I said time out earlier, so I think it should be my turn now.
Are you kidding me? That's totally cheating!

The joke that Cousin Kyle is obnoxious starts to wear thin when he interrupts every other turn you take to monologue for 45 seconds in his nasal, high pitched whiny voice. The cheating doesn't even bother me, because making the combat interesting is something I'm all for. But he's just being annoying while doing it, which makes it bad.

It's like the old comedy game joke "wow sewer levels are terrible!" while having an especially bad one. It's well-trod ground, but the point I'm getting at is that you can tell this game wasn't written by Obsidian.



Oh, Jesus.
OK, Wrath of Kite from an Alternate Universe!









That is a pretty funny fakeout, at least!





Some rewards, including a new mask that doesn't look half bad!



We're a few XP short of level 2, though. Dammit.



How sick is this... 7? 8 year old? That he has a hernia?

You had enough, alternate me?
Yeah, this superhero stuff really hurts. I better go back to my universe.
Oh, you're leaving? Dude, that sucks.
Yeah, I'll be going back to my universe now, Human Kite.



We didn't fart on him, though.





Human Kite is our first combat buddy!



And I think that's enough for now. So I'm gonna call the update here before Cousin Kyle comes back and annoys me some more.

NEXT TIME: We go find Super Craig