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Hello avid readers!
The Bureau Book Bunch will convene at the usual spot in the corner table of the cafeteria at 5 pm on Tuesday.
Currently discussing: "Unless You" by J. D. Brooks
Everyone should get their reviews to me by Monday before lunch so I can generate some conversation starters before the meeting.
- Penny Bartwell
To Whom it May Concern,
I am being contacted by the past Presidents of the United States of America. They appear as spirit guides, giving me their wisdom. John Adams keeps saying I need to fix America, but I can't really understand him. They all have a lot of opinions.
People tell me I'm imagining it but Theodore Roosevelt showed me how to fix my lawnmower and I don't know a thing about lawnmowers. Explain that!
I have great dead men telling me about the past and the present. If you'd like to use my abilities to help run the government, please let me know. I know the White House could use me.
Yours in earnest,
This case file describes a real incident that took place in a hotel in Cuba. There are theories ranging from sonic weapons to cricket chirps, but I'm not aware of any concrete proof of the cause.
An auditory event occurred at the United States embassy in Havana, injuring the majority of diplomatic staff stationed there. Zero deaths were reported and the outgoing information has been managed.
Bureau agents arrived at the embassy on the same day as the event was reported through federal channels, but were too late to witness the AWE, which is reported to have been a targeted attack.
Staff experienced sudden intense vibrations and noise, accompanied by an intense pressure in the ears. This lasted for 30 minutes. No visual phenomena was witnessed. The scene was cordoned off and the embassy staff were transported to the continental U.S.
After Formula I.9 was recited in the vicinity, a single cowboy boot began to vibrate, identifying it as an Altered Item. The item was contained and brought to the Bureau for examination (see case file AI85 for details).
I had a Dream and I built the thing I saw in my dream. A machine that will contain God, but not the God you know or the ones anyone knows. A new God. This machine will be his body, his heart, and his mind. I made it just like the Dream showed me.
I used the motor from the refrigerator and the coils from my toaster and the fans plus the timing belt from my car's engine and the wheels from my son's skateboard. God can't move yet, but the dream said he would learn how on his own. This is just a beginner's body. Like a baby's but a machine instead. God only needs a place to start.
If you want to interview me, please contact me at the address on the envelope. My phone does not work anymore. I had to use the dialing plate on God.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF CONTROL
I know you can't control building shifts, but the executive level restroom has been missing for weeks now.
I worked my ass off in the Islamabad station for three years, I've earned the right to a nice workplace shitter. If you can't bring it back, at least find out where it went.
- D. Rodriguez
I called the police, but they never come to my house. I got a problem and you got to send folk to fix it.
I got my wife one of them singing fish on the walls. It's not a real fish. It sings when you hit a button. But it's got the Devil in it. It flies around at night and sings Devil songs. Says lots of cuss words.
The Devil got in my house cuz of the fish and you got to come handle it. My wife is real upsit. When can you come?
Dr. Carla Vaughn and Dr. Hubert Tan, Research Specialists
BY ORDER OF
Dr. Casper Darling, Head of Research
EXAMINATION OF PARANATURAL TOPICS
TECHNOLOGICAL LIMITATIONS OF THE OLDEST HOUSE
The Oldest House imposes certain limitations on our Bureau, but by far the most restrictive is the inability to use certain technological instruments.
The Oldest House does not allow devices that receive or emit any digital signal. Radio waves are the only transmittable signals in the Oldest House, and even those are often unreliable.
If the power of collective unconscious is taken into account, it could be that certain pieces of technology are too "new" in the cultural consciousness for the Oldest House to understand them. Similarly, these items have not been known to become receptacles for altered status. Technology may be moving at too fast a pace for the possession? to occur.
Modern technology tends to disappear and break here, sometimes quite violently. Millennial? agents have been injured by cell phones exploding in their pockets while entering the Oldest House.
Refer to file 4-19-1935 for full report.
Week 83 Report
Visited the following Nevada accommodations: Desert Sun Inn, Big Sky Motel, Starlight Motel, Inn and Out, Aztec Court, Sleep-E-Bear Motel, Silver Spurs Ranch, El Gato Blanco Inn, A+ Lodge.
Accommodation - $831.29
Meals - $714.84
Gasoline - $295.12
Minibar* - $313.61
I do wonder if a motel called the "Oceanview" is going to be found in a landlocked state, but hey I guess I'm not paid to think, right? And, for the record, I AGAIN request that you give us the budget to get two rooms each night. Agent Rowley and myself are very tired of sleeping in the same room.
See you on the road,
Agent L. Heinz
* The boys in research said performing rituals may help identify any Places of Power. Drinking those little whiskeys is my ritual.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF CONTROL
Greetings Director Trench,
I'd like to thank you for approving my request for the Dead Letters Archive. Cataloging the Bureau's collection of delinquent mail will provide an extremely handy database that research teams can use to search for any connections or related topics found among the letters.
Aside from the more functional purposes, the archive will allow us to preserve these windows into authentic human encounters with the paranatural world. The letters came to us from various places and times, gathered by the Postal Service as undeliverable. The Bureau is the perfect home for them. I realize not all letters contain accounts of genuine paranatural events, but even the erroneous ones allow us insight into how the unknown is perceived by real people.
Of course, I will first compile a system to allow us to analyze the letters for any information or suspected connections to AWEs and other altered materials.
So thank you again! Can't wait to delve into my dead letters!
FEDERAL BUREAU OF CONTROL
PLEASE BE AWARE!
Due to recent fluctuations in the nearest Control Point, this area's stability has been downgraded to Yellow.
Green — Stable.
Yellow — Low possibility of unanticipated building shifts.
Orange — High likelihood of unanticipated building shifts.
Red — Frequent unanticipated building shifts.