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A Coon and Friends Comic Series - New Kid Vol. 1
Issue #006 - A Choice! The Amazing Butthole's Future
Thanks Towelie. Anyway, hello everyone. Welcome back! Today's update is going to end with a lot of questions, so there's some things you all are going to have to choose about the New Kid before the next update! I'll explain more at the end, but just keep in mind... a lot of decisions will need to be made.
Amazing news! The Fast Travel system is up and running you guys! Zzzzzzzzzzoom!
Like in the Stick of Truth, we can only fast travel from these flag poles. South Park is bigger than the last game, so we'll be making use of these more often to cut down on unnecessary traveling. There's one outside of most major useful locations.
Oh hey, New Kid, you've found your first Fast Travel Station! Look for more, they'll make your life way easier!
And we actually get a sidequest to hit the next fast travel point. I'm also pretty sure there's a challenge for getting all of them. There's only like... 12 or something.
The Sixth Graders are a level 15 encounter, which is why we couldn't beat them up before. But now that we've finished the tutorial augmented our strength with artifacts, we can beat them up! Also, if you look closely, you will notice a great deal of shops on Main Street. We'll visit them another time.
There's also shops on the back row of town, but many of the paths there are blocked. We've got a lot of exploring to do before we can really buckle down and start on the main path. So let's not waste anymore time!
Here kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty!
Just throw a rock at it!
No, I get to throw a rock at it!
I guess you could call this a boss fight? Kinda? Sorta? Not really, though. It's just introducing one of the primary enemy types in the game.
The looks on their faces... 
Sixth graders are one of the only enemies in this game that you don't feel kinda bad about beating up.
In the requisite 10 second pause at the start of combat, we can see that two of the sixth graders are on fire because of our shenanigans outside of combat.
I'm gonna go with Heroic difficulty because it's what the game, I assume, was balanced around. Apparently Diablolic isn't that hard, though?
There's not a lot to discuss about the combat. While each individual encounter takes a while to get through, it's just using your moves intelligently.
That's going to leave some scars.
There's a mechanic that we'll unlock sooner rather than later that will really let us have some fun with this shittalking.
Craig is a slower hero, so while he's a great tank, he does have some drawbacks.
Blocking powers deflect damage until the character's next turn. When Blocking, a character is only hurt if knocked back, or hit with enoughd amage to break the block.
Hey, fuck you, I'm Super Craig!
Stupid craig?
I said fuck you.
Let's cover Craig's abilities. The (A) ability causes Craig to give his trademark gesture at an enemy. It pisses them off so they focus on him, while he in turn gets the Blocking status described above.
It's also got a funny animation.
The rest of his abilities are similar to ones we covered with the Brutalist. (B) is a football tackle straight into an enemy, knocking them back, dealing a lot of damage, and inflicting slow. (X), meanwhile, is just a standard fuck off punch that deals knockback and really, really hurts.
6th graders are really gross.
Here's the aforementioned (X) ability in action.
The fights aren't hard, but like all combat in this game, they are dangerous. What I didn't show was that New Kid and Craig were both a single hit away from being knocked out.
Sweet. We can already upgrade away from our fidget spinner.
And, yes, there's even a challenge for beating up a sufficient number of 6th Graders.
OK, that was pretty badass.
We make a good team! See ya, man!
Allright! That was sweet! Wait until it gets on the internet about how the Coon and Friends beat up four Sixth Graders! This is GREAT for our franchise! Kind of sucks for you though, New Kid, cuz now the Sixth Graders are gonna be coming after you. You probably shouldn't have done that. That was pretty stupid. OK, now go get our franchise more followers!
Increasing your might makes combat easier to an extent, but it never stops being so deadly. It encourages you to play aggressively so you can end things before shit really starts hitting the fan.
Over the course of the game we're going to get a lot of calls like we just got from Cartman. I should have made this earlier, but... you know how it is. But starting now, I'm gonna add 
to all conversations that happen over video chat.
Wait a minute. You didn't fill out your Kryptonite. So, what, you're invincible? There's no way, that's against the rules. You have to have a weakness... Go find Mosquito, he can help you out. I'll put the rest of the character sheet stuff on your map. Now get out there and do some superhero missions. That's the only way to fill out your character sheet.
To give a quick overview of the currently-available sheet missions...
Gender: Talk to Mr. Mackey at the School
Alignment: Talk to Father Maxi at the Church
Weakness: Talk to Mosquito in the back alley.
These are the three things you all will be choosing for the next update! More details at the end of the update.
HAZARD ALERT: The road to Raisins is blocked by stupid lava. The alley on Main Street is clear, though.
Oh you going to Raisins, New Kid? Tell Lexus I said hi! I bet she misses me real bad.
In a fight, we finally get an ult ready. So here's Craig's ult!
...welp. It's not as dramatic as anything other buddies can do. But it's something. I guess.
Just hanging' with my girl Lexus you know.
Porsche always gives me extra Zingy Tingy sauce! U Rule Porsche!
Mercedes got me extra napkins! What a doll! It's good cause these things are super messy
Clyde's kryptonite, if you couldn't guess, are Raisins Girls.
On the next screen we find Clyde's house! He cleaned up his ruler of darkness fort pretty well!
We never got a chance to look at this in the first game... and there's nothing in the house at all but some scrap. Welp. Kind of a waste.
No points in guessing whose house this is.
We can't get in, though.
This is Bebe's house!
Well what do we have here? Welcome to my man-cave, kid. Well, more like my man-kitchen.
Like a lot of locations, there's stuff we can do down here later. Do you see the rolled up thing on top of the furnace? That's actually a subtle map showing where all the... sigh... Japanese artwork in the game can be found.
Up here we find...
What's new, New Kid? ...Still giving everyone the silent treatment? Let's take a selfie and be Coonstagram friends, New Kid!
Bebe is a cosmetics vendor! We can be Coonstagram friends with her by buying one of her clothing recipe sets, making all of it, and equipping it to show her. That last step may be optional. I forget. The important bits here, at least, are buying and making the cosmetics.
$6 is a bit rich for our blood for the moment. So we'll put this on the backburner. The Witch suit was actually one of my favorite costume bits in my first run!
This is a request from achtungnight. They jokingly asked after we chose Blaster if we could be a shark with our laser beams - as it turns out... yes we can!
We're over at the community center now! So this update is almost about ready to draw to a close.
Butters' minions are all over town "causing chaos" in some indeterminant fashion.
You're no match for my army, Coon Friends!
Something to watch out for... some of the Chaos Minions will suicide after they've been KO'd. So you should always try to defeat them with knockbacks.
If they're low on health, they'll try to take everyone out with them.
So you can already see how you need to play intelligently, using using tactics!
There's nothing we can do in here yet. The common refrain of the early game.
That's really fucking gross.
The men's room has a deadly puddle of water. So we'll have to return in the future.
Back outside, if you look closely, you can see a red thing on this birds nest. Blow it up and...
You get one of the nicer, more understated, cosmetic items!
We don't equip it, but we do put on some swim goggles to make our shark costume and fire powers all the more of a juxtaposition.
Fastpass is another one of the buddies I used a lot in my first playthrough.
Congratulations, New Kid, your Fast Travel system is fully opera-, good to go. Find more stations to expand your network. And when you get into trouble, Fastpass will be there! Bye!
Fastpass is basically the NPC version of the Speedster.
And now that we've unlocked our third buddy, the game is going to tell us about the Allies app. It just lets us change out our team on the fly. There's basically never a need to use this because you can always swap out buddies before any combat begins. So this look will probably be the only time we use it.
Counting New Kid, you can have four people on your team. Kyle is kind of redundant here so...
The next time we get into combat, I'll show off Henrietta instead.
This is either an artifact or it's a cosmetic recipe. It's honestly 50/50.
This can be found if you break a snowman.
Now then... let's talk to Mr. Mackey!
I'm watching you! No horseplay. OK, but no screwing around!
If we want to Selfie with Mr. Adler we have to do nothing.
Literally nothing. But it's only for like 10 seconds, so it's no problem.
#schoolsucks #urinaldeuce #gocows #formersiteoftacobell #dontscrewaround #photo #followme #coonstadaily #lol #like4like
New Kid's tags are on point.
OK, now don't go screwing around.
OK, sure, I'll take a pic!
#schoolsucks #urinaldeuce #noclass #girlsarefunny #like4like #butthero #amazing #coonstagood #selfie
Oh can you delete this selfie unless you think I look good in it in which case DON'T YOU DARE DELETE IT.
Sure, I take like 10 selfies a day.
#hallwaymonitored #gocows #noclass #schoolsucks #girlsarefunny #lol #selfie #nice #style #buttloaf
Can you believe I just roll out of bed looking like this? #NaturalBeauty
There's a few items up on the second floor, but... well, you know how it goes by now.
We're going to end the update in Mr. Mackey's office, so let's look at the gym first.
Some artwork back here! But not a lot else. Just the usual random stuff that's not worth showing off.
Oh hi, you're the New Kid, right?
Dropping a hard save here first...
As your councelor, you can talk to me about anything, mkay? Now, I understand you wanna talk about... sex?
Mkay, see, I'm highly trained in, uh, sex issues, mkay, and you don't have to be afraid.
I love this conversation. The New Kid shows up in the guidance counselor's office wearing a shark suit and what Mr. Mackey wants to talk about is sex stuff. Sounds like Elementary School alright.
Mkay, New Kid, it's really simple, when, uh when you wanna talk about your sex, you simply, you can start by simply saying, you know, I'm a, I'm a boy, or a girl or other.
Here's where you come in!
For the purposes of demonstration...
>Male
Boy, right, exactly, you got it. Now, New Kid, this might get confusing but listen close, mkay. If you were born a boy, that's called being a cisgender boy, mkay, or "cis" for short. But, well, you might have transitioned into being a boy. You see what I mean? If you were not born a boy but now identify as one, well, that's called being transgendered, mkay. Or trans for short, mkay?
Up until this point, New Kid has dressed as, presented as, and has been treated like one of the boys in town. However that's not necessarily the truth. Is New Kid really a...
Cis Male
Cis Female
Trans Male
Trans Female
Other
And if you all pick other, there's a whole laundry list of choices to choose from. I'll post that if it comes up.
While Mr. Mackey waits for your input, let's also look at the other choices I will need you to make...
Alignment
All Superheroes have an alignment. Some are Lawful, like Superman. Some are Chaotic, like Deadpool. Others, like the Watcher, are Neutral. What is New Kid?
Lawful
Neutral
Chaotic
Kryptonite
Every superhero has a weakness. What is New Kid weak to?
Sixth Graders
Raisins Girls
Chaos Kids
Old People
Ninjas
Vampires
Crab People
These are, as you might guess, all the major enemy types in the game. I don't think this has a gameplay change for the positive or negative. So just pick whatever.
So bold your choices in the thread! Each individual bolded word will be counted separately. So the most popular choice for all three will be the winners!
Also... while the game lets us freely change these at any time, I'm not going to do that. Whatever you all pick is what we're going with... no takesies-backsies!