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A Coon and Friends Comic Series - New Kid Vol. 1
Issue #009 - The Ultimate Evil Act; The Amazing Butthole Hits Girls!
Hello everyone and welcome back. I've been kind of down on the game the past couple of updates. For good reason, I might add, but there is a lot to like about it regardless.
Like so many other screens in the early game, there's nothing we can do here yet. The U-STOR-IT facility will be one of the game's major locations, so that's something to look forward to!
Tweek Bros Coffee is a good first stop of the day. Let's get some elixir of life bean water! And because we got that fast travel point...
Amazing work helping me set up the Fast Travel system, Butthole. Check your toybox for a new costume!
You can try to toss your farts at enemies to gain an advantage in combat - use the fart to gross 'em out, and punch 'em while they're upchucking!
Hello! Welcome to Tweek coffee. What can I interest you in today?
Sorry young man, I can only take selfies with customers.
Relaxation tea for a quarter? Sure.
Some yaoi up on the Bull-etins board.
I just can't... not until Tweek and Craig sort out their issues.
This will be a sidequest later because of course it will.
There's some yaoi and other stuff back here, but we can't actually get over to it I don't think until we re-befriend Tweek.
That's a stupid idea. Also we can put one of Mr. Adams's headshots up in the coffee house. He doesn't comment on it because we did it "out of order" he's a dingus.
Outside we get into a fight with some chaos agents. And any fights that happen on this screen get commented over by the theater usher.
You kids mind doing your Comic-Con bullshit somewhere else?
Haha! You ate shit!
What is this Comic-Con or something? Those are some pretty low-rank superhero costumes.
Guess watching this beats scraping gum off the seats.
I've seen better special effects on 1980s Dr. Who.
You little cosplayers need to work on your stunt coordination.
You should've blocked that.
Someone better clean up all that blood.
Hey are those real special effects or CGI?
And so on and so on. Those were only the ones I saw him say in a single combat.
The chaos minions were guarding this costume! I didn't use the Psy-Ops set in my first run, but I could see some uses for it. Anyway, let's head into the theater because...
More Member Berries!
Member The Passion of the Christ?
Oh, I don't wanna 'member that!
Member when Sinbad played a genie in Shazaam?
Yeah! Actually, no, I don't 'member.
I 'member!
Shazaam is one of those famous Mandala Effects. What's very likely happening is that everyone is remembering the actual movie that existed, and because Sinbad was in so many movies, they just naturally assume he was the lead actor. Also Shazaam and Kazaam are really close name-wise. Googling for Sinbad's filmography is impossible anymore because every website in existence has got to posit on their own dumbass theories about why Shazaam should exist but doesn't.
Also the less I say about Mel Gibson's three hour torture porn snuff film the better.
Aaaanyway, that's all that we can do here. We have to progress through the alley to explore the rest of the back row.
These are actually used to unlock a summon eventually. But in the meantime, the New Kid is technically wandering around with a lot of drugs on her person.
For all that I've been mentioning it, the alley is just a liminal space at the end of the day. Kind of anti-climactic.
The mall is still under construction after the UFO crashed Taco Bell construction was halted.
This is actually an optional thing! There's a few selfies to be found here, as well as more member berries. May as well get them out of the way early!
Member the Rockford Files?
Ohh, I 'member.
Member Lawrence Welk?
Oh, yeah I 'member! Moon River is my favorite!
We could continue to the right, but there's nothing to do at Token's house, and going further just puts us at the same roadblock we were just at. So let's go visit the old folk's home.
Careful who you chat with, sweetie. Folks here'll bend your ear about their medications and buffets.
Of course I got my Metformin first thing for my diabetes and then three blood pressure pills every two hours. Or, uh, maybe it's two pills every three hours? Ah, it evens out. I got about 10 minutes until my next pill, kid. Let's do a picture.
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Hoo, all righty. I'll have a nurse help me find you on the Compusave.
My little grandkid never visits, so you'll have to do. It's picture time!
#blessed #YOLO #like #photo #me #coonstagood #nice #style #coonstapic #winning
Thanks, kiddo. I'll look for you on the rec-center's AOL.
Yaoi up above. And that's all the damage we can do in here. Nobody else wants to selfie.
You are a minor approaching an area with controlled substances. Step away from the door or you will be terminated.
Large guns drop down to train on Douchebag when she approaches the weed store. So we'll just go past it really quickly. Because they will shoot if we dawdle!
Over here we have some wild member berries.
Member the Wonder Twins?
I 'member, I loved their space monkey.
Member when Wonder Woman had an invisible jet?
Oh, I 'member that!
...in there but do not be tempted by their amazing wings and hot bitches.
This roadblock can't be cleared until later. So the back row is like five screens we can look at. Time to go into Raisins I guess?
Hi, welcome to Raisins! Just one of you today?
While we could talk to these boys, they only want to selfie with us if we're specific kinds of heroes. And nobody wants to selfie with a speedster, so whatever.
I'm not a host at a shitty chain restaurant, but I'm pretty sure seating a single person at a six-seater is just bad practice.
He sure can eat a lot of wings!
Hahahah... Yeah, so then I flew into the sky and I beat up all the bad guys.
Wow! I didn't know mosquitoes could be so tough.
Yeah well, ever heard of the Zika virus?
Sure, just put 'em on my tab.
Big spender.
Writing this update is making me hungry for some wings. Too bad it's in the middle of my state being under involuntary quarantine. So there's no meat nothing for sale in the grocery store, and I just don't especially feel like running out and paying a premium for wings from a local chain restaurant.
Hey, beat it kid, these are MY women! What superhero are YOU? Super... wait... oh my god! The mission! My fellow superheroes! I've completely forgot!
These two girls just teleported from the seat Clyde was at to being in front of him.
Uh, what are you talking about, kid?
Raisins Girls are Mosquito's Kryptonite! You gotta get me outta here!
Are we about to help Clyde perform a dine and dash?
HA HA! I think not! You tried to CHARM me. I will not pay this bill!
You have to leave a tip, asswipe!
They aren't going to let us go without a fight, kid! Let's do this!
Mosquito is coming with us!
No chance! See, Mr. Mosquito, we told you everyone else in here was a loser. Here's some losers now!
Raisins Girls can outright charm party members. If they're your kryptonite, then it's pretty much a 100% success.
I can't leave now, I got a pitcher of lemonade on the way!
You can see the hearts above Clyde's head to show that he's charmed.
Knock some sense into Mosquito, that'll snap him out of it!
Now we're gonna see our new party member's moves from the other side!
Dammit, Clyde! I'm gonna knock some sense into you!
I keep forgetting you can do this. You can use Inspect in battles to look at everyone on the field. Here we can see that Clyde has another turn of being charmed so...
Once we get Clyde back, the battle is a lot less chaotic and quickly comes under control.
Clyde's (X) ability has a single square of range, but restores health. It has the same action command as the blaster's fireball move.
He can also cause AOE gross out while also making his attack go up with (Y)!
Finally (B) gives him lifesteal on his attacks and hits a whole row. This is what he used on Kyle.
Gross out and attack up is pretty important.
Lemonade sounds really good, not gonna lie. I'm just hungry in general.
Come on, this is our chance!
...saved me just in time! I am forever in your debt Butt... Hero. What is YOUR kryptonite?
Dude, you can't be a superhero without something that you're powerless against. Any particular phobias? Any emotional hang-ups? I mean, come on, there's gotta be something...
Look, it's OK, I'm on your team, Butt... Kid. You can tell me. All right, all right, lemme see your character sheet.
You voted for old people, so...
Yeah, old people can be so gross with their wrinkles and wisdom. Check!
Great! Job done. Your Kryptonite is officially noted. Now Mosquito must be off! Call on me if you should need me, Coon Friend!
I didn't use Mosquito all that much in my first playthrough. He's a pretty useful hero in straight fights, but in gimmick fights, he can be hit or miss. And this game has a lot of gimmick fights.
I think we should advance your character. COON OUT!
We'll do that in just a moment. First, there's some stuff to be picked up in Raisins.
Mercedes has some stuff for sale. Including...
Yeah. $75 to buy passes to selfie with the Raisins Girls. We'll have to save up for that.
Back behind the counter they don't want DogPoo or Butters in the restaurant for pretty obvious reasons.
Tweek is a bad tipper, but they do have some artwork of him and Craig.
Near where Clyde was sitting, we find his garage key.
On the way to raid Clyde's Garage...
Isn't it great to have friends to battle with? You'll meet more of the boys in town if you help 'em out. I'm sure they'll be happy to fight with you too! Hope that helped!
Hey dickface, you and your superfriend Mosquito better watch your backs.
New Kid, these girls are so mad! They're hunting for me all over town! Think you can help keep them off my back?
This is actually the trigger for a sidequest. We need to achieve the final level of "Raisins Girl Slayer" or whatever for Clyde. It's something to chip at as we play the rest of the game.
Clyde's garage has some yaoi and a few crafting materials...
And a suit!
While we're in the neighborhood, we hang up another of Mr. Adams's headshots.
I'm in real good with Jimbo and Ned, little buddy. We teamed up on some comedy gun-safety classes that slayed.
We can't get to Jimbo's shop in the first day. So like a lot of other stuff, this will have to wait for the moment.
In fact, unless we want to go back to Sgt. Yates, then the only thing we can do is progress the story!
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Sarah and Roman are just two random townies we can selfie with. Sure, why not? Hopefully these... 474 followers will make Coon happy with our progress. Holy shit!
We got a bunch of rewards from our quests, so let's swing by and pick them up.
If you wanna make a bunch of new friends, I'm not going to stop you. Just keep your mouth shut, you know what I mean? I feel like I can rely on you to do that.
Dad's a pothead and mom's a drunk. Coooooooool.
Are you and your new friends playing dress-up? How sweet.
We got a shitload of crafting materials.
Ummmmmm? That's a lot of mats. I'm pretty sure we're now set for food crafting for the rest of the game.
The Target face paint is one of my favorites. So I'm probably going to be using it a lot because it goes with so many styles.
There! This looks pretty good for a speedy hero. There's even a little stopwatch and everything.
Hey buddy. We could just stick around the house today, whaddaya think?
Mmm... nah. That's enough for now.
NEXT TIME: A Coon and Friends Crossover Event