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Welcome to South Park: the Fractured but Whole! Our very first action will be to do nothing at the title screen in order to view the prologue that can't be seen anywhere else.

Video: Civil War's Beginning


or everything we have worked so far is in jeopardy.



Then we do the Super Craig movie. Then Super Craig and Coon will join forces in the Human Kite movie, just as we start ramping up Kenny's Netflix series.





and Friends United movie. After your Netflix series.





Not everyone gets their own movie!





Right, start with a black superhero.
Marvel made a black superhero movie.
Yeah, NOW! They waited years to get to that! We do all the real people first, then we sneak the black guy in phase three.

"Sneak"? Don't you mean "make a huge deal out of it"?

But our franchise should be more inclusive than that!



black guy and a girl as heroes. Then everyone would think we're like really amazing and they'd be all-
Dude come on, stop.
What, bro?
Dude, don't just say the heroes should be a chick and a black guy to make you feel better about yourself.

Also, it's not like there's any girl among you

That's not why I'm saying it.
OK, J.J. Abrams.
OK, oh OK, so you're on Cartman's side?
I'M ON THE SIDE OF STARTING WITH THE BEST CHARACTER, NOT THE MOST INCLUSIONARY CHARACTER! We all know Tupperware is NOT the best character!



He just likes this plan because he gets two movies in phase one.
GUYS! We just have to go with this plan. We don't even have one movie yet!



Yeah!
YEAH!
OH, YOU WANT CIVIL WAR? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?!
Yeah dude, it's Civil War. Fuck you.
Oh FU...?! Oh, fuck YOU! Get outta my house!
We'll make WAY more money on OUR franchise!



*Toolshed, Tupperware, Mysterion and Super Tweek leave*

I thought Civil War wasn't supposed to happen until phase three.
Shut up, Super Craig.



Well that was interesting. Now on to the main game!



The game gives helpful tips on the loading screen. For a given defintion of helpful, at least.

The Start of It All


Too late, I'm already playing it



The game never says it outright, but we can skip cutscenes.



Don't do it, you say? You're just making me wanna do it more

No, trust me, you wanna hear all of this.
Will you stop interrupting, please?
OK, now you're just being a dick, brah.


Yes, by a certain point, Eric won't even say anything before tossing us back into the cutscene.





OK, OK, fine! You can skip cut scenes if you really want to, fucking asshole.



We finished the game

Video: The Start of It All (for real this time)


...Right, let's do this for real this time.











*Screams*



Man: Get off my car, you little pecker!

I won't bother giving portraits to NPC who doesn't already have one in this game (with 2 exceptions) because

























Shut up, Mom!











It's now time to customize King Douchebag.



I'm just going to go with Douchebag from DN's SoT LP linked in the OP.



Don't worry, this doesn't affect combat... Just every other aspect of your whole life.

I think on Very Hard difficulty a certain group will attack you on sight (rather than only if provoked) and shop prices are more expensive, but you can get a unique artifact only on that difficulty, too. Don't quote me on that though (except the artifact one).

Since we're going with the LP's Douchebag, we're going to play on Very Easy.



Welcome to South Park.



Wait nevermind

The Moorish are attacking! There's Moorish everywhere!
Don't let them get to our base!



The "AGH!" part is because a Moorish attacked Clyde.

Also, weren't you supposed to be banished?







WHERE IS THE KING?!



He's in the bathroom taking a shit. I'm so surprised



This being South Park, we have a toilet minigame. We start by pressing the one of WASD and one of arrow keys (which one we should press differs between toilets) before pressing Y.



After that, a series of prompts will appear. Each star indicates two prompts (not including the starting one).



Normally buttons without any texts mean we should mash them, but in this one we have to hold them instead. Took me an embarrassingly long time to figure out

Also, there's an achievement for using all toilets in South Park. Because of course.