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It seems like anything with a gold handle could be opened - give it a shot!

This is actually one of the more useful Towelie tips. It certainly helped me, at least

Eric and his friends are so imaginative!
Eric's spending so much time playing superheroes, I'm afraid he's not eating!



The way to the basement is blocked by a password. It's not randomized, so we can just memorize the password from another playthrough.



wanna be known as a smug cheating bitch for the rest of your life?
OK, I guess you just want to Tom Brady your way through the whole game, huh? What's the matter? Can't do it on your own?
Is this fun for you, Tom Brady?
You broke the rules rules rules...

Eric won't let us Tom Brady our way in (repeating his last line if we try any further), so I guess we'll just have to do it the lame way

The front door is still filled with lava, so upstairs we go.



Yes, we can pet Mr. Kitty. No, we don't get any reward out of it, but still...



When you enter a bathroom, don't be shy about taking a potty break. You can get some neat stuff when you use the toilet! Good luck, bud!

If by "neat stuff" you mean "shit you can get from a lot of other places (and also literal shit)" then sure, I guess.



Most of the toilet's name are just "X's toilet", but Cartman's toilet is...special.



Since this toilet has 3 stars, we have 6 commands to do (not including the starting one). Here we're properly introduced to the "Hold" command.



Every other command will always be "Gas Up", which will extend our time limit. Just like I said before, buttons without "Hold" means we have to mash them (except in "Pinch it Off").

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that there's a time limit. It's shown by the green bar.



The final command involves releasing the blue bar, which symbolizes the shit, apparently.

From now on, doing the toilet minigame gives us Biohazard crafting materials. They're very plentiful elsewhere, so the toilet minigames are perfectly skippable.



Well that was a lot of about shitting, so let's have a palate cleanser of sex toys. Fun fact: a lubricant is a medicine



Moving on, here's Cartman's wardrobe. It might just be me, but it seems like there's a lot more Coon memorabilias than before :thunk:



We can barely see something behind the lamp. So we break the lamp and grab the thing.



This should be interesting.



The shit list is only 5 people long? That's a surprise



Cartman is...not a normal kid, if it isn't obvious.



At least we got the passcode



That's a key item! Maybe that means it's important!

Thanks, Towelie



front of my door! Well - No, it's not hot, but...my son told me I will burn to death if I try and cross it! Uh -huh... Oh... Yes, he did tell me that if I step on a crack it would break my mother's back... It won't?

:thunkher:



Now that we got the password (literally), the game is nice enough not to make us memorize it.











now Freedom Pals have a hundred followers on Instagram?! We have six! The five of us and Billy Turner, who's a ginger. THIS is the key to finally beating those fuckers!









*Human Kite and Super Craig runs off*



get to the Mayor's Office and tell her we're on the case.
jimmy: Don't worry Coon, you can count on Fastpass to get there fast.

Fastpass stutters, but the subtitle doesn't transcribe it. I won't either because



There are two ways of grabbing Coon's attention. The first is to simply talk to him.



the fuck are you? I repeat, the fuck are you, Super Craig?
*Notices New Kid* Oh great, now the security system isn't working?! Dude, what the fuck? Ordinary citizens aren't allowed in the Coon Lair! We're playing superheroes now and you aren't a superhero, New Kid, so... Fuck off, OK?

*New Kid does not fuck off*



The second is to touch this extremely dangerous device.

HEY HEY HEY!



MOOOM! The New Kid is trying to play with the Cube of Ultimate Destruction!
You be nice to all your friends, Eric. Be a good sharer.
GOOD SHARER?! IT'LL BLOW UP THE FUCKING GALAXY! S-stupid bitch... Look, dude, we already told you, you can't play! You aren't a superhero! You don't have a costume! You don't have any superpowers!

Both paths converge here

Ugh, all right look, you can watch us play superheroes, as long as you don't get in the way. Make yourself useful. Go grab me the Stafernisy device. It's over there.

All searches on Stafernisy device result in this game, so I'll assume that it's a made-up thing.











I needed the Aqua Suit when Professor Chaos tried digging a drain at the bottom of Stark's Pond. The Armor Suit is something I came up with to protect against Human Kite's lasers...if he ever turns against me.

Too bad Human Kite isn't the one who turned against you, huh?

Anyway, none of them seem to contain the Stafernisy device. Maybe it's hidden inside the Cube of Ultimate Destruction? We can't use it, but we can punch it.

HEY! I told you not to fuck with that!
Fucking stop!
You touch it again and we all fucking die!







The proper way to find it is to do what the game says. It's actually impossible to grab the device without going into Inspection Mode.



You really wanna be a superhero, huh? Play with the big boyss? Well, maybe...MAYBE you can be useful. Have a seat at the table, Douchebag.



I don't know what this is referring to



I don't know why, but I find this funny





Do you have a Coonstagram page?

*Silence*

Ohh boy, you're not even on Coonstagram, huh? Well, I guess I can create one for you... Fuckin' unbelievable... Let's see...



sheet is your class. You know, what kind of superhero are you?

Eric has several lines if we wait for too long.

So yeah, what an amazing moment for you, you must be excited.
A sense of urgency is also an important trait for superheroes.
This is kind of a big moment in your superhero life. I don't know, I guess I was expecting a little more enthusiasm.
Why don't you pick something and I tell you more about it and we can move on with our lives?
Fine, be an asshole. Maybe that'll be your superhero class with special powers of wasting my time and pissing me off!
Has anyone ever called you a dick before?

And then he loops from the first line.

Anyway, the classes from left to right:
You might notice that I didn't put the latter two as choices, and that's because they're DLC. I won't put them as an option until much later. For now we're going with...

A Blaster. With ranged powers, like Cyclops.



thing in your past drives you. You see, Douche, all superheroes have a compelling backstory. It's from that backstory that their powers gain meaning. Let's take you back to when you were just a child...







I'm preeeeeeety sure our room isn't this small

You walked to the mirror.
Over there, the mirror.
Just...OK? Just walk o- No, not there. Just... God dammit!
Oh my god!



when it happened. A loud noise. You swore you could hear your mother calling for help.

*New Kid's mother's voice*

You left your room.
Seriously dude, just walk through the door already.

There's A LOT of dialogue you'd only get by procrastinating. I make no guarantee that I'll get them all.











You wasted no time delivering sick burns unto the villains before you.



Triple Burn: Trio of fireballs that inflicts Burning [Burn]

Lots to unpack here. First, just like advertised, Blaster lets us inflict Burning, which reduces opponent's HP for 3 turns.

Second, also like advertised, Blaster have nice range. This first move lets us attack the first person within 3 spaces in front of us. Reminder that we can only face left/right in this game.

Third, we're introduced to timed hits. Like I said before, doing them successfully reduces damage taken/increases damage dealt.



As the flames cleared, the intruders realized what they were up against.
Shit, this little flamer means business.
Didn't your mom tell you not to play with fire?
The intruders moved in to attack!



Honestly, timed hits are not important. They're so unimportant that you can just let the game do them for you

The Intruder's attack is called Wicked Wrench, if you're wondering.



See what I said above about status effects.

With the enemies closing in, you gave yourself some space by knocking your foes back!



Oh yeah, an Alpha Intruder appeared from the bathroom.



Heat Wave: Knock back a column of foes [Knockback]

The range is the space right in front of New Kid and its left&right (up&down from our POV). Unlike the first attack, this one targets all three simultaneously.

But the intruders wuldn't take getting pushed around lightly.
Hey, you can't push us around like that!



Little did they know, they set themselves up for destruction.



Plasma Beam: Strikes all enemies in a row

The range is the whole row in front of New Kid. Blaster's range is huge, yes.

So much...range...!
I'll just get out the way [sic]
His comrade fallen, the extra-ugly one closed in.

The Alpha Intruder hits New Kid in the face with a Home Invader Special. It's special in that it has knockback.



There's also a bar that fills each time we deal/take damage. Since this is a scripted battle, that Home Invader Special is enough to instantly fill it.

Not so hot now, ya little flamer!
Yeah, we showed him!
You were gravely injured, but the intruder's blows only awakened the fires that burned within you.



The 0th attack is only available when the ultimate bar is full. The bar is shared between all party members.



What, you thought we're getting a fire-wielding class without a fart joke?







Because when you opened that door you saw... You saw your dad...fuck your mom.



because you never forgot the night you weren't in time... And you saw your own father...the man you trusted...fuck your mom. It's like a ripple in time you can't ever change, isn't it?

Not really. I think getting crushed by your father's balls WHILE he's fucking your mom is A LOT more traumatic, but what do I know



I need you to go out into town and try to get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram. It's the only way our franchise will survive.