Off-site Screenshot test poster

Periodically we'll get a Coonstagram message. Some of them (like this one) have an image attached.

Others don't have any image attached, so I'll denote them like this.

Truly impressive work in the Danger Deck, New Kid. Check your toybox for some totally non-virtual rewards!

These two Coonstagram posts are from the Danger Deck DLC. Like I said before, most of the rewards are shit we can't use (or costumes).

Speaking of Coonstagram, we also unlocked a bunch of other apps on our phone. We'll talk about Crafting and Inventory at a later time, but I think they're pretty self-explanatory.

Character Sheet lets us review our identity, not that we have much of it right now. It also lets us see our tasks, EXP and level. Increasing our level gives us artifact slots, which is how we get stronger. More on that later.

It also lets us see the character sheets of our party members too. They're obtained separately from the party members themselves. I'll show them once we actually have some to show off.

Now that we're officially a superhero, we can change our costumes. There's A TON of options, but it'll take forever if I show them all off. I'll just change them whenever I feel like it

We can change how our phone looks like in the Settings. We can also change the wallpaper to a photo we've taken, but we have none right now.

You can now proceed to forget about this

I don't know why you'd ever want to make your phone cracked/smudged/scratched, but there you go. I'll be sticking with the default, thanks.

Now that we're officially part of Coon and Friends, we can take a look at the Franchise Plan. I don't know why Professor Chaos is crossed out on phase 1 but not phase 3

We can now also look at the Coon Store, which sells a bunch of things. Since we're on Very Easy mode, we start with $2.25. I heard that you get less money if you're playing on Very Hard.

Coon Cake is our first consumable. It heals 10 HP. We have about 75 HP right now.

...Yeah, it's useless.

...I don't think I want to know what Coonjuice Territory Spray is

Well, at least we're finished with everything on Coon Lair. We can either bother Coon or we can get out.

Uh, why is the New Kid in my space? I'm busy.

This isn't a mentorship program.

Get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram and MAYBE we'll let you play with us.

Do not interrupt the Coon's flow!

Getting out it is

OK guys let me know if you see any sign of Scrambles out there. This is super double top priority!

The mayor's aids say she's too busy to worry about a cat. Sorry Coon!

I didn't know an illness can speak

Of course, we immediately pester someone we CAN'T get a selfie with right now.

You know, I might have a job for you later. Check back tomorrow.

You want to watch my stories with me, sweetie? I can explain all the racy parts.

Racy, despite what it sounds like, have absolutely nothing to do with race. It has to do with sex instead

The Moorish from before are also here, but none of them will take a selfie with us until we have 2 followers (even though we already have 6 followers from the start of this update).

Oh, aren't you adorable.

[Selfie] Oh, a selfie! Yes, I've heard of those.

There's a bunch of options for the selfie. I won't bother with them because

Ooh, wonderful. I'll see you on the internet.

Coonstagram is super fun. Check it out sometime!

When I go home, I'm going to play Star Trek VR and it's going to be AWESOME.

[Selfie] Uh, sorry, I don't follow just anyone on social media.

I'm busy, kid.

Huh? Not now kid.

[Selfie] Hey, can you help me with this thing? It's stuck!

This is the tutorial that we can punch mailboxes to get some crafting materials.

Hey, you got it open! You're the real deal, little superhero!

[Selfie] A selfie? Sure kid, let's do it!

OK, nice!

That's 2 followers, so we can befriend the Moorish now.

The generic Moorish get generic dialogue, so I won't transcribe it

Well, I guess we have enough mutuals that we can selfie.

Keep up the good work. I'm still having trouble reaching some of the Coon Friends. You might wanna see what's going on.

We can now go help Super Craig or Human Kite. We'll beeline for Super Craig for now.

By the way, if we exit this screen after we get 4 followers, the Moorish will disperse. We can find Kevin later, but the generic ones are gone forever.

Buttlord! I'm waiting for you outside Casa Bonita. We have to save Karen from those lame vampires! Take the DLC Bus over when you're ready.

This isn't going to be relevant for a LONG time.

6th Grader: (Green) You guys are stupid, everyone knows Keifer's mom has the nicest boobs.
6th Grader: (Black) Dude, shut up about my mom's boobs, bro.
6th Grader: (Green) Why don't you make me, zit face?!
6th Grader: (Black) You guys wanna go to the movies? There might be some boobs in Wonder Woman.
6th Grader: (Green) Movies are dumb. Let's go shoot some hoops.
6th Grader: (Brown) Basketball's stupid, bro.
6th Grader: (Black) Hey, hey, I know! Let's go beat up a squirrel.
6th Grader: (Brown) Dude, we beat up a squirrel yesterday bro.
6th Grader: (Green) You guys wanna check out more of my sweet dance moves?
6th Grader: (Turquoise) Who said you have sweet dance moves?
6th Grader: (Green) Your mom said it right before she let me touch her boobs. Check this out, pussies. *dances* Now watch this, bro. *more dance* This one I learned from Usher, bitches. *even more dance* You tampons can't even step to this shit.

Riveting. Let's go beat them up!

Sixth Graders are WAY too powerful for you, rookie. Just keep walking. Don't even look at them.
6th Grader: (Green) Hey look at the stupid fourthie!

Oh that's it

WELP. Let's NOT enrage the 6th Grader group this time.

Frogs don't have butts! They have cloaca!

Aren't butts and cloacas the same thing?

Either way, we're allowed to fight this 6th Grader.

The tables are turning!

Bartles: Shut up, Fourthie!

Eww, so gross!

Sixth graders are the most unhygienic kids on the planet. You don't even wanna know what they do with their towels.

Sixth Grader Bartles have 3 attacks, the first of which is a Wet Willy ( ). It is also the only attack we'll see today.

Yes! That was awesome!

Wow, you're so brave!

We inflicted Gross Out by farting on him before the battle (more on that later) and Burning by one of our attacks. Different status effects stack, but same ones don't; reapplying status effects will just renew their duration.

Gross Out inflicts twice of Burning's damage per turn but wears off after 1 turn (as opposed to Burning's 3). It ends up dealing less damage than Burning.

Wow, you really beat him! You saved me!

With those status effects, we end the battle quickly. It'd be even quicker if we helped Human Kite first and have him join our party.

Wow. Nice work, New Kid. You took down a Sixth Grader. Keep it up.

You're my hero! You totally saved my life! And my frog's!

The world needs more champions like you, New Kid! A bully of the bullies!

Bullying begins at home. I blame the parents!

[Selfie] You really want a selfie with ME?!

Watching you defeat that Sixth Grader was so cool... Maybe I can become as strong as you one day.

Peter Mullen will be gone after we leave this screen, after which he'll be gone forever. That's 4 missable Coonstagram followers already. There's no achievement for getting them all, but still.

Super Craig hasn't checked in... I hope nothing's wrong.

I'm sorry but I cannot assist anyone with their problems right now. Super Craig can't find his guinea pig.

He's not just a normal guinea pig. He belongs to me and my ex-boyfriend. That's right Super Craig is gay. I'll bet Stripe is down in the basement again.

We should start in the basement. That's the last place I saw him.

I'm thinking he smelled the dog food downstairs.

I didn't know a guinea pig likes dog food

Butthole. Be careful. This is probaly the most challenging mission you've ever been given.

Look, there he is! In the vent! Way up high.

You don't have amazing arm-stretching powers, do you, Butthole?

Fun fact: t0his is the very first appearance of our superhero name. It kinda swings back and forth between Butthole and Buttlord.

Oh, sweet. Those might be handy. You're welcome.

The Snap N Pops are why we're beelining here. This will be used a lot in our exploration. In fact, this mission is a tutorial for explorations.

Whoa, almost! Do it again!

We can use the Snap N Pops on cracked objects (like the vent) or twinlikng objects (like the charango or Stripe).

Whoa! There he goes! Follow that guinea pig!

Stripe runs around the room every time we get near it. This leads us to use various tools to get to it.

Punching and Snap N Pops basically does thing except we can't punch faraway objects and we can't start a fight with Snap N Pops.

You just smashed that box like it was nothing. Amazing! Quick, hit that box with your thing!

We can also light things on fire with Snap N Pops but not with punch (for obvious reasons). We can then make them explode by cupping a fart at them.

Stuff with red cracks can only be destroyed by explosions.

Whoa, shit! I can't believe you just did that! You're so good at this!
Move that thing out of the way!

A reminder that we can move stuff with gold handles.

Wow, that looked like it required so much skill! Use the power of your ass to overwhelm his supersensitive smell!

Farting (directly or indirectly) on enemies before engaging them in combat makes them start with Gross Out (like with Bartles earlier).

Faraway actions are done on Inspection mode while melee actions are done on normal mode. And that concludes the extended field tutorial

Poor Stripe

We have ButtLord and his sickening asshole to thank. You did it, newbie! If you ever need help you can count on Super Craig!

Let's explore the rest of the house before we end this update.

Are you ready to go on some super adventures, super friend? I was talking to Stripe, not you, Butthole.

Stripe is the best superhero partner a Super Craig could ask for.

A Super Craig without a Stripe is like Supergirl without a bicycle.

Stripe and I are an unstoppable superhero duo...isn't that right, Stripe?

[Selfie] Ah, yes. Who wouldn't want a selfie with the Craig of Steel?

Oh, good, we're done.

Hey there, are you one of Craig's friends? You looking for Craig? Me? Let's just say I'm an art collector, specializing

Crazy, right? But this stuff is worth a fortune to the right buyer. If in your adventures you find any of these, bring them to me. I will reward you handsomely. Come back with any new pieces you find!

As an LPer, it is my job to show off the game as best as I could, which includes these yaoi. It is also my job to warn you that some of them are pretty much softcore. I mean it when I say that these updates should be considered NSFW.

They're all definitely "better" than the drawings in Cartman's journal, though. And yes, if we wanted to we could put it as our phone wallpaper.

I can't wait to complete my collection. Thanks for your help, New Kid.

I can't wait to see what new pieces you find.

Let me know if you find any more artwork for my collection.

It's great to know that kids your age are really appreciating the arts.

Really looking forward to seeing any art you find, New Kid.

Oh, I hear you're on Craig's team. You'll look out for my son, won't you?

Oh hey there, New Kid. What are the kids playing today?

Let me know if you find any more artwork for my collection.

I'm so glad to meet such a young art enthusiast!