Toggle Background Color



See the firecrackers? We can make it explode.



Explosions halves the opponents' HP before we even start the battle. It also causes Burning and can be stacked with Fart for Gross Out. Both status effects will wear out if we take too long to engage in combat, though.



Oh look, Craig is actually here to help us this time.

Video: Sixth Graders


No mercy, guys!

The video is there to show off how combat works. This and other combat videos in the future also include the time I spent thinking and dicking around, so they can get pretty long.



Remember that the difficulty earlier affects everything BUT gameplay. This one affects ONLY gameplay. We're going with Diabolic because

6th Grader: (Green) Sure, invite all the fourthe friends you want to this ass kicking. More ass for me.



6th Grader: (Green) How did you get lasers? I want lasers.

These 6th graders have no name, only classes. But since memorizing classes is hard we'll just refer to them by what they wear.

For example, the brown boy is a Needler, a class so fragile that our laser beam takes out half his health. Which combined with the earlier firework is enough to take him out in one shot. On the hardest combat difficulty.

This fight is designed for 15 Might while we have 40, but still...

6th Grader: (Red) I'm going through a lot of stuff right now and needing to punch you is one of them.

6th Grader: (Green) Have your boyfriend massage that for you.

6th Grader: (Black) It's my turn now.

The green boy attacks with a regular Haymaker while the black one attacks with a Yellow Snowball.



6th Grader: (Black) You going to cry now, fourthie?

The Yellow Snowball inflicts Gross Out. Yeah.

Feel the wrath of...HUMAN KITE!
6th Grader: (Red) Stupid fourthie with a kite on his back!

There's A LOT of battle banter in this game. And considering nobody made a transcript of them all, I make no guarantee I'll get them all.



Laser Burn: Rake a target with Kite's laser eyes.

I like our odds!

Hey, fuck you, I'm Super Craig!
6th Grader: (Black) Stupid Craig?
I said fuck you.



me a shield and Enrages my target, forcing them to attack me.
6th Grader: (Red) SO...ANGRY!

Shining Hate Finger: Gain Block and inflict Enraged [Block] [Enraged] [2]

Craig did a pretty good job of explaining Enrage and Block. But he didn't mention that Block doesn't protect against status effects and is instantly dispelled by Knockback. Otherwise, Block lasts for 1 turn while Enraged lasts for 3 turns.

Also, we've seen it during our time as King Douchebag, but some moves need time to recharge. This move is usable every 2 turns.

You're up, AssBlaster.

Some banter requires a specific combination of allies/enemies/classes, so getting them all is pretty much impossible.

6th Grader: (Red) Who to torment? I choose you!



6th Grader: (Red) Take that, fourthie!

This is a Chili Burp and it causes Gross Out.

6th Grader: (Black) OK, who's the next target of my unbridled rage?

6th Grader: (Black) You like that, fourthie? Got a lot more waiting for you in middle school.

Oh, I'm up? OK.



6th Grader: (Red) What the shit, I want a damage-absorbing shield.

Kite Shield: Grant Protection to a teammate [Shield]

Shield bar is completely separate from HP bar and it can go up to (I think) each character's max HP. So essentially we can double our HP. This move alone makes Human Kite a VERY good ally.

Here I go.



Mega Fist Punch: Damage and knock back a foe [Knockback]

Yeah I saw that comin'.

Don't die on us, New Kid.

6th Grader: (Black) I can't say no to kicking some fourthie ass.

6th Grader: (Black) Hey don't look, you gaywads!

That final 6th grader is preparing a Piss Balloon, which (I'm preeetty sure) causes Gross Out. If there's any other 6th Grader left we could get them to stand at the telegraphed area to let them get hit instead.

Time to fly.



6th Grader: (Black) It;s a heal. Pretty handy.

Jetstream: Pull allies close and Heal them

This move heals all allies in front of Human Kite, which is very useful. The "pull allies close" part can be a bit troublesome, though.

In summary, Human Kite has an eye laser, a healing move, and a protection move. Where have we seen that combination before? :thunk:

Oh, I can finally go? Thanks.



Omega Crash Extra: Charge that inflicts Slow and knockback [Slow] [Knockback]

This is our first charging move. As it implies, charging moves make us end at a different spot. This one has Craig end up in front of where the opponent was. So if there was another person in front of them, tough shit. Thankfully, other charging move works a bit differently such that they're easier to use. But we'll get to that once we see those moves.

Oh yeah, we also have a new status effect. Slow reduces the opponent's movement by 1 and lasts for 3 turns. I don't think it affects the turn order at all.

If only you put as much effort into your costume as you did that move.
Look, dude. You're lucky I even showed up.

Craig is a lot more here than in Stick of Truth.



Normally, moving the attacker causes the attack area to move along with them. This way, everyone is safe from the attack.

When in doubt, punch something really hard.

Everyone has a set of dialogue when New Kid is idling and another set when another kid is idling. It's a lot of



Good thing too

6th Grader: For fourthie scum, you guys are kind of scrappy.

Not sure if you know but hell hath no fury like WRATH OF KITE.

Wrath of Kite... That name sounds familiar for some reason... :thunk:

Did someone call for a fist in the face?

Anyway, our Super is usable for some time, but I want to show off Craig's first. Except I accidentally skipped Craig's turn in the video. Oops .

At least we get some more banter. Some of these are unique to when supers are ready, which...you get the point.

6th Grader: If you'll excuse me, I have a balloon to piss in.

I forecast gentle breezes with a high chance of lasers and burning.

And here I always thought kites were lame.
Happy to change your mind, Super Craig!
Who says I changed my mind?





Furry Death: Stripe and Super Craig double-charge a foe

It's a mix of and . This is the simplest super in the entire game in pretty much every single aspect.

Man. We kicked some sixth grade ass!



Well that was a lot of for a 5-minute battle. I won't be as wordy in the upcoming battles. Probably. Hopefully.

OK, that was pretty badass.
We make a good team! See ya, man!



internet about how the Coon and Friends beat up four Sixth Graders! This is GREAT for our franchise! Kind of sucks for you though, New Kid, cuz now the Sixth Graders are gonna be coming after you. You probably shouldn't have done that. That was pretty stupid. OK, now go get our franchise more followers!





Oh well. Now that we defeated the Sixth Graders, we get access to most of the town. You might notice the Chaos Kids and lava to the right, but let's explore to the left for now.



Man: (Left) Getting your face fixed, buckaroo?
Man: (Right) Next time, I'm bringing my own magazines.



Figures that this place would sell face makeups. And what do you know, the artifact sold already almost match our DLC artifact's Might.



All stores sell crafting materials, but the price for each type is the same everywhere. Coon Store already sold all 5 types, so the ones everywhere else are there more for flavor than anything.

Mrs. Marsh, being a vendor, can't be talked to. However, we can ask her for a selfie.

[Selfie] Let's make a deal: I'll follow you on Coonstagram if you take a selfie with me. How does that sound?



Now you have a cool mom following you on Coonstagram. Isn't that neat?
Quit stalking my mom, mom stalker!



We can use the orange tool, but it does nothing except move the pump.



So, what, you're invincible? There's no way, that's against the rules. You have to have a weakness... GO find Mosquito, he can help you out. I'll put the rest of the character sheet sutff on your map. Now get out there and do some superhero missions. That's the only way to fill out your character sheet.

Our next destinations are school, church and Raisins. This update we're going to none of them







good to go. Find more stations to expand your network. And when you get into trouble, Fastpass will be there! Bye!



Now we have a full party! We also have the 2 DLC characters, but we're not using them until later

This also unlocks the Allies app, which lets us change party members (New Kid is mandatory). We can access the app both in field and before every battle, which is nice.

Just hangin' with my girl Lexus you know.
Porsche always give me extra Zingy Tingy sauce! U Rule Porsche!
Mercedes got me extra napkins! What a doll! It's good cause these things are super messy



You're a friend of Wendy's right? And she seems like such a smart girl.
[Selfie] OK, sure. Boy, won't Wendy be surprised!



OK with you if I go back to work now? Wonderful.
Dude, Wendy's mom sure has a swanky office.
Study hard and you too might work in a nice office someday.



The suitcase is locked, so we'll come back here later.



This is the alley Jimmy mentioned on Coonstagram. We will not be going in there this update.



What will it take to put you in the seat of our friends-and-family plan today?
Unlimited HD-media streaming sound. Visual voicemail. World is your oyster, hero.



Can I interest you in a new contract with up to five gigabytes of data per month?
[Selfie] Oh, I'd love to do that after you purchase a phone plan.



The phone plan is out of our budget right now



The postman's dialogues are taken from the generic pool. I'm not going to transcript them because . Seriously, there's like hundreds of them.

More importantly, we have a new collectible: Memberberries.

Member snail mail?
Yeah, I member!
Oh, yeah! I remember writing letters!
Sure! 'Member writing in cursive?
Yeah, I 'member!



What's your origin story? Did the mob kill your uncle, and now you won't rest until you have revenge?
Is your silence more the brooding type or the empty-vessel type?
[Selfie] I'm flattered, kid. But a superhero's gotta be pretty special to impress me.



We're not going to get the selfie anytime soon, so let's take the yaoi and go into the final building on this side of the main street.



Man: You're kind of interrupting a tender moment here, kid.
Woman: (Left) If you're trying to cheer me up with that outfit, it's sort of working.
Woman: (Left) Sorry, I don't care for kids.
Woman: (Right) I can't believe I have one of you monsters inside me right now. Well, not for long!
Woman: (Right) You want to feel the baby kick? That's a limited-time offer.

The door to the right has a gold handle, but it's locked and we're never going inside in this game. Ever. Guess no abortion minigame for us



Remember how someone asked us to bring a condom? Well here it is

Bring a friend special on wings at Raisins!!! Limited time! Use the alley and tell them Mosquito sent you!!! Bzzz.
GOD DAMN IT MOSQUITO THOSE HUSSIES ARE SUCKING YOU DRY!

Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine