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You can use your Snap N Pops to ignite things like firewords - give it a try!

Continuing to the left, we found our first random encounter and our not-first useless "hint". Like Cartman said, enemies will aggro us on the field. They can ambush us, but for the most part it's very easy to run past them.

Monica: South Park could use some more female heroes.
Monica: How's it going, New Kid? Having trouble adjusting?
Monica: I swear my parents are using Coonstagram just to spy on me?
Monica: Ugh, can you believe I had to send my mom to time out?
Monica: I have a superpower. Watch how fast I can blow you off.

Well, we COULD ignore them, but we do want to examine the rest of the park without being bothered. And we do have a new teammate. So...



Using Inspection Mode, we can see the recommended Might for random battles. The jump is noticeable; the recommended Might for our first battle was 15.

You're making a big mistake, messing with Coon and Friends.

You're up, Ass Blaster.

I know that we've seen that line before, but whatever. It's much easier to retype the duplicate lines than to check if it appeared before. And I'm sure you can guess their context based on the content

6th Grader: (Red) Ow, shit!

6th Grader: (Green) Who to torment? I choose you!

Another point in our favor is that we start far away from each other, so the melee attackers can't reach us yet. OUR melee fighters, however...



Dude, pace yourself.

Blind Side: Damage foes and grants Fastpass Invisibility [Invisible] [2]

...can just charge into them. Unlike Super Craig's charge (but like most others), this attack puts Fastpass in the spot where the enemy were while they move behind him. This means that there's no knockback involved (unlike Super Craig's).

This means that now Fastpass is now in the middle of the 6th Graders. However, he's Invisible, which means he can't be targeted (but still can be hit with AOE).

6th Grader: (Red) If nothing else, beating on you guys is really therapeutic for me.

Human Kite: ready to swoop!

That's right: Kite lasers. They're a thing!

My turn.

Omega Crash Extra!
Slow and steady breaks the face!

Fuck 'em up, New Kid!

Congrats, superfriends!

Let's make this quick.



Way to move like you give a fuck.

Hit and Run: Strike a foe from range.

Fastpass' whole gimmick is being fast, so it's hard to get a good screenshot of it. In this attack he zips to the enemy, hit it with his stick, and zips back to where he was. This attack's range is exactly 2 spaces away in horizontal and vertical (or both) directions, which is a pretty generous compared to others.

6th Grader: (Red) I can't do nothing right now.

6th Grader: (Black) If you'll excuse me, I have a balloon to piss in.

Lasers, online!

And here I always thought kites were lame.
Happy to change your mind, Super Craig!
Who says I changed my mind?

6th Grader: (Black) You lit me on fire? How is that fair?



6th Grader: (Red) I made that special for you.

This is called, fittingly enough, Booger Fling. It damages and causes Gross Out. Gross Out is a common thing among Sixth Graders.

6th Grader: (Brown) Good news fourthies: I'll get you next turn.

...He says before he dies from Burning.

Coon and Friends Forever!



Here's an example of using telegraphed attacks to our advantage.

Swooooop!

Oh. Am I up?

Mega Fist Punch!
Impressive for someone who can't break the law of physics!

You showed that bastard!



Fastpass is on the starting blocks!

Healing in .3 seconds or your money back!

I'd show Transporter, but it's kinda impossible; it happens too fast and there's no frames of him carrying the target.

Also, notice how our party members' picture in the turn order change once the super meter is filled.

This ought to do the trick.

I have a sudden urge to fly up to the stratosphere and just go nuclear on these pukes.

I'm all revved up and ready!

Let's see Fastpass' super for now since I'm probably not going to use him for long.



Burning Lap: Trample and apply Burning to all foes in a row [Burn]

Bravo. Great job. Etcetera, etcetera.

Well that was a nice diversion. Back to exploring!



We're definitely exploring all right.



Uh, you don't have any meeting s today, Ma'am.
Excellent. Keep up the good work, aide.

Just another day at South Park!

Great to see young people taking an interest in local politics.
[Selfie] There's no way I'm following you if the mayor isn't.

Have you figured out who's trying to take down the mayor and put me out of a job?
[Selfie] Maybe if the Mayor follows you.

Anyone who thinks I'm uppity can go drunk-drive their pickups right into their double-wides.
Study hard, kid, and someday you too might become the mayor of a podunk mountain town.



We don't even get the option to selfie with the mayor. We can grab another yaoi, though



And here's our next destination. If anyone in our team (including Buttlord) is black, the cops would've aggroed us. However, since we're on Very Easy and Token is nowhere to be seen, we can't fight the cops even if we provoke them.



Go on through.
Who're you supposed to be, a gay ninja?
Who're you supposed to be, a New York fashion editor?
Who're you supposed to be, a rodeo clown?
Who're you supposed to be, a yoga instructor?
Who're you supposed to be, a tiny Liberace?
Who are you supposed to be, Dork Man?
Who're you supposed to be, a gypsy magician?
[Selfie] Sorry, I don't selfie with just anyone.

On subsequent visits, we're allowed in automatically. On Very Easy, that is; on Very Hard we have to talk to him every time we want to get in. Don't know much about the inbetween because nobody cares much about the inbetween



Scram, kid.
[Selfie] I don't take pics with greenhorns.

Cop: You can trust us, kid. We're the good guys!
Cop: Crime doesn't pay, kid. Unless you're a cop.



Looks like we've got another junior crime fighter, boys. Is that it, kid? Well, the police can always use the help of concerned citizens. I guess we can give our little junior detective a special kiddie case to work on. All right, listen up. There's somebody new to town shaking up the crime families. This is a real bad dude - a king pin of crime who wants to control all the drugs in the city.



...my boys will be there after. If you take out the drug kingpin, we'll give you this



Despite what it seems, this is not optional. This is mandatory even if we're playing on Very Hard. The cops here will glare at us in that case, but everything else is the same.

Everyone splits up after this. The two cops are nowhere to be seen, but we can still talk to Sgt. Yates.

Keep an eye out for any shady characters, kid. You know which shade I mean.
Twenty-five years on the force and my record is spotless. The citizen should lick my balls.
This week's been hell on my peptic ulcer.



The less we think of why there's yaoi on the suspects board, the better



There are 5 tiers of healing items: Coon Cakes (10 HP), Burrito (20 HP), Quesadilla Especial (30 HP), Taquito Grande (40 HP) and Taco Supreme (50 HP). Currently we have 105 HP. I don't remember if those are the exact HP healed by each items, but they should be close enough. Looking from it you might think that healing items are useless. They are definitely less useful than the Revive Serum or Antidote, but it's still very useful in a pinch (or when someone has nothing better to do).

There are 5 tiers of healing items: Coon Cakes (50 HP), Burrito (100 HP), Quesadilla Especial (150 HP), Taquito Grande (200 HP) and Taco Supreme (250 HP). Currently we have 105 HP. Healing item is not that important normally, but on Diabolic it's VERY important.



The female toilet is locked, but we can get to it through the crack in the male toilet. I'd be more concerned if we ever actually see a female cop.



Yolanda doesn't count



We can pick up Yolanda's wig, her dress, and another one of these.



Yes, different toilets in the same area are counted separately. Well, more shit for us! Literally!



You can't see it, but New Kid is behind the blue cop talking to him.

Cop: (Blue) Oh, are you on a field trip? Alone?
Cop: (Green) Get lost, kid.
Cop: (Green) Don't touch nothing.

Okay! *Proceeds to touch everything like what we've been doing so far*



The other door from the main room goes to this area, which has a suspicious hallway blocked off. I'm sure it's nothing important



The left room is really uninteresting; I'm just showing it because at least it's more unique than the houses.



Grab a chair hotshot, let's rap.
I'm glad you came by. Have a seat.
[Selfie] Hey, you help me out, I'll help you out.

The right room is a lot more interesting. Before we take a seat, we grab Karen's Doll from the sofa.

So, exactly why are you wandering around the police station? Are you hoping to be a little vigilante superhero, like Ben Affleck? Ha ha ha!

Remember when people go out to watch superhero movies that comes twice every year? Those were the days...

I understand all this attention must be scary for you. You know what else is scary? Choking on Jared's five-dollar footlong!

You know what else is scary? The clown pictures on the wall



You know with this crime wave I'm looking for work. You take my headshot around town and I'll let you see what's in my bottom drawer, here in my desk. Wanna see what's in my bottom drawer, huh? Where's that smile? Go ahead, get my headshot out there and I'll give you a treat.
Post those photos, kid. It's not difficult.

We now have a new sidequest: spreading out the 8 headshots. The reward is a selfie with Mr. Adams and something less...promising.



We can't just post these headshots anywhere; we'll have to find a red thumbtack with a half-torn headshot.

You know City Hall is a high traffic area. Maybe the mayor will hire me for a campaign commercial! A super funny one.

Mr. Adams will give us hints after we post each one. We can post them out of order, but I won't so that we can see all his hints.



You know they'll let people post any old crap at the Community Center. Zero quality control.

Are you saying that your headshots are crap?

Anyway, the community center is just to the south of the police station. Conveniently, there's a crosswalk between it and the city hall.



I spy, with my little eye, a new enemy group!



The game is nice enough to provide us a chance to switch party members before every battle. And Professor Chaos is nice enough to drop in

I put down three of the nine comics I was reading just to watch that!

Way to move like you give a fuck.

Minion: (Yellow) On me! Let's swarm these fuckers!

Minion: (Brown) The hour of Chaos is at hand!

Who needs to get lasered?

Next time I'll use my high-beams.

Minion: (Gray) Pandemonium!

Minion: (Gray) This shit is nasty.

Minion: (Gray) Let's rumble!

These minions have no long-range attack, so they can't do anything this turn. Sucks to be them!

Get excited.

Come and get me, dick.
Oooh. That was a blow to the ego.

That was epic!

Awesome!



Since they can't do anything the first turn, we get to kill some of them before they can attack us.



However, the ones with balaclava (which I denoted with gray in the dialogue because it's shorter) will explode upon contact, which hits everyone around them. Craig thankfully has Block, but that doesn't protect him from Burn. The other Chaos Minion, on the other hand, takes damage but isn't burned.

In fact, all Chaos Minion is immune from Burn. It's their entire gimmick, compared to the Sixth Grader's Gross Out. They do have banter if they're burned, but we'll never see them.

Minion: (Brown) You're no match for my master!



You OK, Super Craig?
Sure. I'm fucking fabulous.

The rest of the minions here only have this Shuriken of Chaos. Block completely neutralize it

That's right: Kite lasers. They're a thing!

Minion: (Gray) Minion ready!



When a gray minion is on low health he'll use Death Blow. Which is basically the death explosion but with a one-turn delay. This also kills the exploder. I'm sure the similarity to is coincidental

It is I, Super Craig.

Slow and steady breaks the face!

A foe has fallen!

I'm gonna kill out here.

Eat shit!

I feel good about the way that beating went.





We're nearing two of our destinations. This means that the time has come for you to vote for Buttlord's identity. Pick one from each category.

Gender:
Alignment:
Kryptonite: