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I go over like gangbusters with the latte crowd. Those folks appreciate some of my more highbrow material.



I'm shocked that this place is shit



Going left leads us to the school (one of our destinations), but let's go to the right first. It leads to a bunch of houses.



Bebe's house's basement is already taken, so I guess that's why he's stuck in the kitchen. Taken for what, you ask? We'll see later. Much later.

Member Capri Sun?
Oh! Those were the greatest! I 'member!
Oh, I 'member!
'Member Toucan Sam?
Sure I 'member him! He was fan-tas-tic!



Don't mind if I do!

What's new, New Kid? ...Still giving everyone the silent treatment?
How's Cartman's silly superhero scheme working out for you?
[Selfie] Let's take a selfie and be Coonstagram friends, New Kid!



Nice one!

That was surprisingly easy.

[Selfie] Maybe if you tried making one of those crafted costumes, I'd think about following you.



Simple enough. We just have to buy the recipe...



...and craft the thing! Some items require a certain crafting rank, which we can reach by crafting other stuff. Stronger artifacts are available requiring the same equipment at higher rank while consumables will have their requirements reduced at high ranks. Other than unlocking stuff, ranks doesn't affect clothes crafting, but it does give a lot of craft EXP.

...And that's it! It's not a very deep system, which feeds into the "Ubisoft Mandate" theory.

[Selfie] Wow, you made one of my costumes! Let's get a selfie!



I'll see you on Coonstagram!



It should be obvious who this house belongs to. Unfortunately, both the house and the garage are locked



The house after that is Clyde's. His room is nothing special, but I'm just wondering how we took a soccer ball if we can still see it right in the background. And how we can hold it.



I was expecting this toilet to be the hardest toilet in the game considering Clyde's Mom.

This road continues toward Craig's house, so let's turn back around and go to school.



Oh yeah, I changed our costume to what we just crafted for Bebe.



Mitchell: School's over, kid. Why're you still hanging around?
Mitchell: Why didn't anyone tell me it was dress like a superhero day?



You screwing around too much? Bet you are.
You're new, huh? Better keep tabs on you so you don't screw around!
[Selfie] OK, but no screwing around!



We just have to not press anything for a short time. If we do...

STOP SCREWING AROUND!
I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCREW AROUND!
I KNEW YOU'D SCREW AROUND!

And then we have to ask him for a selfie again. Nothing too much, but let's not waste his time anymore.

Well, OK then.



OK, now don't go screwing around.

No promises!

South Park could use some more female heroes.
I'm waiting for mathletes to start.
I think I need to put Mom and Dad on a curfew.
How's it going, New Kid? Having trouble adjusting?
Ugh, my hair. I'm having a bad-selfie day.
If the cats don't come back I'm going to freak out!
These missing cats are super stressing me out. Oh my god...am I getting a zit?!
[Selfie] OK, sure, I'll take a pic.



Yay, thanks.
Oh can you delete this selfie unless you think I look good in which case DON'T YOU DARE DELETE IT.
What's up, New Kid? What's your deal?
The library is closed and I need to study!
Who would steal cats? Cats never hurt anybody.
Why can't you play a game that doesn't require crazy outfit.
Maybe you should join a study group. Mine's full.
[Selfie] Sure, I take like 10 selfies a day.



Sweet!
Can you believe I just roll out of bed looking like this? #NaturalBeauty

There's a yaoi and a headshot spot at the upper floor but we can't reach them

For now we can go to the gym or the counseling room.



...What?



This seems really tame in comparison.



Unfortunately, we're not going to explore the rest of the school this game



Oh, great, thanks for coming, have a seat.
I put in the extra hours, stayin after school for troubled kids like you, mmkay.
Mkay, this seat right over here, please. Mkay?
Hi there, New Kid.
Mmmkayy.



mkay? Now, I understand you wanna talk about...sex?

...How do you know? New Kid hasn't said anything to you. Unless... Cartman!!!

Mkay, see, I'm highly trained in, uh, sex issues, mkay, and you don't have to be afraid.



New Kid: (I didn't sign up as a hero for this shit )

Mkay, New Kid, it's, it's really simple when, uh, when you wanna talk about your sex, you simply, you can start by simply saying, you know, I'm a, I'm a boy, or a girl or other.



Technically, we have all day. But sooner would be better.
Mkay. Any time. Any time...

You voted for Butthole to be a Cis Female, so that's what we'll choose. However, because this is an LP, we can also see Mr Mackey's reactions for our other options.

Female
Uh, you're a girl? Mkay, we were all under the impression that uh... Can you just hang on a minute I need to call your parents, mkay? This will just take a second.

You're going to call our parents? I thought this was just supposed to be a LARP! Shouldn't you also call Kyle's mom to tell her that her son is a kite alien?



your child has just let me know that...she's actually a girl. Oh, you knew that? Mkay. Well, no, no, of course it's - It's fine, it's just - I believe everyone was under the impression that um...that he was a boy. I mean she was a boy. Mkay, so the whole King and Stick of Truth thing was actually - Was actually a girl the entire time. Yeah, no, that's - That's great, that's great to know. I think I can really maybe be of help from here on out. Thank you very much. Mkay, bye-bye now, mkay. *hangs up*
Mkay. Well, this is a shocker, New Kid. Perhaps we should clarify exactly what you mean by...by girl. Now, someone like your classmate Bebe, well, she's what we would call a cisgendered girl, mkay? Meaning she was born a girl. But there's also people in this world who identify as something *different* from what they were born with, mkay? And we call those people transgendered. So, erm, do you identify as being cisgendered or transgendered?

Male
Boy, right, exactly, you got it. Now, New Kid, this might get confusing but listen close, mkay? If you were born a boy, that's called being a cisgender boy, mkay, or "cis" for short. But, well, you might have transitioned into being a boy. You see what I mean? If you were not born a boy but now identify as one, well, that's called being transgendered, mkay. Or trans for short, mkay? So, erm, do you identify as being cisgendered or transgendered?

Other
Uh, other? So you're saying you're neither boy nor a girl? So you don't believe you have a gender? OK... Can you just hang on a minute? I need to call your parents. This will just take a second.
*On the phone* Uh, hello, this is Mr. Mackey the school counselor. Yes, hi, uh, I have your child here in my office and well, your child has just let me know that he...er... *They* identify as being gender neutral. Oh, you knew that? Mkay. Well no, it's fine, it's just - I believe everyone was under the impression that they were a boy, mkay. Yeah, no, that's - That's great, that's great to know. I think I can really maybe be of help from here on out. Thank you very much. Mkay, bye-bye now, mkay. *hangs up*
Mkay. Well, this is a shocker, New Kid. But there's...there's nothing wrong with not identifying as a binary gender. You can be whatever sex you want, OK... Even if it's none. That's fine! It's fine!

The Cis/Trans option doesn't appear this time. Because non-binary can't be transgendered, apparently. Or is it because they can't be cisgendered? Could it also be because they're too cool for normal gender?



Cis Female
Mkay, well, great! I mean, it would also be great if you weren't cis, but... Mkay!

He's digging his grave with every word



Cis Male
OK... Can you just hang on a minute? I need to call your parents. This will just take a second.
*On the phone* Uh, hello, this is Mr. Mackey the school counselor. Yes, hi, uh, I have your child here in my office and well, he's just let me know that he's...cisgender. That means he identifies with the sex he was assigned at birth. Oh, you knew that? Mkay. Well, no, no it's fine. I just wanted to make sure that you knew he had other options. You know, you don't... You don't always have to go with the first hand you're dealt, mkay. Yeah, no, that's - That's great, that's great to know. I think I can really maybe be of help from here on out. Thank you very much. Mkay, bye-bye now, mkay. *hangs up*
Well, I'm really glad we had this talk. As a cisgendered male myself, I know how hard it can be out there for a boy who chooses to love someone of the opposite sex. Just remember, love is love. Even if you're guy who happens to like titties, Mkay.

...Where did the love talk came from? And what's with the titties?

Trans Male
You're transgender then? You mean, you were born a girl and now you're a boy? OK... Can you just hang on a minute? I need to call your parents. This will just take a second.
*On the phone* Uh, hello, this is Mr. Mackey the school counselor. Yes, hi, uh, I have your child here in my office and well, your child has just let me know that...he's transgender. Oh, you knew that? Mkay. Well no, it's fine, it's just - I believe everyone was under the impression that he was a boy, I mean, a cis boy, mkay. Has he gotten - Oh, no, no, no, you're right, it's none of my business. Yeah, no, that's - That's great, that's great to know. I think I can really maybe be of help from here on out. Thank you very much. Mkay, bye-bye now, mkay. *hangs up*
Mkay. Well, this is a shocker, New Kid. But I hope that this discussion has helped you understand your sex, mkay.

The grave goes even deeper...

Trans Female
OK, well, that... I mean, I thought that... I didn't know you were in the middle of... You know... Can you hang on a minute, I need to call your parents?
*On the phone* Uh, hello, this is Mr. Mackey the school counselor again. Yes, hi, uh, yes I know *she's* a girl but well she just let me know that she's a *transgender* girl. Yes. Yes. Well, no, it doesn't matter. No, of course not. It's just that- No, no, no, you're right. Yes, of course it still tracks with the Stick of Truth, yes it does. She was definitely a girl the whole time, yes, of course, I get it. Mkay, well thanks for your time again, mkay. Bye-bye, mkay.

It's hard when you have to walk around eggshells, isn't it?

All choices converge here.

Just...just be careful, mkay. 'Cause there's - There's a lot of people out there who don't accept you for what you are and you're gonna have to deal with them, mkay. So, hum... But, come see me anytime!

Well that was enlightening (?) As far as I know, gender affects dialogue and there's a unique artifact we only can get by being a certain gender. That artifact isn't really important, though.

We still have three more destinations, so let's move on.



Redneck: (Blue) If it ain't a cisgendered girl!
Redneck: (Red) We don't take kindly to your types around here.
Redneck: (Green) Let's welcome this THING to our town.



I guess beating up the people who don't accept you is one way to relieve frustration. Not that they'd accept anyone; we're going to get attacked no matter what we choose.

Redneck: (Red) I'm gonna punch you straight, just like I did Dale that one night in '94!

Let's take things fast.

Now you see me...

Way to move like you give a fuck.



Redneck: (Blue) That settles it, beating you kids up was definitely the right decision.

This is Beer Bash, and it takes almost half of Craig's health in one go. And he is our tank. Diabolic mode is done playing around.

OK, let's see what you got, New Kid.



That's going to leave some scars.

The truck is actually part of the field and we can get extra Knockback damage from it.



You OK, Human Kite?

This Beer Chuck is the rednecks' only ranged attack. The red guy is the only one capable of using it. The blue guy has 3 move, though, so he also can't be underestimated.

Feel the wrath of...HUMAN KITE!

And here I always thought kites were lame.
Happy to change your mind, Super Craig!
Who says I changed my mind?

Mega Fist Puncheru!

Slow and steady breaks the face!

Let's mess with some physics!

You OK, Super Craig?
Sure. I'm fucking fabulous.

You got this!

You showed that bastard!



Ouch for you, dude.

Ouch is right.

Check your watch, crime: It's kite time.

Preciate it.

I'm really hoping we can finish this up soon.

A good thing about playing on Diabolic is that battles take longer, so we'll have more chance to see the supers. We've seen Buttlord's, Super Craig's and Fastpass', so let's see Human Kite's.

MEGA PALM PUSH!

Coon and Friends Forever!

Fastpass is on the starting blocks!

Dude. Chill.

Fuck 'em' up, New Kid!

You're really into this superhero stuff, huh, New Kid?



Here's a little tactic lesson. The redneck would've easily hit Fastpass but can't because of he's Invisible. However, his spot is still occupied, so the redneck can't just walk up and hit Buttlord. That is how we manage to protect all of our team in one move

Let's see, what would reduce these fools to cinders, oh I know, WRATH OF KITE.



Redneck: (Green) This is bull crap!
Whoa, people are still alive down here?

Wrath of Kite: Inflict Burning on your enemies from space [Burn]

Let's get this over with.

I am out of fucks to give.

If only you put as much effort into your costume as you did that move.
Look, dude. You're lucky I even showed up.

This is the part where bad guys regret their life choices.



Another level in our belt



It's very easy to forget doing that, so thanks for the reminder.



Remember the snowman in the background during the battle, we can take its hat



Oh, and there's this too, I guess. A lot of people would disagree about this point on real life, but in this game it's a case of "why not?"

I can answer "why not" though: because I'm too lazy to hold another vote and come back here every time