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We're beginning this update on a high note



Guess that high can't stay forever



Aaand we're back to high again. Guess there's a low coming up?



he's probably armed to the teeth. Thermal imaging is showing the suspect is in the rear of the house.

Oh, yeah. Our errand.



Hey, who are you? What are you doing in my house?
ENGAGE, ENGAGE!



Normally I'd make a video for each enemy type (eventually), but this guy is very nonthreatening. He's so nonthreatening that you might've think he's not an actual drug dealer!

I don't know what you're doing in my house!
STAND YOUR GROUND!

What the hell do you want with me?

Get the hell out of my house, god dammit!



RETURN FIRE!

But he's already on fire

Anyway, Shove It does minimal damage like expected.

What's wrong with you?
That'll teach you to corrupt our youth with drugs.
Look, I'm just defending my castle!



I'm not sure if Butter Knifing a kid is the right thing to do (both because you're harming a kid and because butter knife isn't sharp enough). I can't blame him for trying, but still. It also does minimal damage either way



We're already dressed for the ocassion, but a Robber Mask couldn't hurt



one less violent degenerate this town has to deal with. Please come by and help us again!

I think we have enough vigilantism for a day.



Mysterious, or like his head's up his ass same as all the other boys?
Yeah, the second one.
Uh huh. Play a card.

Kevin Stoley looks a little like Orlando Bloom if you poke yourself in the eyes and then squint through the tears.

I was thinking about dying my hair, but then I'd have to change my name to Hazelnut Blonde.
Maybe just frost your tips.

I'm bored I want to go to the mall.
Wow, just because you're losing.
I am not!

[Selfie] OK, kid, I'll give you a pity follow, what the heck.



Thanks!
#ItPleasesAndSparkles

Red is one of those missable followers. She'll be gone after today.

Uh, cool outfit, New Kid. You get dressed in the dark today?
Have you seen my dad? I'm not sure where he went. It's not like him to just disappear.
Uh, can I help you?
[Selfie] Well, OK, sure.



Thanks, New Kid! See you online!
New Kid pity selfie!

Let's quickly leave this house before they found out what we did.



Ooh, Jesus! Where oh where could those pussies have gone!

Aren't you gay? Why are you worrying so much about pussies?

Ooh, Jesus.
[Selfie] Hey, cutie-patootie! How about a selfie?



Ooh, Jesus! Jesus Christ! Thank you!
Ooh my only G-rated picture!
Those dirty fucking sixth graders, I fucking hate those guys! I hope they haven't captured my kitties.
I hope Mr. Slave didn't misplace my kitty-cats. He's sloppy in more ways than one.
I don't know what I'd do without my little kitty friends.
You really shouldn't rest until you've found all my missing kitties.
They move fast, but I'm sure a little hero like you can figure out a way to catch them.
All of my kitties wear little pink scarves. Please, let me know if you see any!
[Selfie] Oh, I can't think of selfies at a time like this...

Oh, THAT kind of pussy



This house is by far the least surprising place to find a yaoi.



This house also by far has the most elaborate bedroom.



The bathroom also has something unique. We can put on the plug and hit the knob to make water fill up the bathtub. This'll make the treasure float into reach.



For a given definition of treasure, at least.



It looks more like Big Gay Al's Big Gay Toilet to me, but



[Selfie] You took a selfie with Ike? Let's do a better one!



Yay! Now we're real friends!



We're friends, right? Too late. We are now.
[Selfie] You want a selfie? With me? OK!



Whoa...is that really what I look like?
Just hangin' out with my buddy the New Kid!!



The vending machine here sells this. I don't know what to be more confused by: why they sell Butters' Creamy Goo or how they get enough to sell in the first place



The boys' toilet has a yaoi and nothing else interesting.



The girls' toilet also has a yaoi. It doesn't have any trace of their clubhouse for some reason

Oh, and if you're wondering, gender doesn't stop us from entering any of these toilets, so we won't be locked out of any yaoi . Not that it matters even if it does since we can change our gender very easily.



Also this spot gives 20 food

Going west brings us back to the theater-Main Road intersection while going south brings us back to Kyle's house, both of which we've explored already. This marks the end of today's exploration. Back to Cartman's house we go.



OK, good talk. Uhh, well, listen, I think you show some potential... Aand, uhh...I'm going to upgrade you to...somebody's sidekick or something. Congratulations.

I probably should put for everytime Buttlord doesn't react.

I just maybe wanted to talk about your superhero character a little bit. Um, your character...sucks, to be honest, and...I think I'm going to let you dual class. Let's pick another ability to add.



So what kind of skillset are you looking to add to your repertoire?


As you can see, we got several new classes to play with. Cyborg got the highest vote with Psychic getting the second, so we'll choose the former for now.

A Cyborg! With a heart of steel and regular human balls.
A Cyborg! Robot fetish, huh? That's cool.

Buttlord and the cyborg in the illustration don't have balls tho



But now we're gonna need to change your backstory too. So let's go back again to that fateful night... Back when you were little...



sleep was because you wanted to make the world a safer place. You walked to the mirror.















you focused on your prime directive: Protect the baby that, for some reason, was loitering in your hallway.
Hey what're you doin' here, kid?
But little did the intruders know that you weren't just ANY kid - you have been cybernetically enhanced with a suite of SHOCKING abilities! You demonstrated the first of these abilities on your victim.



Faraday Uncaged: Shock and knock back a foe with discharge [Shock] [Knockback]

Hey, you can't just knock him back like that!
Yeah, what gives?
Hey, wait up!
The charge you left on the bruiser JUMPED to his allies, damaging all of them at once!



Shock lasts for one turn and deals 1.5x Burning's damage per turn, but it also hits adjacent allies. The damage can quickly add up especially if multiple allies are inflicted. The only multiheal we have are Human Kite and Moses, so positioning is important when dealing with this.

But you still had many more cybernetic tricks up your sleeve...



Damn, I'm so Enraged right now...

Ganz Technique: Gain Block and Enrage a foe [Enrage] [Block]

The intruder took a swing at you, but your Block absorbed the damage!
I'm... I'M SO PISSED!

I forgot if I mentioned this already, but Enrage lasts for 2 turns while Block only lasts for 1 (or until hit by Knockback). This means that the opponent have 1 turn where it'll attack the person who doesn't have Block anymore.

Also, the game doesn't mention it, but this attack has a special property where once the Block is destroyed adjacent enemies gain Shock. It's kind of a big deal.

The thugs tried to keep their distance - but they weren't prepared for your next power!



AUGH! How...how do magnets even work?!

Fatal Attraction: Pull enemies and damage them

The remaining foe laid into you - it was time to bring out The Big Guns.



The Big Guns: Engage maximum damage protocol

He's...more machine than man...

Did you just MISGENDER New Kid!? Or maybe New Kid is male while Buttlord is female? But then Mr. Mackey called her parents...

Either way, getting the correct gender is probably the least of a burglar's worry. Especially after getting beaten up

And so you beat them! You swept the baby up in your







you couldn't stop your mom from being fucked by your dad.



I know you probably want to know why - why your dad fucked your mom. But those are answers you'll have to find for yourself.



The alarm is, predictably, voiced by Cartman.

It's a Coon and Friends alert!



It's the Freedom Pals!
What have they done now?
Just get to Main Street! HURRY!
We're coming! COON OUT!



*The Coon leaves*

Guess we won't be able to become a Psychic just yet . Still, we got a new app and a tutorial to go with it.



We still have 4 attack slots, with 1 being a super. This means that we'll have to sacrifice some moves, but it also means we can mix and match moves.

It is possible to have all 4 moves be from a single class, rendering the rest pointless. However, in this playthrough I will have at least 1 attack from each class at all times. Think of it as this game's version of Four Job Fiesta.



!!COON AND FRIENDS ALERT!! All Coon and Friends to Main Street!
it's going down you guys, time to fuck Freedom Pals in the ass. #CivilWar #CAF
Uh, yeah, we know - where are you and New Kid?
brt
k

If we just stand around for a while...

God dammit, Butthole quit looking around my house and get your ass out here!



Are you dual-classing now, New Kid? Nice!! BZZZ





At least there's no enemies that'll force you to go back to the start if you got caught









The Freedom Pals are on Main Street! And right now, we aren't! We're stuck here waiting for you!

It's our duty as escortee to make your escort mission actually annoying somehow

God, I feel like I've been waiting three years for this bus.
This bus was supposed to be here back in December.
[Selfie] Look at you, with all that storage on your device.



Outstanding.
My boss is really riding my ass lately. You know, in a good way.
When there was only one set of footprints, Jesus was carrying my fat ass.
God has a plan for me, and it's to get over this damn hangover.
Either the poles just pulled a switcheroo or I mixed up meds again.
Damnit. Forgot to thaw the meatloaf. Guess it's the dollar menu again.
Pretty sure my gynecologist put one of them RF chips in my va-jingle-jangle.
I'd pray for you, but I need to focus on my Powerball numbers.
[Selfie] I can't believe I agreed to this.



Praise the Lord, little cuckoo kid.