Toggle Background Color

Video: VIP Room Experience




From the left, their names are Roger and Brad.

Roger: Sooo, this is your friend, huh? She's fucking hot as fuck.
That's right! Wouldn't you like to take her to VIP?
Roger: I dunno, she's kind of short...
Brad: I like 'em short. You take the one with the speech impediment.

Reminder that Scott talks with a lisp.

Roger: Come on, let's get some dances.
I was thinking we could just go in there and talk for a little while.
Brad: Yeah, first we get dances THEN we talk.
Oh, OK!



Roger: Hey, we didn't come back here to talk, baby.
Brad: Yeah. No talking until you finish grinding on our chubs.
Oh, all right! OK, Sidekick. You know what this means...



It's not as weird as aborting a grown man, but still



Towelie, please don't

Anyway, this minigame plays like a simplistic version of the shitting minigame.



As we gain more stars, Buttlord moves higher until eventually...



South Park: Doing Child Twerking before Cuties is a thing. Seriously why is Cuties a thing



Brad: Aw no, stop! Let's just talk! Let's just talk!

Ah, nothing like a fart in the face to kill the buzz





Roger: Chat time? Aww, man!
So, what kind of work do you guys do? And have you ever danced with a girl here who has a penis tattoo?
Roger: Why do you keep talking about a stripper with a penis tattoo?
Brad: Yeah, yeah, Classi, that's her name!
Her name is Classi?
Roger: Yeah, Classi with an I, and a little dick that hangs off the C which fucks the L out of the A-S-S.
Of course! Hence the tattoo! We have the name, New Kid! Come on!
Roger: What are you talkin' about?! This is the worst VIP experience ever!
Brad: Yeah, all I did was get farted on!



Ha HAA! I am no ordinary stripper, I am...CAPTAIN DIABETES!
Roger: Whaat?
My sidekick and I simply used our powers of disguise to extract information from you!
Brad: You won't get away with this, Captain Diabetes!



Roger: Aw shit, my boner is weighing me down.
Brad: Yeah, all I did was get farted on!

True to his word, Roger starts out with Slow. I guess Brad doesn't have a farting fetish

Brad: I got a Groupon that'll get me and four friends 30 percent off chubs if we show up before 7.



Our guest immediately leaves

Roger: That's the last time I pay for a high-priced 20-dollar stripper.

Captain Diabetes got 20 dollars from each person? And we didn't get a cut?!



Hey! Didn't your parents teach you not to hit strippers?

This is Drunk Flurry. It's boring.



Roger: Ooo, that must've hurt. Surrender, super-twerkers!

This is Double Fisting. It hits both front and back.

Also, get back to me when you figure out which country actually does that for everyone instead of just the elite.

Also also, Roger's Shock hits the table, which destroys it. Yes, destroyable objects are a thing in battles now.

You got your dance, you smelly old men. No refunds!

This is for my own good.

Brad: I'm gonna call the Better Business Bureau and tell them you only gave me half a chub.

That's it, Sidekick!

Brad: I know a girl in Cambodia that'll give you chub and teach you how to kick box for the price of one.

It'll be funnier if the girl gives firsthand demonstration of her kickboxing prowess to her client



Completely uncalled for! You have no honor!

Instead of Double Fisting, Brad has Four-Way Fisting. It hits in all 4 directions. Not sure why Brad is stronger than Roger in every way. Maybe he's angry at our service?

Roger: I got a chub in Thailand from a girl who had her own chub.

The nerve of that villain!

Let's expedite this combat, Sidekick! Classi can't wait!

Punching, for great justice!

Get them, Sidekick!

Brad: Oh shit. I think I sprained my dick...

Oh no! Sidekick! I never should have made you do a lap dance!

Diabetes time!

Take this!

See the manager if you have any complaints about your lap-dance experience at the Peppermint HIppo, gentlemen. Adieu.



Great work, New Kid! Now let's get back to the main floor!



Be sure to tip your waitresses and maybe buy a drink for the DJ. Next up on the main stage we've got a little bit of hot sauce comin' up your way. Let's give it up for Esmeralldaa...
That's it! The DJ calls the bitches' names, and then the bitches come out of that back room. New Kid, we need to find a way to distract the DJ. I got it! Gin and tonic always make my mom pass out. If we can make one and spike it with something really strong, he'll be out for sure. Go make that drink, Sidekick!

If we didn't found either of the two free Gin and Tonic, this is where we'd have to cough up $25

Also, we can go back into VIP room for some Dried Jizz (biohazard). It'll be permanently blocked after tonight, so good thing there's nothing important there.



The other two ingredients are Boogers n' Cum and Rat Shit

Hm, I wonder if it needs one more thing. Hm, do you think it's gross enough to knock the DJ out of commission?



Oh god... Oh god... FARTS! I'm sorry you had to see that, Sidekick...but nothing in this world makes me more angry than farts. It awakens the deep-seated rage that I harbor within me. I wish it didn't have to be farts... But that'll definitely take the DJ out long enough for us to call out Classi.



That's really nice of you... That went down really good. The DJ sure does appreciate it - Uuugh... Oh...oh man, I think someone farted in my drink, guys. I'll be right back. Be sure to tip your waitress-



Be sure to tip your waitresses. Things are about to get a little bit hot on the main stage. Please welcome CLASSSII...



The music even stops here.

Uhh, that's right, guys, let's get her on out here. That's Classi with an I and a little dick that fucks the L out of the A-S-S. Give it up for...Classsii!



Wait a minute! You ain't the DJ!
THAT MUST BE HER, New Kid!
Aww, shit, it's 5-0! Cops are here! *flees*
AFTER HER!

We're not part of the police, but can't say I blame her. We did work for the police, after all.



I'm sure the DJ will be fine . Let's go chase Classi!

Video: Strippers




Fuchsia: Yeah, get lost!
Stand aside, ladies! Captain Diabetes and his sidekick need to question that stripper!
Paris: You wanna get to her... You're gonna have to go through us!
Bring it on!



Looks like we've got a special treat for you tonight: The two assholes that farted in my drink are about to get FUCKED IN THE FACE by our very own lovely ladies!

"Get fucked in the face" is a very vulgar phrase. I prefer a gentler term like "give a blowjob". You know the latter phrase is gentler because it doesn't have the word "fuck"

Lola: Mother-fucking, cock-sucking little prick! I'm gonna kill you!

Coming through, ladies.

These are some persistent-ass police! Quit tryin' so hard!

Oh, hellll no! I ain't getting mixed up in this combat shit!



You just wanna get to the far end of the room as fast as your little legs can take you there. Hope you have some fast attacks!

This battle is has a lot of new elements, but some of it is already introduced before (like Captain Diabetes and destroyable objects). This battle would've been very overwhelming otherwise.





Whoa, mama! Lay off my Sidekick!

Exotic Attack isn't exotic. It only has a regular Knockback.

Buttlord's attack and the inflicted Shock are enough to kill her. These strippers are very fragile, even more Mosquito. They exist pretty much just to slow us down.



Press on, Sidekick!

There'll always be 2 strippers on our way. When one dies, another will take her place.





Stripper Rush is a charging attack. Each stripper has 2 attacks and this is always their second. If Sixth Graders/Priests' main element is Gross Out, Chaos Kids' is Burn, and Raisins Girls' is Charm, then Strippers' main element is Knockback.

Remember how I talked plenty of times about how charging attacks put the attacker in front of the attacked? This means that the stripper is now ahead of us and can block our way.

Captain Diabetes also has a charging attack, so we can play that game too. Buttlord got nothing, though

You can't stand up to my trusty Sidekick!

Is it my turn yet?

Fuchsia: This tiny cop got me all messed up.



Keep moving towards the exit, Sidekick!

Those tiny police is gettin' too close!



Paris: Nice catch, fuck face.

Thunder Down Under is just a standard ranged attack. I don't know what they're throwing, but the attack picture shows a purse. Doesn't look like it, though.

Go on, Sidekick! Kick her ass!

Esmeralda: Goddamn, I am FUCKED up.

Esmeralda: Yo' days o' beatin' off is over.

Get it, girl!



Hey, can we turn the house lights down just a touch?
Head for the end of the hallway!

Hepatitis is no match for the power of Diabetes!

You can always just get both

Diabeetus!

Mama is mad now, sugar!

Paris: For Classi!



Captain Diabetes can get Shield after most attacks, but Buttlord has no such luxury. She has to heal herself the usual way.

Yeah, yeah, Psychics can grant Shield. It's just not that useful in this battle.

You want some of this?

Here's a treat.

Your face better not have fucked up my girl's nails.

Blaze attacks with Thunder Down Under which doesn't have anything to do with nails

Stand back, Sidekick! I'll take care of this!

Would you bitch-slap your mama like that? Shame on you!

Bitch, protect my ass!

Show them what you're made of, Sidekick [sic]



Head for the end of the hallway!

Watch and learn, Sidekick!

Anastasia: Hey! We ain't paid to take this shit from 10-year-old Johns!



Keep moving towards the exit, Sidekick!

Stop these fuckin' cops already!

Sorry ladies, we'll take a raincheck. Let's get outta here!

They'd be happy if we get outta there. Through the door we came from.

You gonna whup these cops today o' what?

I'll hold them off, Sidekick!

Oh, real fuckin' cute.

Dammit, ladies! What part of "stop 'em" ain't clear?

Maybe you could, you know, actually help them?

Anastasia: I beat you like a dog, pig.

You've got this, Butthole!



We have to reach the end of the hallway!

Nothing is stopping us from just beating up these ladies until the end of time, though. Nothing except our limited items and healing, at least.

They too close. Stop 'em!

You're no match for Captain Diabetes and his trusty Sidekick!

Sugar Ruuuuuuussh!

You one rough customer.

Once we get halfway through the room or after we beat all strippers, the second phase of the battle begins. If we hadn't gotten a stripper's announcement yet, we'll never get to hear it. Good thing we didn't miss any (Trixie was the last one).



Look out, ladies and gents! Here comes the queen of quiffies, the mistress of BDSM, yoru dominatrix dream come true, it's Spontaneous Bootay!





Bootay: I'ma crush you in my booty cheeks.







Bootay: Oh yeah, baby!
Oh my god! She'll crush us alive with her massive butt!





So who's up for a COMPLETELY NEW AND DIFFERENT gameplay mechanic? This turn-based SRPG is suddenly turned into a real-time SRPG and this battle's difficulty just increased drastically.

It also makes the videos drastically much more watchable. So you should, you know, go watch it

This timer can interrupt an opponent's turn, but the AI tend to decide on moves quickly, so the probability of that happening is much lower. We can delay ending the turn until the timer's almost up, but I won't do that. At least intentionally.

Trixie: Here comes death by Spontaneous Bootay - again!



There's a lot more furniture in our way, forcing us to spend a turn breaking them. Also, all strippers are now deployed although only two are active at a time. At least they have half of their already low health.

Lola: Get outta here, Classi. We got this!

Oh, it's on!

My turn!

Sadly, Scott does not get his turn.

Bootay: Ready or not, I'm comin'.



Whoa, shit! Spontaneous Bootay will fuck you up, kids! You better run like hell!

Bootay will move one tile forward every turn. She has infinite HP. Literally.

If you run now, you may live to brag about this.

That statement is still true, but turning back is not an option anymore.

That's ballistic, Butthole!

Captain Diabetes prepares to strike!

Esmeralda: You got me real mad now.

Bootay: You can't hide from this bootay, honey.

Bootay: Bootay!

Paris: You tiny cops are about to die and go to booty heaven!

Well struck, combatant! But Diabetes will prevail!

I'm about to bust out of my Spanx.

Esmeralda: Who wants a lap dance?

Esmeralda: You leave Classi alone.

Now you're gonna get it.

Bootay: I'm gonna break every bone in your body with my booty, baby.

Trixie: Fair warning: That ass kills.

That's been fermenting for a while now.

Smash!

Nighty-night.

Trixie: You picked the wrong bitches to mess with!

Bootay: I'ma sit on you till your eyes pop out of your head, honey.



If I was smart, I would've destroyed both chairs with Insulin Shock

Diabetes coming through!

We're really very sorry it had to come to violence, ladies!

Trixie: My turn, bitches!

It's not actually her turn, Bootay interrupts it. Seems like yelling that it's your turn instead takes away your turn

Bootay: Let me sit on your face real quick!

Bootay: Heyy!

Paris: You don't stand a chance against an ass THAT size!

Surf's up!

Fuchsia: This is tiny-police brutality.

Butthole's busting some butts!

Paris: How 'bout a kiss, baby?

Bootay: I'm gonna break every bone in your body with my booty, baby.

Stay clear of that ass!

Captain Diabetes, into the fray!

Insulin shock!

Another beauty bites the dust!

Paris: It's show time!

Paris: Up yours!

Paris: I got my stank on that one.

Bootay: My booty is hungry for blood, baby.

Oh, shit! Run away, Sidekick!

Once we get into the second tile from the end...



We can't let her get away, Sidekick!



Only one person need to actually get to the goal. It's much easier to have Captain Diabetes solo this battle (he's so good), but I still managed to keep Buttlord alive





Mafia: Get inside.

*Classi runs inside*







Good news: we won't get shot at. Bad news: the door is now blocked

We just gotta lift that sign! Stand aside, Sidekick! It is time for...DIABETIC RAAAAAGE!





Captain Diabetes fails. See if you can spot the difference between this object and the two we lifted last update.

Even my diabetic rage can't move this sign! Oh god... It's too much... Uh - I need my insulin... My - I need my... Oh no! OH GOD! I'M OUT OF INSULIN!



I'M...I'M DYING! OH GOD! MOM! MOM, I'M DYING, SOMEBODY PLEASE... Please... Uh? HUH? UHH-



Welp.



Everything cool over there? Cool... Keep me updated. *logs off*

WELP.

Bonus:



Fuchsia has Bubble Butt instead of Exotic Attack or Thunder Down Under. It inflicts combat and is unique to her.

This attack inflicts low damage because this part is recorded on Casual, by the way. This new recording also has a bunch of new banter, but I won't transcribe them because



Spontaneous Bootay has a unique description (which really isn't wrong). She's immune to literally every single status effect, even the beneficial ones.

From the left: Invisible, Shock, Gross Out, Enrage, Burn, Bleed, Charm, Confuse, Boost, Atk ↑, Chill, Slow, and Def ↓. Knockback is missing, but it also doesn't work on her. Shield is also missing, but I guess technically neither are status effects.

We haven't seen Bleed or Boost yet, but we will next update.



Sidekick! Focus on my voice! Giant booty equals insta-death!

I could've sworn Bootay deals 9999 damage, but I guess it's reduced on Casual. Still very lethal, though.



This shot is to show that only two strippers will do anything; the rest will just block our way and can't be targeted



Trixie's Thunder Down Under throws a brush instead of a wallet (?) like Blaze's and Paris'. The rest just have Exotic Attack.

Also, being a Final Girl does not do anything special, disappointingly. It does trivialize this battle, but so can Speedster.

And finally, read the list of Status Effects from above again. Notice one missing?



If you're expecting a twist, well too bad! Blocking, like all others, doesn't work.



Bootay has some dialogue if we try to attack her. It comes up very rarely (and you'd also have to be dumb/reckless enough to attack her), so it's very hard to see.

If only someone managed to rip a script of this game, I could transcribe them all here. But as it sta...



...Wait, what?



Looks like it works after all. Whether it works or not seems to be random, from what I've tested.