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Chapter 22: 5/2-5/5: Buffet Troubles

This update covers Parts 20, 21, and 22 of the original LP.

After School

Huh. It actually worked. And we didn’t even destroy his mind!
Hmm, I see… so if we persuade the Shadow instead of killing it, they won’t shut down…
We still get to beat them up though, right?

So, we can get ‘em to confess with no bad stuff? Hey! That works for me!

It’ll be fiiiiine. I’d never give us up that easily!

C’mon, it’s not like this exact thing could ever possibly fuck us over… more than once.

So… how’d it go? With Shiho, I mean…

Music: Break it Down

She’s regained consciousness!

It was only for a little bit, but I got to talk to her! I was able to tell her that Kamoshida admitted to what he did!

Shiho, she… she told me she was sorry… Looks like she found out that I was flirting with Kamoshida for her sake… And here I was, wanting to apologize to her.

It’s not your fault, it’s Kamoshida’s.

Yeah, I know… Shiho’s probably going to have to transfer school after she recovers though. People will talk. I think it’s for the best. It’d be too hard for her here.

She’s alive. You can see her anytime.
*nod* …I need to change too.
That aside, I was surprised you could hold yourself back against Kamoshida’s Shadow.

It’s because she’s so kind.
Nah. I just want him to bear the crushing weight of his sins for the rest of his life. Something *worse* than death.

But I was still wonderin’ something… Why was Kamoshida the only one who had a Palace?
He’s not. Anyone with a strong enough desire could. Wanna see?
Nah. Even if no one can find out what we did over there, we should lie low.
Too late for that. You’re shouting about how you brainwashed him from the literal rooftops. Plus, there’s some weird rumors going around about how you two threatened Kamoshida…
I mean, we kind of did, but that’s not why he confessed!
They’re not gonna believe the calling card’s real. Why would they?
Yeah, I guess. Hardly believe it myself after all…

Let’s wait for things to settle down for the time being.

We should probably fence this quick before the fuzz start sniffing around.

…Wait, thirty thousand yen!? That’s all a gold medal’s worth!?

Remember in middle school when I lent you 500 yen? Don’t you owe me some interest from that?
Wait a minute… doing some napkin math here. If you borrowed 500 as the principal loan, and we assume 3 years… To get the total amount we need to use the formula A=P(1+r/n)^(nt). To get to 30000 yen from that, compounded monthly, it’s a 144% rate. These are some “loanshark is gonna bust my kneecaps” interest rates we’re dealing with here. These are some “crippling student loan debt for the rest of my life” rates. Ann is scary.
You can’t read, but you can calculate interest formulas?
I’m not *stupid*.
Now, now. Don’t fight. We should spend the money celebrating! Let’s get some good food!
Sounds fun.
Oh, fine. But I get to pick the spot! There’s somewhere Shiho and I have been wanting to go for a while. Let’s do it on the last day of Golden Week.
So… the 5th, on Children’s Day.
Why do we need a whole day for children? Those smug little idiots, living it up while the rest of us work.
How are we going to sell this medal, anyway?
Don’t worry about it. Maaku and I have a source. He seems just sketchy enough to go for this sort of thing.

After School → Evening

Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)

No, that one is a fake. It’s just a byproduct of his cognition. The real medal should still be in his possession.

>Cat says it’s fake.
So Kamoshida still has it?
It doesn’t matter. He won’t take pride in it any more either way. What does matter is you paying me back for that stupid dolphin!
It was a souvenir for my mom!
Fine, I’ll let it slide…
Anyway, just sell the stupid medal!

For me, it just means more customers and even more work.

Why does everyone have to take a break at the same time…?

Let’s do the crossword.

Uhhhhhh… let’s come back to this one once we have fewer letters to choose from. Even though that’s not how crosswords work in real life.

Oh, duh, “1 of 24” means “hour”!

Maaku gains Knowledge +1.

Maaku gains Knowledge +2.

Early Morning

Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)

(From downstairs) Hey, you can hear me, right? You don’t have plans, do you? Come help me out, instead of sleeping your life away.

But I *like* sleeping my life away!

We do owe it to him… We’ll just have to wait. Hurry down and help him out.

Early Morning → Daytime

Music: Alleycat

At an assembly yesterday, a high school volleyball coach confessed to repeatedly abusing and sexually harassing students. Shit’s wild! And we don’t even know why he did it! Confess, I mean. He did the abuse because he sucks.

Hm? Isn’t this…?

(Male Student’s Voice) It was scary, but I’m relieved that the abuse is finally going to end now.

(Female Student’s Voice) I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that sexual harassment anymore…

(Female Student’s Voice) Like… I’m totally shocked they were actually true. At least now I can go to school without worrying.

(Female Student’s Voice) Wait, I forgot about the institutional culture of silence that fostered this abuse in the first place, oh no!


Just don’t cause any trouble, all right? And keep busy, I’ve got more meaningless busywork I need you to do.
Why am I spending my Golden Week doing chores?
Because I’m jealous of your youth. Now pipe down.

Daytime → Evening

Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)

How on earth did he find enough chores to take up an entire day off? I’m upset about this!

Seems like the school’s in deep shit.
I saw. Shiho’s name didn’t come up, did it?
I don’t think so.
Good. Let’s just celebrate! Hope you guys are looking forward to this!
We absolutely need to sell that medal tomorrow. Don’t let the chief rope you into any other nonsense, this is important!

Maaku gains Kindness +1.

All right, we’ve got all our stats to Rank 2!


Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)


Just do it. Don’t get cocky with me.

How are there even more chores to do? I did all of them yesterday?
Well, we had customers since then.

Am I interrupting something?

I’d hate to get in the way of a good domestic spat.

Not at all.

Police are hurrying to solve the matter as it may relate to the rise in psychotic breakdown incidents.
Oh, is that the thing everyone’s been talking about?
Doesn’t it make you curious?

People living normal lives getting totally jokerfied out of nowhere and going ballistic? It’s happening constantly nowadays…

Hmm… Leaving that aside… What’ll you have?

I’ll have… one coffee, please.

Uhhh, no, not exactly…

It can’t. He makes me work for curry.

Are you a high school student? Where do you attend?

Shujin. You know Shujin? It’s the place all over the news.

Oh? Someone I know goes there as well.

Note to self: I still need to berate her today… Anyway, how are things there at the moment? It’s sounding rough after that teacher, Kamoshida, suddenly confessed his crimes like a totally different person…

Can a person’s mental state change so easily?

Is my drink ready yet?

Err, I’ve been standing right here the entire time *not* preparing it, so you probably know the answer to that one…

Coming right up.

You know some place that’ll buy it off you, right?

You were the one that volunteered me for this mission!

I hear he’s done some terrible things…
(Old Man With Glasses) How reprehensible. Back in our time, everyone looked up to athletes… But nowadays they’re a bunch of impudent upstarts who are setting a bad example for the children.

(DJ) Today’s topic is “Things You Can Do Over Your Long Weekend”! “I’m having a fancy lunch at a pricey hotel buffet with my boyfriend!” Wow, I’m so jealous!
Hmph. I don’t see what the big deal is. Food’s all the same, anyway.

Someone should tell this old man about Soylent, it’ll blow his mind.

Fair. Let’s just head to Shibuya.

There’s a rumor that an informant revealed the details regarding Kamoshida’s criminal activities…

Can you see what’s happening here? This student’s mouth is shut tight. I sense a cloud of darkness surrounding the school as it attempts to conceal the scandal! And that’s all for our on-the-spot coverage.

You want a job where you can make stacks without lots of work?

Hey, don’t listen! And I think we’ve seen him around before… Anyway, pawning off the gold medal should be our top priority right now. Ignore that guy!

And outside Untouchable we run into those two cops investigating the place.

(Shady Man) Looks like it. Let’s just take care of this.
Wait! We don’t have a search warrant yet. Just be patient. I’m sure we’ll get one soon enough. And they’d never think about running off down this narrow alley.

Music: Layer Cake

Buy this gold medal off me. I promise it’s legit.
…Yeah, sure.

Iwai offers exactly what Ryuji said it was worth. How nice of him.


It’s almost time…

But, uh… best not to open it. Just bring it with you next time you come back here.

Why, this isn’t suspicious at all! Thank you, kind sir!
Don’t mention it. Now scram kid, they’re here.

Music: Suspicion

(his name is now Stern Detective) Munehisa Iwai, yes? There are some matters we’d like to discuss with you today.
…Go, kid.

Looking for evidence? Whatever. I’m an upstandin’ citizen and will cooperate fully. So, you gonna search me or what?
(Vulgar Detective now) I was sure that lead was legitimate… Ugh, you bastard… ……. Hey, kid!

What’s in the bag, huh? Show me.
I should leave…

It’s my Lunchables. I got the pizza one today!
Oh man, I’m jealous. Can I have some?
Detective, we’re getting sidetracked here…

Safe trip home, kid.

Look in the bag LOOK IN THE BAG
But he said not to…
Don’t be a coward! Just do it!
I’m totally ratting you out when this goes bad…

A real gun!? Wait… I think it’s just a model. It’s incredible though! Miles ahead of the one Ryuji had. There’s something weird about that place…

That’s probably just the weird smell from the ration vending machine.
Never mind that… we should buy this gun from him later! It’s so real-looking, it’d be great for the Metaverse! He told you to bring it back later, right? Strike a deal with him then!

Daytime → Evening

Music: Break it Down (Elp Version)

The Kamoshida story is all over the news…
How are you feeling?
It’s hard to say… this is all so much bigger than I anticipated. It’s just… surprising.

I don’t think we did anything wrong though. I wonder if we helped those people speak up about it…

I think so.
That’s incredible! We really did it, huh? We definitely earned that celebration tomorrow! We’re meeting in front of Shibuya Station at noon! Don’t be late! Also, you pawned that medal, right?
I almost got arrested, but yes!
Great! Well, not the arrested part, but still! You’re gonna be excited when you see the place I chose! See you tomorrow!

What do you think we’re gonna have?
“We?” You’re a cat. They’re not gonna let me take you into a buffet, dude.
Well, you’ll just have to sneak me in!

Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)

Maaku gains Knowledge +2.


Music: Alright

So good… I’m gonna eat myself to death!
It’s a famous hotel! It’s got the best buffet around!

Oh yeah, I heard that the police are coming to interview some people at school.
That’s troublesome.

Considerin’ the rumors about us, our names are gonna come up…
Well, they’re not wrong per se…

But we got ‘em pumped up! I keep hearin’ stuff like, “The Phantom Thieves really stole his heart!” I think most people don’t believe it, but some of ‘em actually seem grateful. Look at this.

Wow Ann, you have really good eyesight to be able to read his phone from all the way across that table.

“Well done, Phantom Thieves”… “Now I can keep going too”… “Thank you for giving us hope”…
Pretty cool, huh?
I was just desperate to deal with my own problems, but seeing people saying all this feels… strange.

What do you think, Maaku?
I *think* that I need to get my fill of every food on earth that isn’t curry to hold me over for a good while. Less talky, more eaty. You’re gonna run out of time if you don’t hurry.

Oh crap, you’re totally right! We only got an hour to eat!
Just fifty minutes left!
I’m not gonna finish all the beef dishes at this pace!
I need to eat my way through the entire dessert menu!

Won’t putting on weight affect your modeling?
Ryuji, shut up.

(to Maaku) Look after our stuff! We’ll snag somethin’ for you guys too, don’t worry!

So good!
All they’re eating are meat and cake… talk about typecasting yourself…
Stay in the bag! But what did you guy bring back for us, anyway?
Oh. That’s okay. This shall be a lesson to lower my expectations of you in the future. One day, I will never be disappointed again.
Come on, let’s get some real food while these two gorge themselves!

Music: My Homie

And for 8,000 yen each, we’d better be getting the best! Let’s get some fish!

(Arrogant Wealthy Woman) You hear about that coach, Kamoshida? And those “Phantom Thieves”?
(Haughty Wealthy Woman) It’s all so shameful… And the police don’t need to get distracted from those psychotic breakdowns right now…
Yes, yes… Those poor pitiable Shujin students, though… Hold on, that hooligan is staring at us.
Quick, grab some food!
Not really much of a fish guy, but whatever…
I wonder if anyone else is talking about this though… You should keep an ear out while you get more food!

(IT Company President) Blah blah Kamoshida blah blah Phantom Thieves blah blah not real blah blah

So they don’t believe themselves, but they’re making up stories to make the Phantom Thieves seem real…

What are you on about?

(TV Station President) Blah blah Kamoshida blah blah ratings blah blah idiot public
How can he be so insensitive? A student almost killed herself because of that Kamoshida…

Note: The TV Station President and the IT Company President from this sequence are two of the miniboss Shadows we fight in Shido’s Palace!

(Haughty Subordinate) Kamoshida was a fool who overvalued himself. He should have just quietly accepted his place.
(Insolent Subordinate) This entire incident is impossible to take seriously. We can just let some low-ranking scrubs take care of it.

Look into…? I guess they’re investigating Kamoshida? They don’t sound very enthusiastic though.

Oh, he’ll be arriving soon. We should get moving.
Those guys seemed shady to me…

They’re Shido’s goons, if you haven’t figured it out yet.

Most adults weren’t very interested in Kamoshida, it seems… But we’ve got enough food, let’s head back!

Music: Alright

You guys brought back too much, honestly. It’d be bad to waste it. Help them out, Ryuji!

We brought this on ourselves! Curse our hubris!
Urgh… I’m gonna eat myself to death…

Don’t give up! Let’s keep at it!

Oh, I am *absolutely* going to vomit.
We won…
You think this is a game!?
Oh no… I need… bathroom!
M-Me too…

(Wealthy Man) Come now, pay them no attention. I’m sure they must not normally have the chance to eat such exquisite food.
(Elegant Woman) I can only imagine what their parents must be like.

What? Man, she’d regret saying that if I wasn’t about to hurl… Let’s go, quick!

Music: My Homie

Why were they cleaning the bathroom in the middle of a buffet? How does that make sense? We had to go to another floor to find one…
You idiot, you really did eat until you puked…
So did you!
I’m a cat, I vomit all the time. Wait, I mean—
No take-backs!

Music: Disquiet

No, not yet… Sorry, but why are you so concerned with this?
Just pick up the pace, you incompetent louse!
Hey, we were here first!

You pushed him. Apologize.

We’re in a hurry.
Oh, I’m sorry. So you can butt in front of other people if you’re in a hurry?
It seems the customer base has changed since I was here last. Have they started a day care?
Sir, we don’t have time for this.
I know.

Don’t bother with them!

What an asshole, looking down on us!

Don’t lose your temper over this.
I just can’t forgive shitty adults like that!

Come on Maaku, you clearly remember his voice (and face, somewhat). Put two and two together here, you can do it!

Nah, can’t be.


…What’s wrong?

I feel really… stupid… for no reason. Like any idiot could figure this out, but I’m stuck…

…Dammit, I’m still mad! Let’s go!

Music: Break it Down

What took you so long!?

Why are you so mad?
Sorry… Some woman blamed me for dropping her plate a second ago, when it was clearly her fault! But everyone looked at me with this… look of disapproval.

This is just life for us.

Yo, Morgana. Anyone could have one of those Palaces, right?
If their desires are warped enough, sure.
And if their Treasure got stolen, it would change their heart?

Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden?

We had our own run-in with a shitty adult upstairs. The kind of asshole who looks down on everyone, you know? I was wonderin’ if we’d be able to change them too.

You mean… you wanna continue as the Phantom Thieves?
Think about it. Those people who Kamoshida was abusin’, the people who had no choice but to take it, they ended up thankin’ the Phantom Thieves. There must be loads more people like that.
…I agree. I can’t ignore people who are in trouble any more.

If you really want to do this… then I’m sure there’s nothing we can’t accomplish!

Music: Swear to My Bones

I didn’t think of it, but… we may be able to help people with this power.

We’ll have to fight Shadows again, right?
Correct. Is that a problem?
We’ll be fine! I’m sure of it!

I’m fine with it, but I feel obligated to mention that “some people were mean to me at a buffet” is the pettiest possible reasoning for continuing to do this. But… whatever, I’m in.

Heh… Even if you guys are still just fledglings, this means we’re an actual organization now.
All right, it’s settled!

Maaku, are you fine with being our leader?
Wait, what? I dunno if I can handle the pressure… But you guys are probably just gonna make me do it anyway because I’m *special*, so sure, whatever.
Ooh! What should our name be? If we’re making this official, don’t you think we should have a cooler name than “Phantom Thieves of Hearts”?
“The Diamonds”!
“Tilefish Poele”!
Ugh, no, these names suck! Maaku, you decide!

Can’t go wrong with the classics.

(I should mention that there’s a small dialogue easter egg if you actually input Ann’s suggestion, “The Diamonds.”)

It’s cause you be on that phone!
I like it!

Well now that the name’s set, who’s our next target?
There’s tons of rotten adults, but if we’re gonna give people hope, we need to make it some big-shot famous person.
All right, but it should be a unanimous decision! Like we’re forming a pact!

“Unanimous” just makes me think of jury duty, but okay.

Now then, this is the official formation of the Phantom Thieves organization!

Our time for the buffet’s up…

I guess we’ll just have to talk more tomorrow.

And a talking cat!?
Ish trueee… The cat talked to meeee!
They really overdid it with the drugs… But enough of that story lines up that I have trouble discounting it all. As for these other accomplices… Who are they?
Well, the first one is named—oh, dammit! You’re tricky! Almost got me to spill the beans!
…Fine. I’ll move on. I only have a limited time to question you, and I have a lot to ask to make sure you’re telling the truth at all. Now, the next to receive a calling card was…

We’re not even sure how you found out about these crimes. Kinda baffling, to be honest. Tell me everything.

Line changes!!!!

When Ryuji and Morgana are about to throw up at the buffet, Wealthy Man’s line “They must not normally have the opportunity to eat such exquisite food.” Has become “Come now, pay them no attention. I’m sure they must not normally have the chance to eat such exquisite food.” A little more condescending, I guess?