Toggle Background Color
In the year 2003, Stillwater was a city gripped by gang violence. The otherwise quiet city life was disrupted daily by gunshots, explosions, and above all else the wails of those that survived the first two.
A new recruit to a mostly-unknown gang, the Third Street Saints, quickly rose through the ranks while taking out the other three gangs in her way. By the time the smoke had cleared, the Vice Kings, Los Carnales, and Westside Rollerz were all disbanded and the constituent members were either in hiding or now wearing the signature purple of the Third Street Saints. This left the Saints completely in control of Stillwater.
This new recruit's rank in the Saints had stabilized at second in command, and defacto leader. The actual leader, Julius Little, had been taken into police custody by an undercover cop in his ranks, Troy Bradshaw. Everything changed one evening, however, when the new boss of the Saints was invited onto a private yacht for a meeting with a man named Monroe Hughes. Hughes was an alderman in Stillwater and a candidate for mayor...
"While before, people criticized my Saint's Row urban renewal plan, it is now being lauded. See, until you came along, I was displacing poor people. Now I'm destroying a hotbed of gang activity. What can I say, the public is fickle... Champagne?"
"..."
"As you get older you quickly learn that there are only two types of people in this world... race, money, gender, none of this matters. At the end of the day you're either a winner or a loser. Now, the sad truth about our situation is that in order for me to be a winner I have to level your neighborhood and salt the earth."
"I suppose I could try to pay you off, but really what's the point? You'd just say no, or in your case, stand there looking intimidating, and we'd be right back where we started. So I figured I'd cut the middle man and get right to the point."
"Yo, could you speed this shit up? I wanna go to Freckle Bitch's..."
"You're going to die here dear, make no mistake about that... but if it makes it any easier on you, I'll be sure to thank you in my acceptance speech. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to atten--"
Hughes would never be able to finish his threat. Julius Little had escaped from jail and had planted a bomb on the yacht, in the hopes of killing both the Alderman and his own out-of-control Second.
"This just in to the newsroom, a deadly explosion has rocked the waterfront. Our Jane Valderamma is already at the scene."
"Jack, waterfront residents and the press, who were setting up their cameras and microphones to cover the gala fund-raiser scheduled for mayoral candidate's Hughes' campaign, were treated to an amazing site a few moments ago as the yacht registered to the alderman exploded in a shower of brass and mahogany. We were a safe distance away so no one here was injured, as far as we can tell, but we have no word as to who - if anyone - was actually aboard."
"We don't know how this happened, why this happened, or even who was on the boat - if anyone - as no survivors have been located. I was inside the press tent when it happened, but witnesses outside say that the peaceful, serene evening was suddenly punctured by a viscous explosion that not only reduced the alderman's yacht to a pile of floating debris, but knocked out windows and swamped smaller boats throughout the marina. Jack."
"Jane, while you were giving that report we attempted to contact Alderman Hughes' press secretary, and there was no answer. Do we know where the alderman is?"
"No we do not, Jack. I've asked around and no one from the press corp noticed any official movement on the boat, as it's early in the evening and the event was not scheduled to begin for another couple of hours."
"Do we know if this was an accident, or yet another attempt on the life of a public official?"
"Jack, we don't have any definitive answers on that, and with almost no details emerging yet, we still do not know if this was something as silly as a galley or a fuel tank explosion... but in the light of recent events, we cannot rule out the possibility that this was more than just an accident. Reporting live from the waterfront, this is Jane Valderamma. Back to you, Jack."
"Thank you, Jane, and stay dry. Stay tuned as we get more details on this unfolding event, we will bring them to you immediately. In the newsroom, I'm Jack Armstrong."
Eventually the body of Alderman Hughes was found floating in the water, nearly burnt beyond all recognition. The new Saints boss was likewise floating not too far away. With Julius having dropped his flags, and the new boss presumed dead, the rest of the lieutenants scattered. With one decapitation strike from its leader, the Saints ceased to exist as an organization in the span of seconds.
As a tribute to the legacy of Monroe Hughes, an up-and-coming clothing company named Ultor took his Saint's Row Urban Renewal Project as their own and proceeded with the gentrification of Saint's Row completely unopposed.
That was five years ago.
In the intervening years, Ultor has become one of the largest corporations in the world. They sell everything from smart phones to cars. Where before Saint's Row was a depressed community, it is now visible from anywhere in Stillwater as a towering spectacle of glass and steel.
The Anna Show
However, the Saints are not finished yet. In the middle of a blisteringly hot summer night, a pair of eyes weakly flutter open. All this person can hear is beeping medical equipment all around their body. Breathing feels next to impossible until a ventilator forces air into their lungs. All they can do is weakly groan around the breathing tube and hope to be heard.
Not too far away, a television flickers to life.
A digital green 18 flashes briefly in the corner as the picture adjusts into the frame properly.
"Hi, and welcome to the show. Joining me today is a man who's done some wonderful things for our community. Please give a warm welcome to Mr. Dane Vogel."
The subtitle beneath the picture says it all about this show. "The problem with poor people." This is not only a trashy talk show, but it's a deeply conservative, trashy talk show at that.
Mr. Vogel smiles and waves at the audience while they applaud his presence. A few scattered cheers and one or two whistles can also be heard in the background.
"Thanks for having me Anna."
"Now Dane, a lot of liberals out there..."
As soon as the merest mention of her (and their) political opposites leave the host's mouth, it's like Anna has said the worst possible thing. The audience erupts into boos and jeers at the mere mention of the word 'liberal.'
Anna raises her hand to calm them down and silence the jeering. There will be plenty of time for that later. This particular show, as much as she might wish otherwise, is not for bitching out liberals.
"A lot of liberals out there have been saying that corporations like Ultor are part of the problem...that they're destroying America with their attitude of "To hell with the community, the bottom line is all that matters.""
"You know, I'm glad you brought that up. I have some pictures that I'd like to show your audience if you don't mind..."
The image on screen switches to a view of the Old Church, once the home of the Third Street Saints five years ago. The audience is quite shocked to see the images. Gasps and scattered murmuring sounds out from among the crowd.
"Now what you're seeing here are pictures of Saints Row a few short years ago..."
"Parents, you might want to your tell your kids to leave the room...there will be minorities in these photos."
Anna's overt racism isn't mentioned or touched upon by neither Vogel nor the audience. Meanwhile, the church as shown on screen, is positively covered with grime and graffiti. It has certainly seen better days, to put it mildly.
"Like I was saying, in the past this district was filled with gangs, hookers, and drugs... Now Alderman Hughes..."
"A great man who was taken from us far too soon..."
Anna rushes to cut Vogel off so she can get a word in edgeiwse. It's a hard habit for her to break. Vogel patiently waits for her to finish and then continues. He also picks up his speaking cadence and talks a little louder to prevent further interruptions. He doesn't have time for this.
"Hughes had a vision for Saints Row. He wanted to pull the district from the depths of depravity into a brighter future. Now we at Ultor couldn't agree more...that's why we spent considerable resources turning this..."
The Ultor logo zooms out of the old church, and as it does, it transitions from one scene to the next...
"...into this."
In stark contrast to the first image, this one is not covered in a sepia filter. The sky is baby blue, the trees are lush and leafy green, while the dilapidated old church has been utterly transformed.
"Crackhouses to corporate parks, pimps and hos to cops on patrol!"
More images flash by, each showing a colorful and, for lack of a better term, modern-looking image. Everything is clean and pristine, with lots of glass and steel everywhere. The evening image shows innumerable spotlights illuminating the sky. It is the exact sort of thing that goes in tourism and college brochures to attract the eye. There's no telling how much money has been spent just to tweak the images to perfectly capture the eye in this fashion.
The audience very much approves the changes they see. Amongst thunderous applause, scattered cheering and whistling rings out.
"Amazing. Just amazing, ...I think we all owe Ultor another round of applause."
At the request of Anna, the audience continues to applaud and cheer on Dane Vogel. The man himself nods along and gives a small smile and a wave, all the while he's smirking on the inside. Oh if they could only see what he has planned next...
With the Anna Show on an ad break, the person watching television changes channels.
One channel down, on channel 17, a local corporate affiliate is having a roundtable discussion about the Chief of Police, Troy Bradshaw.
"The man's a hero..."
"I'm not saying that he's not, I'm saying that a man who ran with a gang..."
"He was undercover!"
"He was in the Saints for a long time...is it really that hard to believe that people have problems with him being announced Chief of Police?"
"He's responsible for sending the Saints behind bars."
"And now three new gangs have taken their place..."
"You telling me you want Johnny Gat back on the street?"
The tedious discussion is obviously going nowhere, and so the person watching the TV changes the channel once again.
On channel 15, a very animated man wearing a suit covered in dollar signs is advertising free money for calling #(227) 466-6399
That's actually the cheat for adding $1,000 to your cash total. No really.
"...and the ones who know about the programs are the ones who get the money!"
Matthew Lesko is one of those weird cultural touchstones that won't make any sense to anyone under the age of 30 that also didn't live in the US. But this ad here does a pretty good job of capturing his exuberance. Also watch the video above. It's pretty good.
On channel 13, a very large red truck is parked outside of a store in the Barrio. An equally large man wearing red is manhandling the overweight clerk out of the store.
"This footage was taken last night as the Brotherhood went on another looting spree, this time focusing their wrath on the recovering community of Ezpata."
A woman runs into frame and begins to ineffectually slap the other gangster. He pulls a gun on her and she, realizing shit has gotten bad, raises both arms and slowly backs away while shaking her head.
The gangster mercilessly shoots her right between the eyes and turns around.
Following the lead of his compatriot, the large man smashes the clerk with his oversized fists. The poor, overweight clerk drops like a sack of bricks and doesn't move anymore.
Both men retreat to the truck...
"People watched in horror as the crazed individual known as Maero led his men on a violent night of chaos."
The truck then deliberately aims for the person filming everything and runs them clean over.
The camera flips and spins...
...and continues to film from its new location on the ground as the red truck drives off into the distance.
"With no end in sight to the gang epidemic, one has to ask, what are the police doing?"
"A brighter future, and a better life."
Channel 12 is playing the tail end of an Ultor ad. The person watching keeps channel surfing past it.
Channel 10 has a student reporter for the University Network reporting on the bomb that killed Alderman Hughes 5 years ago.
"Years ago, these serene waters were shaken as mayor-elect Richard Hughes' yacht was destroyed by a tremendous explosion, in what was at the time, the 2nd assassination of a major public figure..."
Channel 6 is airing a rerun of a report they had broadcast live the previous week. Jane Valderamma, at the time, was live on location at Stilwater University.
"Stilwater University...a place of learning? Or a state funded opium den?"
Both students are holding onto broken lightbulbs. The room is filthy and squalid, the walls are covered in graffiti and brightly-colored posters, and neither inhabitant seems to care at all.
"These kids are smoking "Loa Dust""
The girl is holding a lighter to the bottom of the light bulb and is smoking the fumes that emerge from the broken bulb.
"...a popular designer drug that is sweeping across the city courtesy of a street gang known as The Sons of Samedi. I hit the campus to get some of the students take on this dangerous epidemic."
Outside one of the buildings, Jane is interviewing a guy dressed like a hippie. He's wearing a 'Save the Earth' tee, a rastafarian beanie, and glasses with green-tinted lenses.
"As a student here, what are your thoughts on the drug problem facing this campus?"
"Oh, I'm not a student here, I just come here for pussy..."
Naturally, because it's the rebroadcast, the last word is bleeped out by network censors.
Down on channel 3, an ad for a made-for-TV movie is playing. A pedestrian is buying a hot dog from a street vendor.
"It was a warm spring day, when Shogo Akuji and his Ronin announced their presence to Stilwater..."
Down the street from the vendor a man wearing a yellow outfit sits on top of a motorcycle.
The man thanks the hot dog vendor and starts to walk off. Meanwhile Shogo charges down the street as fast as he can, a katana at the ready in his right hand.
The action freezes just before Shogo's katana hits the man in the neck.
"One swing, was all it took..."
Back on channel 18, the Anna show has just returned from a commercial break. The audience is still cheering and whistling.
"Now some misguided people would say that by turning Saint's Row into a glass and steel utopia all you've accomplished was the displacement of low-income families..."
"...which, ya know, to me sounds like an added bonus."
The audience finds this quite funny.
"Well, I don't know about it being a bonus, but it's like my father said, Anna, if you're gonna build an ivory tower, you're gonna have to kill a few elephants."
As the program ends, a voice from outside the television disturbs whoever's watching it.
"You'll never guess who's awake..."
In a flash the mysterious viewer switches the television off completely.
