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Chapter 50: 6/9-6/10: Return Of Pleasant Boy (New) (Kind of)
This update contains content from Part 46 of the original LP.
Anon: SERIOUSLY??? LOL
Music: Break it Down (Elp Version)
I’m sure you know about commercial breaks?
No, I’ve never heard of them. What are they?
Wow, so enthusiastic! Well, a commercial is something broadcast in between segments of a television program to promote the program’s sponsors.
And, sorry, what is that?
No, I mean… “tele-vision”?
Wow, a true layman! Well, a “television” is a device that allows for the transmission of images. When played quickly and in the proper sequence, it can appear as if the images move!
And how does that work? Sounds like witchcraft to me.
It’s really something of an optical illusion, a quirk with the human brain that causes sequential images displaying at rates higher than 10 frames per second or so to produce the illusion of motion instead of a series of static images!
I want to see how far I can make this go.
Something weirdly frank about just referring to them as “alluring.”
And we edit the program in the editing room!
Wow! I wish I was dead!
My apologies! I’ll have them leave right away!
Uh, excuse me? We’re on a school trip, we’re supposed to be he—
Now then, it’s time for a bit of hands-on experience!
The newscaster leaves. Why was he here in the first place? It will remain a mystery…
Dammit… Who does that jerk think he is?
This dude, for the record, was leering at Ann immediately before that line.
You’ve got a slammin’ bod, after all. Hehehe…
Jesus christ, the sleaze is pouring out of my monitor! Send help!
Uh… I’m on a school trip…
Just gimme a call if you’re interested. I’d greatly welcome a message from you, day or night.
Yep, on a school trip because I am *legally a child*.
Greatly welcome, my ass. It’s obvious what he’s after.
God, Ann, leave some sexual harassment for the rest of us.
Do these rotten adults care about anything other than looks. I’ll yank their stupid hearts out, dammit!
Yo, Morgana. Let’s say over/under is… two weeks before Ryuji’s cavalier attitude towards our secret identities comes back to bite us in the ass.
Dammit, I wanted under! Oh well, deal. Don’t fuck this up for me, Ryuji.
That includes you, Takamaki! Be less attractive!
Anyway, let’s give you kids something to do! Monkeyboys! Wrangle those cables!
This is totally killin’ my vibe…
We fought valiantly against the long cables…
Morning → Afternoon
Music: My Homie
I’m so pissed off! Aren’t we supposed to be guests? Why the hell do we hafta be doin’ manual labor!? This is bullshit! Goin’ to the bathroom didn’t even make me feel better!
Does that work? Does pooping really make people less angry? I feel like it usually just makes me mad at myself.
I get how you feel though… That sucked for the both of us.
We gotta do more of this tomorrow too?
No flaking out, Ryuji.
I know, I know. I gotta be a “good boy,” right? Bein’ phantom thieves ain’t easy…
I am so losing this bet, goddammit.
That reminds me, we get to go home straight from here today. We don’t spend much time in this area, so why don’t we relax and check out some shops beforehand?
I DEMAND PANCAKES
You know, that delicious pancake-lookin’ place we passed on the way here! What was it?
Ohhh… You mean Dome Town? The round part is a baseball stadium, then along the outside they’ve got an amusement park.
Hold on. What about Dome Town, to you, resembled that?
It’s right in the middle of a business area, but they have some pretty hardcore rides there too.
All right… Let’s go! I’ll show you just how courageous I am!
Going on a scary ride doesn’t really prove any kind of courage.
Not like cats can get on anyways.
Really. You might be able to sneak in if you stay in the bag, but you’d totally puke if you did that.
He pukes in my bag enough as it is.
But uh… Let’s just go to Dome Town! I’m really feelin’ it now!
Me too! My stomach’s ready for roller coasters!
Uhhh… I think I’ll pass on the puke rides…
IT’S PLEASANT BOY, EVERYONE!
Music: Wicked Plan
Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Whaddya want?
Just passing by. We’ll be filming together tomorrow, so I thought it would be polite to introduce myself.
Why yes, I am a celebrity, thank you for noticing! The famed second-generation Detective Prince, Goro Akechi… or something like that, I don’t really pay attention to the gossip.
*checks phone* My apologies, I truly was just passing by. I must be going. There’s a briefing for tomorrow’s recording that I have to attend.
And afterwards, I have to do some… pest control.
Sounds like you’re busy.
Yes. So very busy.
I missed lunch today, so I’m quite hungry myself…
Uh… What’re you talkin’ about?
That was like three minutes ago, dude. How long were you listening?
Wait, you didn’t hear any of the stuff immediately before or after that about phantom thieves and talking cats and what-have-you, right?
I’m really more concerned that this dude refers to pancakes as a type of “cake.”
Yeah, that was weird.
Well… they kind of are, right? Sort of?
I thought cakes had to rise or be bread or some shit.
I mean, they need eggs, flour, butter, milk, that stuff, right? Just like cake.
This is absurd. I refuse to accept this.
I’m looking this up now. Where’s my phone?
It’s not a big deal, you guys. I think the distinction is probably pretty arbitrary.
*reading from phone* A pancake (or hotcake, griddlecake, or flapjack, not to be confused with oat bar flapjacks) is a flat cake, often thin and round blah blah whatever, yep, they’re cake.
Sorry, man. Take the L.
Woo! I was right!
Still, that’s not an association a reasonable person makes! That’s psychopath shit! Akechi, explain yourself!
Oh, he left. Whatever.
That guy’s gotta be some kinda start-up entertainer or something. He’s never gonna get popular with that kinda hair though.
You don’t get it…
Eh, it’s fine. We’ll see him again tomorrow anyways. C’mon, let’s go to Dome Town!
Afternoon → After School
Music: My Homie
I can’t believe I wasted this whole afternoon having *fun* with my *friends.* Ugh, I could have spent this time getting slightly braver by drinking Takemi’s nightmare Gatorade instead!
Gross, is that a—
It is emphatically NOT a euphemism! It is the literal truth spoken by God!
Afternoon → Evening
Music: Beneath the Mask
Well, try not to stand out too much—that’s Ryuji’s thing.
Really making me regret that bet.
It is still unclear what led Mr. Madarame to confess his crimes.
It’s just like with Kamoshida, right? He doesn’t realize what happened to him.
(Aproned Man) I don’t like talking bad about old people, but that guy…
The execs are all so set in their ways. All their approaches are really behind the times… Is this really going to be my life now? Years of this, and then I retire?
Yes. You do that for forty years, and then you die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say?
We’re going to put off reading Expert Billiards for a bit. We need to finish some other books first.
Ah, the legendary gentleman thief, Arsène. It’s hard not to idolize him—he’s preeminent in our field.
Anon: It’s just a coincidence…
All the girls in the audience are going fucking nuts for this dude.
Oh! It’s Akechi-kun!
Whoa, he’s so cooool…
(Veteran AD) Cutting back from commercial! Seven, six, five seconds till start, four, three…
After his last appearance was so well-received, we decided to bring back this fine gentleman today. It’s the high school detective, Goro Akechi!
(Cheerful Host) Thank you for taking the time to join us today, Akechi-kun. Your popularity is stunning.
Even I’ve found it to be quite a surprise. It is a bit embarrassing though…
Yes, I seem to have gained quite a following. I guess people have nothing better to do than follow my career. How pitiable!
Moving along, we’ve been told there’s a case on your mind right now. Care to share, detective?
Ah, yes. That would be the scandal involving the master artist Madarame.
There it is! All of this phantom thief excitement has caught your attention too, Akechi-kun!
This is Kaneshiro’s voice actor again, by the way.
Allow me to be blunt for just a second. What do you think of these justice-oriented Phantom Thieves?
*through gritted teeth* Oh, the Phantom Thieves? They’re… quite intriguing, honestly!
If they truly are heroes of justice, I sincerely hope they exist.
Ohhh, so you don’t deny the possibility that they’re real?
I may not seem like it, but I sometimes wish that Santa Claus actually existed. Although if he did, I’d have to arrest him for breaking and entering.
The crowd is just embarrassingly into that really corny joke, they’re really laughing it up.
But hypothetically speaking, if these Phantom Thieves are real…
I’m calling ‘em out! We got beef, #Millennials!
That’s quite the statement. Are they committing crimes? Some people even say that the Thieves are actually helping their victims abandon their evil ways.
Madarame was a bad guy, yeah, whatever, fine. But changing his heart isn’t justice, it’s them taking the law into their own hands. Furthermore, it’s *wrong* to cha—heh—to chan—heheheheh—ahem, to change someone’s heart!
Are you… giggling?
Sorry, I was thinking about the Muppets.
People in the crowd start to murmur about Akechi’s declaration.
You have a point. These people are calling themselves the Phantom Thieves, after all. Amazing as always, Akechi-kun! I could listen to you for days! You have the most radiant charisma!
I have to say though, I would be embarrassed if it turns out these Phantom Thieves don’t exist. If that were the case, I’d summarize it into a report as a school project.
This line *kills*. Like, uproarious laughter from the audience. …Look, comedy is subjective, I guess?
First, please press your button now if you think the Phantom Thieves exist!
Of course they do!
I poked fun at this number, 17 out of presumably 50, being weirdly high in the original LP (considering the Phan-Site’s numbers are only about 17 percent), but if anything it’s weirdly low considering that it seems like the entire audience is comprised of Shujin students, who would all know for a fact that there’s been more than one of these events.
I’m a bit surprised. That’s higher than I was expecting. I’d love to hear some more detailed opinions on the Phantom Thieves’ actions.
Okay, we’ll just select someone from the audience, and I chooooooose… you!
Oh, you’ve gotta be…
I’m not really surprised at this point, to be honest.
Hypothetically speaking, what are your thoughts on these Phantom Thieves, if they were real?
They seem pretty cool. I bet their leader can do a handstand for like, almost one second.
You say that with such firmness.
Wow! Someone with a *different* opinion! Incredible!
Yes, I wasn’t expecting something so… defiant. It’s… great. Just great.
In that case, there’s one more question I’d like to ask… If someone close to you, for example, your friend next to you… If his heart suddenly changed… wouldn’t you think it was the work of the Phantom Thieves?
What, Ryuji? Eh, he’d probably deserve it.
Besides, they only target criminals… or so I hear.
How can you be so sure?
Thank you for your time!
Whether the Thieves’ actions are good or not, I feel there is a more important issue at hand.
The matter of how they change people’s hearts. If they honestly possess that ability… it could be used for more than extracting confessions. It could be that what seem to be ordinary crimes are actually being perpetrated by these methods…
And that would be just… terrible! *snicker*
Do you have any evidence to support this?
Well, no, but my *detective’s instinct*… detects it!
Oh, please don’t misunderstand. This is all purely hypothetical… It is only if people who can use such a power truly exist. Either way though, this cannot be ignored. The existence of the Phantom Thieves would be nothing but a threat to our everyday lives.
More hubbub from the audience.
To be honest, I’m already working alongside the police to help sort out this matter.
Wow, you sure lost confidence in this quick.
He made it sound like we’re the baddies. I don’t like it.
But that stuff about the police… Do you think it’s for real?
He can say whatever he wants. The justice of it all is something we can decide for ourselves.
Be right back, gotta piss!
To paraphrase Hegel, advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis…
Young Hegelian is my rap name. Don’t really care about that nerd shit though.
Haha, my apologies. What I mean is that our discussion was quite meaningful. Few people around me are so willing to speak their minds as freely as you did earlier.
I wonder why that could be.
From this point on, the conversation diverges from the original game.
There are too many irresponsible people in these modern times. I can understand why you’d support the Phantom Thieves.
Since they have special talents, I assume their hearts must be burning with a sense of justice and duty…
That’s why I believe, if a truly powerful opponent were to corner them, they would flee without a second thought.
Like the putrid worms they are.
If it’s all right with you, would you continue sharing your thoughts with me?
I guess you can call it my detective’s intuition? Haha, kidding, of course.
Sorry, that’s probably just gas. I get that a lot.
Music: Interrogation Room
I don’t believe you could have evaded the authorities for so long without someone on the inside. Was there a cop helping you commit these crimes?
Yeah, your si—oh, wait, no, you mean the other one. Uh… “helping” might be the wrong word for what he was doing.
So this person… *wasn’t* supporting you?
Well, he was supporting us in the same way Lucy *supports* Charlie Brown’s dream of kicking that football, if you catch my drift.
Music: The Spirit
So… Akechi. Akechi, Akechi, Akechi. What are we going to do with you, you strange, confused character? You were always such a weird part of the original game, having probably the most developed and involved character arc that also ended up falling a bit flat in the end (the only character who ends up coming close is honestly probably Sae. Yes, you read that right. Despite my teasing and treating her as a nightmare person in the previous LP, I’ve since come to realize she probably has the most robust character arc in the entire game).
From the moment Royal was announced, there were questions flying about Akechi. “What are they going to do about Akechi?” “Will they redeem him?” “Will they actually acknowledge that he’s in all likelihood a mass murderer by the time we meet him?” “Will they at least make the twist less weird and obvious?” Well, we’ll just have to wait and see the answers to these questions. But I will let you guys in on one thing: despite everything, despite all my previous making fun of the character, I actually really like what they do with Akechi in this game.
All that said, Akechi’s still a weirdo who gives this random stranger his phone number minute one. At least take me out to dinner first, buddy!
Well, I hope to see you again sometime soon.
On the other hand, there’s an awful lot we could learn from him. If he contacts you, try hanging out with him.
I can’t stand that high an’ mighty attitude! Just breathin’ the same air as him makes me sick.
To be fair, Ryuji, he’d probably say the same about you!
C’mon, Maaku. Let’s go.
Maaku looks back for a moment…
Afternoon → After School
Music: Beneath the Mask
He clearly tried to discredit everything we’re doing.
And he just had to say it on live TV too!
Don’t be so sour. There are, without a doubt, people we have saved. Those people could not have been saved if not for the heroics of the Phantom Thieves. I am living proof of that.
Awww, what a nice thing to say!
Still… was what Akechi-kun said actually wrong? I feel like he had a point.
Why you gotta bring that up now?
I mean, is it really OK to be doing this to people just because they’re criminals? Doesn’t it seem a little selfish?
>It’s a little late to be having second thoughts about this, isn’t it?
We are phantom thieves, Ann. I doubt everyone would forgive us for what we did to Madarame. Yet, I still decided that it was a necessary act.
Kamoshida too. We weren’t gonna do shit to him through any kinda normal methods.
>Gah, I hate him so much!
I totally agree with that!
>I just wanna kiss him on the mouth!
Guys, I’m being serious here!
Hm. I believe our best path forward is sticking to our justice, not that of the law. Shouldn’t that be enough? And with the unanimous decision rule in place, I doubt we’ll lose our way.
…Yeah, you’re right. Sorry for bringing that up. And don’t worry, I’m not thinking about quitting the Phantom Thieves or anything.
>Good, because there’s only one way off this train and I didn’t want to have to use it.
Just you watch, Akechi. Someday you’re totally gonna see who was right!
OK, let’s stop talking about this for now.
That detective Akechi seems to have a lot of influence on the media. It’d be dangerous to get too close to him, but he may actually prove useful in some situations.
You heard what Akechi said, right Hamiru? How dare he declare the Phantom Thieves are criminals! As the administrator of the Phantom Aficionado Website, I can’t stay quiet about this. I’m going to show Akechi how people online really feel! I’ll change up the survey question tomorrow morning. Justice is with the Phantom Thieves! Keep on doing what you do best!
…Why is he of all people getting angry about this?
He lives vicariously through us, Morgana. It’s that simple.
Anyway, he means the survey on the Phan-Site, right? I guess we should look forward to it.
(Reporter) On these irregularly broadcast specials, we share limited-edition items that are all the rage! Today, we’re going to talk about Soothing Soba, the dish that’ll help you endure the summer heat! It’s on sale now in convenience stores around Tokyo, and it’s expected to sell out fast.
(Pundit) It even puts some Chinese food to shame. It’s surprising you can buy it at convenience stores.
Let’s call Kawakami. We’re not ready to rank up at the moment, but it’s going to be a bit before we unlock Fortune and get it to Rank 5, so we don’t have much choice if we want to keep progressing Temperance.
You know, I’ve been hearing Shibuya’s getting more dangerous lately. I’m sure you pass by that area on your commute to school, but don’t make too many detours, okay?
Look at her, worrying about us.
Music: What’s Going On?
Thank you for your patronage!
Anon: It’s real, isn’t it?
Anon: thieves are bad, its not hard
Anon: pics or it didn’t happen
Anon: What’s he gonna be hit w/?
Anon: my uncle’s a phantom thief
My uncle who works at the brainwashing factory
So the Phantom Thieves were the bad guys?
I guess now that you mention it…
I’ve felt that way this whole time.
It’s just brainwashing, isn’t it? It’s really self-centered.