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Despite having been trapped in purgatory for both an eternity and a mayfly's hour, I somehow felt in better condition than I ever have, with my mind as clear as acetone, and my hair still in fine shape.
With this observation, given that the voice told me I didn't "look so good", I can only assume it was insulting my hair which is a greater offense than anything that has happened thus far.
Regardless, faced with unfamiliarity all around, and a hypothesis that reaching civilization will take more than a simple stroll, I set out upon my adventure.
In said stroll, I came across some rather sharp rocks protruding from the earth. Thankful that I didn't step on them, and upon further investigation I identified them as flint- the kind they use for scalpels, perhaps. I don't know for sure, I'm no geologist.
Now, I've always considered myself more of a thinker, one whose purpose was to use their mind. The idea of roughing my hands on pulling sticks and grass like a farmer is not something I welcome, (and in practice so far has been quite disagreeable), but in the moment it was necessary that I have protection. This strange wilderness could have all number of dangers, such as bears, wolves, and science forbid, geese.
Music: Work To Be Done
I just hope I don't get blisters from all of this.
The other primary materials at hand seems to be some form of long grass, sturdy enough...
...and the branches from sad little saplings without any leaves.
They droop in a most dejected manner when I take what resources I can obtain. Well, that'll teach 'em.
While cutting more plants down in the prime of their life, I spied an unsual creature.
A rabbit, with... little horns? Antennae? Hm, I'd always passed off the jackalope as being a myth.
I have a feeling I won't be able to catch it with my bare hands, so I let it continue to search for carrots. I'll just remember this spot for later- capturing a specimen of it may prove to bring me some scientific fame, even if it's not for my field of science.
As I moved on, I heard the sound of waves and discovered a most unexpected sight: the ocean. The land upon which I stood seemed to be raised above it sharply, like a plateau.
This gives me no hints as to where I may be in the world, or whether what lies beneath me is still planet Earth.
Given all the piney trees and nearby ocean, I was willing to guess Alaska. I'd have bet 3 bundles of grass on it.
By the time I had come across a darker of section of forest, I had produced my spear- ready to take on the world as a caveman does, I suppose.
Well, it was supposed to be a spear, but the grass wouldn't hold up as well as I initially assessed. Instead I made what I thought was a rather suitable axe, despite it's primitive origins. I doubt most scientists could create as good an axe.
Let it be known at this point that I hate spiders.
It was this time in my adventures upon which I laid eyes on the largest spider I've ever seen. Consisting of 8 wriggling legs attached to a bulbous, volleyball sized sphere covered in more hair than Aunt Jesamine, plenty of room was still left for it's haunting eyes and agape maw.
(At this time I changed my guess for location to be Australia.)
Oh, and the teeth. By all that is good in science, the teeth.
A biologist's first thought would no doubt seek to study this speciment, to seek what environmental influences had made it so. My first thought had been to design a newspaper roll big enough to squish this thing into gooey oblivion.
As it approached me, I reasoned my axe would do the same job.
Oddly, the blasted thing also had the consistency of a volleyball and initially bounced with each hit. It's death was also not as bug gut-sy as I thought it would be, though it remained a grisly task.
From it's body I collected an amount of spidersilk- I'm sure I could do something with it, though carrying something that comes from a spider's butt doesn't excite me.
At this moment, my travels brought me to a traveled trail of some kind, and my spirits were lifted immensely. Traveling on this would be much easier, and would hopefully lead me to civilization.
Just up the path I found a root sticking out of the ground, with an appearance that reminded me of the English mandrake root. When I bought my house, there were some of these being grown there by the previous owner.
I've heard they do weird things to your head, and after the whole experience with the radio, I think I've had enough of that for now.
As I observed the odd root, I heard an unusual bellow and brandished my axe, readying myself for self defense.
Trundling past some trees ahead, I discovered what seemed to be brutish cow-beasts and feared I would be charged, trampled, and gored...
They just kept eating grass peacefully instead. These odd beasts reminded me of beefalo, so thus I've taken to calling them as much. Hopefully they're not as spontaneously ornery as I've known other bovines to be.
While we're on the subject of eating, that seems to be all these things do aside from the other half of the digestive process. And goodness is it...rank. A farmer's gold, surely, but I'm not that desperate.
Trying to close out the assault that had begun on my olfactory senses, I proceeded into a small grassland home to one other beefalo, and followed the trail beyond that into a dark forest.
It was about this time that the sky began to darken and I noticed the sun's gradual setting. I wouldn't be getting out of this without spending one night in the wilderness it seems.
Bah, I'm no lumberjack, nor much of a camper, but it was about time I invoked humanity's first invention: fire. I would need light to see, and scare off anything that might hide in the dark.
The trees here fall easily to the craftsmanship of my trusty axe. I gathered a suitable amount of wood and prepared for the night by starting a campfire.
I can't say firestarting is a skill I'm particularly trained in, at least with primitive materials. The sun had almost entirely vanished from the sky as I worked.
...And start fire I did. Though I'd rather not spend any more time in this wilderness and I have no fear of the night, it is common logic that stumbling in the pitch-black night would get me nowhere fast.
That logic rings even more true for this unknown land, as it almost makes "pitch-black" an understatement.
The one thing breaking up the wall of obscurity was some breed of fireflies. Had I a jar, I could fashion myself a lantern with their assistance, yet I somehow doubt the likelihood of finding such a thing out here in pure wilderness.
And with this, my mental journal catches up to the present. I am presently roasting a carrot and some berries I found on my journey over the campfire in a most primitive manner. While I am tired from my laboring, I have not eaten all day. Scavenging like an animal brings me no joy, but it is preferable to slow starvation.
The carrot tastes no better when slightly charred, but the berries taste alright. I only hope that they are not poison- time will tell, I guess. Alas, neither was particularly filling.
So ends the first day of Wilson P. Higgsbury in this unknown land- eating food that still tastes somewhat of dirt, and staring into the shadows on watch for oversized spiders.
...Still better than graduate school.