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VIDEO: Himatsubushi-hen | TIP 12: Mother's Diary
There was something I didn't like about my child.
I first realized it when I started writing these things down.
BGM: Rainy Days | Rainy Days (Radiata Alice Version)
If they aren't able to feel loved even when they're not doing exactly as their parents want them to, then those parents are failures.
This wasn't something like that, though.
How can I say it... It's probably harder to express with mere words.
As long as they weren't falling behind, there wasn't any need for them to excel at something. As long as they acted appropriately for their age, I would have been fine with it.
But my child had been different ever since kindergarten.
While the children in her class were running around in excitement about the field trip the next day, she only wore a bored look on her face, aloof and distant.
When the other kids broke the equipment for the athletics festival and were apologizing fervently, she only wore a bored look on her face, aloof and distant.
When the teacher was reading a fun picture book, only she wasn't smiling.
Even if they all got to eat a delicious bento, only she wasn't happy.
...If it was only this, it would still be in the realm of understanding.
I don't understand the principle behind that, as a parent.
Why were they indifferent about that field trip, but happy about this one?
Why were they indifferent about that picture book, but happy about this one?
Why were they indifferent about that bento, but happy about this one?
The former and the latter in each situation seem exactly the same to me.
...There were even times when I thought the former one was better.
I don't understand that child's feelings.
During parent-teacher meetings, the teacher always says the same thing.
And I would always respond that I don't understand my own child, and we would mope together.
One day, when I was in a good mood.
I took the effort to prepare a menu that my child would enjoy.
...But she only smiled with a vague expression of disinterest.
That attitude frankly made me angry, so I hit her on the head.
On a day when the weather was nice.
The laundry I had just hung up to dry was blown by a large gust of wind, causing the entire line to fall down.
...But she, watching me trying to pick up the laundry in a panic, stood there laughing.
That attitude frankly made me angry, so I hit her on the head.
I think the same sort of thing happened countless times.
...I regret the fact that I've been a bad mother.
Thinking I should regain her trust, I thought to get it back little by little with some light interactions.
Seeing her do some sort of craftwork on the veranda, I called out to her.
BGM: Silence
SFX: Higurashi
"......"
That child, with that indifferent look on her face I hated so much, looked up at me for a moment, then without a word returned to immersing herself in her craftwork.
...Up until now, I would have hit her on the head just for that. ...I held myself back.
"What are you making? Is it a doll?"
"......A weather charm."
That child was using inserts from the newspaper to deftly make some weather charms.
The forecast hadn't called for rain.
But that child, in her own way, was praying that these sunny days would continue.
Being able to understand my own child for the first time in a while, I couldn't hide my own happiness.
Bringing out a ball of yarn, I began to hang my child's cute weather charms from the eaves of the house.
When I started to take them down, my child tugged at the hem of my shirt as if to stop me.
"......That's because I made them to be upside-down. They're fine."
"...But, Rika. If they're upside-down, they won't be a charm that calls for a sunny day, you know?"
"I was making a charm for it to rain, so they're fine."
...I desperately suppressed the emotions welling up inside of me. I was trying desperately to understand my child.
"Oh... I see... The morning glories in the garden were starting to get a little wilted from all the sun, so you wanted some rain, right?"
That child turned to me with the expression that I hated the most.
SFX: Silence
...I don't understand, I don't understand. ...I just can't understand that child...