Toggle Background Color
Hello everyone and welcome back. We're picking right up where we left off last time. The next mission is just a few dozen yards ahead, at the exit of this fishery.
Playa quickly decides that she would rather be literally anywhere else. She's sure she could, in time, come to cherish the sight of fish being hung in a poorly-cooled facility. However, she also doesn't want her future to contain the acrid stench of rotten fish any more than it has to. Frankly, this tiny amount is more than enough for one lifetime. Putting a little distance between herself and the facility, she rubs the bridge of her nose. Carlos was right - she needs to just take a little time and see what has changed in the city.
First things first...
"Ugh, this fucking jumpsuit... This thing needs to go immediately."
Just before he'd bailed, Carlos had handed her a wad of bills while saying...
"Take this cash and find somewhere to lie low for a while. Look me up in a few days and I'll hook you up with a job at my uncle's garage. It's the least I can do for a fellow Saint."
Playa quickly counts out the total and stuffs them in her jumpsuit pocket. She's a badass, sure, but she doesn't really feel like killing someone just yet. Better that her pocket money go unseen for now.
"$500 isn't gonna go far. Better hit up a secondhand shop..."
A few streets over, deep in the Projects, Playa finds a Churchill in an otherwise empty parking lot.
"Like riding a bike."
Dim memories, clouded by the fog and haze of the coma, tell her that there's an old consignment shop near the highway. Sure enough, there it is - Sloppy Seconds.
The clerk barely looks up from her magazine. Seeing someone walk in wearing a prison jumpsuit doesn't even make the top five strangest things she's seen since she clocked in today.
Shopping for clothes is one of my favorite pastimes in Saints Row 2. It has an utterly ridiculous amount of clothing available, with an absolutely insane amount of customizability applied to each item. Take this bandana for instance...
It's not exactly fashionable, but it will do for our purposes. Each piece of clothing you buy gives you a tiny amount of style points, which grant you additional respect. It's never a lot for customization, but it's nice that you're rewarded, however indirectly, for buying shit.
Pretty Pink Princess Dressup is one of the best parts of this game.
"Feels like I'm ready to attend a college pep rally. Go Skeeters."
The game actually models your character not only wearing socks, but will keep track of what they're supposed to look like no matter what sort of shoes are being worn. So if you want to run around with garish pink and black thigh high striped stockings and lime green bedroom slippers, then you not only can, but are encouraged to do so! They'll show up in every cutscene and gameplay moment that you can see your character.
Saints Row 3, 4, and Gat out of Hell did not have this amount of customization. Those games are also not nearly as good as this one. Coincidence? I don't think so!
And, no, our Boss is not going to be running around in socks and sandals. She's a fashionista and would probably die from embarrassment if she were caught doing so. But I just wanted to emphasize my point that you can.
Leaving the shop, she mentally winces at how much lighter her wallet is feeling. Clothes in Stilwater, being the college town that it is, are insanely marked up. Being dressed up like a coed feels especially galling. Unwanted memories of college bubble up into the forefront of her mind.
"Ugh, Christ. Freshman dorm flashbacks."
With a shudder and a grimace, she forces them back down deep into the depths of her memories. Though she has to admit that there's no better way to disappear into the city than to be dressed like she's attending Stilwater University. And with her approximate size, nobody will even think twice about seeing her dressed like this.
"I need a drink to make that memory go away."
The game has quite a bit of post processing going on. Just look at the difference between this shot and the previous one. The last shot was taken while still "indoors" while this one has some sort of vaseline filter over everything, signifying that we're now outdoors.
"I hope TeeNay is still around..."
"Klassic 102.4, We got beat up in school too! Coming up next, perhaps the most famous work of Ludwig van Beethoven - Symphony No. 5 in C Minor."
Ludwig van Beethoven - Symphony No. 5 in C Minor
"I see some things never change. It's like Vegas without the standards."
Not giving the slightest shit about proper parking, Playa does her best Elwood Blues and pulls the hand brake while taking her foot up off the gas. The rear end of the car drifts around cleanly and leaves the front end facing back toward the road. Not caring about the annoyed glares she's receiving from the large number of pimps gathered around, she struts into TeeNay like she owns the place.
Check, Please
Smooth as can be, Playa slides onto a barstool with a meaningful nod and gesture at the bartender. He gives her a nod right back and tears his attention away from the television to fetch a beer. While she waits, Playa idly drums her hands on the countertop while Jane Valderamma's voice drones from above.
With a nice, cool beer in hand, she lets her eyes drift up toward the TV and takes a long, much-needed drink from the bottle. To her surprise, she finds the TV is talking about Johnny Gat.
"It's said by some, to be the trial of the century. A notorious member of a gang once known as "The 3rd Street Saints", Johnny Gat was arrested last year in an assassination attempt against then decorated police officer Troy Bradshaw. In the resulting trial, Gat was convicted of one count of attempted murder, and a staggering three hundred eighty seven counts of 1st degree murder...promptly sending him to death row. Over the past year Gat's legal team has filed appeal after appeal-"
More cutscene jankiness because Playa is smaller than she's supposed to be. It just wouldn't be Saints Row 2 without these, though. So don't think I'm complaining! Far from it. These little weird visual glitches are integral to the experience!
"Hey Barry, turn this shit off!"
Wordlessly, the bartender just turns the TV off. While he wants to see what happens to Johnny Gat, it's not worth pissing off the Brotherhood.
"I was watching that."
"I guess you're not anymore, are ya bitch?"
Playa looks down, her lips pressed together into a thin line, her eyebrows narrowed while she slowly nods. Even the bartender can see that she's getting madder by the minute. The idiot in red turns away to say something to his buddies on the far side of the bar, smug about his victory. Playa's hands clench into tight fists - tight enough that her knuckles turn white. The more she thinks about it, the more pissed she gets. Finally, she has enough.
Her arms move almost of their own volition. One moment she's sitting and stewing in her barely-contained rage. The next, she's grabbed the asshole's beer bottle and has smashed it clean across his face. He goes straight down like a sack of potatoes.
Without a care in the world, she tosses the broken remains of the beer bottle over her shoulder.
"Could ya turn the TV back on?"
With an asshole put firmly in his place, Playa goes back to sipping her beer like nothing happened. The bartender makes his excuses and ducks into the backroom to avoid the incoming shitstorm.
"In a few short moments, we'll be allowed back in the courtroom and we'll find out once and for all if Mr. Gat will go home a happy man, or a dead one. Back to you Jack."
"Oh shit..."
Unconcerned with anything else but saving her friend, Playa sets her drink on the counter and runs off. Meanwhile, the asshole's friends come to pick him up off the floor.
"Oh I do not have time for you assholes..."
The guys in red are member of the Brotherhood gang. They're by far the most tedious gang in the game to deal with because they all drive souped up trucks and jeeps that blare 106.66FM at maximum volume. So when they're tailgating you and shooting out your windows, you can't even hear your own radio station over the incomprehensible noise of the world's most generic thrash metal.
Also if I may drag your attention to the minimap in the lower left for a moment...
The police and all the gangs have their own separate notoriety meters. So if you've done something to piss off one of the gangs, you'll know pretty quickly. In this case, we've killed two members of the Brotherhood, and gotten two "stars" as a result. This means that they'll start spawning out of nowhere and will aggressively chase us.
The red gauge beneath the "stars" show how far to the next level you are. Once you're at notoriety level three and above, you're better off finding somewhere to lie low, or wiping it in some way. The gauge maxes out at 5, at which point there's probably at least four or five cars chasing you at all times. When they're all playing headache-inducing metal at maximum volume, it gets old real quickly.
More men in red are waiting for Playa as she leaves the bar. The one in front holds a baseball bat, while the one in the rear has a crowbar. She ducks under an inexpert swing and lays both men out flat with her police baton. The dropped bat catches her eye and she picks it up and gives a few test swings at the air. This will do nicely, she thinks.
In the distance, she can feel the bass of the city's metal station pounding through the air. Many red trucks appear on the street, all swarming toward TeeNay. Quickly putting two and two together, Playa ducks into her car and guns the engine. Time to get the fuck out of dodge and save Johnny!
The music on 102.4, Klassic FM, has been replaced with live coverage of the Johnny Gat Appeal.
"I'm standing here now outside the courthouse, and it is a media circus. Every major news outlet is here hoping to be the first to cover the result of this historic trial."
"While there has been speculation that Troy's failure to appear as a witness is testament to his loyalty to his gangland roots, others claim that it is nothing short of naked fear for his life that keeps him from entering the same room as Johnny Gat."
"One thing is for sure, the saga that has been the Johnny Gat trial... is coming to a close. I'm Jane Valderamma, channel 6 news."
The north island is pretty firmly Ronin territory. Normally you wouldn't see Brotherhood cars here. But these guys are so upset that Playa cracked a beer bottle across someone's face that they're willing to follow her into enemy territory. If you look at the minimap, you can see a brotherhood jeep right behind the Churchill.
The Churchill barely has come to a stop when the door flies open and Playa springs up out of her seat. In just a few steps, she crosses the distance to the doors of the courthouse, now running against the clock. An irritated security guard shouts for her to slow down, but she shoots him the finger and slips inside.
The metal detectors must be on the fritz. Because otherwise there's no way it would miss the poorly-concealed 12ga Tombstone beneath her shirt, nor the NR4 tucked into her track pants.
Don't walk in visibly armed. That will just piss off the police in the lobby and you'll have to fight your way up to the courtroom. And despite what the narrative says, there's no time limit anymore once you reach the courthouse.
Once through security, she is no longer sprinting, but is still moving fast enough that she gets several annoyed glares from police officers.
Still, nobody calls her out because they all assume she's running late for a court appointment.
Courtroom Drama
"Mr. Gat, you've been convicted of over three hundred murders, do you really expect this appeal to work?"
I want to claim that this is a demonstration for why you don't turn HDR on. But honestly? I forgot what it did and turned it on to see. Now I remember - it gives everything shitty false shadows. It turns Johnny Gat into a potato man. This shit is getting turned off with the next update - along with subtitles.
Johnny Gat has no fucks left to give. He's stared down meaner and nastier motherfuckers than some idiot judge puffed up on her own sense of self-importance. Her smug lectures and rhetorical questions fall on disinterested ears. In response, he adjusts his hair.
"I figure with the statute of limitations it really should be closer to two fifty."
"There's no statute of limitations for murder!"
"Why the fuck not?"
"Watch yourself Mr. Gat."
"Or what, you'll hold me in contempt of court? You're already planning on giving me the chair, you think I give a shit about you not liking me? Fuck off..."
Judge Melmack slams her gavel on the podium to clear the murmurs and to draw attention back to herself. She can feel herself losing control here and so she has to do something to show that she's still in charge.
"I'm curious if you can keep your cavalier attitude when 2000 volts are running through your body."
"Oh yeah? And I'm curious if you can keep acting like a douche bag when I shove that gavel up your ass."
"My client would like that stricken from the record..."
Before the farce of a trial can continue, gunshots and a surprised shout ring out from the judge's private chambers.
The bailiff draws his sidearm and reaches out to open the door when...
Playa bursts into the courtroom, knocks the bailiff out, and grabs his gun.
"Drop it."
The other on-duty officer does exactly as was demanded and lets his gun drop to the floor. In his haste to obey, however, he forgets to hit the safety.
The gun discharges upon hitting the floor.
The bullet ricochets around the courtroom several times before it hits something. At the same time, a woman screams.
Ever the ambulance chaser, Legal Lee pops his head up first and asks...
"Anyone hit and need a lawyer?"
For the second time that day, Playa finds herself searching someone's pockets for a key.
"Shit, 'bout time your burnt ass woke up..."
"You ok Johnny?"
She throws the key across the room to her friend and fellow Saint.
"Yeah, aside from almost getting sent to the chair I'm fuckin' great...hey you look different, you do somethin' with your hair?"
"Yeah, I went to visit a prison barber. You ready to get outta here?"
Now free of his handcuffs and armed, Johnny is ready to take on the world.
In the confusion, everyone but the two Saints flee the courtroom. Judge Melmack open palm slams the alarm button and disappears around the corner. Now alerted to the problem, armed and angry policemen flood into the courtroom from the lobby.
As the pair cross into another courtroom, Judge Melmack comes charging out of the back armed with her own shotgun. Her eyes burning with fury, she is bound and determined to put Johnny Gat in the ground one way or another
One shot to the chest puts her down for good. Playa doesn't even think twice about it, this is just one more asshole in her way.
Playa and Johnny descend the steps and emerge in the waiting room. Between her shotgun and Johnny's pistol, they've done a pretty good job clearing a way out. However, there's a little wrinkle in the way. Standing in the doorway, guarding the exit, is several members of the Stilwater tactical response team.
While kevlar and neoprene padding do a fantastic job of protecting against most bullets, Playa isn't just aiming at center mass blindly. She's not freshly canonized meat anymore. So she simply raises her aim a little and pulls the trigger. The pellets shred the parts of the officer that aren't protected by a bulletproof vest while Playa moves right past without even slowing her roll.
In gameplay terms, a shotgun blast to the chest will take out anyone that isn't a boss in a single hit. It holds a lot less ammo than a pistol, but it uses that ammo more efficiently. This will not hold up in the sequels.
With the lobby clear for the moment, Playa dashes through the metal detectors and kicks the doors open. To her surprise, there are no police waiting outside for her. Though there are a bunch of reporters screaming and fleeing for their lives.
"Shit, all these news vans weren't here a few minutes ago."
"What can I say, everybody wants to know what's gonna happen to Johnny Gat."
Playa rolls her eyes and laughs.
"Let's grab a cruiser. Maybe we'll be able to slip away while they look for us. Hop in!"
I was looking for a cruiser, and indeed found one. But in my haste to find one, I completely overlooked the SWAT truck. Oh well, I'll have to grab one for personal use later on.
"Thanks for bustin' me out, Eesh woulda killed me if I got executed."
"You still with Aisha?"
"Yeah. I mean, it got a little tricky what with me on death row and her being on the DL after faking her own death but, ya know, we found a way to make it work."
"How long were you in jail anyway?"
"Two years and 31 days."
"Not like you were counting..."
"Yeah, right? It's weird...people inside were betting how long I'd last... when I was first busted guards were always tryin' to put me in the ground. After Troy became chief of police it all stopped... Troy must be more forgiving than I am."
"Troy's the Chief of Police?"
"You better start getting with the times. Julius is missing, Ben King wrote an autobiography, Dex is a... don't even get me started with Dex... but the real kicker is Troy. In a couple months he went from undercover cop to chief of police... and word is he's become obsessed with finding out what happened on your little boat trip with the Alderman."
"If I get some free time I might swing by the station and say hello..."
Playa's gambit does not work and the whole time she and Johnny are having a pleasant catch-up conversation, sirens and gunshots are trying to ruin the moment. She doesn't let any of that bother her as she weaves through traffic while trying to lose the tail. Johnny doesn't let it go unremarked upon.
"With these cops on our ass, you might not have to wait long..."
"Is forgive and forget still open?"
"Time's changed, but not that much..."
"Good to know the world's not totally crazy..."
The cruiser slows to a crawl and passes through the drive-thru. She hands the creepy, smiling man a couple bills and he passes back some literature that she immediately dumps on Johnny. Almost instantly, the police cars behind them shut the sirens down and go on their way.
If I'm not misremembering, Forgive and Forget costs $100 per wanted level you have to clear. This particular time it was free because it was a tutorial. We'll be making really good use of these throughout the LP!
Naturally I rear-ended one of the cop cars that had been following me and so I got an instant wanted star again. But Saints Row is not GTA, and so it was just a single star, not reinstating the permanent two that we had going in.
"Hey, uh, Eesh's house is over there to the right. That's her backyard."
"Oh, shit. Whoops. Hold on a sec..."
Playa cuts through a neighbor's backyard, fences be damned, and circles back around.
She pulls the stolen cruiser into a neighbor's driveway and locks the keys inside the car when she gets out. She figures that it wouldn't do to have a stolen police car show up in Aisha's driveway.
From there, it's just a hop, a skip, and a jump over to Aisha's place. At the doorway, Gat passes the Playa another wad of cash as thanks.
"Hey, why don't you get out and see the city some? I got some catchin' up to do with Eesh. I'll call you later, alright?"
The pair trade hugs and then Johnny enters the house.
quote:
In a stunning turn of events, Johnny Gat has escaped custody moments after being convicted of multiple counts of 1st degree murder. After the guilty verdict was read; an armed assailant, who is presumed to have recently escaped prison, burst into the courtroom and freed Gat. The pair then managed to fight their way out of the courthouse and lost their police pursuit somewhere Downtown. The attack has left numerous dead, including one judge.
"It was an ending more dramatic than a movie of the week, and more violent than a Charles Mueller film but the Johnny Gat trial has finally come to a close. Earlier today the formerly comatose leader of the Saints burst into the Stilwater Courthouse guns blazing, leaving Justice not only blind but gut shot as well."
"As the odds of our city plunging into gang violence rise the one safe bet is this: the only people happy about what happened in the courthouse, is Friendly Fire. I'm Jane Valderamma, channel 6 news."
Next time, we'll take a look at some activities! It's going to be comparatively narration lite, so look forward to that! Also, the Red Light Apartment Crib is a shitty place way across the city from where we are. There'll be a more appropriate time to look at it later.