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Chapter 76: 7/9: Lawyer Up (New)
This update contains content from Part 66 of the original LP.
Hello everyone. I’m about to graduate, so I’m of course spending my time working on this instead of studying for my final exam, writing my term paper, or finishing my final portfolio!
Anon: dunno what they want. NO
Early Morning
Anon: Phantom Thievess YAAAS!
Anon: I knew it!!!
Anon: A new hero is born!
Anon: YES! fuck the mafia
Anon: NO SHIT??? hahaha
People are saying it was foretold by a calling card…
Oh, I know about that! I saw them in Shibuya!
That Phantom Thieves forum is super active.
There’s a forum!? What’s it called? I wanna see!
Music: Beneath the Mask (Instrumental Version)
(Nonchalant Guy) Did you catch the news report this morning about the mafia boss getting busted? Apparently, someone scattered calling cards all across Shibuya just before his arrest. Remember the Kamoshida scandal? They say the same thing happened, that someone left a calling card. Madarame too, if I’m not mistaken.
Do you think it’s the Phantom Thieves? If so, I’m impressed. I can’t believe they actually steal hearts!
Music: Disquiet
And yet he simply turned himself in—even confessed all his crimes. The Phantom Thieves…
Makoto, the law is a system the powerful use to protect what’s theirs. Under that definition, changing the heart of a powerful person is absolutely a crime because it threatens the established framework of power. You know this.
You’re sounding very critical of your own career…
The legal system is a disgustingly corrupt and morally bankrupt institution… and I’m headed straight to the top, baby!
Right… I was just wondering, considering all the people they help…
No! Bad! Don’t make me get the spray bottle again!
*sigh*
…Damn it!
If this goes on much longer, it’ll interfere with my genius plan to install a megalomaniacal, murderous psychopath into the office of Prime Minister and then blackmail him, becoming his only remaining obstacle! It was foolproof, but these #Millennials are gonna fuck it all up!
Early Morning → Morning
Music: So Boring
It sounds like some of our students had been victimized by them, so we can breathe easy for now. I’m thankful to the police for arresting the perp, even though they’re just doing their job.
Yeah, exactly! They didn’t do shit!
By the way, “perp” is police slang. You might have heard the stars in police procedurals say it. It’s short for “perpetrator.”
This is such a funny quirk of translation. I assume the slang was a bit more esoteric in the original Japanese, but they had to force it into this in English, which a child could figure out.
Speaking of stars… Can you answer this question, Hamiru-san?
Do you know what that shape is?
This is such a confusingly phrased question.
That’s correct.
Maaku gains Knowledge +1.
By the way, there are rumors that the Phantom Thieves took down the perp this time—Kaneshiro. I remember their name with that bit on Madarame as well as the incident in May. Is this a new urban legend? Anyway, please prepare for your tests starting Wednesday, and don’t be distracted by rumors like that.
You brought them up!
Looks like we succeeded in changing Kaneshiro’s heart! A lot of people are talking about the Phantom Thieves too!
Morning → After School
Music: Alright
Hell yeah, we took down Kaneshiro! Everyone’s been talkin’ about it since the police announcement!
Unfortunately, it seems that the police are claiming all the credit for the arrest…
Fuckin’ cops. We did the fun part, we should get the adulation.
You mean the *hard* part, right?
Ann, we swooped in on an ongoing investigation, basically beat the guy up until he confessed his crimes, then peaced out, leaving someone else holding the bag. I’m pretty sure I just described the fun part of being a cop. It wasn’t very difficult, either.
Right…
It is pretty awesome that we’ve left the cops with all the boring paperwork to do and none of the action. Almost brings a tear to my eye. Good work, team.
…Anyway…
Everything’s coming up #Millennials!
This is quite the turnaround. All of a sudden, people are expressing their long-standing belief in us.
Well, that’s simply impossible given how unpopular we were just a few days ago. The masses are clearly fickle and eager to save face. Hope that doesn’t come back around to bite us!
Good thing Makoto told us to post the calling card all around Shibuya. We got a ton of attention that way.
It was pretty smart of her. Where is our amazing Miss President anyway?
Uh-oh! My phone is suddenly ringing! I hope this isn’t Makoto extremely-conveniently calling at the exact moment she came up in conversation, because that would be fucking terrifying!
AH JESUS
Is that her? Speak of the devil!
Oh, did I surprise you? Sorry. I sneezed and figured someone was talking about me, as seen in every anime ever made.
Why are you calling?
I’ve been called into a meeting with the principal.
She’s ratting us out, guys.
Shit, I knew it!
There’s no need to worry though.
Wait, false alarm.
Huh!? Oh, uh… just kidding?
More importantly, there is a special on TV about the Phantom Thieves!
Huh? What did it say!?
They were talking all about our calling cards.
For real!?
They did also mention reports of as shady character going around posting them in high-traffic areas…. You might want to stay inconspicuous for a while, Ryuji.
Dammit…
Anyway, my apologies about today. I’ll have to see you all another time. *hangs up*
A TV special? How fortuitous… However, I hope this attention doesn’t cause the police to take notice.
Little late for that, buddy. We just killstole a notorious mafia boss out from under their noses.
It’ll be fine! No way they’d find out about that weird other world!
Yeah man, relax. The only way we’d be at risk would be if, say, the authorities already knew about the Metaverse. And the only way that would happen would be because, I don’t know, they’re in league with the black mask, the only other person we know of with access to it. But that would be craaaaaaaaaaaazy. So crazy, in fact, that we should just forget I even brought it up. Here, I’ll start. …… Hello, pleasure to meet you. I can’t seem to remember my name, but I’m sure we’ll all get along.
Ugh, is he broken again?
*sigh* I’m on it. *slaps Maaku*
Salutojn. Ĉu vi scias, kie estas la plej proksima fervoja stacidomo? Mia vango doloras.
I think he’s stuck.
Try kicking him in the groin.
I’m not doing that in public, people’d think it’s a fetish thing. Just ignore him, maybe he’ll snap out of it.
To get back on topic, I am worried about the other Metaverse user. Both Madarame and Kaneshiro mentioned him, so it would be unwise to write it off as a lie or coincidence…
Mi nur diris, ke ĉesu zorgi pri ĝi! Vi infanoj estas tiel nervozaj.
I agree, it’s concerning…
We’ll be fine, guys. Not like we have any idea what to do about it even if he wasn’t full of shit, after all.
Dankon. Vidu, li ricevas ĝin. Malstreĉiĝu.
…Gesundheit.
Anyways, in your face, Akechi! Now whaddya wanna do about our next target!?
It’s too early to think about that, numbskull.
Still, people might expect a lot from our next move considering how excited they’re getting.
We can’t just pick any old schmo now.
Mi scivolas, ĉu la bezono elekti pli grandajn homojn apartigos nin de niaj originalaj idealoj por ĉi tiu klopodo.
There is no need to hurry though. Counting Kamoshida, we’ve claimed three consecutive victories, right?
Parolu por vi mem.
We should just lay low and wait for all this excitement to blow over.
Let’s have another celebration, then!
Good idea! Let’s make it a welcomin’ party for Miss President, too! Ooh, and we can fund it by sellin’ that briefcase!
So… we’re not going to lay low, then?
I guess you don’t want to come, then?
I didn’t say that!
Hahaha, that’s the spirit. Well, I’m gonna let Makoto know!
Oh…
What’s wrong?
(on speaker) Hello? I hope you remember we have finals next week. Yusuke and Morgana excluded, of course.
Ne justa. Ankaŭ la kato devus studi.
Uh… *ahem*
If you wish not to stand out, you had best not get bad grades, okay? That is something I simply would not be able to overlook as student council president!
Just behave and study for now. We can have fun after finals… Understood?
Vi ne estas amuza.
Oh, I see I wasn’t hallucinating a moment ago. Is everything okay down there?
Define “okay.”
It’s all good… I think.
Dude’s brain is just a mystery. One time I asked him a question and he just stood there silently starin’ straight ahead for a long, long time, like whoever was in charge upstairs went to the bathroom or something.
Wait, I never heard about this! What did you do? Was it all right?
Yeah, after like ten minutes I was about to go get someone, but then he just said somethin’ really profound and continued the conversation without missing a beat.
Weird.
—and that’s how I spent my summer vacation.
Whoa, he’s back. You okay, man? You were speaking in tongues.
Oh, yeah. Apparently, my Personas sometimes fill my brain with random information and I can struggle to parse it all. I guess having like a dozen demons born from various disparate cultural myths hanging out in your head is bad for your brain or something! Weird!
So *that’s* how he always knows the answer when the teacher calls on him…
Anyway, studying bites. This sucks. Let’s just blow Makoto off.
I am still on the phone.
Let’s all just agree that whatever the fuck I was doing with that scene completely got away from me and turned into an overindulgent mess, okay? I am under no pretensions about anything that just happened, I debated deleting all of that shit but I spent like two hours writing it.
Music: Disquiet
I believe in what I wrote…
“Phantom Thieves rule, haters can suck a fat one.”
Have you figured out who they are?
No, I was pretty objectively terrible at the whole “espionage” thing. That said, I have been thoroughly seduced by their roguish charms. They have the right of it, I believe. So, I’m unilaterally ending this investigation.
But that’s impossible!
Impossible? By what evidence do you make that claim? Might I take a look at it?
*sigh* It’s such a shame… I was just thinking, “Wow, Makoto’s so reliable, I probably don’t even need to blackmail her by dangling her college recommendation over her head any more, she’ll help me out here.” Looks like I was wrong about that…
There will be no need for that. I intend on getting into a good college by my own merit.
Though I suppose having a famous prosecutor for a sister probably won’t *hurt* my chances, now will it? *Some* nepotism is fine, I guess.
Kobayakawa pulls out his phone.
This had better be good.
About that…
Enough games. Is the investigation proceeding?
Yes, I am making progress. However, I have stumbled upon some difficulties… Still, why would someone as important as you be interested in a petty case like this?
…Jesus fucking christ, these idiots can’t handle the simplest of tasks… *sigh* How unfortunate that you seem to have given up on the meager task we have assigned to you. In case it wasn’t clear, I mean that it’s unfortunate for *you*.
N-No! That’s not what I meant! I will investigate with all the resources available to me.
You’re a high school principal. What fucking resources!? God, I told them this was a stupid plan… Ugh. Just find them. Don’t let us down again.
Of course… Um, I should be able to let you know relatively soon. Yes, I will bring good news… Well then, thank you for your—
*hangs up*
After School → Evening
Music: Days of Sisters
Hi, Sis. You look tired… Is everything okay?
Makoto, don’t tell me I look “tired.” I endure enough weird sexism at work, I don’t need more at home. Though yes, it was a rough day. Anyway, what about you and your studies?
I’ve been keeping on top of things, of course. Though I’m starting to wonder what the point of all of it is.
…Hm?
This just seems like a never-ending treadmill, where even if I succeed at a good college, I’m going to be thrust into a competitive and misogynistic society.
Hell yeah, Makoto! Get on that r/antiwork bullshit! I’m not even joking, that whips ass!
That’s what life is. You suffer hard until you’re the best in the world at suffering, and then you get to make other people suffer. To think otherwise is childish.
*turning to TV* …Anyway, seems like this man confessed after the Phantom Thieves sent him a calling card.
The police can’t figure out why he did it. It was completely out of nowhere. It’s really like his personality completely changed… but that’s impossible.
Does it matter? The police caught him, after all.
I was on track to be promoted, but this confession has ruined things. I can’t take credit for any of it now. Of course, a *child* wouldn’t understand something like that. *leaves*
*calling after her* Hey, are we ever going to talk about you calling me a useless parasite a few weeks ago? No? Okay…
Sis really has changed, only thinking about her promotion…
But… I’ll be okay. …I finally found a place where I belong.
Music: Beneath the Mask
That doesn’t mean you can just slack off with summer on the horizon, got it?
It is only natural that people are surprised. Even the police were struggling to catch him.
Yeah. By the way, you said you were called in by the principal? Did something happen?
The principal wanted to know what was going on with my investigation into the Phantom Thieves. Oh, by the way, I was actually surveilling Maaku before I joined the team.
>Never woulda guessed.
Don’t worry. I didn’t mention a word about any of you. I essentially told him I was unable to find any information.
>Hope that doesn’t blow back onto you.
I’ll be fine, don’t worry.
I’ve graduated from my role as the exemplary honor student. From now on, I’m going to be more honest with myself. It’s quite a refreshing feeling.
What’re you gonna do now? Wanna stay with the Phantom Thieves?
That was my intention… Unless you guys didn’t want me to?
>I was actually planning on kicking you out, but it’s too awkward in the moment so we’ll table that for now.
It’d actually be a big problem if you didn’t stick with us.
We should allow her to join us. It would be greatly convenient.
Well then, I hope I can continue getting along with all of you.
This new teammate of ours is pretty promising! We’ll be able to do even more now!
Many people are surprised that such a major criminal was suddenly arrested.
“…Because the cops are worse than useless!”
Police are also reasserting their stance that the “Phantom Thieves” weren’t involved in the arrest.
“…Because the cops are worse than useless!”
However, some outlets are reporting otherwise.
The police should just be honest. Why play dumb?
They’re cops, Morgana.
Maaku gains Kindness +3.
Side note: I recorded everything before this (everything since finishing Kaneshiro’s Palace, anyway) in mid-November, 2021. I recorded everything after this in… late March, 2022. It is currently May 3rd. I’m going very, very slow.
We should be able to relax there, at least. That incident last time won’t happen again. I’m about to head there myself. Would you like to join me?
Oh hey, Akechi wants to hang out. I’m sure he won’t try to murder us (yet), even if he is presumably incredibly pissed we’re wrecking his master plan. First, though, we have some reactions of the public to mine for those precious brain chemicals we so crave.
Hey-looo, lil cricket. I mean, shee… cicada. What’re your summer… summer memoriesh?
Chip chjrp! Girsh! Oh. Oh, I fergot! I should really find a… a wives. Wife. Mother! Faaatheer! I’m shooory! I can’t make you a grandkid jush by mysheeeeeelf!
Homework? Yesh… I’mma busy too, wi’ veryyy impurtant researsh in sciencesh, y’know. Centrifugal. Inertia! Gravitation fieldsh! H-Hamilton Jacobi action angle variaaableeeesh!
Chirp chirp chirp! Shummer’s too short… Life… ish too shooort…
(Innocent Grade Schooler) They steal people’s hearts, right? You think they can steal the tests for our summer classes?
No, dummy. If they steal anything, they’ll steal the hearts of our teachers and parents. They’ll make ‘em cry on TV and say they’re sorry because they made us study too much.
In honor of the Phantom Thieves, I give you… “Sometimes Blues”!
My heart hides behind tears
Will you steal it
Steal it away in eternal night
Hey, is it possible to change
And make the debut of my new
Self
The Phantom Thieves
Are the greatest
Thank you so much. How was my performance?
Haha, happy to hear! The blues is all well and good, but I need to live a rock n’ roll life like the Phantom Thieves!
??????
Naw, bro—I’ll just flex my connections like a boss!
Okay, so this is a weird mistake or glitch or whatever that I don’t think was in the original game. The devs just seem to have somehow… forgotten to place Reserved College Student in the world here. He’s nowhere to be found, but he’s still talking. Strange.
A lot of business executives appear to be nervous about his arrest.
(Earnest Office Worker) I didn’t know he was such a big deal… Bravo to the Phantom Thieves.
We shouldn’t celebrate them just yet… They still remain suspicious.
(Sullen Office Worker) He appeared in court on his own, didn’t he? That doesn’t make any sense.
Maybe, behind the scenes, he made a deal with the police or something.
Ahhh, okay, I can buy that. The police can’t really be trusted either.
Too true.
How do I put it…
(Cat) *sad meow*
Stuff like forced smiles and sensing the mood? There’s just still so much for me to learn!
(Rural Young Man) This place ain’t safe! There’s those creepy phantom thieves or whatever runnin’ wild. What if they snatch ya up in the dead of night? C’mon, let’s go back home.
I said drop it already! I’m so sick of hearing about the country!
Yeah, things quieted down after Kaneshiro’s arrest. Those Phantom Thieves actually did it. Stealing hearts sounds crazy, but you know what? It makes this game of life more interesting.
Since the Phantom Thieves dealt with Kaneshiro, the city suddenly got real quiet. Tch, it doesn’t feel like Shibuya if there’s not any danger in the air.
Heh heh. Hey, I work at night. If you got a job for me, just leave a letter in that trash bin. If there’s any annoying trash you want taken out, I’ll dispose of it for ya. Hahaha!
(Fishy Hawker) No way, my parents are scumbag gambling addicts! And as their son, I’m a natural scumbag too!
This guy kind of rules.
You’ve got other worries! People are sayting the Phantom Thieves do better work than the police!
Hrmph, what a rotten bastard… I’ll get you one of these days.
(Julian) Hey, careful with how you say things! You’ve got such a dirty mind, you know that?
Look who’s talking! Lusting after a boy at least 20 years younger than you!
Oh, lay off! I can’t help it! Besides, I’m not really me if I’m not in love with somebody, right?
I was positive they didn’t end up changing these optional lines for the Royal localization, and sure enough, they didn’t. Ugh.
(Show-Biz Veteran) People are wising up now that Kaneshiro’s behind bars. That just means we gotta go after those poor, naïve country bumpkins! Bring ‘em in, even if you gotta do it by force—got it?
Ouch, no need to roast me.
A-Anyway, please be careful…
…Hey, you all right there? You look even drunker than usual…
(Sake Reporter) *hiccup* How can I not drink on a glorious day like this!? I’m gonna be published! Published, my good man! They’re gonna make a book outta all the articles I’ve been writin’! It’s comin’ out next year!
Well, isn’t that something? Congrats! I’m happy for ya!
So today’s an early celebration! Keep the drinks comin’!
And now, I can’t even count on Niijima-kun’s cooperation any more…
I’m glad I found the principal here because you get to listen to Richard Epcar fake-drunkenly yell the line “I’M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS!”
(Charismatic Manager) Why? What happened?
Well, I wanted to look for a place in Kichijoji, so I called a realtor… but there ain’t a single apartment with a bathroom bigger than a closet for under 40k a month!
You know that’s not just Kichijoji, right? You won’t find an apartment for under 40k anywhere in Tokyo. If you want to live your ideal life, you need a way to pay for it.
SILENCE, CAPITALIST
Do you have some time right now?
All right, Akechi time.
There was a place I wanted to visit with you, but what do you think? It’s a special place for me. I’m hoping you’ll like it too…
Sure, sounds like a date.
…I think you’re using that word incorrectly.
No, I think I know what it means. What, you turning me down?
…Anyway…
Great. It’s actually really close… Just follow me. I’ll take you there.
Music: What’s Going On?
It’s not quite an apology for that little incident back at the café, but rest assured we’re safe here. I’m a regular. It’s nice to take some time off when we can, don’t you think?
It’s just a jazz club. You get to hear some great performers here.
Is it safe to assume you’ve visited places like this before?
Seeing this event allows us to visit this jazz club for realsies whenever we want.
You don’t have any soft drinks you actively dislike, yes?
Akechi orders some drinks using the classic gesture of raising two fingers. Or was it three? Last time I got that bit of etiquette wrong people died, I should really try to remember.
We have a special performance today, so I hope you enjoy it.
A woman walks up to the microphone behind Maaku.
Music: No More What Ifs (Listen to this)
The music here is clearly diegetic, or “in-universe,” which is a neat touch. Also neat: this song is sung by the same woman who sings all of Persona 5’s vocal tracks, Lyn. Considering that the woman singing this song in-game doesn’t look all that unlike Lyn (which I am judging primarily off like, hair colour because everyone here looks anime), I think it’s fair to say that this is actually supposed to be her. Nifty.
You think they take song requests? I want to see if they know anything from Mingus.
Work and obligations take me to quite a few restaurants and cafés, but this place is a little more special to me. I guess you could call it my go-to place. Do you have anywhere like that?
It’s really convenient!
You live there? I’m… not sure that counts as a go-to place if you don’t actually have to go anywhere.
I live alone myself, but I rarely have the time to cook my own meals…
I usually come here when I need some time to really think on my own. So chatting with you here is really quite refreshing. You know, you’re the first person I’ve ever brought here…
I’m not sure they could make this gayer if they tried.
Jesus christ!
Oh hey, this seems incredibly useful, even if it’s not going to activate very often!
Music: Alright (Elp Version)
Wasn’t the music today wonderful? Live bands always have this certain power to their music. Certainly the point of jazz is all those jam sessions. A sea of improvisation, both complex and organic… As each player incorporates their own flavors, a natural melody is born from chaos. There’s something about that strange, erratic synchronicity… It’s a euphoria like when I manage to solve a case.
Akechi’s lucky he’s so pretty, because that was really pretentious.
I thought I’d have more luck if I brought someone who I know can keep up with me intellectually. Jazz is a deep and complex style. I’d love for us to sit down and really talk about it sometime. Ah, I should let you go… Somehow I always end up talking more than usual when it’s with you. Expect another invitation soon. For now, please excuse me.
Music: Interrogation Room
This new ally you gained was Makoto!?
Sae slams the table twice. She’s really mad at it.
Wait, shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that. Just ignore that bit. I was, uh… lying.
Just tell me the truth!
>You already know the truth.
Hell yeah, nailed it! Hey, did you like that line? I’ve been practicing that one.
Makoto…
…Was Makoto also running from the police when you were arrested!?
>Ask her yourself.
2 for 2! God, I’m so fucking cool right now.
Now that I think about it… she did start talking a lot about the investigation from summer onward… *gasp*
Yeah, we actually told her to chill a bit with that because you two weren’t on great terms and your natural grouchiness seemed like it could easily give way to suspicion, but she was very proactive about trying to lean on you for intel.
Makoto aside, you mentioned one other important detail. Did Kaneshiro really say there was someone using the Metaverse besides the Phantom Thieves?
Yep. Honestly, I’m only about 40% lucid at the moment, so I’m not even sure I’m capable of telling a good lie right now.
Those words could just be taken as you shifting blame to this other person, you know.
I mean, yes, I am blaming them. But also, it’s the truth.
……
You could be lying…
Again, no, not really.
…But it doesn’t really make sense for you to make up such a ridiculously implausible story simply to shift the blame, does it? And this tale, however fantastical, is so far entirely congruent with the facts of the case…
There are two possibilities: either you’ve simply been trying to confuse me with your lies… Or everything you’ve stated is true.
You’ve figured out that either I’m lying or I’m telling the truth? Wow, great work. We’ve been in here for like two hours. Though to be fair, a lot of that was you questioning me about random shit you found in my bag. Like, no, the stick of gum I had in my pocket was not actually a small quantity of C-4 explosive I received from a disgraced military contractor who I had to teach how to love again. Well, some of that didn’t happen, anyway.
Fine, I’ll believe you. Or at least, I’ll believe that you’re not *totally* full of shit. I’ll decide what’s true or false myself.
That’s good. Let’s start over, then. Hi, Maaku Hamiru. Nice to meet you.
I’ll keep an open mind, but you need to tell me nothing but the whole truth, okay. That sound like a fair deal?
I’ve made a deal with Sae Niijima…
Music: The Spirit
And we’re finally at the point where we unlock the Judgement arcana. Well, sort of. We still can’t actually reap the benefits for quite a while.
Music: Interrogation Room
Actually, I should rephrase that: they targeted your group first, didn’t they?
If what you’ve told me is true, then this “Nav” thing you’ve mentioned wouldn’t have worked in this case. How did you target them? Tell me everything.
Yeah, to tell you the truth, we actually totally cheated on this one…
…I just realized I have to go watch more of the P5 anime now. Fuck.