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I bet on the brink of the maybe apocalypse you really care what these two have to say. One's a memelord from Earth and the other is a cartoonishly violent revolutionary.



: I'm afraid to ask...



: Alright. Round two of what?

: That little game we were playing. The one where I ask you questions and you answer them?

: Ah. You mean the one where I summon a week's worth of patience to hold a conversation with you.

: Hm... I think I like my version better. But at any rate, we're probably talking about the same thing.

: What's your question, Faust?

: Same as last time.

: By some divine miracle, I forgot what we talked about last time.



: You're pushing your luck, Faust. I'm not guessing.

: Fine, fine, sheesh. You promised you'd share the secret of your workout routine.

: Now wait a minute. I don't remember promising anything.



: I may have forgotten what I said, but there are some things I know I'd never say.

: What's it gonna take, Alexa? I'm willing to put in the hustle - the sweat - I just wanna feel good about myself when I hit the beach in Vigorsun!

Have I mentioned how much I despise their made up seasons?

: ...



: Alright--



: Listen. You're in luck. I haven't worked out yet today. You can follow along if you want, but I'm not going to explain anything. Just watch carefully, and try to do what I do.

: Another game! Nice. What's my prize if I win?

: You won't pull a muscle.

: Oh...

: Now let's stop wasting time and get to it.



TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: Hey do you remember our support from last time when I asked to work out with you?

: Only after like 20 text boxes of tedious banter.

: Pleeeeease?

: Fine but I'm not gonna explain shit.

: Shake that ass!




One more... just one more...



This is so at odds with Monroe deserving to be the greatest king because he refuses to check his privilege.



: I wasn't aware you come from the Expanse. Unusual for a human.

I maintain that entire dialogue was Sloane blowing smoke up his ass so she can later puppet him.

: Not important, small town.

: Anyway, you aren't really abusing economies of scale nearly as much as you could be. Delia in particular has so much potential.



I don't even know.



See, the thing here is that most valuable goods are produced by artisans who take years if not decades to train.



Well, that would be true if you could actually muster the production capacity of - eh, who cares?



It's kind of hilarious, because the middle ages had the answer to these problems of "getting rid of the competition" and the answer was the guild, where all the blacksmiths in town teamed up to set prices.



Which, incidentally, makes it harder for Varic to unilaterally order Alexa's dad to work overtime while she sits around fantasizing about watching starving children, but I digress.



This is the kind of strategy that really appears when you have factories and industry and mass collections of capital you just don't have in these factory-free settings. Even if we assume people are using magic to produce stuff sorcerers are even rarer as you need inborn talent in this "setting".



So we end up with the Walmart business strategy espoused here, which really doesn't work without modern logistics networks. Keep in mind too your labor pool is a lot lower because more of the population is tied up in subsistence farming and Norman Borlaug doesn't exist.



Google indicates 70-90% of your population are peasants, who really aren't known for having disposable income. Now, you could attempt to apply this to things like foo - oh, wait, the peasants grow that. Textiles are usually produced in house by peasant women, and are hard enough to produce that you really do have princesses embroidering. That's not going to change until someone invents a spinning jenny or some equivalent to reduce the labor input.





: I don't see the point.



: Mmmmmm. I suppose that others wouldn't be able to match the prices especially if their operation is smaller.

: Exactly. You do it for long enough, you run establishments into the ground. Then, when there's no one to compete with you, you control the market yourself.



Naturally because the writers decided worldbuilding was "Summer -> Vigorsun" instead of figuring out anything worthwhile we get this shit where Faust talks Monroe into inventing Amazon.



: Almost as if I'm purchasing your intellect?



TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: Ha ha you're dumb but tell me about exploiting peasants?

: You could just like, invent Walmart despite having absolutely no modern logistics or industry?

: It only took me like 20 text boxes but you're a genius!






: The three of us, your father and our middle brother, Roth, went everywhere together.

I believe this comes from that awful google drive fiction I shared.





: I won't pry.



This is kind of hilarious and goes against everything we've seen of Alastair because he cowardly abandoned his family to do Illuminati bullshit.









: I'm sure he already knows. He seems perceptive.

: He is at that. Roth and I got held to a higher standard as kids because Alastair was always standing out.

: Sounds just like Sterling.



|



"It helps me feel connected to my brother knowing that he's just like my father" what the christ?



"He was incompetent and enjoyed beating up his lessers and so do you!"





TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: What was Alastair like as a child?

: He was like super leadery and cool and stuff. I know the game has made him look like personified, and a terrible father, and also when he lost his shit at Councilor horrifying Maeve and Vesta, but trust me, he's totally cool and stuff.

: Like Sterling! STER-STER-STERLING! STERLING!

: Yes, both you and your father resemble your brother.

: Durrrr?








: So polite. A little etiquette never hurt anyone, now did it? At any rate, I have a gift for you.





"When I call, you will kill in my name."

: And what might that be?





: Very good. Here. I think you'll enjoy this.

: Ooh - such a finely crafted box... What's in it? Some kind of wax?

: That, my dear Fenton, is artisan beard balm, crafted by none other than yours truly. I made it with a choice bit of lard from the dragon we slew, as I understand is customary for your folk.



: A hobby of mine back home. Hunting for beehives gave me an excuse to be outside, and there were plenty of bees in the outer branches.

: Crafting all those things, balms, candles, soaps, I think it kept me sane in those days.

: Incredible... I shall spend the next age contemplating how I might repay you.

: No need for anything of the sort.

: Do you mind if I try it? Right now?

: Go right ahead.

: Wow... I've never used anything so fine. And that smell! When I get home, I'll need my axe to pry the sheilas off of me!

: Oh my. What have I unleashed upon the poor dwarf women of the world?

: The finest smelling, softest bearded, best moisturized dwarf this age has never known! Haha! Look out, below!

: Ahahaha - you are far too much, Fenton... Far too much.

TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: Hey Fenton.

: Hello, Lady Sloane!

: I have a present for you, but you can't tell the others. Like Irving. He might get jealous and ask to "do the sex" again. Here you go!

: Whoa! Legendary Beard Balm!

: I made it myself, from the fat of the dragon we killed.

: How did you know how to make this?

: Oh, I used to make stuff out of beeswax a lot to keep me sane like soaps and stuff. As you do when your father was totally evil and 100% deserved to die.

: How did you, specifically, know how to make this rare and ancient traditional ointment out of exotic mystical materials?

: Wow, haha, I'm not gonna answer that? You know, we've always had this weirdly romantic thing in our supports like bonding over a play about a human woman falling in love with a dwarf man, and now I'm giving you a priceless gift, are we supposed to have any kind of romantic subtext? I'm confused!

: Ha ha, I'm gonna get so much dwarf pussy!

: Guess not. Well, I'm going to need some kind of new title when I take over Delia. How about... Kyros?




We did it gang! It's the last fucking Dark Deity support we're ever going to see!



Fittingly, it is an insipid waste of time.



Somewhere, someone got paid real money to write this garbage.

: I said scoot. I'm gonna be swinging this blade around and I don't want to end up with any friendly casualties.

Someone received this crap and authorized the transfer of real money in exchange for this dreck.

: I'll commend you on an excellent goal, but your method of achieving it is rather poorly thought out.

This money could have gone to almost anything better, such as feeding starving children, a DVD boxed set of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, or twenty dollar cookies.

: Yeah? How's that?

: There are plenty of places where you might go 'swinging your blade' far from anyone, without risk of casualties.

: Maybe. But I picked this one. See this old barrel here? It'll make good target practice.



: Then I guess I'll just have to sharpen it again.

: Do you think your stubbornness makes you a better fighter?

: Depends on what I'm being stubborn about. When it's making sure my enemies stop moving, yeah. I think that helps.



: Is that supposed to scare me? Making an enemy of you?



: Thank the gods. I was really starting to get spooked. Now are you going to move, or can I get started?



TheGreatEvilKing summary posted:

: BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!


God damn, fuck these things.