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Our story begins on the remote planetary outpost of Cryscoch II, in the Militech experimental clone soldier facility, with some unusual free-time activities.

Scientist 1: There you are, Shockley. You know when you say "meet me in the unused storage locker in 3C" that can be any one of ten places? Anyway, I assume this is about whatever you were so excited in that comm?

Scientist 2: Shh - quiet! Alright, listen. You know the recent push for cheaper and cheaper mutie soldiers, right?

S1: Am I familiar with the direction the company I develop clone soldiers for has taken over the past 5 years? Yes, I'm fairly conversant with-

S2: Good, good! Well, I was thinking back to my hyper-stats classes at Militech U, and how they talked about the pendulum of cost, and, and I was starting to apply it to this whole soldier situation! Well! We have to admit that cheap soldiers are getting ubiquitous - I think we're about to hit a switch point!

S1: You think we'll swing back to the expensive giant clone platforms? Back to the tentacle-tigers?

S2: No, but yes. Not to those giant models. The compact size of the current soldiers is too beneficial - I think the next step is something that can fight them on their terms, something small but unbelievably deadly!

S1: So pitch it to the steering committee. What are you - what is this? Is this... one of those old single-cloner units? Do we still have them?

S2: They wouldn't listen! You know the Catch-22, can't produce anything new without results, can't get results without production. But this is it! I've been scanning all the old vid-logs, and I'm very sure that what I've got cooking here is set to be the ultimate soldier!

S1: This... is very illegal, Shockley. I only see two cryo-tanks, so this is a binary fusion. Who are the parents?

S2: You won't have heard of them, probably. But I promise you they're the best of the best! Most of the footage is significantly decayed, but I've found enough documentary evidence to confirm that these samples come from two of the best candidates that 20th Century Terra had to provide.

S2: In tank 1, I've got Earth's best soldier: Bruce Willis was his name. The adventures that this one man had were beyond reckoning - he was smart, improvisational, mentally tough, very resistant to pain, and, perhaps most important for the modern soldier, incredibly, incredibly angry at virtually all times. They actually named him "Die Hard", a reference to his unkillability.

S1: That's... that's actually a good start, Shockley. Who is in tank #2?

S2: This one was more difficult to find, and the clips more degraded. But I was able to put together enough. This is earth's finest survival expert. Able to live and thrive in virtually any environment, making use of the local wildlife and assembling tools from scratch, he was so tough as to be named after two of the strongest animals from Terra. I give you...

S2: Bear Gorillas.

S1: Inspiring. You look ready to go, shall we christen the first recruit?

S2: Yes. Here's to you, Bruce Gorillas. May our future be bright, beyond our lifetimes.

Narrator: A crackle of ozone, a shower of sparks, and Bruce Gorillas steps out. Programmed with only basic Militech protocols, he knows that he must report to a superior for duty.

Bruce: What are my duties?

S1: Yeah, what ARE his duties? Taking him to the testing range?

S2: No, my requests for testing range time were refused.

S1: What then?


S2: What NOW, is we use our new soldier to single-handedly contain this uprising. Seems like SOMEBODY fried the behavioral testing circuits on the newest batch of mutant clone soldiers.

S1: Shockley! That's awful! People could be hurt!

S2: Easy, easy. I made sure to issue orders for staff to take an early lunch break, I erased all traces of my interference, and the main doors are mag-locked. Come with me to the side entrance from Advanced Weapons, and we'll let in Bruce. Bruce!

Bruce: Sir!

S2: Eliminate all hostile mutants! Oh what are YOU looking at?

S1: Shockley I... I came here from Advanced Weapons. I left the door unlocked.

S2: You wh...

Narrator: Then followed only the whir of the mag door opening.

Narrator: Alright, not JUST the doors. There was also a lot of screaming and tearing and ripping. And as for Bruce?

Narrator: He did his job. Single-handedly ripping the mutant uprising apart with a knife, he would have been commended as a hero, if the cameras hadn't been de-activated by our enterprising cloner. Still programmed with basic Militech protocols, he reported to the nearest officer for duty. Not recognizing him on their roster, but noting his excellent discipline, they sent him for re-assignment.

They sent him, to Medusa-1C...